Based on Torah examples she show us how to get involve with our kids, and create a great relation.

This book is really wonderful. Wendy Mogel has systematically analyzed how to use Jewish teachings to raise healthy and emotionally strong children. The book is easy to read and understand. It is great for both the new parent and the seasoned one. This is a great baby shower gift as well as a book club/discussion book. You won't go wrong.

"Blessing of a Skinned Knee" is very good in guiding parents interested in using Judaism to raise a child, or even just in looking to understand any child in the context of how he/she was raised.

Although most of the recommendations do seem common sense, a couple did stick in my mind and are worth noting here:

1. During the Exodus only about 20% of the Jews left to follow Moses. Hence, the caution for a parent not to be too protective of one's child.

2. The Talmud says evil impulses are good because they are a child's most robust trait. Without them, there would be no marriage, no children, houses, businesses, etc. They are needed for human survival and a blueprint for greatness. The key, though, since obviously they can lead to really bad things, is for a parent to learn to channel such traits/impulses in their child in good directions, not to completely eliminate them.

The book is an easy read, and worth the time.

This is an excellent parenting book- for the Jew first, and also for the Gentile! :-) This is practical parenting... and done God's way! Loved it! I have paged through many parenting books... but this was worthy of actually reading!

The Blessings of a Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children is a true gift to anyone who is raising a child in this hectic, modern world. Written by nationally-known clinical psychologist, educator, and workshop leader Wendy Mogel, the reader is given a glimpse of parenting without the conspicuous consumption practices so prevalent in this era.

Although this book uses Jewish teachings to substantiate the approach to childrearing in the new milleneum, it speaks to everyone--no matter what their chosen faith. Because I am not Jewish, I found some of the words and concepts a bit foreign, but the author is quite adept at explaining for those who are not followers of the Jewish faith.

Even twenty years ago, as I was raising my three daughters, I found myself wondering what had happened to the basic principles that had been so accepted when I was being raised. Mogel has brought them to the forefront in this most enlightening and affirming book. As I read the book, I felt I was having a conversation with a like-minded friend. I found myself nodding in agreement, smiling with fond remembrances of similar situations handled in similar ways, and wishing that every parent would take the time to read and implement some, if not all, of Mogel's practices.

"This book is not a formula for foolproof parenting. It is a lens, a way to look at the world, your life, and your family. Judaism has given my family unexpected moments of closeness and harmony, clarity about daily ethical dilemmas, and a sense of the holy potential of everyday life. It has guided me as a parent more profoundly than any other way of thinking I've yet found, and I hope it will do the same for you," writes Mogel.

Mogel outlines nine "blessings" for parents:

1. The blessing of acceptance: discovering your unique and ordinary child
2. The blessing of having someone to look up to: honoring father and mother
3. The blessing of a skinned knee: why God doesn't want you to overprotect your child
4. The blessing of longing: teaching your child an attitude of gratitude
5. The blessing of work: finding the Holy sparks in ordinary chores
6. The blessing of food: bringing moderation, celebration, and sacrifice to your table
7. The blessing of self-control: channeling your child's Yetzer Hara
8. The blessing of time: teaching your child the value of the present moment
9. The blessings of faith and tradition: losing your fear of the G word and introducing your child to spirituality

One of my favorite chapters/ blessings was that of time. In this chapter, Mogel validates some of my own thoughts on the scheduled lives we create for ourselves and our children. In a day and age where there are three activities for each day of the week and not enough hours in the day to stop and enjoy one another, I found Mogel's input to be priceless. Her "time savers: everyday methods to guard time" are gems our parents and their parents before them seemed to know instinctively... gems we seem to have lost sight of in our busy world.

Find time to connect with your child, Mogel advises. Allowing children time to get bored provides them with an opportunity to find ways to amuse or entertain themselves--like daydreaming or playing for the sheer sake of play. "Let them dawdle," she says. The author points out that when we move faster, adhere to stricter schedules, and tend to look for immediacy in much of what we do, we sometimes fail to allow children to operate at their own pace. Allowing children to move at a child's speed lessens the pressure they feel to accomplish a given task.

Today, I am a grandmother raising her young grandson. This book found me just when I was questioning whether I was being fair to him as I imposed my values of respecting adults, using manners, sitting down for family mealtimes, and not having scheduled activities every moment of every day. It would appear that, at least in Mogel's eyes, the answer is an emphatic "Yes!"

by Lee Ambrose
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women

I have really enjoyed reading this book. Not only does the author give us sound advice on our approach to parenting but she also explains the basis on which it is founded, the Jewish Faith. Christians can benefit greatly from this book. Jesus was a Jew and we should know more about the traditions that Jesus grew up with. If it were not for the Jews; we would not have Jesus. And, we serve the same God! I have really scooped in the wealth of information and wisdom the author has offered in this book. It is well worded and she has woven together, beautifully, the Jewish tradition, her experience as a psychologist and her advice on parenting. A very interesting read. I tend to skim through books, reading only here and there. This author has kept my attention. I'm not done reading it but it is so good I just had to write a review now.

I am not Jewish, but the principles discussed in this book are relevant for any family of Christian faith. This book is helping me in raising my strong willed, intelligent daughter, who, being an only child, grandaughter and neice on both sides, was becoming spoiled. She is only 5 and I knew I needed help before she got any older. The advice from this book makes sense and is easy to incorporate into family life. I have given it as gift to two of my friends, who also have enjoyed it.

When I read this book, or I should say the PART that I read (I gave up soon after perusal and a quick reading) I found nothing but the typical NOW/Steinem ravings about coddling, feel-good child-rearing, and other "earthy-crunchy" nonsense. I do not follow the feminist line, or anything along those lines, including politically-correct hogwash such as this. Two thumbs WAY down.

I was given this book by my first wife, a Christian, in what I see as a pathetic attempt for her to "share" her feminist philosophy via what she thinks is traditional Jewish child-raising. When I read this book or the PART that I read (I gave up soon after perusal and a quick reading) I found nothing but the typical NOW/Steinem ravings about coddling, feel-good child-rearing, and other "earthy-crunchy" nonsense. I do not tow the feminist line, or anything along those lines, including politically-correct hogwash such as this. Two thumbs WAY down.

I am so glad I read this while my children were young. This book is very important and great advice.

It's strange to think of this as a book about Judaism when it so strongly recalls the attitude of the Roman Catholic nuns who taught those in our Catholic school that suffering is a good thing. Perhaps one can take lessons from that skinned knee; but I would rather that my children know they are truly loved than have them sense a self-righteous pride in the lessons I'd be giving them. In "Mothers," Anne Sexton writes: "Oh mother,/after this lap of childhood/I will never go forth/into the big people's world/as an alien,/a fabrication,/or falter/when someone else/is as empty as a shoe." That seems like a great gift.

Simply the best parenting book I've ever read. Straightforward, simple and addresses every issue I've ever had with my kids. Intuitive and funny.

This book is very good, in general. There are some unimortant things that the author feels we need to hear about anyway. But still, for everyone who has children, or is intereted in parenting, it is quite a helpful book. I personally do have desire to learn from any book that can teach me something different or make me look at things in a different way. I'm not Jewish yet I felt there is a lot to learn here from the Jewish tradition. Mostly, it is the simplicity which is mixed together with divinity that I find is a very interesting and positive concept. I do recommend this book.

I read this book when it first came out - read it once, twice, probably 3 times. The guidance here really helped get me through some challenging pre-teen years. My children (now older teens and college age) have all turned out better than I could have ever imagined! Parenting has a lot to do with following a clear path with frequently discussed values and clear expectations/consequences. I hope Wendy's messages continue to reach a lot of people.

I read this book when it first came out - read it once, twice, probably 3 times. The guidance here really helped get me through some challenging pre-teen years. My children (now older teens and college age) have all turned out better than I could have ever imagined! Parenting has a lot to do with following a clear path with frequently discussed values and clear expectations/consequences. I hope Wendy's messages continue to reach a lot of people.

The overwhelming majority of readers of this book I know of have found it to be a wise, practical guide to better parenting. They found it replete with ways of making their child more respectful, self- reliant children as preparation to becoming better and stronger human beings.
There was only one person whose negative criticism raised a question in my mind, and this in regard to the authors' treatment of children who suffer special disabilities.
In any case I found that there was already a certain wisdom and direction in the way the contents of the book are structured. The reader opens with a chapter on the way she changed her whole practice of counseling children. She then has a chapter teaching parents how to accept the special character of their children. Her idea is basically that we should not simply take children as if they are blank slates in which parents write out their own needs and wishes. But rather each is a unique human being whose special qualities we must understand and help develop in a way best for them.(This accords with the traditional Jewish saying "Educate the child according to its nature") She too teaches the danger of over- protecting children.This is the focus of the title- chapter on the blessings of a skinned knee. She then considers the whole question of how we can find in ordinary decisions sparks of spirituality . She goes on to talk about the blessing of longing , and how important it is to teach children gratitude for what they have received. One of the main messages of the book is teaching children to overcome that kind of mentality in which they are perpetually hungry and dissastified, always looking selfishly for the next treat they can get. Mogel aims to teach parents how to teach Moderation in regard to physical demands, and appreciation for Good received. This connects up with the chapter in which she deals with the traditional Jewish terms for motivation ( Yetzer Hara- The Evil Impulse) and how children need to be taught how to use their drives in a beneficial way . She also speaks about Moderation in relation to food . In her last chapters she moves to more purely spiritual considerations, and teaches how parents should help in teaching their children Faith in God.
While much of the Teaching here has its basis in traditional Jewish teachings about raising children it is clear that the work has a universal meaning and application.

The overwhelming majority of readers of this book I know of have found it to be a wise, practical guide to better parenting. They found it replete with ways of making their child more respectful, self- reliant children as preparation to becoming better and stronger human beings.
There was only one person whose negative criticism raised a question in my mind, and this in regard to the authors' treatment of children who suffer special disabilities.
In any case I found that there was already a certain wisdom and direction in the way the contents of the book are structured. The reader opens with a chapter on the way she changed her whole practice of counseling children. She then has a chapter teaching parents how to accept the special character of their children. Her idea is basically that we should not simply take children as if they are blank slates in which parents write out their own needs and wishes. But rather each is a unique human being whose special qualities we must understand and help develop in a way best for them.(This accords with the traditional Jewish saying "Educate the child according to its nature") She too teaches the danger of over- protecting children.This is the focus of the title- chapter on the blessings of a skinned knee. She then considers the whole question of how we can find in ordinary decisions sparks of spirituality . She goes on to talk about the blessing of longing , and how important it is to teach children gratitude for what they have received. One of the main messages of the book is teaching children to overcome that kind of mentality in which they are perpetually hungry and dissastified, always looking selfishly for the next treat they can get. Mogel aims to teach parents how to teach Moderation in regard to physical demands, and appreciation for Good received. This connects up with the chapter in which she deals with the traditional Jewish terms for motivation ( Yetzer Hara- The Evil Impulse) and how children need to be taught how to use their drives in a beneficial way . She also speaks about Moderation in relation to food . In her last chapters she moves to more purely spiritual considerations, and teaches how parents should help in teaching their children Faith in God.
While much of the Teaching here has its basis in traditional Jewish teachings about raising children it is clear that the work has a universal meaning and application.

What I loved most about this book was the way in which the author marries theology with the nitty-gritty of everyday parenting decisions. The payoff for me personally has been a sense of joy, freedom and confidence as I rear my son. Mogel isn't only out to save kids' spirits or turn up the butane under the reader's observance of Judaism (I suspect that if I were Jewish, this book would have had such an effect on me); she wants to make parenting fun again, and she succeeds brilliantly. Witty, readable, and profound, this book is a real treasure. Don't miss it.

Every parent should read this book regardless of their religion. The principles in the book are useful for all.

This is not your average parenting book - it's much more practical and useful. I'm not jewish, but I enjoyed the way Wendy Mogel used jewish teachings as a touchstone for her parenting philosophies. I intend to reread my many highlights every year.

I highly recommend this book. I picked it for my Book Club and I'm so glad I did. We couldn't stop talking about the book and referencing the wonderful tidbits of advice. This is a book you will want to reference over and over again. You do not need to be Jewish to fully enjoy this book. Buy it, read it, and apply it- you won't be disappointed!!

We work with single parents in our counseling and teaching. Single parenting is hard work. Just when you think you've know something,
life has a way of slapping you in the face. Your teenage son rebels, your young daughter brings home a bad grade from school --- and you feel like a failure.

Wengy Mogel has written an excellent book about how to give your kids more confidence as they deal with the stress of daily life. Clearly written, with stories you'll remember and ideas that work!

Dr. David Frisbie, author of Raising Great Kids on Your Own: A Guide and Companion for Every Single Parent for single parents. Dr. Frisbie is executive director of The Center for Marriage & Family Studies in Del Mar, California and has written numerous articles and eight books, including Moving Forward After Divorce: Practical Steps to * Healing Your Hurts * Finding Fresh Perspective * Managing Your New Life and Happily Remarried: *Making Decisions Together *Blending Families Successfully* Building a Love That Will Last

We work with single parents in our counseling and teaching. Single parenting is hard work. Just when you think you've know something,
life has a way of slapping you in the face. Your teenage son rebels, your young daughter brings home a bad grade from school --- and you feel like a failure.

Wengy Mogel has written an excellent book about how to give your kids more confidence as they deal with the stress of daily life. Clearly written, with stories you'll remember and ideas that work!

Dr. David Frisbie, author of "Raising Great Kids on Your Own" for single parents. Dr. Frisbie is executive director of The Center for Marriage & Family Studies in Del Mar, California and has written numerous articles and eight books, including "Moving Forward After Divorce" and "Happily Remarried."

this book is very easy to read and very enjoyable.
i found myself learning so many things about my own jewishness along with some ideas for how to help my child find hers.
i love this book and bought several more copies to give to the other jewish moms in my moms group.
by the way -- while i was finishing up the last chapters...my brother and his wife happened to send me a copy of this book...they had no idea i was reading it and i found it totally randomly while searching amazon for jewish books.

Wendy Mogel, a child psychologist working in liberal monied West LA, realized that more and more of her privileged little patients were not sick. They were unhappy. And spoiled. And rude. So were her own kids. So she left psychology and returned to Judaism, the heritage shared by her own family and many of her clients, but shelved by virtually all of them as a source of practical wisdom.

The result is her book, Blessings of a Skinned Knee, and a new career teaching preventative parenting in schools, churches and synagogues rather than treating single families on the proverbial couch.

Much of the Judaica is prosaica, familiar to anyone who has sat through some High Holiday sermons and done a bit of study. Still, these are the touchstones of the tradition, beginning with "Honor thy father and mother" and the injunction, "Teach your child how to swim," and she handles them with an ecumenical, nondogmatic touch. Swimming, we learn from Wendy, means giving kids a bit of independence, even if they end up skinning a knee. The table is the altar of the home, a place to practice respect, express thanks, and clean up together. She writes in favor of more discipline at home, but also more autonomy and less fear out of the house (and on line). And she urges us to honor the sweet ordinariness of our kids as well as their potential for greatness.

The overall message sits well with me, and I am already trying to put some of her ideas into action. I've got to start with swimming lessons for my six-year-old!

This is a very solid, sweet book, full of practical, down to earth advice based on solid principles of good values. Mogel will not only help you raise a happier, better behaved and more moral child, but will raise the values of the whole family.

I was desperate for something to read on the plane from SLC, and found this in the news and candy kiosk. Wendy Mogel was a secular Jew who went to one service in her mid-thirties for `cultural anthropology', listened with tears in her eyes, and within a year had quit her practice in child psychology to study with her reform rabbi and Chabad for a year. The book quotes from the sages to give advice to American parents. But it all comes across as simple, common sense aphorisms and a few basic common sense principals about moderation and accepting your child. I wish her much success in interesting Jewish parents in doing Shabbat at home, so that once the kid gets bar mitzvahed, it doesn't all end. This is a good thing. But because she has divorced the `jewish values' from God, it came across as more L.A. (where she lives) than the deep treasures of Judaism. The reason the ultra-orthodox children I have met are so pleasant and healthy is that they are not worshipped as idols. God was God and children were children, who were precious as his unique creatures and thus as they each were...not narcissistic extensions of their parents. In Mogel's parents'world, materialism rules the children because it rules the parents. Simple advice - go to the park or to visit friends instead of the mall - you don't need the Talmud for, and it won't get the child free of `mommy buy me this buy me that I must have Sally has I want the TV says' nightmare. The child is revealing the empty values of the whole family. A religious life has much finer values but would be much too unwelcome as a suggestion - so Mogel wisely starts where her audience is, with wholesome advice and a push to take a first step. Too bad she's not more charismatic in expressing the force and passion of believing every human soul is uniquely precious to God just as it is. Or that limits are crucial not just to being a functioning adult and moral, good person, but for an accurate relationship to reality: "God" is in charge, not us. Maybe, without a relationship with "God" we cannot cope with our American narcissism.
The book was also a sad portrait of modern childhood - fear of letting your child play in the neighborhood, intense and crushing competition, scheduled everything. No childhood time.
One point she made that made me think about myself was saying that `bad' traits you have can be glossed over when you are not a parent, but that when you are a parent they become your karma. If you are timid, you will make your child fearful; if you are lazy, ditto. This is too simple of course - like recombinant DNA, the child has two models to chose from, plus their own innate genetic character traits. A timid mother cannot make a risk taking rambunctious kid as timid as she would like him! But there is a truth there.

This is the first parenting book I've wanted to read cover-to-cover. I was taking notes and applying ideas from the first pages. I can't say I've fixed all my parenting issues, but it's given me ideas where I didn't have any before.

The writing is crisp and clear. The ideas are common sense and presented in a non-preachy way. While the author draws on Jewish sources for her parenting concepts, you don't have to be Jewish to use this book.

Buy more than one copy, b/c you WILL want to pass it on, but won't want to let go of your own. One of the few level-headed, practical advice books out there. Shows common sense which is so uncommon.

I read this book after reading about it in the NY Times and I enjoyed it. Oprah hadn't yet entertained Rabbi Schmuley so I'm not sure about the comparisons between this book and his. However I thought this book reads well, is clearly well researched and not offensive to a non-jewish reader/audience. I have taken many of its bits of wisdom to heart. I have recommended it to many of my friends.

I got 5 additional copies of this book to give to all my friends with children.

Previously i feared having kids thinking that today's world is so different than when i was growing up. How could kids have so many issues and parenting be so difficult? what did my parents do that it seems others these days do not (my mom confirms that i was a "Good" kid - maybe just so i have grand kids for her) and as i read this i find that most of the suggestions are how i was raised, yet realize that this is NOT the norm these days. Thus clearly having such a nice instruction book at hand to remind parents that they are not in place to buy the world for their kids but rather to guide their children into becoming contributing members of an adult society will help you teach your children the manners, and work ethic, and self-reliance needed for a bright and happy future. You will learn how you can do more for your kids by being stable parents who do not burden themselves with the worries of every whim the child has.

This book seems to be a great guide to help parents feel more secure in their parenting skills as well as guide them on how to parent responsibly (not feeling guilty for not buying every new toy/etc) so your children can bennifit from a stable environment with rules and guidance that will help them be the best humnan they can be!

This book presents a very thoughtful discussion of issues associated with providing children with the self discipline and self reliance necessary to grow into self confident adults.

I hope that this book will help her teach her own daughter how to be as self reliant as she is. I didn't actually read it. The purchase was made as a result of a review in the NY Times. Maybe she'll lend it to me one day.

Dr. Mogels book is great for any parent regardless of your religion. Her common sense approach along with the science makes a perfect blend for our "over" stimulated kids of today. As a Family physician I see these problems every day in my practice. She also understands that retraining the parents is essential to make this work. Dr. Rick Stigliano

I read about this book in the NYT Sunday magazine and am so glad that I went ahead and purchased this product. Regardless of your religious affiliation I believe this text provides good solid advice about how to raise our children. Any parent, or potential parent, would benefit by reading this text.

It's been a while since I read this book, so I am a little opaque here... but:

What can one say? This book touches very succinctly on how we raise children, and how we might do it better.

Based on teachings of Judaism. No, this book does not try to convert you, so any anti-semetics need not fear the read. (Even our drunk and ranting movie star of 2006.) I am contently Christian and am thoroughly religion-tolerant, perhaps with the sole exception of fanatical Catholicism. And I found this book fascinating.

Wendy reads the modern parent well, and her book is full of apropos wisdom. Whether you take it or leave it, this is a worthwhile read. Beyond that, I'll not spoil the content or the tenor.

I would recommend this book to any parent who is experiencing trouble with overprotected and/or overindulged children. Though I am myself not Jewish I liked how the author - based on Jewish beliefs - reassured parents that it is ok to set limits and ask your children to pay you the due respect. Afterall, you are supposed to be your child's parent and not his/her friend! Parenting is not about pampering or protecting but about preparing for life. Even from a non-religious point of view the book made some good points; a lot of the other suggestions made in the book were pretty much common sense but I guess that also depends where you come from. What I liked most about it though was that it encouraged parents to accept that a kid might just be "normal" and it is somtimes more important to accept that than to try to turn your child into something it is not (read: a genius). It's a good book - read it.

Jewish or not - this book has a great read tone to it, feels pratical and possible and is always going to stay on my shelf.

I find I don't come down solidly on either side of the argument between putting children's needs first or maintaining a more traditional strict discipline, denying kids' their wants to build character. I think of the former as the theory promoted by La Leche League, and I do feel that kids have legitimate needs, and those needs should be acknowledged and met.

This book provided a good counter balance to the La Leche League approach, and helped me see where, at times, a more strict approach to withholding some priviledges is beneficial in the long run.

We're all aware of how over-scheduled children have become - soccer practice on Monday, ballet on Tuesday, piano on Wednesday, cheerleading on Thursday. Games, performances, recitals all weekend. This book reminds us of some of the more important family values, that could benefit our children more than an assortment of lessons and activities.

I just finished this book - I tore through it in a couple of days, just couldn't put it down. It is such an inspiring book, both for parenting and for my own spirituality. I recommend it very strongly. I expect to re-read this at least yearly.

I just finished this last night, and I plan to go back through it again. It's one of the better books on raising children that I've ever read. Mogel is a child psychologist with a definite slant--for her, a lot of the answers to parenting problems lie in encouraging spiritual growth, in ourselves and in our children. You don't have to be Jewish to find great material in this book--I'm not--but you definitely need to accept the premise that human beings are happier in a spiritually enriched environment.

I have already started implementing some of Mogel's suggestions for fostering responsibility in children and encouraging them to be grateful for what they have (as opposed to constantly needing more to be satisfied). Moreover, I mean to stay mindful of her emphasis on a parent's need to accept a child's basic nature. If you can name the personality trait in your child that drives you insane, Mogel says, you have already named his greatest strength. Helping to raise him to his greatest potential involves teaching him how to utilize his nature, not how to subvert it. Unlike some modern psychological parenting texts, _The Blessing of a Skinned Knee_ doesn't pretend that children are blank slates to be filled with whatever we please. Instead, Mogel offers practical suggestions for working with the material we're given.

One of the elements of the book that I would most share with my friends involves discipline. Mogel breaks down transgressions by intent and offers concrete ways to deal with them compassionately and calmly. She several times references Biblical exhortations to discipline--not in a pro-spanking stance, but in reminding parents that this is a responsibility that comes with the territory. I wish that some of the more stern parents of my acquaintance would read her arguments against shaming children. Mogel does not believe that discipline requires humiliation. Those who swing the other way--me included--could benefit from her section on restitution. My 8-year-old suffers an overly developed sense of guilt, and I am hoping that following her suggestions for restitution will allow him to feel a healthy sense of closure and relief.

While every reader of books of this type needs to exercise discretion in determining what will work in his or her household, there's a lot of solid advice here. It doesn't address every situation or every concern, and I don't believe it intends to. What it does is provide a framework for a new way of thinking about parenting which might be useful when you encounter those situations not covered.

Written by a psychiatrist who was frustrated by the answers she found in the medical books, this book reminds me of things that are so easy to forget. Given to me by a non-Jewish friend, this book does not rely on religious dogma to get its point across. It is about wisdom our great-grandparents knew but that we, in our technology-driven, everyone is special, achievement oriented society, have lost.

The book is easy to read without being cartoony like other parenting books. It is organized perfectly into chapters that include a few examples and instructions without being listy or bossy.

I have a two-year-old and I am starting to glimpse the difference between my expectations of what my daughter is supposed to become and what her personality is.

This book is reminding me that children are not things to be molded but are people to be unfolded. I wish that every parent would read it so that we can raise healthy children together.

As a parent of two children, who happen to have mild to moderate disabilites, interested in bringing Judaism more into their lives, I was very eager to read this book. I scanned the index to see what Mogel might have written for parents of children with disabilites and found nothing, but assumed that the issue must have been woven throughout the book. Afterall, Mogel is a child psychologist who, apparently, has had experience with children who have significant challenges.
Unfortunately, what I found on the topic of disabilites couldn't have been more offensive. On pages 110-112 Mogel writes:
"There's a Jewish blessing that is said when one sees exceptionally beautiful people or things: 'Blessed are you, Lord our God, who has such in his universe.' And there is one to say when noticing strange-looking people or animals: 'Blessed are you, Lord our God, who varies creation.'"
She then goes on to describe a chance encounter with a group of "what the Israelis called 'special people' (mentally retarded and physically handicapped adults)....."
Her description of this group of people, I feel, is all but freakish and completely lacking respect for their humanity. She writes "In America, we often keep such people separate. Although we let children see horror movies, we protect them from seeing real people who look scary and act inappropriately."
While she commends the Isaelis for honoring these people by giving them a holiday, she does nothing but itemize the many ways in which they looked or acted bizarrely. And she even admits that, beforehand, she would have shielded her children from "these people whom God had made so very different. Ultimately, I felt grateful that my daughters had an opportunity to learn more about the variety of life than they ever could at home. When we protect our children from people who are different, inappropriate, and even frightening, they'll be too easily shocked and frightened as adults."
So, I am to gather, that the benefit of this experience for her children was a kind of "desensitization". There was no mention of understanding people who are different or seeing their beauty. The idea, I felt, was that it is better to get the horror over with when they're young so they won't be horrified when they're older. However, people with disabilites, like everybody else, want to be accepted for who they are not what they represent. While feelings of discomfort are common and certainly not to be denied, Mogel conveyed nothing more in this passage about people with disabilities than that these people were other. I expected more from somebody writing from a religious perspective. Perhaps the book contains kinder passages about people with disabilities later on, but I had to put the book down after this.
Instead of this book I highly recommend "How to Be a Jewish Parent" (by Anita Diamant with Karen Kushner). In addition to being a good book overall, Diamant includes a respectful and intelligent chapter on special needs children. Perhaps Diamant, unlike Mogel, understood that people with disabilities are everywhere and that their parents, like other parents, may just be interested in reading a book on raising their children in the Jewish tradition.

I am not Jewish, but still found this book extremely relevant to my own parenting. Although Dr. Mogel uses Judaism and Hebrew as a basis for the underlying structure of her presentation, the issues she raises can be applied to any children and any faith.

I found it refreshing to read a parenting book that actually tells you that your child may not be above average and as a parent it is your responsibility to nurture your child's own unique traits and talents--not try to mold them into the next nobel laureate. As she quotes a Hassidic saying, "If your child has a talent to be a baker, don't tell him to be a doctor."

As the title of the book implies, Dr. Mogel also suggests that it's okay for your children to be exposed to hurt and other unpleasantries of life. She chooses to call these "blessings" and her chapters include titles such as " The Blessing of Longing, The Blessing of Work, The Blessing of Self-Control, and The Blessing of Time."

The book also heavily emphasizes the importance of tradition in family. Dr. Mogel does this through the practice of Judaism and using the traditions of Judaism to bind her family together. I think this concept can be applied to any religion, or if not a religion than a series of ongoing family traditions that bind your family together.

I found this book to be very thought provoking and much of it resonated with me at a very basic level, "Yes. This makes sense!"

This is the best parenting book I've ever read! My husband and I couldn't put this down. It's filled with practical advice and contains lots of witty and thought provoking information. We're not Jewish and we loved this book! I highly recommend this to every parent.

So what can I say that has not been said? This is a great little book! So I'll highlight some issues she brings up that I hope will catch your attention enough to investigate it.

I appreciate her point about children's freedom. Most people don't realize that statistically speaking, children are FAR more likely to be hurt/killed automobile accident than they are by being abducted by a stranger (Most kids who are hurt by others are harmed by family), and that the rate of crimes against children has NOT increased in the past 30 years. And yet so many of us behave as if our children can not be unsupervised for a second--can not walk the dog, kick a ball around in a field or ride their bike to the pool. This is really wrong, and as the author notes, robs children of the best part of childhood to appease our own irrational fantasies. We SHOULD be shaking in our boots that our car will be hit by an SUV when our child is in it, but we don't think twice about taking our kids for a drive.

Lastly, I loved her emphasis on letting the child experience making choices and experiencing relatively low cost consequences. For example, if a child chooses to have a messy room, don't help them find things that get buried, or go in to fetch the laundry from the floor. Letting them experiencing the natural consequences for thier choices is far more powerful than a million lectures. And later on, if your teen sleeps in class/dosen't do homework/skips school, don't rush in to blame the teacher--make the kid take responsibility and give him the dignity of learning to solve his own problems! It shows that I'm a former teacher here, and I loved what she had to say about supporting your child's education by supporting their character development.

My only real complaint is that she confuses being spiritual with worshiping a god. The fact that you do not believe in god dosen't mean you can't teach a child to feel awe, humility and embrace tikkun olam! Besides, are we really supposed to start believing in something irrational to help our children become more independant and rational?

Neither a parenting book nor a religious tract, "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee" still provides useful lessons in both areas. Its message is that children have the potential to be surprisingly wise and noble and inspiring, but they must be helped along by a firm, respectful, and commanding adult presence. The teachings of Judaism are used to show how a balanced, meaning-focused approach to family life (as opposed to the hedonistic MTV lifestyle or the hectic, achievement-oriented lifestyle of many suburban families) can bring both parents and children to a higher spiritual level while also helping them get along with each other - and themselves.

Mogel's words are inspiring, even for non-parents; however, the book's 250 pages could be pared down to half that, streamlining the prose without losing any of its insight. In addition, the author's attitude is self-righteous and critical at times; she is clearly convinced of the strength of her argument, but her impatience and condesenscion are unappealing. Still, this is a valuable, thought-provoking read.

I was turned off from the outset by this book's suggestion that the author's version of spirituality and morality was the "right" one, and everyone else was off the mark somehow. Then the advice itself was less than helpful.

Wendy Mogel is a very honest, down-to-earth parent. She writes about how parents can reclaim the control in their family, and create a loving home based on Jewish values. This book is worthwhile for not just Jews, but any parent who wants to raise independent and loving children with values of repect, and integrity, while still maintaining parental sanity. Mogel does not give step-by-step advice, or a one size fits all formula. Rather, she explains Jewish values of parenting, and shows through example how these values can be applied in any home. She shows how to find strengths in any child, and how to use these strengths to everyone's advantage. The chapter on discipline is also very well written, especially for parents who want to practice and teach Jewish values, but may be unsure of how. She is also very in touch with 21st century families.

This book had been recomended to me by many people. I was shocked at how biased it was and how it used the most anecdotal evidence to support its views. The author points out that there are gender differences between boys and girls and then uses that to support her contention that girls shouldn't be encouraged to excell at traditional "boy" things, like science. Yet, real educational studies show that girls who are encouraged in these areas do very well.
The author brags that at the Jewish Day School her kids attend the conferences with parents last only seven minutes and that the teachers don't praise kids to their parents. Why she thinks this is good I have no idea. After months of interacting with a child a teacher surely has found more than seven minutes worth of stuff to say about a child. And many children (maybe not the authors) are worthy of praise. Indeed, as most educators know, children often exhibit good behavior with their teachers that they don't around their parents. The author seems unaware of this and implies that if a teacher praises a child it is done simply to make the parents feel good. I feel sorry for the author's kids if she really believes this.