As an educator and author of Black Belt Parenting, I can appreciate the easy to use and apply tips offered in this book. This is a MUST READ for any parent; it has it all!
Black Belt Parenting

The authors of this book offer valuable perspectives on ways to talk to children and students regarding their choices in behavior and the consequences of decisions that are theirs to make. As parents and teachers, we often try to control the outcomes of others' choices, resulting in disappointments for us and not necessarily for the individuals who make the decisions because we try so hard to prevent those we love from "failing." The lessons in this book delineate boundaries for parents and teachers to follow indicating what choices are ours and what choices and resulting consequences are others' to make and accept. The principles are relevant from the preschooler to the adult, and the application of verbiage empowers the individual who understands its usage.

This book is based almost entirely on anecdotal evidence rather than confirmed research findings. No parent should rely solely on any single book, and certainly not this one. While there is much misinformation, there is also some sound advice. I will begin with the positive.

Good Advice
* The main theme is terrific. Specifically, if you respond to your children's mistakes and misdeeds in a calm, thoughtful manner, you improve the odds your children can learn from the experience. It is important to de-escalate child situations and avoid confrontation whenever you can.

* They correctly point out that we should not attempt to solve all our children's problems. We should even let them fail occasionally. They advise taking a consultative role and helping your children think things through, but letting them make the ultimate decision.

* When children try to take advantage of their parents, the authors encourage saying "no" or "nice try" and avoid being misused.

* They give a good explanation of how to conduct a "time out." (p. 55)

* They encourage setting limits and enforcing them consistently. They warn that kids will "test the limits," but advise standing firm. .

* They rightly want parents to avoid making threats (p. 57), and promising consequences the parents are either unwilling or unable to deliver. Similarly, in offering kids choices, never offer an option you would not be willing to allow your child to choose.

* In the Discipline chapter, they offer a list of good discipline guidelines (p. 148).

* The authors advise putting a little fun in the task of childrearing. Well said, but weakly elaborated.

The above advice, while hardly original, is nevertheless sound. Other assertions and suggestions by the authors are downright dangerous.

Truly Awful Advice
* If your five year old boy "mouths off" to a bigger kid and suffers a bloody nose or black eye (what the authors call "natural consequences"), that's an acceptable price because your child will learn from this experience. (p. 30-31) Facts: Emotional scars could result from the terror a five year old experiences when having his face rubbed on the ground, plus physical scars that might be permanent.

* "By the time children are 11 or 12 years old, they should be able to make most decisions without parental input." (p.32) Facts: The decision making skills of children this age will vary across a wide continuum. Children's development in decision making is influenced by their own genetic temperaments, physical maturity, school and social experiences, the onset of puberty and a host of other factors beyond the parents' control.

* Kids "spend most of their emotional energy looking for proof that what we think of them is correct." (p.36) Facts: This is untrue of the occasional idolized child who seeks relief from the pressure of high expectations by making bad choices. Nor is there any mention of how much energy kids spend trying to impress their peers.

* "Consequences can, and often should, be delayed." The authors suggest telling your kid "I'll have to think about this." (p.60). Facts: When a parent is stymied, delay is preferable to a hasty, inappropriate reaction. But for older children, if parents have thought things through and explained the rules, then the child should not have to guess the consequences. For very young children, the research is clear that they lack the brain development necessary to mediate the gap between their misbehavior and a delayed consequence. They need immediate consequences.

* "A lot of bonding goes on between parents and children when there is friendly wrestling, arm wrestling, shoving, and playful punching." (p. 41) No mention of what happens when one of those punches really hurts.

* A wife was tired of reminding her husband to fill the car with gas. "One night, the husband ran out of gas, walked down a dark road for help, stepped off a bridge, and tumbled ten feet into a streambed. He was laid up for eight weeks before he walked again. Guess who never ran out of gas again?" (p.53). No mention of what would happen if he never walked again.

* "A child's laziness is the child's problem. While untouched homework, bad grades, or tardiness at school may be maddening to us, we must find a loving way to allow the consequences to do the teaching for the child, whatever the consequences may be." (p.55) Facts: Some kids get so far behind that they become permanently discouraged. No discussion of the consequences of flunking out of school.

The authors' advice goes on in this vein, allowing kids to wear pj's to school (p.59), bully other children (p.63), let a 6 year old catch cold from not wearing a coat (p.43), etc. In their zeal to avoid being overprotective and allow children to learn by experiencing consequences, they blithely ignore the distress to innocent bystanders, including: a) the aggravation to teachers, b) the colds their kids spread to other people, c) the potential physical injury to their children's' classmates and friends, etc.

Many of their assertions are not just wrong, but dangerous. Lehrer's book "How We Decide" explains that the rational brain (pre-frontal cortex) is the last area of the brain to develop. As a result, more than half of high school students have experimented with illegal drugs. Half of all STDs occur in teens. Car accidents are the leading cause of death for those under 21. These bleak statistics are symptoms of poor choices made by minds that can't restrain themselves. Young people need sensible, enforceable rules set by wise adults.

Dan Ariley's book "Predictably Irrational" describes a study clearly demonstrating that, contrary to their own beliefs, young male undergraduates cannot predict how they will react in a sexually arousing situation. Parents need to take all reasonable steps to avoid putting young people in situations they are not equipped to handle.

No one book is the whole answer and parents should read widely. But a good one to start with is Phil McGraw's "Family First." Unlike his show, it is devoid of confrontation and sensationalism. It is very user friendly and mostly based on sound research evidence. Reading it will be both a joy and a relief for worried, mystified, beleaguered parents.

I had high hopes for this method, because my 9 year old can be very defiant at times. I found that I already employed many of the methods in this book. I have always given her choices and allowed her to live with the consequences of her behavior, and have found that those strategies only work to a point. My problem is that my 9 year old is too smart to fall for it most of the time! She is smart enough to realize that since I offered the choices, I'm actually the one making the decisions. She'll always insist on a 3rd option that isn't one of my approved 'choices' for her. Same with the consequences. If I tell her she can eat lunch after she cleans her mess, she'll point out that Dad and I get to choose whether to clean before or after we eat, so why can't she. She figured out that the 'natural' consequences are actually being imposed by me. It just doesn't work with her.

However, the choices and consequences issue is not enough to impel me to give the book 1 star. I'm giving it such a low rating because the authors go to a dangerous extreme in their advice. I refuse to withhold meals from my stick-skinny 4 year old because she's acting...well...like a 4 year old! I refuse to allow my dog to become malnourished in order to allow my child to have a learning experience. I refuse to sit by and watch my child to become the neighborhood bully in the hopes that she will eventually learn the error of her ways. I refuse to watch my child's grades go down the toilet while I wait for her to experience her learning moment. Parenting requires a certain amount of responsibility, and to shirk that responsibility in the name of 'significant learning opportunities' is setting a bad example for our children.

Every parent, or going to be parent, should read this book! I am a certified teacher, and raised my kids this way....takes so much stress out of child rearing.

I am a sociologist and much of my background centers around family and child development. This book has some of the worst (and most outdated advice) I've seen doled out in years to parents. The parents that follow the advice outlined in this book are the same ones you hear about that leave coal in their children's stockings for Christmas to "teach them a lesson."

The good: The book premise is to help parents raise responsible children and it does make some valid points about the importance of raising successful children.

The bad: The parenting methods the authors suggest you use are one of the reasons why so many of us say we don't want to raise our children like our parents raised us. Their methods center around the concept of 'tough love' and are based on seriously outdated child-rearing concepts. Some of their advice has the potential of bringing not just animal right advocates to your door, but children service agencies as well.

The authors identify various parenting styles at the extreme end - failing to acknowledge that most parents rear their child(ren) on a continuum. Parents who fluctuate between parenting styles allow for more versatility than the one size fits all approach the authors advocate.

The authors also assume that all social institutions are fair and just and that your child should be a conformist. While at the extreme end helicopter parents can be a problem, many parents are left with no choice but to advocate for their children. For instance, in today's zero-tolerance school environment common sense has been lost in favor of suspending elementary students for trivial reasons such as bringing a plastic knife with their lunch. These children are helpless to defend themselves in these kinds of situations and need their parents to stand up for them.

The authors are also out of touch with other issues, such as school homework. They point to homework completion as being the child's problem, not yours, yet many teachers are sending home assignments that are meant to be completed with their parents (in order to increase parental involvement in homework.) There is also substantial research out there that demonstrates homework at the elementary level has no academic benefit and that children's time would be more productive and beneficial if they were engaged in other activities. As a result, parents armed with this knowledge are challenging teachers who consistently send home busy work that takes away from valuable family time (these are the same parents who are often unfairly labeled as helicopter parents.)

There are also several instances where the authors are really preaching values under the guise of information. Additionally, I have some very serious concerns about the authors backgrounds, which you can read more about in other reviews. All and all, this book is absent of any sound child-rearing advice and really no more than the authors own personal opinions on how they think you should be raising your children.

If you are a religious fundamentalist looking to provide your children with "tough love" then this is your book. For the rest of you, keep searching for something better.

I am a sociologist and much of my background centers around family and child development. This book has some of the worst (and most outdated advice) I've seen doled out in years to parents. The parents that follow the advice outlined in this book are the same ones you hear about that leave coal in their children's stockings for Christmas to "teach them a lesson."

The good: The book premise is to help parents raise responsible children and it does make some valid points about the importance of raising successful children.

The bad: The parenting methods the authors suggest you use are one of the reasons why so many of us say we don't want to raise our children like our parents raised us. Their methods center around the concept of 'tough love' and are based on seriously outdated child-rearing concepts. Some of their advice has the potential of bringing not just animal right advocates to your door, but children service agencies as well.

The authors also assume that all social institutions are fair and just and that your child must be a conformist. While at the extreme end helicopter parents can be a problem, many parents are left with no choice but to advocate for their children. For instance, in today's zero-tolerance school environment common sense has been lost in favor of suspending elementary students for trivial reasons such as bringing a plastic knife with their lunch. These children are helpless to defend themselves in these kinds of situations and need their parents to stand up for them.

The authors are also out of touch with other issues, such as school homework. They point to homework completion as being the child's problem, not yours, yet many teachers are sending home assignments that are meant to be completed with their parents (in order to increase parental involvement in homework.) There is also substantial research out there that demonstrates homework at the elementary level has no academic benefit and that children's time would be more productive and beneficial if they were engaged in other activities. As a result, parents armed with this knowledge are challenging teachers who consistently send home busy work that takes away from valuable family time (these are the same parents who are often unfairly labeled as helicopter parents.)

There are also several instances where the authors are really preaching values under the guise of information. I also have some very serious concerns about the authors backgrounds, which you can read more about in other reviews. All and all, this book is absent of any sound child-rearing advice and really no more than the authors own personal opinions on how they think children should be raised.

If you are a religious fundamentalist looking to provide your children with "tough love" then this is your book. For the rest of you, keep searching for something better.

This book is awesome! It makes total sense on how to deal with raising children. Thanks! love this book

This book is wonderful! I read Loving Our Kids On Purpose by Danny Silk first. Although there are many similarities between the two books, each one has played an important part in helping me attain a heart connection with my kids and take anger out of consequences. Parenting with Love and Logic presents real life scenarios and phrases to deal with these scenarios are truly helpful and easy to implement. I am so much more confident about my parenting and feel good about what I'm helping my children to become. I also recommend Love and Logic Magic for ages 0-6.

Any parenting book that suggests the starvation of a pet to teach responsibility in feeding & care of a pet & then giving the pet away without any warning is simply inhumane & cruel. How "Christian" is that? Certainly not compassionate or loving to either the pet or the child. Yes of course the child needs to learn responsibility, but to the point of allowing the animal to starve is neglect & the parents should be charged with animal cruelty. How anyone can suggest it is beyond me.

This book went right back to the library: obviously, their philosophy & mine do not meet at any crossroads by bypass one another completely.

This book has been helping me a lot in dealing with my toddler, who's getting into the "terrible two's".

I'm on my way to being a love and logic parent. Wish I had this book sooner. It explains so many of my pit falls as a dad.

I absolutely loved this book. It's a good read, and the ideas I have been trying have made a very large difference in my children's behavior. The first time I read it, I had a couple of problems with some of the ideas, but after reading it a second time, I realized that the author wasn't giving the consequences to be mean, and they weren't suggesting that I be mean, but that I need to give the consequences with empathy - showing the child that I loved them and hurt with them when their choices didn't make them happy. I also realize that a lot of these lessons they learn will prepare them for the real world. If you sign up for the newsletter, you get more info on each of these topics.

I also realized, reading this the second time through, that it was meant to be a guide. I took their ideas and tailored it to my individual kids. I used their examples to start thinking about what my kids needed and what would work for my kids.

I add my name to the countless others who share my concern about where they feel the line should be drawn (or their lack of a line at all).

They lost me, and I expect countless others, at the example of the family allowing the animal to go hungry long enough that his ribs were showing. They do not step in when the child neglects the dog, expecting the child to be responsible for the dog. THEN after puppy has gotten so thin it's ribs are showing (not a fun period of time for our furry friend I'd imagine) the parent steps in to say the dog has gone to a "new home" They state that "We sometimes worry that this approach sounds too tough, taking a pet out of the home with the possibility it may never return". I don't see this as the primary problem! An animal is not fed to the point his ribs are showing in order to provide a teaching moment.

Interesting the book only a few pages prior states we should "tremble" at what parents' model.

Uh Oh! - Love and Logic modeling neglect, pets are disposable, and to add insult to injury the mom says it hurts her eyes to see the starvation and her ears to hear the cries of hunger. Really?! Don't know I want to teach my children that those who "suffer" the observation of neglect yet choose not to act are the ones who should have our compassion.

They have some good fundamental ideas but I am suspect of how far they go with their approach. I'm unwilling to allow my child to abuse or neglect another living creature and think I'm going to sleep well suffering the "consequences" of that.

I've seen reviews stating other concerns about lines that are drawn, or not draw and am happy to spare myself the frustration of reading those examples.

I had heard about this book, but not until recently did I start to read it. I borrowed it from the library and have read the first 5 chapters. I found out what kind of Mom I am and what kind of Dad my husband is and found the material to be very interesting and helpful. So much so, that I purchased the book.

Love and logic has many good things to say and many helpful guides for good, solid parenting. I find that parents respond best to the concept of offering choices instead of commands that will encourage your child to take responsibility for his or her actions.

As a faith-based counselor I use the words Grace and Truth which carry depth and spiritual dimension. Other balancing acts include structure and flexibility, anxiety and boredom, reason and emotion. We could go on and on.

Love and Logic does a good job speaking on a two dimensional basis. It is simple, and helpful. A great book to balance this one with would be John Gottman's, "How to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child, The Heart of Parenting".

This book came highly recommended to me. I was very excited to get it. I am a preschool teacher and a mom. The whole tone of the book turned me off. Although I come a background the authors approve of, I found the mention of God and specifically Christianity as the best way to teach Love and Logic simply offensive. I tried to get past my discomfort but found I do not live in the same world full of tests for my child. Teachable moments are great but we must teach for the world we share with all kinds of different wonderful people.

Watch out for unintended lessons that are inextricably bundled with the ones you intend to teach. For example, the lesson that certain actions have "natural and logical consequences" comes bundled with the lesson that he who has the power gets to decide what is natural and logical, and therefore that the important thing in relationships is to have power at any cost. Are you willing to be consistent about it, so that when you are late picking up your son from school, he gets to dish out a natural and logical consequence to you? His reasons for being late coming home from a friend's are just as legitimate to him as are yours for being late for that pick up. If you're not willing to be consistent, then you're teaching that leverage, coercion and power are useful in family relationships.

Our children call on the solution frameworks we teach them as they create their adult relationships. When your son raised with the approaches in this book starts giving natural and logical consequences to his spouse, what will happen to his marriage?

Think about it - how can traumatizing your daughter by abruptly taking away her pet, her food or her toys teach responsibility? It doesn't. It just teaches bullying and manipulating, and that family relationships are stressful and require hypervigilance.

These cruel techniques are seductive to tired, stressed parents because they force compliance with your powerful position in the family. However, they only do so at a terrible cost in psychological health. How can you teach your children compliance with your authority using the "logic" approach and then hope for them to think for themselves instead of going along with the program that the powerful schoolyard bully has in mind?

Instead of this book, read "Hold on to Your Kids", by Gordon Neufeld, if you want to have successful family relationships and happy, securely attached children. From page 83:

"As our power to parent decreases, our preoccupation with leverage increases. Euphemisms abound: bribes are called rewards; threats and punishments are rechristened natural consequences. These euphemisms camouflage attempts to motivate the child by external pressure because his intrinsic motivation is deemed inadequate. Attachment is natural and arises from within; leverage is contrived and imposed from without."

Also, read "Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control", by Heather Forbes. She teaches how to create a successful family in an atmosphere of secure attachment, love and calm, not in the fear and emotional chaos that is an unintended lesson of the love and logic approach.

Watch out for unintended lessons that are inextricably bundled with the ones you intend to teach. For example, the lesson that certain actions have "natural and logical consequences" comes bundled with the lesson that he who has the power gets to decide what is natural and logical, and therefore that the important thing in relationships is to have power at any cost. Are you willing to be consistent about it, so that when you are late picking up your son from school, he gets to dish out a natural and logical consequence to you? His reasons for being late coming home from a friend's are just as legitimate to him as are yours for being late for that pick up. If you're not willing to be consistent, then you're teaching that leverage, coercion and power are useful in family relationships.

Our children call on the solution frameworks we teach them as they create their adult relationships. When your son raised with the approaches in this book starts giving natural and logical consequences to his spouse, what will happen to his marriage?

Think about it - how can traumatizing your daughter by abruptly taking away her pet, her food or her toys teach responsibility? It doesn't. It just teaches bullying and manipulating, and that family relationships are stressful and require hypervigilance.

These cruel techniques are seductive to tired, stressed parents because they create may force compliance with your powerful position in the family. However, they only do so at a terrible cost in psychological health. How can you teach your children compliance with your authority using the "logic" approach and then hope for them to think for themselves instead of going along with the program that the powerful schoolyard bully has in mind?

Instead of this book, read "Hold on to Your Kids", by Gordon Neufeld, if you want to have successful family relationships and happy, securely attached children. From page 83:

"As our power to parent decreases, our preoccupation with leverage increases. Euphemisms abound: bribes are called rewards; threats and punishments are rechristened natural consequences. These euphemisms camouflage attempts to motivate the child by external pressure because his intrinsic motivation is deemed inadequate. Attachment is natural and arises from within; leverage is contrived and imposed from without."

Also, read "Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control", by Heather Forbes. She teaches how to create a successful family in an atmosphere of secure attachment, love and calm, not in the fear and emotional chaos that is an unintended lesson of the love and logic approach.

Watch out for unintended lessons that are inextricably bundled with the ones you intend to teach. For example, the lesson that certain actions have "natural and logical consequences" comes bundled with the lesson that he who has the power gets to decide what is natural and logical, and therefore that the important thing in relationships is to have power at any cost. Are you willing to be consistent about it, so that when you are late picking up your child from school, he gets to dish out a natural and logical consequence to you? His reasons for being late coming home from a friend's are just as legitimate to him as are yours for being late for that pick up. If you're not willing to be consistent, then this is about leverage, coercion and power, not about responsibility.

Our children call on the solution frameworks we teach them as they create their adult relationships. When children raised with the approaches in this book start dishing out natural and logical consequences to their spouse, what will happen to their marriage?

Think about it - how can traumatizing a child by abruptly taking away their pet, their food or their toys teach responsibility? It doesn't. It just teaches bullying and manipulating, and that family relationships are stressful and require hypervigilance.

These cruel techniques may appear to tired, stressed parents as though they "work", but they only do so at a terrible cost in psychological health. How can you teach your children compliance with your authority using the "logic" approach and then hope for them to think for themselves instead of going along with the program that the schoolyard bully has in mind?

Instead of this book, read "Hold on to Your Kids", by Gordon Neufeld, if you want to have successful family relationships and happy, securely attached children. From page 83:

"As our power to parent decreases, our preoccupation with leverage increases. Euphemisms abound: bribes are called rewards; threats and punishments are rechristened natural consequences. These euphemisms camouflage attempts to motivate the child by external pressure because his intrinsic motivation is deemed inadequate. Attachment is natural and arises from within; leverage is contrived and imposed from without."

Also, read "Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control", by Heather Forbes. She teaches how to create a successful family in an atmosphere of secure attachment, love and calm, not in the fear and emotional chaos that is an unintended lesson of the love and logic approach.

I've read this book several times, and get more out of it every time. I just bought the audio books to share with my sister-in-law. All parents should read this book, even if you don't agree with every thought, it leads to great discussion.

This is a must read for all parents, parents to be, aunts, uncles, grandparents and anyone else who wants to help raise responsible children to grow up into responsible adults. I am amazed that this is not required reading for all parents.

This book is a must for parents who want their children to learn to take responsibility for their own behavior and parents who want to discipline with love, not with harsh criticism or "because I said so" parenting. Another interesting read is The Art of Empowered Parenting: The Manual You Wish Your Kids Came With By Erik Fisher, PhD, AKA Dr. E...

I love this book! The authors truly present a realistic, workable and successful approach to allowing children to become aware and responsible human beings. The respect that they exhibit towards the child and the giving of choice is truly the first mandate for a healthy adult. Autonomy is the fore-runner of adaptability and accommodation as an adult. Parts of this book made me think, "I wish I wrote that line". Their table of contents is witty and a learning tool in itself.
Great approach, well-written, I highly recommend this book. This one is a winner and should be in every parenting library. FIVE STARS

Jeffrey L. Fine, PhD, Psychologist: Author of: -
"The Art of Conscious Parenting"

This book will help with patience and feuding. Such a wonderful way of looking at parenting.

I like the ideas behind this book and I try hard to look past the authors trying to force Christianity down the reader's throat, but sometimes it's hard. Citing God and the Garden of Eden as if it's fact and has anything to do with good parenting is offensive to me. Many times I have wanted to put the book away and never pick it up again because I do not share Christian beliefs. In today's world with all of the various religions and beliefs, I feel that the authors of this book are pushing away potential parent readers by focusing so much on a single religion. Each chapter even starts with a quote from the bible. I highly suggest that the christian element is removed from this book in the next version and I'm sure that your messages will reach more readers.

There are good ideas here, but in many cases poorly executed (as per the examples in the book.) I whole-heartedly agree with the reviewer who has the "best critical review" on why some of these examples ultimately steer children in not the best direction. I feel a better choice with safer long term lessons learned by your child can be found in Connection Parenting by Pam Leo.

I found this book to be very informative & helpful. I don't think it's a magic bullet, but it's worth a try & bound to work for some situations.

Parenting with love and logic is an easy readable guide that offers parents suggestions on how to deal with a multitude of problems for preteen children. It is easy to thumb through and find that tip that you need. They are short chapters and can be read by a busy parent on the go.

This was in good condition with the exception of two of the tapes had an audio problem, it was really loud then it went real low so you could not hear it. Other than that I would purchase it again, for the price.

If you want to be a really good parent then read this book and follow their councel.
Great parenting ideas to teach your kids natural consequences for their own actions. You can leave the anger behind, sit back and enjoy life as your children learn to become responsible for their own choices. It can be really hard to follow through at times but this book teaches that it is not only okay, but necessary if you want your children to succeed in life and be accountable to themselves.

This book is great to help you solve problems with your child. I use love and logic in the classroom and with my child. It is so helpful even if you did not take any training from the Fays.

I absolutely LOVE this book. Its so easy to understand, anyone with kids or planning to eventually have kids NEED to read this book! It has saved our family!

This book should be renamed, "God and illogic". I was raised in a "christian" home where routine punishment was getting hit by a "switch". If you don't know what that is, you are lucky. This book is not far from that type of southern "christian" behavior. I will get my advice elsewhere.

I haven't read the whole book yet, but the pieces that I have read are fabulous! I love that it has short sections so that I can pick it up and read for a few minutes before an interruption. The only draw back for me is that the cover is not as it was advertised in the photo. It's a solid fabric color like back in the day, but I can work with that. Thanks for the help in getting this well written parental aide to me!

The American Psychological Association has issued a warning against this book and the author. The author has been banned from practicing and doing his seminars in Colorado and other states are looking into his criminal and civil law suits that are pending against him. In one case, he told a 300 pound woman to sit on her toddler child as he was having a temper tantrum. The woman ended up killing the child. The book is filled with bad advice. Previous versions of the book included how to spank your children. He has been quoted as saying, "the nerve endings of the brain are in the buttocks - that's how you stimulate it." I don't know about you, but I don't get to use any of the ideas created by a man like this.

As an educator and Author I can appreciate the content and adaptability Black Belt Parenting

HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!! INSTANT RESULTS!!! EASY!!! This book was assigned reading for our foster adoption class through our adoption agency. I just thought I'd skim through it to get the gist of it and be done with it. However, once I started reading it I thought I'd give it a try with my 6 year old daughter. I started using these techniques after the first chapter. I got instant results! IT WORKS!!! These techniques are so easy. They eliminate all anger and frustration parents have raising children. This book addresses all the challenges of raising children of all ages! I was truly amazed, so amazed I read the whole book and kept it as a reference. There is no need to buy another, this is the one that works. In response to the review by ES "librarian lady", I am an animal lover too. In my home my pets were here before my daughter. Therefore, I believe they are not her responsibility but she does help out quite often. However, the situation with the child neglecting the dog so the parent gives it away is not exactly what happened. The parent brings the dog to a friend's house claiming to have given the dog away. This technique did work. The child went to the friend's house, brought the dog back home, and cared for it. If you disagree with this particular strategy, don't do it. You can still use the techniques described in the book to resolve this type of dilemma. In fact, any type of dilemma, short of needing professional help, can be resolved using Love and Logic!

The book is fantastic. I would recommend it to any parent that is having challenges with their kids. I tried the tech. they suggest on my child and on other children and they work like a charm. It has reduced my stress level a whole lot.

I bought this book because I liked the ideas behind it. I found it easy to read and fairly easy to comprehend. I found it to be less heavy on the guilt than other books and it didn't insult my brain. I would have liked to see more examples of the kinds of logical consequences they would suggest, since that's rather the most difficult part. They have more guides that are age-specific or for particular problems, so maybe some of those will be more helpful.

I'll have to keep looking for anything that addresses providing natural consequences for children who have trouble understanding consequences and parents with the same difficulty. How do I create consequences when I can't always forsee them myself? How do I exhibit motivation for my children to mirror when I have none? They have a book for ADHD kids, maybe it will have something about parents of the same. Actually, my biggest concern with the book is in how it fails to be flexible on the subject of "rescuing" children who have very real problems. You know, sometimes the teacher is actually out to get your kid. Sometimes your kid really CAN'T remember to bring that form to school. I've lived it, and I still managed to not end up a failure.

In any case, I wish that how I was raised had looked a little more like this, but I don't know if it actually would have worked for me. We'll see if it actually works when I have children.

I read this book after reading the wonderful How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, and How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk.
Love and Logic could not be any less loving or logical. The premise of giving your kids meaningful choices seems sensible enough. However, the book began to set off red flags for me as soon as it outlines its bizarre "uh-oh" song.
Particularly strange was the suggestion to lock your child in her room (because she made a "choice" to have herself locked in).
Where is the empathy for the child? It seems to me that any child treated in this manner would grow to resent and hate the parent for dictating to her that she had "chosen" to be withdrawn from the loving contact of the family. I found the inane "choices" offered to the child in the book's examples to be completely counter to the entire goal of giving choice in the first place. A child only learns independence by being given meaningful choices, not by being told he can choose to go to his room walking by himself or being carried.
I will throw my copy in the trash. Please read Unconditional Parenting or How to Listen instead. I fear that a child raised according to this book will feel lifelong anger and resentment. This book's creepy and bizarre methods will probably be perceived by most children as parenting with hate and arbitrariness.
A previous reviewer suggested a google search: ""Foster Cline and Rage Reduction Therapy."
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE read about Foster Cline's "Attachment Therapy." Just from a cursory google search I was appalled, sickened, and disgusted. This "therapy" seems absolutely abusive. I am disturbed that such horrendous abusive of children exists in the name of therapy. To the 125 5 star reviewers of this book: once you understand Foster Cline's professional background and work, please reconsider following the methods outlined in this book.

Learn how to be a better parent is the greatest gift we can give our children
A Moment of Peace: Relaxation for Parents AudiobookA Moment of Peace: Relaxation for Children

I am a 58 yr old retired elem and preschool teacher, Love and Logic books and products and classes are absolutely excellent for both parents and educator. In my MANY years of dealing with children, I have found by far and away, Love and Logic is an excellent source,with real life examples, none of that fancy foo foo parenting advice that doesn't work. This helps one see the logic of a child and how to talk to them so they will behave and enjoy life. I can't speak highly enough of Love and Logic, I wish all parents would use it for the joy it might bring to their lives.

Book arrived in a few days and in great condition as promised. Thanks again 5/09

Please read what this book has to say about spanking:

"...remember the following rules if you decide you must spank:

- spank only when your child is under three years of age.
- spank only if you can do it in a painful way.
..."

I discovered this book when sorting out things to donate. But this one will go right in the trash - no need to pass this kind of 'wisdom' on to other parents.

Please - there is always a better solution than hitting our children.

This book is useless. I, like another reviewer, elected to recycle my copy, rather than sell it used and risk being responsible for someone actually following the crazy advice in here. The suggestions are unloving, irresponsible and not practical. This is also a Christian book, with a whole chapter about how to get your child to like going to church. The chapter opens by saying that all responsible parents want their child to go to church. This book is weird; don't buy it.

I bought this book because I had seen lots of recommendations on a message board I frequent. I bought a 1990 edition used, so maybe it's been toned down in the edition other people are lauding, but that's no excuse for the garbage inside. Maybe it's "positive" compared to physically punishing your child, but the recommendations are horrible. "No food until you do what I say" is one of the author's favorite all-purpose tactics. But all I should have to quote to give you the idea is this gem about dealing with adolescent crises: "To help us cope, we must always ask ourselves what the worst possible outcome of the crisis would be. Many times we find we are able to deal with that. Not to be flippant about it, but the worst possible outcome - death - is inevitable anyway and can be faced if we are ready to meet our Maker." All in the name of keeping the child's problem on the child, and not you.

Call me a helicopter parent, but I'm not willing to let my child experience DEATH in the name of learning to be responsible for their own problems. Read "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" (Faber & Mazlish) or "Kids Are Worth It!" (Barbara Coloroso) instead.

And I'm going to destroy my copy of the book rather than passing it on to charity. Somebody might read it and take it seriously. I don't want to be responsible for that.

Peace out.

As parents it's hard to do the right thing when it comes to discipline, especially when we let emotions direct our decisions. But this book helps us step back and really look at the logical thing to do. I've enjoyed reading it so far. Haben, AL

"Lisa," I said to my friend, "why would I want to reads this book? My daughter is quite grown up." Lisa, a teacher in Florida, had just finished a Love and Logic workshop in Colorado Springs and came by afterward for a couple of days to visit us. She brought Parenting with Love & Logic as a gift to me. "Just read it, you'll see." So, the good friend that I am, I did. I found it to be interesting and, when I applied some of the methods of communication outlined in the book to my granddaughters as well as the adults in my life, I found the results amazing. Yes, at first, I had to push my ego out of the way and had to quit the "but"s and "well"s to get to the point that this book isn't about someone else - what they do or don't do - but rather it is about me and how I communicate.

We inherit parenting methods from our parents, or whoever our primary caretaker was, and they may not have had the best skills in that area. They may have been "helicopter" or "Drill Sergeant" parents, or may have been absentees. In the context of a healthy, loving relationship, "Love and Logic" parents allow their children to make their own choices, solve their own problems and learn from the consequences (within safe parameters, of course). This method of parenting provides children with skills for coping in the real world and, ultimately, raises responsible children. The key to this is the way in which we communicate.

After laying out the principles of "Love and Logic," the authors provide "parenting pearls," which are strategies for applying the method to actual situations such as back-seat battles in the car, homework, and keeping bedrooms clean.

If you're looking for practical parenting advise, this book is a must. The pages are chock full of tips that you can implement right away with children, grandchildren, spouses and even your own parents.

As a parent with two happy, positive and productive adult daughters and a certified parent coach with a MSW, I find this parenting approach frightening...and the number of positive reviews makes me anxious about our society's future. The techniques recommended in this book border on emotionally abusive.....a little girl coming home from school to find her dog given away; locking a child in their bedroom/basement; selling your child's possessions so (s)he can pay to have you clean their room; refusing to react (or even comment) when you see your child hit another child. All of these actions definitely do not strike me as loving or logical and although the authors often use the word "empathy" I felt this was one quality their approach seriously lacks. And, after reading one reviewer's reference to Foster Cline's questionable experience running a youth facility in Colorado (where he apparently lost his license), one wonders how he failed to learn from the "consequences" of such a cruel, unloving approach to nurturing our next generation. Please, parents, consider other, much better, parenting books such as "The Highly Spirited Child", "The Explosive Child" and "Parenting from the Heart." When your children are adults and you have a close, loving relationship with them and can look back on wonderful family memories, you will be very glad you did.