I am in my mid 20's and found out that my husband had a 4 month affair in which his lover supposedly became pregnant with his child but ended up having an abortion. I found out about the whole thing 5 months later when her husband tracked me down at work to tell me. Let me just say that I was more than shocked. I plowed through all the chapters of this book (with exception of the forgiveness section...I am just not ready to read that yet). I am an avid reader and I found this easy to read. Many of the situations apply to people that have been married for quite a while and are older but the author did cover many types of affairs, reactions, emotions, etc that would apply to anyone wounded by any type of extra-maritial relationship. My husband (the cheater) has been slower to read it but does like how the book uses stories and facts and ties them together well. It hasn't replaced therapy (couples and individual for him) but it was a good jumping off point in terms of my sanity.

Unfortunately, I have to say this book amazingly accurate, I'd compare it to my journal if ever I had written one. Sometimes its funny, sometimes its nice to know Im not the only one, and sometimes I feel as if Dr. Glass were spying on me, too close for comfort. Its definitely a book I'd recommend whether you've had relationship problems or not, its a book everyone needs to read.

I bought this book because my life partner stated repeatedly that the OP and he were "just friends." I wanted to believe him so I kept ignoring all the signs that Dr. Glass discusses. Dr. Glass was relevant and insightful. The book is 425 pages but is a read quick. Before I discovered that my life partner was having an affair and that my best girl friend's husband was having an affair, I had no idea how rampant infidelity is. "Good people in good marriages are having affairs." Its amazing how our society condones the easy thing ---an affair. I wished that I would have known about "safe friendships" before all this happened. Dr. Glass does not have time to talk about recovering and healing adequately on your own. However, Dr. Glass does have other books that would probably be helpful. Her chapter regarding questions to ask after affair will be helpful once I am able to communicate with unfaithful one.

I never thought this would be me needing a book like this. My husband is not "the type" to have an affair, but he did. It blew my world apart. This book helped explain why it happened, how it was not because we had a bad marriage, how to recover, and it validated all the feelings and thoughts I was having. This book is truly amazing. Glass really left a gift for so many people in writing this book. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED and SO HELPFUL.

I just finished this book and what a Godsend. I found out my husband was having an emotional affair on March 31st of this year. An old high school girlfriend Googled him and they'd been talking for six months. He saw her in Feb. when he went to visit his brother for an ice fishing trip and they were planning on meeting in April for "more". About a month after he started talking to her I noticed he was distant, but thought it was because we'd just celebrated our 20th anniversary and things were getting old. Little did I know "she" entered the picture. On Jan. 1st I suspected he had a gf, but he called me crazy and paranoid. After reading this book so many things made sense and I was able to make sense of the mess my marriage had become.

He claimed he never intended for things to get out of hand and they were "just friends"at first. He told her we were having problems and he put up a wall between us and opened the window for her (this is in the book). My H has always had such strong morals and good character. He badmouthed everyone we have ever known to cheat, but here he turned around and did the very same thing. Of all people I TRULY never thought he would do this.

The only problem I had with the book is that the affair partner is talked about as being a single woman. In my case the other woman is married and has kids the same age as mine. She didn't plan on leaving her husband until her youngest was in college (in 5 years). She was ok with my husband meeting her 3 or 4 times per year until then. This woman is also a churchgoer, provides daycare in her home, prepares peoples taxes, lives in small town MN, was a soccer-mom, etc. I'm guessing she was bored and needed some excitement. Too bad she didn't realize that my husband made things sound so wonderful on the phone and online. Maybe if they lived with each other they would have realized that life is much more than what we can make the other believe.

My husband and I are trying to get our marriage back on track, but it's so hard because he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. From reading the book I understand this is natural for the betraying partner, but I need to talk and figure this stuff out. I asked my husband this week to read two of the last few chapters hoping he will understand my point. How am I to have compassion for him, as discussed in the book, if he doesn't have much for me?

Simply fantastic. Gives full credence to the pain the betrayed partner goes through without ripping up the betraying partner. Quotes statistics, is no nonsense, gives excellent PRACTICAL advice for how to move on. Even explains the point of view of the other woman or man-what they might have invested.

I have a master's degree, betraying partner has a PhD, between us we found most books too difficult to slog through. Not this book. Plain, simple, elegant, and willing to hope. I cannot say enough good about it. May buy a second copy just so my spouse can have own!

I think this book is very helpful,just a lot of info to take in at once. She bounces from one couple to another so it's hard to keep up with. I am trying to just take pieces of it that fit my situation. Not a book to be read quickly.

I never ordered this book. If some one bought it from you, it wasn't me.

This book is exactly what was needed for my boyfriend and I. The book references married couples, but our relationship is headed in that direction. We broke up 2 years prior based on an inappropriate relationship he had with another woman. We recently got back together but have had a difficult time moving past our previous issues. We got this book and have been reading it together. We are still in the first chapter but already it has made a big impact. We are talking more deeply and really setting up a solid foundation for our future. We are learning how to be unified by having appropriate boundaries with friends of the opposite sex.

I have also personally read the chapter on healing from the previous infidelity and it is right on target with how I feel and how I have been dealing with it. My BF skipped ahead and read some of it as well which gave him some insight on what I am going through. It helped him to realize that I am not irrational or paranoid. He has been able to step back and realize that the trust that was a given before has been damaged and is now in need of a rebuild. That rebuild occurs by steady and consistent acts of complete honesty and detailed openness.

The only negative I will say is that the author is a bit redundant. I believe she could have said all the same things in far fewer pages. I also feel she could've explored more specific 'appropriate/inappropriate' behaviors in dealing with the opposite sex. Other than that, the book is truly helpful and VERY accurate.

For anyone considering getting this book, I would like to say that it will only be effective if you are both committed to it. The book will cause you to really evaluate your friendships and will probably stir up some uncomfortable discussions, but in the end, it will allow you both to be clear in setting boundaries that will keep you dedicated to each other only. Blessings and well wishes to those that are dealing with this situation.

This is by far the best book that I have yet read on the subject of infidelity. I would recommend it to anyone trying to survive this challenge.

This book is very good for both partners in the damaged marriage, particularly in the early stages of discovery and reaction to the affair. It was very helpful in getting my spouse, who was involved in an emotional affair, to realize what he had become involved in, admit to it, and make a commitment to working on our marriage. I would highly recommend reading this book in conjunction with "Getting Past the Affair".

I wonder if anything can be more traumatic than the infidelity of the person you love and trust the most. If you are hoping to keep your relationship together, you can't risk sharing the private turmoil of emotions with your family, your children or your friends - those who would comfort and support you if your partner were ill or died. Nothing makes any sense.

I ran across a very helpful article by Shirley Glass on the Web. When I saw she had written a book, I couldn't get my hands on it fast enough. After reading just a little, I started flagging thoughts here and there that struck home. Pretty soon there was a sea of flags flapping off the pages! This is a really valuable work. There is so much insightful material in here; she is respectful of all parties, but helps shed light on the situation and bring a little sense into chaos. The hurt, the anger, the rage -- sleepless nights, weight loss, depression and despair are all normal, which is hard to know in the middle of such a desperately painful situation. I was often startled to read things that echoed my own thoughts, things that happened, things we talked about, and ways we behaved. I am going to reread it, especially all those flags; and I think I will have a new basis for some meaningful conversations. This book has been a great comfort to me; I got much more benefit from it than from a couple of sessions with a therapist. Dr. Glass explains the pitfalls of relationships that can develop into affairs; so one can be forewarned of the dangers and avoid those situations. She talks a lot about the healing process, and how it can take a long time. She helps you see what both parties need to do to make a sincere effort to reconcile. If it can't be worked out, she also discusses ways to eventually move on. This ought to be required reading for every couple; be aware that this can happen to anyone - even in a happy marriage. It's definitely a Must Read for anyone reeling from the hurt of an unfaithful spouse, anyone who has betrayed their partner, or even the affair partner (who incidentally is treated respectfully). In short, if you are struggling and suffering, this will help.

My husband had an affair with a co-worker for about a year and I just found out on July 1st of this year. The devastation felt was overwhelming and you cannot think straight nor understand the why of the entire thing. This book gave me a road map to understanding my husbands actions and weakness since we have been married for 30 yrs and he never did anything like this before. We had a happy and relatively good marriage so that made it more difficult to understand. It has helped both my husband and I to overcome the guilt, shame, anger and hurt that a betrayal of this type brings to a so called "Happily Married Couple." We are on the road to recovery and are closer and more intimate than we have been in years.

I hightly recommend this book to anyone who has been unfaithful or has been betrayed.

This book literally has saved our marriage. i read it and resumed some dignity from what I read, and my husband read it and is aware of the mistakes he has made and not even aware of it. Excellent book to read, before you decide to walk out that door.

I appreciate this book so much. Shirley Glass sure knows her stuff. I went through a nightmare of grief, feeling like my whole world had shattered this summer when I found out that my husband had been keeping secrets, having numerous emotional affairs during the past few years and a porn obsession. After giving his emotional energy to others and his sexual energy to porn, he had absolutely nothing left over for me, and our marriage of 26 years nearly ended. I no longer felt safe in the relationship and felt like I was going crazy. We're trying to get our relationship back on track and this book has been very educational and helpful in understanding infidelity, why affairs happen, how to prevent them from happening, and what to expect afterward. It was reassuring to know that I wasn't crazy--that the whirlwind of grief, anger, and other volatile emotions I was feeling was normal in the aftermath of such a betrayal. There is also a section on healing that I've found very helpful. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has suffered from an unfaithful spouse.

This is an excellent read for a person who has experienced a heart-breaking end to a relationship. Most of what is written is common sense but too often common sense flys out the window when a person is involved in a highly-charged, emotional break-up. I believe the book would benefit both men and women but I think it will draw its largest readership from women.

I am a very private person, even in my pain. However, the help this book provided me in the time of my crisis was irreplaceable and as I feel there may be others who are experiencing what I experienced or have gone through the pain of either emotional or sexual infidelity with their partners, my need to praise and review this book went beyond me and my need for privacy in order to possibly help someone else. From cover to cover it was as if Dr. Glass was reading my mind, the mind of my spouse, had already anticipated his and my actions and was uncovering the layers of the betrayal partner with precision, which as I unearthed more information, shined clear through like an xtray into her character and actions. This book helped me to calm my mind and spirit and understand the many angles that are created to birth the possibility of an affair into existence. My husband and I suffered some set backs, mostly related to the aspect of "lies of omission" and/or our being separated for four months, but Dr. Glass' book was with me and later us(he later agreed to read the book) each step with timely precision. Although it has been over three years since the disclosure of my spouse's emotionally intimate betrayal, which itself lasted for almost three years, I still find solice in Dr. Glass' work when "triggered" by certain reminders or behavior in myself or from my husband. She was a definite godsend to me at a time I thought my implicit trust was my own undoing. I literally cried when I found out she had passed. I felt her work blessed me that much. After 15 years of marriage, both I and my husband attempt to be vigilent in using many of the ideas and suggestions Dr. Glass puts forth in her book to maintain proper "windows" and "walls" with regards to our opposite sex relationships/friendships. Yes, it takes time to heal, learn to love your partner again and refocus on your relationship/marriage if it is truly what you want. I would also recommend this book as a gift to newly married couples or those embarking on an agreed long-term committed relationship. Lastly, as I recently learned the betrayal partner in my saga married just this year, I can only say that I hope if by chance she reads this, she has grown with integrity and has come to understand what it will take to keep her marriage safe, close and loving. Be forewarned, you(SBRDP)do not ever want to experience the pain and hurt which you caused me and my family not so long ago. ASE

I believe this book is wonderful and I enthusiastically recommend it. It is very readable, her opinions are well documented, her advice plausable and helpful. Her advice is non-judgemental. Sorry to hear of her recent death - she has helped many people.

Excellent book. Extremely helpful in explaining and understanding things from both sides. I highly recommend this book for anyone who has been through this experience. It perfectly describes many issues and how to heal.

This book is the absolute perfect, perfect, perfect book for anyone dealing with recovering from infidelity! It is worth more than any of the money we have spent in paying a therapist. She covers everything so thoroughly and helps the deceived partner to find a way to finally heal while also helping the involved partner to understand the depth of what they have done while also finding a way to rebuild their partner and themselves. It was a godsend!

This is the book that can benefit all the 3 parties in love triangle. I respect the author's thorough research, her calm tone. It's _the_ book looking for answers to your "why", "why me", "how could he do this to me", "what should I do" questions.

Useful, surprisingly honest information in a well-organized format. Shirley leaves no stone unturned when it comes to representing ALL sides of this emotionally charged situation.

Thank God for Shirley Glass and her work. This book was my biggest survival tool during the most confusing time of my life, after learning that my husband of five years had been having a two and a half year affair with a coworker that began while I was pregnant with our first (and only child). We have been recovering from this for one year now. I would say most of our success in healing over this past year was due to the "Not Just Friends Book" in addition to private therapy. My husband said this book helped him understand the dynamics of his own behavior, know that he wasn't the only person to fall into these confusing dynamics, and helped him have to courage to be honest with me and work towards repairing our marriage. The book helped me to feel normal in my overwhelming responses of grief, panic, and anger. It gave us hope that we could rebuild our life and family.

As a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist I work with many couples who are/have experienced affairs in their relationships. This book is very balanced and looks at both sides of the issue. Couples who have read it report they have found it very helpful in repairing the damage to their marriage caused by one partner's infidelity.

In my recovery from infidelity, I have read 20+ books on relationships, infidelity, self-esteem, you name it. This is, far and away, the best book I have read. It has given me so much insight into my behaviors, past and present; my partner's behaviors; and even the behaviors of the affair person. This book is transformational; my life has been changed, for the better, forever.

It's all about understanding, and getting to the core of why and how infidelites can occur in the strongest of marriages, even when the partners love each other very much.

I am sad that Ms. Glass passed away three years ago; I would love to send her a "thank you" note for such a wonderful, thoughtful book.

I consider this my textbook for recovery. All types of infidelity are aptly described, and the common traits in the cheating spouse, the affair partner and the betrayed are well illustrated. The research-based nature of the book is informative, comforting and easy to comprehend. It did not feel like just another therapist giving their two-cents on the subject. I plan on giving this book to friends and family members getting married. In fact, it should be required reading before the ceremony. The book is long, but don't let that intimidate you. As a betrayed spouse, I could hardly put it down until I learned all I could, and put myself on the road to recovery, even if not immediate reconciliation. If you can't afford a therapist, I doubt you could do better than this guide.

Glass has some good suggestions on how to rebuild your marriage after an affair, however she made some very troubling comments in regards to affairs with ex's and/or "Old Flames". Some of the comments almost seem to encourage affairs with Ex's. Her are a few examples:
1) Page 34 - If the old flames reconnection results in marriage these unions are highly SUCCESSFUL? How can she describe an adulterous affair that destroys a marriage and family SUCCESSFUL? 72% of rekindled romances stay together. If they were 1st loves, the stay-together rate is 78%.
2) Page 130 - "There is a 60 % divorce rate in 2nd marriages...unless you are marrying an old flame from your youth. The chapter notes state that the old flame marriages had a 72% stay together rate.
Chapter 15 talks about giving up and the steps to take to have a smooth divorce. Not a good chapter to read if you are trying to save your marriage.

The author understands something that many people overlook - the potential for an affair to start from an 'innocent' friendship. She has done much research (and cites it), and shows that she truly understands the inner workings of affairs and how they begin. I am grateful to her for helping me to voice my concerns and feelings to my spouse as we try to recover from his emotional affair (which was, thankfully, stopped before it progressed further). This book would be a help to anyone who feels their spouse doesn't know where the boundaries should be. It also is a help for those trying to understand the trauma of dealing with an affair, and is looking for ways to keep such a thing from ever happening again.

Marina Kushner
Author
The Truth About Caffeine: How Companies That Promote It Deceive Us and What We Can Do about It

Oh boy...Was I a mess after I found out about the affair. I couldn't stop obsessing about it and the anger stayed at the boiling point at our house. He was too immersed in shame to reach out and help. We wanted to save our relationship but weren't sure how. We couldn't manage a civil conversation about anything and I wanted to know every detail. I happened across a magazine article about cheating that suggested this book. I went straight home, ordered it, paid for overnight shipping, and started reading as soon as it arrived. It definitely helped me regain my sanity and helped us talk in a constuctive way so the healing could start. He wouldn't read the book but I shared the advice it gave and we both followed it. We've succeeded and strangely enough, are probably doing better now than before the affair. If you've been the victim of an affair and wonder when the pain will start to subside, I strongly suggest you order this book. When it arrives, put everything else aside and just read and read and start to regain your sanity.
Good luck to you!

I was quite impressed with this book, it is alot to get through, but focuses on the root of the problem and encourages self analysis. In effect giving you some pointers to be your own therapist, and work through the current siuation into the next phase of life after infidelity. I only give it four stars because it can be a little repeatative and doesn't focus much on the effects on and ways to deal with your children at this tough time.

This is the best book of the many I've read during this trying time. It made me feel as if there was hope of surviving this. My husband is reading it as well and agrees that it has gone the farthest in helping him to understand what happened. If you have even the smallest thought of saving your relationship, read this.

I found this book to be extremely helpful in my situation. More than once I was amazed to find exactly how I was feeling written in the pages. I think NOT "Just Friends" is very well written and easy to read. This book is very helpful in helping to identify and validate all the emotions that surface after an affair discovery. I would recommend it to anyone facing the aftermath of their partner having an affair.

The author understands something that many people overlook the potential for an affair to start from an innocent friendship. She has done much research, and shows that she truly understands the inner workings of affairs and how they begin. I am grateful to her for helping me to voice my concerns and feelings to my spouse as we try to recover from his emotional affair. This book would be a help to anyone who feels their spouse doesn't know where the boundaries should be. It also is a help for those trying to understand the trauma of dealing with an affair, and is looking for ways to keep such a thing from ever happening again.

I've only known of my husband's affair for about 6 weeks. It has floored me and has totally rocked my world. After reading this book, I realized I should have seen it coming. This book brought so much to my attention. While not a bad marriage, I wouldn't call my marriage good either. It ceratinly isn't what I wanted in a marriage. Some where along the way, we stopped really communicating and meeting each other's emotional needs...though I never stopped loving my husband.

One of the most stunning things I learned from the book was that I too had had an affair, an "emotional affair"...but I did not know that was what it was until I read this book. I have a very good male friend who became my number one confidant, when my husband was no longer meeting my emotional needs. We have talked about everything. We even talked about having a sexual affair, but both agreed it had the potential of ruining our friendship, so we drew the line there. Additionally, every time I'd spend time talking to my friend, I'd be wishing that it was my husband and I spending time together talking. Or when my friend would do something nice for me, I'd wonder why my husband didn't do things like that, and wish he would. The truth is, my friend was a stand-in for my husband, but I never saw him as being able to replace my husband because I absolutely love my husband.

Regardless of what I was "wishing for", I am positive this "emotional affair" played an indirect role in my husband's affair. By this I mean, it definitely played a role in weakening our marriage further, though I ABSOLUTELY do not take responsibility for the choice he made to enter in a sexual and emotional affair (the book really helped me to understand this concept). Since things were already rocky, as my friendship grew, my efforts to meet my husband's needs lessened. Like me, he found someone else who did meet his emotional needs. But he did not stop there. It became a strong emotional and sexual relationship. Though the sexual part of it angers me, it is less devastating to me than the lies and deception that were involved, the financial investment he made into the relationship, and the way his behavior changed during the affair. He was a Dr. Jeckyl/ Mr. Hyde. And that is what has really hurt me and our family.

So, the booked really helped me see the "whole" picture. Unfortunately, we are still uncertain if we will be able to save the marriage. We are still "together" and are seeing a counselor. But it is very early in the process. He admits he still loves me but he is also is experiencing ambivalence about his feeling for the affair partner and I am experiencing ambivalence about having him stay in the house while he works through what he wants.

The book does a good job explaining our current feelings and addressing the issues we are both dealing with right now, but it can't give us the answers as to what is the right thing for us to do. Only time and counseling will.

My husband has also read the book, up to the section about saving the marraige. It is helping him to open up and answer my questions and deal with my mood swings and trust issues. But until he decides what he really wants, we can not even visit if the marriage is salvageable.

So in conclusion, I do strongly recommend this book to all three parties involved, the betrayed, the person having the affair, and the affair partner. All will benefit from the insightful information it provides. One of the very best things about the book is all the real life examples that are shared. It helps you realize, you are not the only one this has happened to. And while the book can't make the decisions for you, it will help you understand what has happened, why it may have happened, and how to move forward with healing, either together or apart.

God Bless anyone having to deal with this very painful situation!

Out of the 4 books I purchased on this subject, this was far &
away the best. Comprehensive, detailed, and written in an
easy to read & understand fashion, the book was filled examples,
explanations & exercises to help understand, sort out & deal with the troubling emotions & questions one has after the revelation of an extramarital affair. A great help to those who
can't affort marriage counseling, a wonderful adjunct to counseling, and a must-read for premarital counseling.

I had shyed away from ordering this book because I thought it dealt just with "emotional affairs" and "involved affairs", and since I was dealing with multiple partner sexual addiction, it didn't seem a good choice.

I WAS WRONG!!! This book, especially chapters 4-10, is the best book on recovery I have read (and I've bought and read them all!). It really put words to my feelings, and reassured me that I wasn't crazy. I've asked my husband to read this - not to understand why he "did it", but to try to understand how I FEEL. If you buy only one book - get this one.

As someone who works with marriages of all types I found Shirley Glass's book to be the most helpful for dealing with infidelity. It is realistic in providing information and steps you can take in recovering from infidelity in your relationshiip.

If you purchase only one book on the subject be sure it is this one. Very comprehesive, free of jargon and inclusinve of almost anything you can think of on the matter of affairs. A book expecially for the professionals looking to learn about the nature and treatmeent of afairs without taking a week-long course. A gem.

I have read many books on this subject...this is the best. It helped me really understand about cheating. Not just from one view point, but from everyones view point. The cheaters involved and the ones who have been cheated on. This was such a help on my terrible journey.

I am a psychologist who works with individuals and couples. Infidelity (the major topic of this superb book) is a not infrequent issue. I heartily recommend this book to therapists and to couples; not just how to recover from infidelity, but what steps to take to diminish the likelihood of its occurrence.

This book is simply awesome and so practical. Other books that I bought after an unfortunate event in my personal life really didnt have any useful or helpful advice. "Not Just Friends" was the most straight forward ane real book on the topic. It opened my husbands eyes to how important our relationship was and how his actions were affecting our family in a negative way. The activities for couples to do were great for reconnecting and really helped us to grow stronger as a couple. I highly recommend this book!!

I don't know how I could have ever made it through without the aid of this book. Never have I read such helpful material on the subject! Love must be tough by Dr. James Dobson is also really wonderful. My husband and I are now healing and doing beautifully and my recovery from this truly traumatic event was helped tremendously by this book.

Dr Glass's book details exactly what the betrayed partner goes through as he/she is on the recovery process. This is a must-read for anyone who is in a relationship, thinking of getting married and especially those who are already married (no matter how many years they are married). It made me think of seriously saving up a fund for hiring private detectives just in case I suspect my husband (if and when I do get married) having an affair. :-)

I had been hearing the text book warning signs. My wife and her, "friend" traved everywhere together on business. I feared it would just be a matter of time before the unthinkable happened. I really hoped that I was wrong. Sure enough my world came crashing down when I walked in on my wife and her, "friend". Can I just say that I am so tired of the games that women play. I don't know that I will ever be able to trust another woman.

This book helped me to understand the motivation and the situation that encouraged her infidelity to happen. Even though the pain is still with me it has helped me tremendously to understand the background story. I have forgiven her but that worry and fear of her lies is really difficult to get past. One day at a time. Now that I am more aware of the signs and signals of what she's doing I hope to not have it happen again.

Sorry if I sound a little bitter but I'm sure you can understand if you're checking out this book for real.

Watch out when she says, "Just Friends".

I have to agree with the other reviewers that this is a very good book. I am a pretty tough critic, who reserves five stars for books that change my life. While this book fell just short of that classification, I can say that my life is a little easier/better after reading it.

If you are reading these reviews, you probably have some experience with the subject. For that, I offer you my condolences. The good news is two-fold. First, it gets better with time. Second, books like this one can help you along the way.

Dr. Glass makes no secret of the fact that she is a big advocate of trying to fix the relationship. Therefore, roughly half of the book is devoted to doing that. She also does not hesitate to say when she is not in the majority about some issue. That is, several times she says what most therapists believe, and then explains why she feels otherwise. It's nice to get both sides of the story so you can make your own decision...most of the time I agreed with the author.

But what I like most about this book is that it gives the perspective of all those involved. It covers the betrayed, the betrayer, and the outsider who the betrayer had the affair with. Therefore, it helps you look at the situation from the other person's point of view. While you might think you don't care about his/her side of the story, it is really important for your own "recovery."

This is the book for you if you are struggling with questions like: Why did this happen? What do we do now? Is the marriage worth trying to save? If so, how do we do it? I personally did not read all of the chapters. My marriage is long over and I was just looking for a book to help give me closure. I think this did it for me. I kind of wish I had found this book shortly after my ex-wife's affair. It might not have changed whether or not we would have stayed together, but it would have made the last nine months a whole lot easier.

What sold me on this book is that it is entirely based on scientifically, fact-based research, not on assumptions and personal preferences. Infidelity has been in my life since 1955, when I was 2 1/2 years old and I have experienced the damage and suffering that come from social blame and misconceived notions on how to understand this phenomenon. This masterpiece on infidelity resonated with me throughout its entirety, especially with the bold and absolutely accurate position that it is vital to get the detailed story of the actual infidelity out and into the open in order for the healing to begin. I would urge everyone to read this book!

Ingrid J. Melenbacker, NCC, M.EdHD

The author, although no longer alive, brings a good book to help people recover from infidelity. After a recent break up, the suggestions given are great if you want to work it out with someone.

Another book, along with this one that has given me incredible advice is called Stop Being the String Along. I think both books bring fantastic insight as to what to do to truly recover your sanity.

My wife and I have been struggling for over 3 years, when I began to research this topic. I got this book, and it was as if the author wrote this book for me. Even down to the words that my wife and I were using. The problems between each other, the obsessiveness, why I was so susceptible to this and I had not idea. I have just read this book, and I usually do not overstate or over dramatize things, but this book right now has been the most beneficial, most helpful book I have ever read.