This book changed the way I relate to men. The techniques really work and I wish I would've read this book 20 years ago. I realized I can be feminine and receive love. I can allow a man to help me and not do everything myself. Since reading the book I've really enjoyed my new dating life and love being more feminine and having the ability to attract men. It's a lot more fun. I look forward to reading and learning more from this author.

This book changed the way I relate to men. The techniques really work and I wish I would've read this book 20 years ago. I realized I can be feminine and receive love. I can allow a man to help me and not do everything myself. Since reading the book I've really enjoyed my new dating life and love being more feminine and having the ability to attract men. It's a lot more fun. I look forward to reading and learning more from this author.

John Gray's book emphasizes open communication in his book between men and women This is clearly important.

But, the open communication isn't so open at times. Gray doesn't encourage being candid at times. This is a slippery slope. For example, Gray says that if a man is late because of an accident on a bridge, he should apologize without explaining the reason for being late, and the woman should be nonjudgmental. Is this communication relationship enhancing?

Also, he frequently over emphasizes the differerences in men and women without acknowledging their similarities enough. For example, Gray's simplistic view of men as the wrongdoers in relationships and women as the saviors weakens the material. He explains in detail how men should learn to apologize and women should learn to forgive, but not vice versa. We all make mistakes in relationships and both parties need to learn the importance of sincere apology and forgiveness.

Good communication is clearly important in any relationship and I applaud John Gray's attempt to get couples to communicate, but emphasizing non candid behaviors dilutes the main message of the book.

Also, stereotyping the sexes can lead to polarization and a breakdown in communication. Understanding gender differences is important, but equally important is the acceptance and celebration of our similarities.

The Re-Discovery of Common Sense: A Guide to: The Lost Art of Critical Thinking

Do you have this book on your shelf? If you don't, order it NOW. It will help you put the understanding and FUN back in dating. Gray makes it so clear on how to understand men and women; you don't even know you are learning.

Dating skills seem so obvious once he points them out, but I wish I would have read this book yearsss ago. ~

Order today, you won't regret it!

Merna Throne

I hated the book, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus........... However, this book really seemed right on. Great insight for women on how men think, how men date, when and when not to call and the especially important, "Stage Two: Uncertainty period". Explains why men wait to get involved, etc. If you are baffled about men like I was, this book is worth it's weight in gold.

This book is full of stuff I already knew but didn't know I did. After reading this book my eyes were opened. I read this book not necessarily to improve or satisfy a relationship's needs but as a player. This book is full of great ideas to satisfy a woman's needs so you can satisfy yours. Just be careful because women may fall in love with you and it will be hard to get them off your jock.

i never learned to date. it's good to have some insight. it's opened my eyes to improving myself as a dater--and i'm seeing the fruits of those improvements.

This is one of those books that improved my life.

If your boyfriends or ex-boyfriends always try to guess what you think, always give in when you have a fight, and you take that for granted, this is a book for you. In my case, it helped me to understand my boyfriends who do not do these for me. It does not mean they care less. Those are typical things guys do, and it is just the difference between men and women. I recommended my boyfriend to read this book too. Initially he was skeptical, but after he read it, he thought it definitely helped especially on what to do when I am upset. It helped our relationship.


If you are a girl and have problems dealing with your female colleague, or female bosses, this book could help too. It helps me understand women's perspective better from a third person's angle. This book helped me to communicate better with my boss, especially when she was angry or grumpy. Apologize first, let her understand she has the right to be angry, and then explain or not. It worked like magic.

This is an excellent book that helps a lot to manage the many challenges of the dating process. I recommend it as well as I recommned Women are from Mars and Men are from Venus.

This could have saved me SO MUCH heartache had I known the difference between men and women when I first started dating. Even though I had brothers I had NO IDEA that they are all hardwired to see the world differently. Could have spared myself and my partners a lot of arguments and hurt feelings.

Please pass this on to anyone who is about to date.

I love this book. Well not the whole book, but the first half anyway. Gray has a view of relationships that is right on target. And he can say it with great skill in about 100 pages. Then he either repeats himself or climbs out on the edge. But no one is better at making sense of this subject and in this book he's at his best. Expect to stop after every chapter and say "Oh, that's why she acted that way." So fellas, please read this book and the Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus book. The rest of his writtings are just the same stuff rewritten, which is pretty disappointing considering the great insight Gray has. And guys - when your done with this book, read The Rules. Between this book and The Rules, you'll understand dating and women much more than women want you to.

I love this book. Well not the whole book, but the first half anyway. Gray has a view of relationships that is right on target. And he can say it with great skill in about 100 pages. Then he either repeats himself or climbs out on the edge. But no one is better at making sense of this subject and in this book he's at his best. Expect to stop after every chapter and say "Oh, that's why she acted that way." So fellas, please read this book and the Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus book. The rest of his writtings are just the same stuff rewritten, which is pretty disappointing considering the great insight Gray has. And guys - when your done with this book, read The Rules. Between this book and The Rules, you'll understand dating and women much more than women want you to.

This Mars & Venus book builds on the information in the original John Gray book, and applies it to how men and women behave differently once they begin dating.

This book explains the five stages of dating (attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, engagement). Of particular value is the explanation of the anxiety-ridden second stage "uncertainty." Having read this book, the "uncertainty" period of dating is much easier to weather. Not only is it a facet of nearly every single relationship, it is a critical and necessary part to building the relationship. Another important idea from this book is that all relationships go through these five stages (or skip them at their peril), and that most relationships will cycle through these stages several times until the fifth stage, engagement, is reached.

This book helps women slow down and have more realistic expectations at each stage, and helps men understand the behaviors women may be exhibiting at each stage. It also reinforces an idea introduced in "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" that men play the role of giving, and women play the role of receiving, and that this honors our biological/evolutionary drives and simplifies a lot of the anxiety surrounding who should do what in a relationship. Women are encouraged to slow down and recieve, and the book suggests this will enhance a woman's feminine qualities while allowing a man to exhibit his masculine qualities. Men, by contrast, are encouraged to give, serve, and provide and think of meeting the woman's needs.

While these ideas may strike some as anachronistic or worse, there seems to be some common sense to them that may be worth investigating. Since having read this book and experimenting with some of its ideas, I have made my relationship a LOT better and (speaking from a female's perspective), not acting in a male role as persuer (and understanding the difference between active and receptive interest, a distinction covered in great deal in the book) has lessened my anxiety level in the relationship.

Try some of these ideas out for yourself to see how they work. Your mileage may vary but I would recommend this book to any person feeling lost in their dating lives.

This Mars & Venus book builds on the information in the original John Gray book, and applies it to how men and women behave differently once they begin dating.

This book explains the five stages of dating (attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, engagement). Of particular value is the explanation of the anxiety-ridden second stage "uncertainty." Having read this book, the "uncertainty" period of dating is much easier to weather. Not only is it a facet of nearly every single relationship, it is a critical and necessary part to building the relationship. Another important idea from this book is that all relationships go through these five stages (or skip them at their peril), and that most relationships will cycle through these stages several times until the fifth stage, engagement, is reached.

This book helps women slow down and have more realistic expectations at each stage, and helps men understand the behaviors women may be exhibiting at each stage. It also reinforces an idea introduced in "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" that men play the role of giving, and women play the role of receiving, and that this honors our biological/evolutionary drives and simplifies a lot of the anxiety surrounding who should do what in a relationship. Women are encouraged to slow down and recieve, and the book suggests this will enhance a woman's feminine qualities while allowing a man to exhibit his masculine qualities. Men, by contrast, are encouraged to give, serve, and provide and think of meeting the woman's needs.

While these ideas may strike some as anachronistic or worse, there seems to be some common sense to them that may be worth investigating. Since having read this book and experimenting with some of its ideas, I have made my relationship a LOT better and (speaking from a female's perspective), not acting in a male role as persuer (and understanding the difference between active and receptive interest, a distinction covered in great deal in the book) has lessened my anxiety level in the relationship.

Try some of these ideas out for yourself to see how they work. Your mileage may vary but I would recommend this book to any person feeling lost in their dating lives.

These books are getting old. Same story as the last... same story as the next. A much better book is "The Game" which i have also read... get past the nice guy personna as it's REALLY NOT what women are looking for.

These books are getting old. Same story as the last... same story as the next. A much better book is "The Game" which i have also read... get past the nice guy personna as it's REALLY NOT what women are looking for.

Whether you are new to dating, widowed or divorced and starting to date again, or in your 50th year of marriage - you will be able to gleam something from this book that will impact your life in a positive way.

Ideally - you could read this book before you embark upon the "dating chapter" of your life. But, even if you're not new to dating, this book can make an amazing and positive impact in many ways - it can increase your chances of finding the right person, reduce your chances of being hurt by or hurting someone (emotionally) during the dating process, and help you avoid scaring away someone with whom, otherwise, you could end up having a wonderful relationship.

I especially recommend this to women who are in a relationship (or, who are thinking that they "thought they were") with a man who seems to have changed all of a sudden. If you are questioning things like, where did he go? why didn't he call? why does he seem so distant now? what did I do wrong? - you are possibly at a point in the relationship where your choice of actions can make or break a relationship that might just be on the edge of going somewhere. And, likewise, I recommend this to men who feel that they've come to a point in their relationship where they all of a sudden "aren't sure" anymore, are feeling anxious or maybe even "trapped", and at the same time there is a strong need to just get away and think and/or if the woman you are dating seems to have become more insecure, worries more, questions you more, starts pressuring you more about commitment, etc. All of these situations, emotions, etc. are explained in this book. You're not the only one - it's a normal part of dating - but, unfortunately, most of us won't possibly be able to understand this without someone else pointing it out to us - like Gray has done in this book.

Even if you are married - this book opens your eyes to many things and can really improve your level of understanding with your wife/husband.

If you are the perfect mate in a perfect relationship - you may not realize some of the problems other people experience and therefore, could probably benefit from this book by being able to better identify with friends, family, children when they come to you for advice.

I am a Mars Venus Counselor in the Boston area. I teach it, I know it, I love it, but the real story is that people who have read this and other Mars Venus books find amazing relevancy in John Gray's ability to share his wisdom. In Mars & Venus on a Date, you have established guidelines that WILL help you to be successful. Enjoy!

I married early and divorced after 10years. I needed a refresher on how to date and I picked the first book I saw that had an appropriate title... A great source, very simple and wise at the same time. The book not only tells you dos and don'ts, but explains why with the focus on the differences between men and women. I have recently failed a relationship that was promising to be great and, after reading the book, I have an answer. It's all about stages and a gradual transformation from one level to another. I started my last relationship from the fourth level and I am glad I've read this book - it will save me from another disaster. I highly recommend it to everybody, who is not married.

Marina Kushner
Author
The Truth About Caffeine: How Companies That Promote It Deceive Us and What We Can Do about It

I ignored John Gray and his Mars-Venus venture for over a decade because I just could not relate to it. In fact, I thought it was stupid. But one day, he won me over. His approach toward love, relationships, and in this book, dating, is so strangely refreshing. Among a sea of dating books advocating game-playing and settling, Gray emphasizes love and finding one's soul mate. In this book, he explains the 5 stages of dating and how going through these stages provides the setting for recognizing when you've found your soul mate. He also explains the different kinds of attraction (physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual) and how they happen in a different order for men and women.

And Gray addresses several dating mysteries with much more depth than most, including:

- Why men can be highly interested and then disappear
- Why some women give too much
- How to deal with a commitmentphobe
- Why men stop calling
- When men should pay and when women should start paying
- Why some people get dumped more than others

The downside: While Gray is very insightful, he takes the male-female stuff way too far. Let's face it - people are more complex than that, and reading his stuff makes you feel a little constrained when you feel you must fit into some notion of how your sex is supposed to behave. Also, his examples are so extreme that I don't see how anyone can relate to most of them. In general, Gray isn't as good at practical advice.

But overall, a worthy read that stands out in its genre.

This book has got some excellent advice inside it. What I like most is that Mr. Gray really seems to understand all the dating/relationship pitfalls and has good solutions to those. It's a good, easy read that totally helped me see things a bit clearer. I most definitely recommend it, along with "Don't Call that Man" and "Man Magnet".

I ignored John Gray and his Mars-Venus venture for over a decade because I just could not relate to it. In fact, I thought it was stupid. But one day, he won me over. His approach toward love, relationships, and in this book, dating, is so strangely refreshing. Among a sea of dating books advocating game-playing and settling, Gray emphasizes love and finding one's soul mate. In this book, he explains the 5 stages of dating and how going through these stages provides the setting for recognizing when you've found your soul mate. He also explains the different kinds of attraction (physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual) and how they happen in a different order for men and women.

And Gray is able to address several dating mysteries with much more depth than most, including:

- Why men can be highly interested and then disappear
- Why some women give too much
- How to deal with a commitmentphobe
- Why men stop calling
- When men should pay and when women should start paying
- Why some people get dumped more than others

This is one of the best dating books I have ever read. I recommend it for anyone interested in finding their soul mate.

P.S. For those of you who squirm at the male-female stuff, I understand. But when you see how Gray's point of view can work in your favor, you may change your mind like I did!

Take advice from somebody who is able to easily win over others easily. The advice and beliefs shown in this book are just wrong.

If you want to do really well. Do what others that are doing well are doing. Adopt the beliefs, mannerisms, attitude, techniques, ideas of who you wish to be like and you'll get the same results.

in other words. Don't copy John Gray.

This was an excellent book. It brings us all back to traditional styles of dating, and traditional is what we need since this society has seen so much change in the last 40 years. The psyche has seen so much change that it doesn't know which end is up - especially in dating. This book has solid information about the differences between genders and the whole point of dating. I highly reccomend it, especially for young people starting out - it will pre-empt much grief.

This book did not work for me. I believe that natural chemistry and relating to one another are the hallmarks of a mutual and intimate relationship. In this book, the author, rather than helping readers open themselves up to intimacy and be themselves, presents tricks on how to attract the opposite sex. Personally, I'm not looking to 'trick' anyone into going out with me or fall in love. How I open a car door for a woman or how she should or should not reach over to unlock the door for me as I'm walking around after I've opened the car door for her feels like protocol designed to play 'the game' properly. I don't feel that it's a game. It's about being true to ourselves. It's about relating - being best friends. And we are not peacocks - displaying our feathers at such a time and presenting at a certain time. We are empowered with language. I'm more partial to books that explore the similarities between men and women rather than the differences as Gray does. Authors that I recommend are Charlotte Kasl, John Welwood and John Stoltenberg. Good luck!

Like the original MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS classic book, this is the best spinoff from that series, in my opinion; and if you want to focus on the topic of dating, then this book is even better than the classic original book.

Sometimes you will laugh out loud when you recognize the things that the author points out about dating. You will probably also read quite a few things that you will immediately recognize as doing or not doing correctly in your own dating experiences.

The author, John Gray, points out many little and big differences in how men and women think and react, and these things kind of snowball into major problems or successful relationships.

He explains 5 stages of dating through getting married:
1. ATTRACTION--How to attract the right person, and not unwittingly turn off that person
2. UNCERTAINTY--Picking the right person and keeping them interested
3. EXCLUSIVITY--Be yourself ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR, and bring out the best in your partner
4. INTIMACY--How men and women react to intimacy differently, why hooking up and one night stands are retarded if you're looking for someone to marry, creating elements of lasting chemistry
5. ENGAGEMENT--different reasons why men and women decide to marry, how to prepare for a successful marriage

This book ends at getting married, but still gives quite a few good tips about how not to goof things up after getting married, anyway. There are differences since during dating you can still bail out, but after you're married, it's til death do you part, if you're serious about marriage in the first place.

This book also explains what to do when your relationship is NOT going well, like backup to a prior stage, or how to exit gracefully.

Having the stages defined and explained, among many other aspect in this book, really helps for keeping things in perspective, and not unwittingly trashing your relationship accidentally, no matter how well-intentioned you might be.

Perhaps the best tip that has stuck in my mind the most, since reading this book years ago, is that the more time and effort that you invest in a relationship with someone who is wrong for you, the less time and effort you will have to invest in someone who is right for you. This sounds simple, but I needed to have it spelled out before it stuck in my mind, and I have applied it often since reading it in this book.

Some people really resent the concept of the FACT that there ARE natural differences between how MOST men and women think and behave, and what motivates them, and what turns them off. But there ARE differences in these categories between men and women, after all, no matter how much the gender confused people demand that there aren't any differences.

The only thing I didn't like is his concept of allowing sex before marriage, which goes against what the Bible teaches, and weakens your long-term dating success by sleeping around. This book is not the Bible, but it is the best non-religious guide for understanding the opposite sex while dating with marriage in mind.

These days I refer to the Bible concerning improving my life and human interactions, and that is the best book, of course; but before I became a Christan in 1998, these Mar & Venus books were a huge help and influence that I applied towards life, and used to help myself and to help others get along better with the opposite sex.

The Bible is best to learn from, of course, but these Mars & Venus books are probably the best, non-religious books about how to understand and get along with the opposite sex.

"MARS AND VENUS ON A DATE" is a great book. It is very educational for anyone that is single and just can't seem to find their sole mate or they discard their sole mate for lack of understanding them.
I do think that everyone should read "MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS" first, so that this book makes complete sense. These are two great books and everyone should read them. These books really help to improve your communication skills with the opposite sex~!

Talk about a wake-up call. I'm 30 years-old and feel like this book taught me more about relationships (men vs. women mentality) in 1 hour than I've learned in all that time. While reading it, you will have light-bulb after light-bulb type moments. Heck, you may even smack yourself square in the forehead with a resounding, "D'oh!" John Gray knows men and he knows women, and the biggest lesson he contiues to teach is that we are NOT the same. We do NOT think the same. This book does a fantastic job of not only explaining that, but also giving us advice on how we go about having a successful relationship in spite of our differences. A must read. For women...AND men!

Although I didn't want to believe it until relatively recently, Dr Gray is pretty close to the truth in some regards. What really changed my opinion was reading the most phenomenal book, Robert Greene's Art of Seduction. If you are a man, you will have a very incomplete picture of how to attract and seduce the women you want if you only read Dr. Gray's book, but think of this book almost like Greene's book for a more moralistic audience than that for which Greene is writing.

But in all seriousness fellas, if you follow this too closely, your woman will not respect you. She WILL walk all over you. It's going to happen. You cannot take exactly the mindset that Gray is proposing men take and be successful. Men must not continue to cowtow to women who disrespect them. It only leads to marital disaster. Men should always seek to treat women well, but really expensive dates and gifts must only be given to reward her good behavior. While men clearly do not get this kind of advice from Dr. Gray, (and if they did, the largely female population who buys his books would start burning his books) women, on the other hand, are taught what good behavior is.

Now, if what a man really wants to do is to seduce a woman, to really get under her skin, men should listen carefully to what Dr. Gray has to say. The first two stages of dating should really be renamed and merged into one- it should be called creating interest and desire. This should be the time to send mixed messages of attraction and uncertainty, as Dr. Gray calls it. His first two stages are opposite sides of the same coin and happen simultaneously. As Richard Bandler put it, it is sending the signal "Come Away Closer." I believe that men should really start from an angle with women. Just simply talking- about her and her life, and revealing yourself slowly. No heavy, sexual, or sappy topics for discussion, but sexuality should be communicated through your sincere interest and appreciation, your voice, through insinuation, and through touch. This is when you must enter the other person's reality in order to draw them away from it.

Then, once sufficient interest and desire is generated, if a man wants to pursue a woman, then the next stage must begin where a woman is brought into a new reality- one filled with pleasure and romance. This is equivalent to John's third stage of exclusivity. It is true that men can really screw things up by pushing for sex too soon. Women are much like pomegranites- sweet, delicious, tender. But if you try to pick them when they are on the vine, they are hard and bitter. They require careful cultivation, and they will become riper and riper, getting heavy and full of sweet juices- so heavy they fall on their own. That is when they are most delicious. Men must not push a woman for sex. Just catch her when she's ready to fall. Rather, during the exclusivity period this is the time where a man must lead a woman astray- to create a new reality for a woman where she is brought into a world of pleasure. Men need all the surprises, words, and attention to detail that Dr. Gray describes here. They need not spend a fortune to do so, but the idea here is to isolate the woman from her humdrum reality to the point where she does not want to turn back. However, Dr. Gray is not right about who has the real power in this phase. While it seems that the woman has the real power here, it is simply not so. Yes the woman can get anything she wants, but it is the man who is casting and deepening the spell. The MAN is the one who is getting all the power here.

But it is not enough to lead a woman astray. The connection between the two of you must be deepened. This is where a woman will become emotional, and there are going to be times when a woman needs to know that you can be her emotional Rock of Gibraltar. Dr. Gray is very right to warn men of this. But smart men also know the magic that pulling back just a little can have. Women NEED the gift of missing a man. This really only deepens her affections for a him. But men should not stay away so long that real anger or resentment is built up. A couple should be building a spiritual side to the relationship here as well, so that when the woman finally does surrender she is not acting like or being treated like a prostitute. A real connection with a man on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level make physical surrender inevitable. A person in lust is wild and apt to leave you at any time. A person in love will surrender completely, and the bold move to which they are dying to surrender and dying for you to make will be as refreshing to them as the rain after so many hot summer days. And that moment of surrender is very, very sweet for both of you. So this period of a relationship is clearly the intimacy period in Dr. Gray's scheme. It is culminated with the physical surrender of a woman. Although Dr. Gray does not say this, people do not move past this phase until sexual surrender happens. Whether the couple has taken wedding vows or not has nothing to do with whether a couple has moved through this phase. John is absolutely right that when married couples separate they are going back to an earlier stage in dating.

It is only after the sexual relationship is consummated that we can fully reenter reality. The honeymoon is over, and the fire that burnt during the sexual surrender is now only embers. If we pay them no attention they will die out. Refusal to take the relationship to the next level and become engaged will kill it. But if we want it to continue it will continue to require love, care and attention. And we have to apply the practical skills Dr. Gray talks about in the engagement chapter. And those skills are the essence of charm. The engagement phase is also where fear and jealousy must be driven out by self-sacrificing love and a desire to cooperate.

Now Dr. Gray, in essence, has explained how to have a very high quality seduction. This is absolutely necessary if a marriage is to last. However, his book is very weak in the area of developing a seductive character. He has only truly focused on tactics and tricks. The fact of the matter is that nobody wants to be with people who are sticks in the mud. Nobody wants to be with passive aggressive people, psychotic people, windbags, moralizers, the self absorbed. Rather men want women who are fun playmates, sensual, able to draw out the best in a man. Women who have charm and grace in their interactions with others. Women are attracted to men who are not ashamed of their manly desires, who give generously of themselves, who are mature yet playful, who are confident. Careful attention to your character is the best way to raise your value in the eyes of your partner. Dr. Gray should have given much more attention to this very important topic.

So to summarize, the book has a good deal of psychological wisdom. It is a much better book for women than it is for men. Following his advice will help men and women mutually seduce each other, and give a marriage a strong, solid footing. If you are a man looking for a lot of sexual conquests, this is definitely NOT your book. But if you are looking to win the heart, mind, body, and soul of a woman who is worth winning, the quality of what you'll get will most certainly make up for the reduction in numbers.

I feel that his book should have been reorganized and focused around three major themes. First, he should have focused on the seductive personality. Next, he should have focused on the seductive process. Finally he should have addressd so many of the practical issues which he handled with great aplomb. But overall, the book is not bad. I just think that someone with his depth of psychological knowledge could have written a better book.

This is another great advice book and I expected no less. Anything you can think of when dealing with relationships is covered in this book, I started with alot of questions and now I feel more confident in holding my own.

Recommendations: If your going to search online for dating or the love of your life the absolute greatest book I've read is "How to get the Man of your dreams using the Internet" Step by step what to do and what to say. I used it to find my wonderful new boyfriend and husband to be hehe! Success in finding Mr. right is just 1 book away!

This book gives valuable advice to women about dating. Men and women think so differently. There really is something to "playing hard to get."

Mars and Venus on a Date is a meandering book that covers the same basic principles over and over again without much clarity. I found myself rereading some sentences because they were so confusing. A simple point that could have been made in ten words was stretched to two or three pages. I did appreciate some of the advice. Some information was insightful, such as that men often need distance so that they can come back and be closer to you in the long run. The 5 stages of dating: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy and engagement were interesting.

The majority of the book, though, was not right for me. The way that Gray defines femininity and masculinity is confusing and seems to make sweeping generalisations. For example, a woman should be `self-assured' rather than `confident' because confidence implies that you can accomplish what you want without help (a masculine trait) whilst self-assurance implies that you know you will be able to get help to accomplish what you want (a feminine trait). I consider myself to be a feminine woman and yet I am perfectly confident in my ability to accomplish my goals single-handedly. The characteristics that Gray states women should have (self-assuredness, receptivity and responsiveness) seemed quite confining and unclear. Gray seems to imply that all women who are confident are also ball-busters that scare men off. I read the book for some tips on how to behave on dates to positively represent who I am, not to be told how to accommodate myself to John Does' every whim.

Other suggestions in the book don't seem to make any sense or are so simple that you wonder why you need to be told them. For example, `A man is attracted to a woman who clearly can be pleased'. I can't help but reverse it and think: OK, but isn't `a woman attracted to a man who clearly can be pleased?' Well, yes, so what's the point of the original comment? I also find it cruel to men that Gray says that it is a man's duty to please a woman, and that her receptiveness to his attention and time is all the appreciation he needs. I like to think of a relationship as a two-way thing. The man is often the pursuer, but a woman should make an effort as well to actively show she likes and appreciates him, rather than just simpering.

JoAnne

This book has some decent guidelines and observations. I think anyone who reads it will benefit in one way or another. The only problem with this book is that it is writen in very simple english. It has a feel like it's meant for Junior H.S. kids with its simple sentence structures. Another problem with it is that it is highly repetetive, I believe the author could have squeezed the entire book into 1/3 of its size without the loss of generality. The 'real life' examples illustrating the dating rules seem extremely fake. It seems like the author just made up these stories to illustrate his point. I don't know if this is true but his simple writing style make it seem that way.

John Gray offers some important information that can be overlooked in men/women relationships. In this "PC" world we live in it isn't polite to say that men and women are different, but we are. And this book has some interesting insights into our differences. It has helped me to not take it so personal when men say and do (or don't say or do as the case may be) things that can be offensive. This book helps me to forgive and love the men in my life.

Here is the big question: Will you be better off having read the book. Yes. In today's fortunate world of near sexual equality Dr. Gray reminds us that we are still male and female, and should act that way where appropriate. Some reader reviews are bitingly negative, and that says more about the reviewer than the book. Be open. Get ideas. Discard others. Take it for what you want. But if you are open you will have some insights.

Also, some of us just don't want to face the truth that there is beauty and truth in treating men like men and women like women. Some insights confirmed in the book are that a woman's attraction grows by knowing a man and his strengths, not just by initial attraction and that women and men do intuitively expect men to be the pursuers and can sabatoge a relationship by reversing those roles. I also see how people sabotage their relationships by moving too fast.

Some people have complained about the list of meeting-place ideas near the end. He goes too far in my opinion in suggesting how far to go out of your box, like seeking people of different political parties at their events. Again, don't expect a book to save your love life, expect it to provide useful insights, some of which you will implement and some of which you won't. But isn't one small step worth the price and time of a book?

I have seen women and men sabotage their lives by going to far towards acting equal in all respects instead of equal but wonderfully different. I think the best benefit of his books is to show that the stereotypical male/female dynamics actually work. I am considering getting copies for friends whether single, dating, or married, because I can see many of the examples are true in real lives.

So here you are trying to decide whether or not to spend a few buck and hours gaining insights or watching TV reruns. I choose the former.

This is really a book for women although men might benefit from it. After finishing it I must say that dating hardly seems worth the trouble!

The author describes a man as a person interviewing for a job and a woman as the employer. Men are supposed to meet a woman's needs and not be concerned about their own needs being met. A woman should never try to give back but is being very giving simply by being receptive to the man's giving. This is not a very encouraging book for men. Or maybe the author is right and I am having trouble accepting the way dating really works.

If you are a woman reading this I will say that the only relationships I have had that went beyond a couple of dates were ones in which she also had some concern for what my needs were and made an effort to give in return, and I am not talking about sex. But perhaps the author would think that these relationships of mine were dysfunctional because they didn't fit his rigidly defined roles and we never made it to stage 4 which is engagement.

I am not saying the author is right or wrong as I am a relatively inexperienced dater-time will tell I suppose. The book does provide a good mental framework for dating if you agree with the author's roles for men and women in a dating relationship. I am still not sure if I agree completely with the dating roles of men and women as described in this book but am willing at least to test them and see what kind of results follow.

The first 2/3 of the book was OK, with balanced "points of view" and "how-to's" for both men and women. Some of the information was interesting, explanatory, and useful; some was not.

But then the author began giving unbalanced treatment, primarily telling women how they ought to behave and what they ought to say. The message was that a man has a large and fragile ego, and that a woman should support his ego. She should never disagree with him, except "playfully". In public, she should paint him as a white knight, regardless of what really happened.

Perhaps it was just the author's writing style, but most of his examples, supposedly of real couples he'd observed or counseled, seemed made-up.

Finally, at the end of the book, the author insults the reader's intelligence with an idiotic, redundant, and unnecessary list of 101 places to look for a mate. Very patronizing.

John Gray's "Mars and Venus On a Date" is a solid piece of work, with well-reasoned insights into the dynamics of male-female romantic relationships.

One note, though, to men who are shy, and might see the book as a guide to learning how to get dates more easily. Shyness is not really addressed here. This is by no means meant as a criticism, but given the notoriety of the "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" books, many men may wonder if this kind of help is being offered here.

The closest Gray comes to touching on shyness is when he says that many men get tongue-tied when approaching women they're attracted to, and that usually the best advice is to say the most simple thing ("Hi, I'm John," etc.). He also briefly touches on the various ways women might flirt, and the ways to tastefully send out non-verbal cues that you're interested. This territory is covered in a total of maybe three paragraphs, at different points in the book. One of the last sections touches on dozens of places to meet your soulmate.

The book is great for people who don't have any trouble in the initial, attraction phase. But for those who can't get to that first approach, this may not be the best place to start.

A year ago,I didn't want to believe this book was the truth.I wanted to believe I could be the agressor in dating and relationships.Newflash ladies being the agressor never works.The one who invest the most is the one who leads and wears the pants.Do you want a puppie for a man???This book is healthy for women and men.One thing will never change and that's the sex of the female and male.Some rules remain..one of them are masculine and feminine energy.IF YOUR HAVING TROUBLE HAVING SUCCESS IN RELATIONSHIPS..DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND READ THIS BOOK AND EXAMINE THE TIMES YOU HAD SUCCESS AND FAILURE IN DATING.AFTER READING AND APPLYING THE ADVICE IN THIS BOOK..I JUST WANT TO WISH YOU A BEAUTIFUL LIFE LONG MARRIAGE...HAPPINESS AND BLESSINGS TO ALL!!!!!!!!

I heard about this book and decided to check it out at the library. I really enjoyed it. This book is easy to read, insightful and funny. There are good tips, mostly common sense stuff, that are organized in a manner that will help everyone understand the opposite sex a little better. For the most part, though, the books is motvational and interesting. I bought my own copy and refer to it often. Well worth the read.

I am a skeptic and I usually do not like relationship self help books, but this one offers such practical advice, and is such a fun and easy read that I was immediately sold.

Rather than telling men and women how they should act/what games they should play, Gray just offers some observations about how men and women ARE -- ie Men are like rubber bands -- they don't pull away because they are manipulative or control freaks, rather it is just the way they are programmed. If you leave them alone, they'll bounce back. This is the kind of insight I could have used in my twenties. Now a just-divorced thirtysomething who has jumped back into the dating scene ("Meeting, Mating and Cheating" by author Orr is another book I highly recommend for a true picture of the online dating world) I am finding John Gray's book a useful resource that helps me keep my head together, and stay cool through the process. I think John Gray is brilliant and I am sure he has saved many relationships.

the truth is the sad one. I found that author made great, insightful observations, and I'll be using this book as a guide to dating (amongs some others, like "The Rules", etc). I'm a foreigner who immigrated to the United States; after reading this book and realizing that this is the true state of male/female relationships in this country (yes, this way is specific to the US and, may be, Western Europe; things are not this way in other places--men/women are way more open, sincere, spontaneous, emotional, etc overseas)--I should say, after reading this book: I'm not surprised that so many people in the US turn to homosexual relationships. When relations with the opposite gender become so deprived of fun, governed by the rules, so artificial, fake, stressful, when a date is "like a job interview", etc: one might rather chose to be gay, and understandably!

The book describes the five stages of courtship: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, engagement. Although different people have called these stages different things, the second stage is the one that is unique to this book. When a couple begins dating, there is inevitably a period of uncertainty. Even if someone expresses his undying love on Friday night (and really means it), he can change his mind by Saturday morning. This period of uncertainty can really throw the other person off. "How can he possibly not love me today, when he loved me yesterday? What happened? What changed?"

As a dating expert, I know first-hand that people are most confused by this period of uncertainty. And John Gray uncovers another gem-much uncertainty is caused by rushing intimacy. Once you understand this concept that, your next relationship will have a much greater chance of success if you follow the five stages of courtship in the order they were intended.

This book is more like reading Shakespeare than flipping through the pages of Cosmopolitan. John Gray's writing style reflects the fact that he spent many years in school, writing thesis after thesis. Although it may be more fun to watch Sex and the City, reading this book will be a lot cheaper than reclining on a therapist's couch. Plus, you'll be one step closer to a lasting relationship.

This book has some good points and bad points. Like most relationship guides (i.e. The Rules), if you agree with what the author is saying, it's a good book. If you don't agree with them, it's a bad book. I think the point to take away with this book is that John Gray has talked to a LOT of people about relationships and the suggestions and information in this book is based on what he learned from talking to real people.

For example, he talks about why men don't call after a date. I had no idea that if a man didn't call you, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you. It's good to know the other reasons why he's not calling, and that not only is it okay for you to call him, but you SHOULD call him because it'll let him know that you're not mad at him for not calling!

He does have some very old fashioned views, such as, the man should always pay for the dates. Nevermind if the man makes $25K a year and the woman makes $70K... now-a-days that kind of thinking is just not practical. He also says some strange things like, if a man opens a car door for you, you should not reach over and unlock his door because that will take away all the pleasure that he got from opening the car door for you.

All in all, it's a good read, has some good information about the five stages of dating, why men and women act the way they do, how to talk to each other, and how to act. Take what you agree with and use it, but form your own opinions. Don't follow it like it's a bible.

Mars and Venus On A Date is indeed a very enriching read. Many but not all romantic relationships do fall into John Gray's five stages of Attraction, Uncertainty, Exclusive, Intimacy, and Marriage. The attraction levels of Physical, Emotional, Intellectual, and Spiritual are explained quite well from both the Venus and Mars perspective.

Common arguments are discussed in great detail. Never try to solve a woman's problem and never offer unsolicated advice to a man. Also to either sex, just apologize without making excuses. Admit your faults and the other party will be more forgiving.

I don't necesarilly agree with Gray's assessment that a woman should not reach over to open the car door for a man early in the dating process. Truthfully its a minor issue and its not worth the emphasis that it was given.

Good emphasis on what men and women need in a partner and their lives. Men like to feel that what they have to offer is needed. Its Ok to use men to a point. Women don't want to have to do it all. They get depressed if they realize that they have to do everything themselves.

Some good analysis and common sense. Overall it gets my seal of approval.

I borrowed this book from my brother about four years ago. Four years later I have been married for three years and decided to finally read the book.

Summary:
The basic idea of the book is that there are five stages to the dating process:
1. Attraction
2. Uncertainty
3. Exclusivity
4. Intimacy
5. Engagement

The rest of the book is a collection of insights on how to make relationships successful or how to recognize when it is time to end a relationship.

My Comments:
First, I must admit that being involved in a traditional relationship (I am a married heterosexual) the insights in the book seemed fairly relevant and well designed. But, this is also one of the problems I see with the book. The book is designed exclusively for traditional, heterosexual relationships. If you are not a man or a woman looking for someone of the opposite sex to marry, then this isn't the book for you. The ultimate goal, as defined in the book, is marriage. If you are not looking to get married, then this isn't the book for you.

The book is written from a very traditional perspective. With the increase in non-traditional relationships (homosexuality, bisexuality, cohabitation, etc.) this book could alienate a lot of people. Also, there are continual references to God throughout the book. These references often coincide with a concept the author calls 'soul mates'. There is a trend in American society away from the traditional view of God, specifically seeing God as an active force in people's lives. As a result, this book could also alienate those people that don't believe in God or don't feel that God is active in their lives. And the idea of soul mates (as Dr. Gray outlines it in the book it is the idea that there is one special person for you out there) is, in my humble opinion, very outdated. Perhaps Dr. Gray isn't arguing that there is only ONE person that you could marry, but he seems to think that there aren't very many - if there is more than one - and that they are hard to find.

Another major problem with this approach to relationships is that Dr. Gray presents relationships in a very functional sense. Let me explain... Instead of saying that perhaps the way people approached romantic relationships in the past (pre 1990) may not have been the best way to do it (men calling women, being responsible for everything that takes place, women being receptive rather than aggressive, etc.), Dr. Gray incorporates all of these things into his theory about how relationships and dating are supposed to work. He seems to argue that because these behaviors exist they must be necessary. This is a circular argument from which one cannot escape. They are necessary so they must exist. They exist because they are necessary. I would argue that the traditional dating patterns of bygone ages are outdated and anti-modal. Sure, he offers ideas and thoughts where men and women can change, but he also seems to be arguing that a lot of things should just plain stay the same. I disagree out right with this idea. We live in a different time.

I should also mention that the version I read is 370 pages long. It could have been condensed to about 150 pages and still covered everything he wanted to say adequately.

On the positive side, because I am in a heterosexual relationship, I did find some of Dr. Gray's insights helpful. However, the one's that I found applicable to my relationship I found by sifting through the broad, sweeping claims he makes about genders and in between comments about how God will help us find our partner and how we can find a soul mate; all of which I thought was worthless trash.

Overall, this book would be useful to someone that firmly believes in God, wants a traditional relationship with a woman, and believes that the old way of dating/courting is still the right way. If this describes you (it probably describes over 60% of the U.S. population, meaning Dr. Gray understands there is a market for this type of stuff) then this would be a good book. If you don't meet this criteria, look elsewhere.

Great book for newly found relationships. It helps men and women understand how to love one another and communicate effectively.

Yet another Mars vs. Venus, you've read one, you've read them all!
You know, these books are actually very easy to read (and quick). It's not extremely intellectual and you won't want to teach it in a class, but it actually has some good pointers in it and provides some insights. It's not a reference book, but it's fairly organized so you can "look things up" on a need basis.

I bought this book because I was trying to understand a
relationship I was in.

I am a 20something woman who was dating a 20something man. As I read the book I started realizing he was playing the *FEMALE* role.

I think a lot of what Grey has to say is valid - just not for all people. Particularly not for people under 30 who may have been raised in a radically different social climate than their parents were.

here's a hint.

If you are at all a member of Generation X - THROW AWAY YOUR DATING BOOKS. "Mars/Venus", "The Rules" don't work on people of our generation.

Instead I recommend you pick up a book called "If the Buddha Dated" by Charlotte Kasl, which poses the radical idea that we are all from Earth.

Better yet why doesn't somebody write a dating book that applies to our age group, and its different gender ideas?

Heard the taped version of MARS AND VENUS ON A DATE
by John Gray . . . extremely informative (at least to me) tour
of the five stages of dating: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and engagement.

Gray presents ideas on how to find your soul mate, as well
as thoughts on how to create a loving and mutually fulfilling
relationship . . . he has the ability to make sense out
of ordinary situations that appear easy to handle, yet in
reality are anything but that.

I know I liked the material, in that I had to get a copy of
the book (after listening) so that I could share just a
few of the many memorable passages . . . among them:

* When you [a man] make a mistake, use a negative
adjective--a "nadjective"--to describe yourself or what
you did. These are a few examples:

I'm sorry that I was late. . . . I was really inconsiderate.

I'm sorry about the things I said yesterday . . . I thought
about it and realized that I was overreactive.

I'm sorry I didn't call you back sooner. You're right; I was
really insensitive.

I'm sorry that I forgot to get the tickets. It was really
selfish of me.

I'm sorry you felt excluded at the party. . . I was
inconsiderate, it was really mean.

I am really sorry about the things I said. I was really
being defensive.

* Women will appreciate any sincere compliment, but when
a man puts a little more thought into his words, she
will like it more. . . . The more special the adjective, the
more special she feels. These are some examples:

PLAIN COMPLIMENT (PC) vs. JUICY COMPLIMENT (JC)
PC, That is a nice picture. JC, You are incredibly artistic.
PC, You look good tonight. JC, You look magnificent tonight.
PC, You have a nice smile. JC, You have a radiant smile.
PC, You look good. JC, You are so gorgeous.
PC, You look nice. JC, You are so lovely.
PC, You look nice. JC, You look beautiful.
PC, That is a nice dress. JC, You look so exquisite in that dress.
PC, You have nice eyes. JC, You have such a special sparkle in your eyes.

Even a plain compliment can be juiced up with any of these
five simple words: so, really, very, always, and such.

[For example, to juice up the most basic compliment, "You look nice."]
1. You look so nice. (attraction)
2. You look really nice. (interest)
3. You look very nice. (enthusiasm)
4. You always look nice. (familiarity)
5. You have such a nice look. (pride)

To express more feeling in a compliment, he can just repeat
any of these words or combine them like this:
1. You look so, so nice
2. You really look so nice.
3. You look very, very nice.
4. You always look so nice.
5. You really have such a nice look.

Women can also use these five words to express more
feeling in their indirect compliments to a man. Let's apply
these five words to one of the most basic compliments that
any man loves to hear, "I am happy we did this."

1. I am so happy we did this.
2. I am reall