This books gives excellent insight into the difficult task of navigating a two-household family. It not only provides the reader practical tools for easing the transition for their children, but also addresses the necessary relationship between you and your ex-spouse. 'Mom's House, Dad's House' hits the key topics co-parenting in a straightforward but insightful way.

Still reading this, but so far is a good book. Very imfomative and got it so fast after ordering!

Thank you for getting the book to me in a timely manner and good condition.

Start the divorce off right if that is possible. Especially when comes to the kids. As a man who has custody of OUR child I respect and appreciate this books insights. You see that this is the norm for different situations so one can watch for it and react appropriately. If you cant be friend's then you as matter as well be "corporate friends" and try to make things work for your kids sake. You would'nt be rude or demeaning to another co-worker so dont treat your ex-spouse that way either. Good luck!

My five-year-old daughter's dad and I have joint custody and joint placement. Therefore, my daughter travels between our houses (about 8 blocks apart) every few days. I was hoping this book would help her dad and I make the most of our daughter's situation, but it seems to focus on parents who do not get along. Perhaps, because my daughter does not remember ever having two parents in the same home, this book isn't as relevant to her as it may be for some. The book seemed to focus on picking up the pieces, rather than just growing as a nontraditional family. I will say one positive thing: the book stresses avoiding the use of "ex husband" and "ex wife" and replacing with "my daughter's dad". I feel that makes for a better situation.

I realize that I have only read a couple chapters so far, but I see an extreme bias that paints the father as the parent that only gets visitation rights and has no interest in his children. This is just my opinion, but every story in the beginning of the book came across this way to me.

Hopefully further reading will offer some advice to something similar to my situation - a father that has custody of his daughters after his ex decided that she was gay after a happy 14 year marriage and asked for a divorce. Times have changed, it isn't always the mother that has primary custody anymore.

I tell everyone of my client's to get this book and follow the advice of Dr. Ricci to establish a co-parenting relationship after the divorce.

I tell everyone of my client's to get this book and follow the advice of Dr. Ricci to establish a co-parenting relationship after the divorce.

When my wife told me she wanted a divorce, I almost immediately grabbed every book I could find on resurrecting a marriage and handling a breakup with kids. I had plenty of time to read suddenly, after all. I found this book to be not only the most effective in handling kidds, but probably contained the best advice on keeping the marriage together. Alas, it was not meant to be.

A key thing: my children's mother and I have always wanted to be civil with one another. I recognize that many relationships do not end this way, and many parents are abusive or neglectful. There are other books that are better for handling those types of situations. For example, "Where's Daddy?" by Jill Curtis is likely to be helpful for a mother dealing with an absent or abusive father; for me it was not very helpful.

This book can be key in helping a couple that doesn't want their divorce to turn so sour that they can't stand each other's sight. It is helpful in handling each parent's relationship with their children, and their relationship with each other.

If you are already hunkered down in the middle of a war, this book may not be right for you; if you are trying to avoid getting into that situation in the first place, this book should be at the top of your list.

When my wife told me she wanted a divorce, I almost immediately grabbed every book I could find on resurrecting a marriage and handling a breakup with kids. I had plenty of time to read suddenly, after all. I found this book to be not only the most effective in handling kidds, but probably contained the best advice on keeping the marriage together. Alas, it was not meant to be.

A key thing: my children's mother and I have always wanted to be civil with one another. I recognize that many relationships do not end this way, and many parents are abusive or neglectful. There are other books that are better for handling those types of situations. For example, "Where's Daddy?" by Jill Curtis is likely to be helpful for a mother dealing with an absent or abusive father; for me it was not very helpful.

This book can be key in helping a couple that doesn't want their divorce to turn so sour that they can't stand each other's sight. It is helpful in handling each parent's relationship with their children, and their relationship with each other.

If you are already hunkered down in the middle of a war, this book may not be right for you; if you are trying to avoid getting into that situation in the first place, this book should be at the top of your list.

This is my first choice for book recommendations in my practice for divorcing families. It is a blueprint for how to raise a well adjusted child in two homes. If divorced parents only followed the advice in this book divorce would not be so tragic for children. This book advocates putting the child first and tells parent how to behave civilly and work co-operatively with the other parent for the sake of the child, telling parents what to do and what to say that keeps your child out of the middle of the anger between former spouses. This book is for every divorcing family regardless of your unique circumstances.

This is my first choice for book recommendations in my practice for divorcing families. It is a blueprint for how to raise a well adjusted child in two homes. If divorced parents only followed the advice in this book divorce would not be so tragic for children. This book advocates putting the child first and tells parent how to behave civilly and work co-operatively with the other parent for the sake of the child, telling parents what to do and what to say that keeps your child out of the middle of the anger between former spouses. This book is for every divorcing family regardless of your unique circumstances.

This book breaks down the basics for families living under two roofs. It simplifies a very complicated, emotional process with rational, logical solutions. It is a must for any parents who share custody of their children. It will keep your decision-making based on what's best for the children and not about parental conflicts. A must-read for all shared custody families.

This is an excellent book that every parent should read. The book teaches you that divorce is like death and there are steps which must be taken in order to get through the process properly. I even gave a copy to my husband's ex-wife for Christmas.

I just needed something that reaches some broader topics. I have referred it to people who weren't facing all the problems I was. This is a nice book.

I bought this book in the midst of a custody case for my husband's daughter. The description of the book, chapter titles, etc., made it sound like exactly the information I was looking for to help us through a very rough time and give us some ideas on how to improve communication and ease tension.
However, I finished this book feeling a little let down and confused. As another reviewer pointed out, if the people in the book were able to work so well together while getting divorced, why did they not attempt to remain together and seek counseling/structure for their marriage? The ultimate dream of any small child with divorcing parents is for them to remain together.
Also, it seemed like 90% of the examples of families/home structures in this book had the children living with their mother, and the father as the non-custodial parent. Although my husband did not ultimately get custody of his daughter, he is a wonderful father, and we know many dads who have physical custody. A few more examples of kids living primarily with their father would have been nice. As a parent, I can definitely say that I don't believe a mother loves a child any more than a father does. There is a special bond for a woman and her children to be sure, but there is just as special and loving bond between father and child.
While the real-life examples conveyed the anger and frustration of divorce, there wasn't much about custody cases. This was a topic that was supposed to be covered in this book, and it was only lightly touched upon. Dr. Ricci would have done more of a service to the readers of the book if she had touched on any and all scenarios of divorce/custody/visitation.
I believe there is always room to grow as a person and as a family. This is not a bad resource, but check it out from the library rather than buy it, and look into other materials as I am.

I bought this book in the midst of a custody case for my husband's daughter. The description of the book, chapter titles, etc., made it sound like exactly the information I was looking for to help us through a very rough time and give us some ideas on how to improve communication and ease tension.
However, I finished this book feeling a little let down and confused. As another reviewer pointed out, if the people in the book were able to work so well together while getting divorced, why did they not attempt to remain together and seek counseling/structure for their marriage? The ultimate dream of any small child with divorcing parents is for them to remain together.
Also, it seemed like 90% of the examples of families/home structures in this book had the children living with their mother, and the father as the non-custodial parent. Although my husband did not ultimately get custody of his daughter, he is a wonderful father, and we know many dads who have physical custody. A few more examples of kids living primarily with their father would have been nice. As a parent, I can definitely say that I don't believe a mother loves a child any more than a father does. There is a special bond for a woman and her children to be sure, but there is just as special and loving bond between father and child.
While the real-life examples conveyed the anger and frustration of divorce, there wasn't much about custody cases. This was a topic that was supposed to be covered in this book, and it was only lightly touched upon. Dr. Ricci would have done more of a service to the readers of the book if she had touched on any and all scenarios of divorce/custody/visitation.
I believe there is always room to grow as a person and as a family. This is not a bad resource, but check it out from the library rather than buy it, and look into other materials as I am.

Mom's House, Dad's House is an island of rational ideas and support in a sea of self help books. Dr. Ricci presents concepts and advice that supported us in re-building our relationship while going through a divorce with three children. Almost every issue we struggled with (and we did struggle) was covered in the book. Her input regarding 'emotional' divorce paved the way to our new and very constructive 'business' relationship. We are now actually communicating better that when married. The children are the true beneficiaries of our using this book.

I think this is an extraordinarily valuable book. This was my guide through a very painful process, perhaps the single most difficult thing I've ever experienced.

I think the book correctly takes the high road, and focuses on the right things. This book won't heal your hurts, it's not supposed to do that. It can help you get on with life. And, my circumstances were very, very painful - involving addiction, infidelity and deceit. I chose to be an adult, and keep my kids out of the process. Thanks to this book, I was able to avoid a lot of the "battling tops" games that typically arise in these situations. I got down to business, put my emotions in check, and got it done. And, I'm a MUCH happier person today.

And, the proof is in the pudding: my kids about got STRAIGHT A's, DURING the divorce process. Their lives continued, while Mom and Dad figured it out, as adults, away from them. That's how it should be, they're the innocent victims. There were no games, no using the kids, no yelling. My ex and I crafted a very unique parenting plan, that was applauded by our attorneys AND the Judge.

I can see from the dates on the 5 Star reviews that this book was more valuable in the 70's. The attitudes in our society and the legal arena have moved way past this book.

Mom's House, Dad's House by Isolina Ricci: I did not find this book remotely helpful and, by contrast, found it did a diservice to the process in which I was engaged when my ex walked out on my kids and me. Parents who can get along as well as Ricci purports ought not to have divorced in the first place (read Hendrix for more info on keeping the love you find). When a divorce is an action of intentional abuse, as many are (an affair is abusive as is the "walk-away" concept), and is an act of grossly misdirected anger, no amount of co-parenting, negotiation, or mediation will ever effect an equally loving, shared responsibility toward the children nor will it effect any healing between the estranged parent and the grieving children. Ricci's book and her advice simply makes for more frustration and heartache to hope that a fundamentally abusive person could offer the kind of nurturing, structure, and love that a child needs (and be willing to keep up his end of an agreement).

I think that Mom's House, Dad's House by Isolina Ricci does a huge diservice to those Moms who really ARE working their tails off to do the best possible job of parenting their children and I think it also misguidedly reinforces the notion that shared custody is healthier for children in all situations. It is not. The best family has an intact marriage where couples are willing to go the last mile to openly communicate and treat each other with respect and equality in working out inevitable power struggles. If two people can do what she purports in this book, they ought never to have divorced in the first place. Divorce is mostly (though not always) an immature way to deal with relationships and parenting. True growth happens within the context of commitment to the marriage and to the children. This book is also somewhat "anti-woman" since we often end up with sole custody. While this approach may work in a handful of split families, this is a highly unrealistic view of post-divorce life and seems to be more of a text designed to earn money for the author than to provide help for families.

Mom's House, Dad's House by Isolina Ricci: I did not find this book remotely helpful and, by contrast, found it did a diservice to the process in which I was engaged when my ex walked out on my kids and me. Parents who can get along as well as Ricci purports ought not to have divorced in the first place (read Hendrix for more info on keeping the love you find). When a divorce is an action of intentional abuse, as many are (an affair is abusive as is the "walk-away" concept), and is an act of grossly misdirected anger, no amount of co-parenting, negotiation, or mediation will ever effect an equally loving, shared responsibility toward the children nor will it effect any healing between the estranged parent and the grieving children. Ricci's book and her advice simply makes for more frustration and heartache to hope that a fundamentally abusive person could offer the kind of nurturing, structure, and love that a child needs (and be willing to keep up his end of an agreement).

I think that Mom's House, Dad's House by Isolina Ricci does a huge diservice to those Moms who really ARE working their tails off to do the best possible job of parenting their children and I think it also misguidedly reinforces the notion that shared custody is healthier for children in all situations. It is not. The best family has an intact marriage where couples are willing to go the last mile to openly communicate and treat each other with respect and equality in working out inevitable power struggles. If two people can do what she purports in this book, they ought never to have divorced in the first place. Divorce is mostly (though not always) an immature way to deal with relationships and parenting. True growth happens within the context of commitment to the marriage and to the children. This book is also somewhat "anti-woman" since we often end up with sole custody. While this approach may work in a handful of split families, this is a highly unrealistic view of post-divorce life and seems to be more of a text designed to earn money for the author than to provide help for families.

1997 information just doesn't cut it for 2003. This is a nice book for a nice person, dealing with a nice person. That's not what I am facing. I found "Fathers' Rights: Hard-Hitting & Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute by Jeffery M. Leving" a better book for me because I face a woman in court. I also bought "Win Your Child Custody War: Child Custody Help SourceBook by Charlette Hardwick" by far the best book if you are in the same hell as I am. I am in this for the long run. I love my kids and they need me in their lives and I need them in my life no matter what their mother thinks. I am a good man and a great dad. I will win and I will be the best custodial dad and co-parent on this planet.

1997 information just doesn't cut it for 2003. This is a nice book for a nice person, dealing with a nice person. That's not what I am facing. I found "Fathers' Rights: Hard-Hitting & Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute by Jeffery M. Leving" a better book for me because I face a woman in court. I also bought "Win Your Child Custody War: Child Custody Help SourceBook by Charlette Hardwick" by far the best book if you are in the same hell as I am. I am in this for the long run. I love my kids and they need me in their lives and I need them in my life no matter what their mother thinks. I am a good man and a great dad. I will win and I will be the best custodial dad and co-parent on this planet.

I don't care if this was supposedly "Revised and expanded" it's still something that does not have enough relevant information for our time in the 21st century. If you want books that can help try finding something no more than a couple years old!!

This book must have been written in a vacuum. Things are just not this simple as this book makes it look. Don't waste your money on this book. There are much better on the market. They cost more but they give you more.

I am going through a divorce that is a little sticky but not horrible. We have one child, and I looked to this book to help me and my wife devise a great dual-home for our child. I actually found the book did not help me at all because the perspective is from a much harsher divorce. So, if you are in the middle of a slightly ugly divorce, this might be helpful, but otherwise, I'm not sure. Let's put it this way--the title makes it sound like a slam-dunk, but unless your situation is just like the one(s) presented, you may find it just a waste of money. I'm looking for another book on single-fatherhood and saw this title, and thought I should write this note so that lots more people don't have the same experience. Good luck.

hello! i'd like to have under and support child through to my an adorable kid through to being good parents with our beautiful and good-looking lovely and an adorable kid to me and being parents, though! thank you for my pleasure through to being an adorable kid through parents and my beautiful kid's child support, although! therefore i say, i've always loved my beautiful and an angel beautiful lovely adorable kid through to me and being parents,too. god blesses you, amen!

honestly sincerely,
michelle II (benz) stutzman as good daughter and good being mommy through to my an adorable kid and being good parents,though!

If you're committed to the idea of joint custody, this book is a handy guide. However, for those of us whose ex-spouses aren't up to the job--logistically, emotionally, psychologically, morally or geographically--this book does the serious disservice of presenting "primary parents" as vengeful, short-sighted and selfish. It's simply not so in many, many cases. Also, I question the assumption that all children thrive under and prefer shared custody arrangements. I've known several children (now adults) who've lived with these arrangements and have literally hated every minute. I'm not trashing shared custody--or this book, for that matter. But Ricci's perspective is not balanced; it's biased and, in my opinion, without credible evidence that this program is necessarily the best--or even humane--for all kids and their families.

If parents can get along as well as Ricci purports in this book, then I don't see why they would have ever gotten divorced. While I do think that parents need to make the children a priority in divorce, this book can tend to make divorced parents feel like failures if they do miss their children when they are visiting the other parent or make custodial parents feel guilty for having primary custody. Her stories of how divorced mates still love each other and admire each other from afar and work together in harmony for the sake of the children tend to read more like a fairy tale than the reality of most divorce situations.

This book fails to address issues of selfish parents and what to do with an ex spouse who is bitter and angry and consistently uses the child(ren) as a weapon(s). The book tends to villainize parents with primary custody, making them sound like selfish control freaks who only have their own interests at heart and not their child's. In most cases that I have seen, this is far from the truth and joint custody isn't nearly as rosy as Ricci claims it can be.

If you can pull it off, I give you lots of credit. But very few divorced parents that I know can do this successfully.

This book has been like a friend to me during difficult times. I recommend it to everyone who's going through the hardship of separation and not only wants the best for his or her children, but also has to deal with feelings of guilt over their children's future.

This book has been a godsend! The insight that is brought to light in each chapter has made this book a staple in my home! So many times during the divorce process ugliness emerges when least expected. Having read this book has allowed me to avoid many potential bad encounters with the ex. This book will be the best investment you can make as you, and your children, go through the divorce process!

Not only did I read this as I was going through separation and divorce, I have picked it up numerous times since to refresh my memory and keep my priorities straight and my head & heart in the right place. Dr. Ricci's advice is just as useful as your needs change and your kids grow, too. If you have kids and are separating/divorcing, this book will walk you through every step, as well as give you immediately applicable information on setting up two homes for your children in the best possible way for them, and for you.

In the process of my divorce, I checked every resource I could find - in libraries, at the book store, publications from organizations...

Most of them I skimmed and saved references to the useful information. This was about the only book that made me stop and read it from cover to cover.

It's incredibly complete, with realistic advice on how to approach each situation that arises.

my husband and i are going through visitation problems and this book helped us to understand why some things are the way they are.

Realistic for today's world. Sure, it would be nice if we all lived in the Leave-it-to-Beaver world with the white picket fence - but we don't. Instead of suffering guilt and pain, figure out how to make a shared parenting arrangement work for everyone. Even tells you what words and phrases are most beneficial. To maintan consistent discipline I'd also suggest: Perfect Parenting by Elizabeth Pantley - buy two copies and share one with your ex!

I cringed when I heard a divorced friend of mine complain that his wife was unfairly accusing him of taking all the best stuff when they divorced, because she "got" the kids. How awful for children to be things to be won. Kids need homes and parents, and this book will help parents caught up in the current culture of "winning custody" to understand that "reasonable visitation" is a rotten way for kids to relate to their parents.

This book effectively explains what parents can do to help their kids feel loved and important and continue meaningful relationships with both parents. I highly recommend it to any divorced or divorcing parent who is committed to minimizing the divorce's negative effects on their children. The author's ideal of "two homes with no fighting" is right on track.

I also highly recommend Dr. Richard Warshak's "The Custody Revolution: the Father Factor and the Motherhood Mystique."

I felt the book relied far too heavily on a parents guilt about what he/she could/could not provide, depending on that parent's custody arrangement. From an objective stand-point, ie: step-parent of 2 non-custodial children, the guilt issue is far too overplayed. Get over the guilt & deal with what is feasible for either parent to do for both the children AND themselves. Sure, the children are important...but so are the parents...and I have not seen that mentioned anywhere in this publication. Are the parents of these children really so unimportant that their own well being doesn't matter? Are the children so important that it's ok for the parents to put aside their own needs in favor of what a child wants? I don't think there's much of a balance in this book. It's all very one sided...and not a terrific over-view of what really happens once one parent re-marries!

I have to say that I am currently in the process and almost finished reading the original Mom's House, Dad's House - Making Shared Custody Work and I cannot emphasize enough how much it has changed my belief system on shared placement (responsibilities). The very first page of Chap. 1 made me cry. My main concern was that our son (4 1/2) feel as though he had a place HE could call HOME. I felt that flip flopping back and forth on the current 5,5,2,2 day schedule was unstable for him. I feel as though an angel touched me on the shoulder and brought this book into my life. My view instantly changed about shared placement when the little girl from Chap. 1 responds to the businessman on the airplane that she has two "real" homes. I tear up thinking about each time. I no longer feel that our son should be placed primarily with me - that he will have 2 homes - 2 families and that is wonderful for him. I especially love the use of "rose" words and changing ! such terms of "visiting" to "living with" each parent. I have already implemented the use of these terms. The surveys are also wonderful self examinations that (if answered truthfully) will be so educational for you. The use of a "Parent Agreement" is also something I think is wonderful. I have already typed the initial draft and I plan to approach my child's father with it and get his input. It was great to see the different stages literally mapped out for you. I also enjoyed the chapter on changing your once intimate relationship into a business relationship and avoiding the negative intimacy that can be so prevalent in these situations and how to avoid "hot spots".

I cannot emphasize how inspirational this book has been for me!! I would and do strongly recommend this book to anyone thinking about, in the process of, or in a post-divorce situation. I believe you are guaranteed to learn more than you could possibly expect to - but you! will. Just sit back - open your mind - and the education w! ill be unlimited!!! God bless all of you who are facing any part of a separation or divorce in your lives. My prayers are with all of you and your children.

This book is THE seminal work, a handbook for getting along and raising sane children in the wake of a divorce. Dr. Ricci explains, in plain language, the root causes of post-divorce strife. The author then continues to point out the specific techniques parents can use to establish a working, cooperative relationship with each other. A MUST READ for any divorced parent!
--Brent Wellman, F.R.E.E.

This book is a new, revised and updated edition of the book of the same name originally published in 1980. Dr. Ricci heads the Statewide Office of Family Court Services for California'as 82 family courts and has been a licensed marriage and family therapist for 22 years. The material for Mom's House, Dad's House came out of her experience as a therapist and mediator, teaching seminars and classes for divorcing parents. From her students and clients she learned how difficult and complex it could be for divorcing parents to pull away from their former intimate relationships and reorganize their lives. The present volume is a distillation of all that Dr. Ricci learned in those early and in subsequent years. Its goal is to inform divorcing, separated, or remarried parents on how to constructively heal the wounds of separation and establish a healthy new life for their children. Dr. Ricci argues that, contrary to traditionally accepted beliefs that divorce means destruction of the family, a new kind of really workable and satisfying family life can be created for a child while parents maintain separate residences. Reaching this state is, however, not easy. It involves an understanding by both parents of their mutual goals, and much hard work at "pre-separation boot camp" to actualize these goals. This is a painful process where former intimacy is replaced by a business-like approach with the needs of the child rather than those of the parents being paramount. The rewards to all parties are, however, enormous. Fortunately, as difficult as the process of separation may be, Dr. Ricci leads us through it in great detail, dissolving commonly held myths, describing the various stages of separation and the problems inherent in each, how to set up separate residences and still maintain a "family," and the path out of our irrational negative intimacy to a rational relationship. Her points are well-illustrated throug the felicitous and ample use of quotes from clients. Also included are sections on the all-important legal side of separation and divorce and how to make it work for you, the divorcing parent, rather than for attorneys. The basic elements of parenting plans and agreements "the most important legal document when it is filed" are well-described in great detail and are alone worth the price of the book. Post-separation problems include those of the parent who fades out of the picture and their possible re-entry into the family relationship are well-described as are the wherefores of developing an extended family and acquaintance network, long-distance parenting, and difficulties involved in moving on. remarriage, dealing with "flashbacks" to the original relationship and former family life, and all the other problems one is likely to encounter even years after a divorce. Finally, for the layman who wishes to know more and for the professional, there are sections of detailed chapter notes, further reading, and appendices on information for your child's school, how to find a knowledgeable attorney, the costs of raising children, ideas for customized private clauses for private contracts, a mediation confidentiality agreement,and a guide for choosing child care. An index completes this exceptionally well-written and edited book. I have no hesitation in highly recommending Mom's House, Dad's House to anyone contemplating or involved in separation from a marriage. Indeed, I would even consider it must reading for anyone thinking of having children, to educate them as to the seriousness of bringing a child into the world. After all, you may be the one in two couples whose relationship will end in separation. My only regret is that this book was not yet in print when I separated from a former wife years ago when we had two children. Much emotional trauma all around could have been avoided or ameliorated if we had had Dr. Ricci's wisdom and practical suggestions then. Separation and divorce will never be a pleasure for anyone with children, but armed with MOM'S HOUSE, DAD'S HOUSE, it no longer has to take its vicious emotional toll. In both my professional life as a psychiatrist and in my personal life, I recommend this book to everyone. Richard A. Blasband, M.D.

The second edition is a welcome addition to my reference bookshelf, where the first edition has been sitting for two years, because I refer to it frequently.What it does is sort out the complexities of the whole process of disentangling and making a new life for yourself when you "break up", while maintaining a two-parent life for your children. It addresses the overwhelming decisions and crushing emotions that paralyze us, force us into hasty decisions and bad judgments, and send us running to someone else to make those decisions, or leave us depressed, immobile, or worse. Reading this book gave me a road map, a feeling that the author has seen thousands of people go through this process and can tell us what helps and what works. My experience is that this book works, I wish I had had it going INTO my marriage. There are no cure-alls here. Many of the suggestions take extensive time and thought, but the author persuaded me that if I didn't do it now, I'd still be dealing with the same issues in five or ten years. My stepchildren and lots of 30 and 40-year-olds are still dealing with their PARENTS' divorce. As soon as I started making lists for meetings, prioritizing my issues, ticking off the items in the parenting agreement that would and wouldn't be big issues in my particular situation, I felt better. Once in the process of working through my "family change" using the book, I understood that each small accomplishment builds you up for the next one and is basically creating your new life for you as you deal with the immediate issues of finances, custody, how to have a conversation with your ex, and how to recognize the parallel path your children are traveling with all of their specific problems (different from the parents'). This book gave me the confidence that if I just kept slogging through, eventually it would get me through the tying up of all those loose and messy ends that lie around for years. For those who want a decent divorce, to heal all family members as much as possible, and learn how to have better relationships, this book is the original guide. After reading twelve other books about divorce and family, I keep coming back to this one, the mother lode.