I don't usually write reviews on books because many other people can be so much more detailed. However, this book is so amazing I HAVE to rate it or I'll feel guilty!

I have read a lot of books on marriage, and this is BY FAR the most practical, far-reaching one I have ever read. It has changed my relationship with my husband by changing the way I view almost every interaction between us.

The best thing about this book (in my opinion) is that it only takes ONE spouse to start making a difference! In marriage, communication and conflict really are cycles where we react to each other, and even if only one of you reads this book, you WILL SEE DRAMATIC CHANGES by just trying out some of the ideas here. If both of you read the book, even better!!

The book is set up so that there is a general section at the beginning, a few chapters "for him" specifically, and then a few chapters "for her" specifically. I found it helpful to read both sections (because sometimes we don't always fit the "pink and blue" stereotypes exactly; in our relationship I sometimes react the way the book says husbands more commonly do and vice versa) but they are definitely written for the audience. The men's chapters use examples men understand: circuitry, sports, etc. The women's chapters are written the way a woman understands.

I love my husband deeply, and know that he loves me as well, so I could never understand why we would get into these terrible screaming matches over practically nothing. Things would get so bad I have wondered on more than one occasion if our marriage would last even with both of us intent that it would. It is simply amazing that on almost every page, there was a principle or an example or just a "rephrasing" of ideas that I have heard before, that were so profound to me that I felt like this book was written FOR ME.

I would also like to add this: if you are not a very religious person, don't be intimidated. The principles and the referenced verses are Biblical, but the problems and the solutions are (again) practical and the author makes it very clear that this is backed up by secular research. The tone is helpful, sympathetic, and in NO WAY preachy.

I cannot imagine this book NOT helping somebody, whether your marriage is already good and you want to make it better, or you are on the brink of divorce (like we were). I feel a deeper understanding of how to show love to my husband, and I am receiving more love from him in response than I have since we were dating! Don't bother with the library - you will not regret buying this book! :o)

I really enjoyed this book. It brought about a view that I never considered with my husband. I didn't think that I was not seeing his view until reading this book and looking back over some of the issues we have had. I am happy that I brought this book. I would suggest it as a good read to anyone. The only complaint that I do have with the book was that he does repeat the concept several times and takes quite a bit to move on. But the eye opener effect that this book had with me was more important than reading some of the same points over again. Heck... I probably needed to reread them over and over again to get accustomed to the new concept. All in all I would buy this book again.

I really enjoyed this book. It brought about a view that I never considered with my husband. I didn't think that I was not seeing his view until reading this book and looking back over some of the issues we have had. I am happy that I brought this book. I would suggest it as a good read to anyone. The only complaint that I do have with the book was that he does repeat the concept several times and takes quite a bit to move on. But the eye opener effect that this book had with me was more important than reading some of the same points over again. Heck... I probably needed to reread them over and over again to get accustomed to the new concept. All in all I would buy this book again.

Amazing and eye-opening book! Everyone getting married should be required to read this book, and anyone who is considering marriage or wants to get married should read also!

The advice of this book has a way of encouraging you to look for ways to convey respect to those men who mean so much to you be them friends, husbands, brothers, fathers, co workers. I also recommend a book about this topic for couples I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't

Deff worth reading!! I don't know how my husband will react to my new changes that are slowly coming into our lives...but I'm sure he'll react wonderfully! :) I would recommend this book to everyone!!

I passed this book onto a couple who where having marital problems and this is one of their most recommended books on the shelf. They had nothing but good things to say except they wish they had it when they first got married.
Other book that really worked for me and my friends and I highly recommend it is: I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't

This was a great book and a real eye opener into how so many relationships fail due to the lack of respect and love in a relationship. Woman tend to shut down when the feel unloved and men in turn shut down when they feel disrespected. This book shows you as a couple how to work through these difficulties and teaches you how to show one another love and respect! This is a must read for any couple young or old alike.

Although Part One (of three) in this book is slow reading (and 100 pages long!), it is well worth slogging through it to get to Part Two (how men can show their wives how they love them) and Part Three (how women can show their husbands they respect them).

For the people who complain that the book takes too strong of a stance on the differences in roles, expectations and positions of men and women (which the author supports with Biblical references), I would say - wait until you've lived a little longer, then set aside your notions and truly OBSERVE the truths about the differences between men and women - we are NOT the same!

I plan to give this to several friends, even the ones who probably wouldn't admit that it will improve their marriages. A lot of people in my age group have been married for 10 to 20 years and are struggling with a lot of the long-standing issues (the Crazy Cycle) detailed in this book. This book WILL save some marriages, but only if it gets the attention of those that need it most! Pass it on!

Don't be fooled by those who down-talk this book. The book was right on point. Some reviews say the author talks down on women and say it's their fault men don't love them. They fail to mention that it teaches form men to make peace humbly in order to defuse the disagreement and it promotes unconditional love and a stronger relationship with God as the reward for faithfully trying to reconcile the marriage whether or not your spouse is willing to do the same.

While reading this book, I could see myself as well as my fiancée in the stories and illustrations he gives. I know my fiancée loves me but I feel joy when I know she looks up to me and respects me and uplifts me to her friends and co-workers. I also can feel a warmness from her when I stroke her face, look in her eyes, play with her hair, talk with her about her problems without being Mr. Fix-it.

This book goes over all this and more. Everything is backed up by scripture - something none of the negative reviewers can refute.

Have an open mind and more importantly, an open heart when reading this book so that God through this book can reveal your true self and counsel you to a blessed marriage. I'm convinced that the negative reviewers did not have this mindset when reading this book. Else they would have focused on the truth and not the rinky dink things like his mentioning of PMS-ing or their belief that he was blaming women for the reason men being the way they are.

Get the book, its worth it!

This book can change your marriage! It helps husbands see that their wife's greatest need is for love; and wives see that their husband's greatest need is for respect. Dr. Eggerichs reveals three cycles in a marriage that helps you understand how love and respect compliment each other.

A majority of the book is spent telling women what they are doing wrong. I felt as though this book was written for women not both genders.

This book is a wonderful examination of one of the key Biblical concepts of marriage--that a woman needs love and a man needs respect. This book will help couples realize the importance of mutual adoration and admiration. I highly recommend it (and so does my husband)!

My husband and I have been married for 10 years this month. Just about 3 months ago things between us had escalated to the point that my husband almost walked out the door. After going through an in depth personal evaluation and realizing places where I need to change, and coming to terms with certain struggles in my life, I began to focus on my marriage and what I could do to begin the process of improving it and repairing the damage. This is not to say that everything in my marriage is my fault - I know very well that it takes two to make a marriage and two to break a marriage. However, I also know that the only person I can change is me - and that is a great place to start. I found this book, Love & Respect on Amazon.com and after reading the reviews decided to purchase it. I am so glad that I did. I think the book is very well written. It gives really great advice to both the husband and the wife and give specific ways for you to begin showing each other love and respect. There are a lot of ways for which I have not respected my husband in our marriage. Now I have found a source to help me rebuild my marriage. It can begin w/ me showing my husband unconditional respect. This book stresses that the respect you show your husband must be unconditional, regardless of whether the way he is treating you at the time feels unloving. If you press on, always working to show unconditional respect for your husband, a wife has the awesome power to begin changing the way her husband responds to her. If he feels respected by his wife, he is going want to respond in a loving way to his wife and comfort her and support her. This is also written for the husband - to show his wife unconditional love, regardless of whether she is giving him respect. If two people in a marriage are good-willed people, they are bound to respond to each other positively by giving their spouse what their spouse needs most. For a husband, he needs to feel that his wife respects him. For a wife, she needs to feel that her husband truly loves her. In the short amount of time that I have read this book and started to put the unconditional respect rule into motion w/ my husband, I have already seen positive results. We have a long way to go to rebuild our marriage, but so far I feel like we are on our way. This book has great advice and good insight into what a husband needs and what a wife needs. Well worth the time and money!!

ok - i never write reviews, but i've gotta on this one... not gonna go into long explanation, but ladies - PLEASE GET THIS BOOK!!!! I am sooooo glad i did - i reread it every year to remember how to treat my husband and understand why he does and acts the way he does. In return, he's sooooo much more sensitive and knowledgeable about MY needs and desires. The author explains men in ways they can't or have trouble explaining themselves - very detailed and sensitive.

Luckily I found this book early in our marriage - we were on an ugly start to the "crazy cycle". It is NOT some loony "Me-tarzan, you-jane" sexist book - It is extremely insightful and sensitive to both men AND woman. It is Christian-based, but not over-the-top - would be just fine and actually perfect for new or searching Christians. if, however, you want an almost identical book without the religion, get "His needs, Her needs".... I skimmed thru that one and it seemed to have the same points. I like the biblical back-up of Love and Respect though. Anyway - my husband and I get this book for all newlyweds now.

Emerson Eggrichs clearly states in his notes in the back of the book, that it is important to make a distinction between theology and theory. He goes on to distinguish that `The Love and Respect Connection' is his theory in which he infers from Ephesians 5:33.

It seems that Mr. Eggrichs is pitting spouses against each other by pointing out how different men and women are and using many derogatory statements about what women are thinking about men and vise versa. Thus creating separation rather than unity . . . you know, `and the two shall become one.' My husband agrees that Emerson Eggrichs seems to grind spouses against each other like sandpaper rather than bringing them together in unity.

Mr. Eggrichs quotes John Gottman, a renowned and well-respected University of Washington psychology professor. However, he fails to keep the context of the studies by omitting John Gottman's scientific research to include `mutual' love and respect. Direct quotes from John Gottman's books:
"No matter what style of marriage they have adopted, their discussions, for the most part, are carried along by a strong undercurrent of two basic ingredients: love and respect. These are the direct opposite of - and antidote for- contempt, perhaps the most corrosive force in marriage. But all the ways partners show each other love and respect also ensure that the positive-to-negative ratio of a marriage will be heavily tilted to the positive side." . . . "By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other's company." . . . "They don't just "get along"- they also support each other's hopes and aspirations and build a sense of purpose into their lives together. That is really what I mean when I talk about honoring and respecting each other." "...you need to understand the bottom-line difference that is causing the conflict between you-and to learn how to live with it by honoring and respecting each other." (Reference John Gottman's books `Why Marriages Succeed or Fail' pages 61 and 62 as well as `The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work' pages 19, 23 and 24.)

I do not recommend that you spend your time or energy on this nauseatingly repetitive book when there are so many good books to choose from that can actually help create harmony in your marriage.

My husband and I (12 years) have a wonderful marriage, but I read this book anyway since my wonderful Christain counselor highly recommended it. This is the only Christain marriage book I've been able to complete - a surprise for me! Emerson helped me to understand why we have such a great marriage. I plan to keep it in stock and give them as gifts to the engaged and the unhappily married. I've already passed on my first copy. The other Christain "wedding gifts" books (yes, even the popular) were too superficial, full of cliches, and lost on a book shelf before even finishing the first chapter. There are too many bad publishers that allow good meaning Christains to write too many bad books in the name of Christainity, aren't there? Which is why I make it a point to put in good reviews of good Christain books.

This is an excellent book for married couples, or even before you get married, we use it for marriage counseling and are using it for a sunday school class

This book is a great resource for those needing to understand the differences between a man and wife -- Dr. Eggeriches 2 books make an excellent resource for couples. Start with "Love & Resepect" and then keep reading -- Cracking the Communication Code Workbook: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language.

Pastor Steve W

We've been using Love and Respect to structure the discussions we have in our Couples' Ministry classes (www.familycogic.org). While our discussions have always been lively, the book reveals God's answers to questions couples have had since Adam and Eve from the Bible:

+ Why is our marriage so crazy sometimes?
+ How do we stop "the crazy cycle"?
+ Why doesn't my wife respect me?
+ Why doesn't my husband love me?
+ How can I get my spouse to love or respect me more?
+ How can we ensure continued growth in our love and respect for each other?

I needed this book. We were destined to keep spinning in "the crazy cycle", it seemed, and I was powerless to stop it. The book gave me the tools I needed to stop the spinning and help us get on a course toward a more mutually fulfilling marriage.

Student pilots learn how to recover from spins in all sorts of aircraft. They do this by making the plane spin, and then doing the steps (some of which wouldn't seem to make sense) to get back into controlled flight.

Life sometimes causes us to spin out of control. In the way that a instructor pilot helps his student, Dr. Eggerichs coaches us in the steps for recovering from the spinning of "the crazy cycle", and challenges us to press toward the mark of the high calling God has given us as husbands and wives.

Despite my recoiling against his religious basis, and my discomfort at what I see as his mis-attribution of what are clearly scientific causes to "god and the bible" -- I found his book to be absolutely *excellent*, and I recommend it eagerly to everyone I know. Despite having studied and read and counseled many women and couples, my eyes were opened when Eggerichs presented the unfound key to intersex relationships: it's not love for both members in the couple: it's love for women and *respect* for men that is the basis of a solid relationship. His metaphor of pink and blue glasses, hearing aids, and megaphone is an excellent shorthand for what I have tried to get both sexes to understand. (Deborah Tannen in her excellent books describes it as men and women speaking different languages despite it sounding like they're using the same words. Dr. Pat Allen, in her books and seminars, teaches that when a man is respected by his partner, he feels cherished, and when a woman is cherished by her partner, she feels respected -- because each has a different underlying need: for a woman to cherish a man's feelings is mommying him, and for a man to respect a woman is masculinizing her.)

Emerson's communication template: (him:) "what you said sounded disrespectful, was I unloving?" and (her:) "what you said sounded unloving, was I disrespectful?" as a way to respond instead of knee-jerk defensiveness (or rather, after controlling one's natural knee-jerk defensiveness {wink}) allows fighting, angry, or unhappy couples to change the dynamics of their interactions, in a way that recalls their love and good-hearted connection to each other.

Amazing amazing book.

A friend from church recommended this book to me. The principle is based on Ephesians 5:33 which says that the husband is to love his wife and the wife is to respect her husband. This is a fresh take on marital responsibilities. One of the key problems present is that the man doesn't love the wife so in turn the wife doesn't give respect to the husband. The husband in turn sees that his wife is not respecting him so he withholds love to her. This process is called the Crazy Cycle in the book. I could go on but it will ruin some of the wonderful ideas in this book. The book has really helped our marriage and given us both a fresh look on things.
Couples who know Jesus as Savior will really love this book amidst it's biblical foundation but I would venture to say even someone who doesn't have strong religious beliefs would get a lot out of the neat ideas presented here.
If you're ready to get out of the Crazy Cycle and start establishing the Energizing cycle then this is the book for you. If you really don't know what that means then I'll just say that if you really want to have your marriage flourish then try this wonderful book.

I read half way through this book. I regret reading that much of it. As many of the other reviewers have stated, I found this book to be sexist. The examples Dr. Eggerichs gave were one sided and always favored the husband. Dr. Eggerichs focus was on how a women could positively change the marriage by respecting her husband. He stated in general women nag & criticize their husbands and thus disrespect them. Although, I agree respect is important and nagging & contempt are detrimental, these rules should apply to both partners.

I gasped when I read Dr. Eggerich's statement (pg36)concerning the difficulties of living with women who are PMSing. He writes "Everyone ducks for cover when Mom is in that kind of mood. No one doubts her basic mother love, but sometimes they're not so sure she really likes them." He further references PMS as pre murder syndrom. Im am not an expert other than to say that I am an adult woman and I know many other adult women. It is in my experience that myself and the other women in my life have not had a problem with emotional mood swings related to their monthly cycle since puberty. I find Dr. Eggerich's comments in this respect to be disconnected and with out understanding.

I hope I convince any potential readers from not buying this book.

This book helps you understand why men are how they are. If that makes any sense, it helped me understand why men do or say certain things, helped me see his point of view. And vice versa, helps men understand why women are a certain way, that they dont quite understand how we think and our feelings.

This is an awesome book for any married couple (or anyone in a relationship for that matter). It helps to understand the needs of your partner and why someone may be reacting the way they do. I would highly recommend this book to others.

Maybe this book isn't the first one out there to focus on the "respect he needs" and the "love she desires," but this book definitely puts a new spin on the idea that I haven't seen anywhere else.

Dr. Eggerichs puts into words what I and other men I know haven't been able to articulate, but it all rings true. I've heard a similar response from women readers. I've read dozens of relationship texts over the years and this is, by far, the most insightful and practical text I have come across. Dr. Eggerichs uses one verse from the Bible and demonstrates how simple the idea of love and respect is. In practicality, marriage isn't easy, but if you're seeking wise, straightforward, and understandable advice, then check this one out.

You'll hear this throughout the book: "not wrong, just different." This book is different than the rest, and definitely not wrong.

This book is well-written and can help you save your marriage. We all go through the 'crazy cycle'. This book has excellent bible based solutions to challenges we all face in our marriages. We liked this book so much that we bought a copy for every member of our family. You don't have to have a troubled marriage to find this book useful.

This book will grab your attention early on and keep you glued! Some may be shocked at the twists,turns and topics addressed and be tempted to put it down. Set it aside if you must for a few days and catch your breath, but let me tell you, you need to read it all the way to the end because there are surprises and treasures along the way that you don't want to miss! This is a book that is answering hard questions, helping heal hurts, challenges one's thinking, and makes you come away with a whole new perspective of who God is, what He is like, and how He views us.

My husband and I both loved this book and gave it to both sets of in-laws

I gave this book three stars because I learned the lesson of the book in one sentence. Wives need to respect their husbands, and husbands need to love their wives. The book goes into all of the hows and whys of doing that, but because those scenarios happened to be obvious to me, the chapters felt like they wasted my time. If loving your wife or respecting your husband is difficult for you, then I definitely recommend this book. If it comes easy for you at this point in life, then read something else instead.

Perfect book for married couple. Learn to understand each other as different creature. Bought it as a gift for other couple. Hope they will like it too.

One of the most helpful marriage books I have read in the last two years, and one of few I buy for gifts. The CD version has been loaned to several busy people already. If I had read it earlier I might have been able to correct some of the bitterness and resentment that lead to my divorce. As a man I did not realize that I was having trouble feeling loving and tender towards my wife when she acted and spoke in ways that men universally view as disrespectful. I believe this was done by her unknowingly most of the time. In the same way, because of my own words and actions that women universally view as unloving, I was communicating that I did not love her, making it hard for her to give me that respect I needed.
Better read the book though, the author does a great job of explaining how this leads to the "Crazy Cycle", and how to get out of it.

Powerful, but not too in-your-face. Makes a lot of sense, uses good examples and common sense.

What a terrific book, really explains how to stop the circle of bickering and disatisfaction in ones relationships. It made me appreciate my wife for who she is, and what she wants from me.

Better yet watch the DVD's. They will greatly impact your marriage for the good.

Love & Respect hammers home an important truth which many married couples today, including Christians, are missing, to their own detriment; but with which those who study and live by the Bible are familiar: Husbands, love your wives. Wives, respect (KJV: reverence) your husbands. Much of the book seems to be saying the same thing over and over in different words, and thus can be rather boring. And might there not be situations between spouses rather different from the typical, stereotyped situation referred to throughout the book? Perhaps I would have enjoyed or profited more from the book if I were married, but it is a universal truth, helpful to know, that what men need and want is respect.

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately NeedsLove & Respect with Bonus Seminar DVD: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
We are using this DVD and book in a Sunday School class. It is truely a life changing study for couples. Not a new concept, but one that has been lost to us for a long time. It can revonalutionalize your marriage!

My husband and I listen to this every Thursday on my way to the chiropractor. We have learned alot about how each other views relationships. I think he understands how I require love and I see what he needs......respect. Seems to be helping us. I'm not submissive by any means, but I've learned to bite my tongue now. This is a must have for any married couple. Without respect, a man will never show you the love you women desire. Love it!

This is a great book based on what is most important to men and women in marriage. This is about traditional values of trying to make a marriage work by making your spouse's needs your priority. I would not recommend it for people who are in abusive verbal, emotional or physical relationships. This is for people who have a basically good person they're married to, but it seems that they cannot connect. Awesome book!

Every relationship runs into rough patches. We read this book while attending couples counseling on a weekly basis and our relationship (after nine years of marriage) has never been stronger.

The book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs is a book that gives marriage a chance. Marriage is something is unity between two people. However more specifically marriage is the unity between two fallen people. Since this is a unity between two fallen people this is an explanation of why there is a need for marriage counseling and the increase of divorce rates. People have struggles of their own due to their fallen sin nature, but when one pairs that with another person who has struggles of their own, this will result in disagreements. This book explains that even though one has struggles of their own, it is about loving the other person unconditionally along with many other eye-opening aspects.

The book Love and Respect is a biblical supported book on some counseling aspect regarding marriage. This book helps to empathize that in a marriage even thought there are struggles because each person is a fallen person, there is still hope for the marriage. The hope is the hope of Jesus Christ. He is the one that lead the way to show what forgiveness is. Jesus is the model that we are to follow, not just for our lives but also to understand how to treat others.

The book begins by stating that as the marriage begins, there may be tiny disagreements within the marriage because these two fallen people are trying to live together. In the beginning both the people within the marriage believe that love would be enough. According to Eggerichs:

You may remember how the Beatles sang, "All you need is love." I absolutely disagree with that conclusion. Five out of ten marriages today are ending in divorce because love alone is not enough. Yes, love is vital, especially for the wife, but what we have missed is the husband's need for respect. This book is about how the wife can fulfill her need to be loved by giving her husband what he needs-respect.

This book shows one the way that love is a component to marriage but it is not the only component.

I believe that anyone who is single, engaged, newlywed or married many years should read this book. This book has the infallible Word of God as the main support for this book. This book helps the reader to use the word of God to guide their marriage. It is also full of the underlying belief and truth that women crave love and men crave respect. If both these needs are met, love and respect, then more than likely the marriage will endure any storm it faces. I believe above all each member in the marriage must love another unconditionally, Christ died for them too!

(Written by Joy Mays)

Final Note: Many struggling couples have been helped through online counseling, and telephone counseling. I have found this clinical guide to be very helpful to persons wanting to learn how to provide Online Counseling: The Therapist's Clinical Guide to Online Counseling and Telephone Counseling: The Definitive Training Guide for Clinical Practice

Without a doubt one of the best books on male female relationships ever written. This book not only helped me to understand women (no small task for a linear male) but absolutely put words and understanding to my own feelings. Ever been offended by something your wife said to you but couldn't quite put your finger on it? Been hurt by something your wife said or did and couldn't understand why she did or said it? Or maybe you couldn't understand why she got offended or hurt by what you said to her. You didn't mean anything by it. Whether you're a man or a woman this book will open your eyes to the reality that we see and hear the opposite sex in very different ways. And the key to respectful loving relationships is to understand the most basic needs we have in our relationships. Love for women and respect for men.

My husband and I went through the DVD series at our church. While the material was good for starting dialog, I find the bias and blame of women disturbing. Particularly the idea that if husbands are unloving, it's because they aren't respected by their wives. It's her fault not his. As someone else pointed out in another review here, didn't Christ LOVE first without asking for respect?

Another point of contention for me is the idea that if a woman isn't there sexually for her mate, SHE places him at risk??? As if he has no control??? That somehow he's going to fall victim to some other woman because she wasn't there for him?? I really didn't get the point he was trying to make here at all. It came across as women should submit sexually whether htey like it or not because this is some NEED of men and they're placed in a vulnerable position if the wife doesn't take care of his needs. Again, all her fault if something goes wrong.

The placement of men above women is even seen in the title. What he want is presented as a NEED while what she wants is only a desire. Men are definitely the important ones here. However, if you can get past the anti female bias, the material might be useful from a perspective of trying to understand your mate. The idea that men and women speak different languages is not new. How many books have said before that men and women are different? The difference here is the idea that love motivates women and respect motivates men.

I'd recommend the book with more than one grain of salt. There are some good things but a lot to overlook.

My husband and I went through the DVD series at our church. While the material was good for starting dialog, I find the bias and blame of women disturbing. Particularly the idea that if husbands are unloving, it's because they aren't respected by their wives. It's her fault not his. As someone else pointed out in another review here, didn't Christ LOVE first without asking for respect?

Another point of contention for me is the idea that if a woman isn't there sexually for her mate, SHE places him at risk??? As if he has no control??? That somehow he's going to fall victim to some other woman because she wasn't there for him?? I really didn't get the point he was trying to make here at all. It came across as women should submit sexually whether htey like it or not because this is some NEED of men and they're placed in a vulnerable position if the wife doesn't take care of his needs. Again, all her fault if something goes wrong.

The placement of men above women is even seen in the title. What he want is presented as a NEED while what she wants is only a desire. Men are definitely the important ones here. However, if you can get past the anti female bias, the material might be useful from a perspective of trying to understand your mate. The idea that men and women speak different languages is not new. How many books have said before that men and women are different? The difference here is the idea that love motivates women and respect motivates men.

I did not like the treatment of sex in the seminar. Sex was presented as a need for men and something women need to provide or else they place their mate at risk??? As if he has no control??? I did not get what Dr. Eggerich was going for here but I found this whole section very creepy. Fortunately, my husband did not take this part to heart.

I'd recommend the book with more than one grain of salt.

As has already been referenced in these reviews, let the buyer beware of any product that claims to have discovered a long-hidden secret that nobody else is aware of. In the case of Dr. Eggrich's "Love and Respect," that so-called secret is that unlike women, whose primary marital need is unconditional love, men have the primary need of unconditional respect. Therefore, a new, "correct" view of marriage requires a change of perspective, mostly on the part of wives, to accept that a man's needs are decidedly different.

This is not, incidentally, why this review gives only two stars. Many female reviewers of this book have claimed bias toward women by Dr. Eggrichs, but this claim is without merit. Dr. Eggrichs, having elevated the position of the wife in terms of rights and privileges, simply goes on to state that with these rights come responsibility on the part of wives to treat their husbands as they themselves would want to be treated. This sometimes comes across as severe, but considering the way our culture treats men (eg, name one father/husband character in pop culture who is not presented as a complete buffoon), one might consider this a timely wake-up call.

Dr. Eggrichs does make one dubious claim, which, combined with the last chapters of the book (discussed below) confuses his message enough to warrant a critical review. Specifically, having already claimed a discovery of a long-hidden relationship secret, Eggrichs claims that if a husband/wife will act with love/respect toward their spouse, the spouse can not help but respond back in kind. While this claim sounds beautiful in theory (and Eggrichs reinforces this with numerous "my marriage changed overnight" testimonials), one need only think of all the couples they know in real life, in which one spouse gives sacrificially, without any kind of return by the other, selfish spouse.

Ultimately, this message cannot stand up real life. Eggrichs attempts to mitigate this in the final chapters with a "what if" scenario, in which one spouse is willing but the other is not. Eggrichs teaches that a Christian spouse must ultimately decide to do good out of reverence and love for the Lord, regardless of their spouse's behavior.

This second message does stand up to scrutiny (and earned the review a second star), and, ironically, unravels the whole premise of the book. Having spent three quarters of the book virtually guaranteeing a happy marriage through his proven system, Eggrichs completely changes course to appease those for whom it does not work. The question I was left was, so which is it? Is this book a quick fix for hurting marriages, or is it a call toward deeper holiness and maturity? This book attempts to be both, and as a result the message is lost.

Besides the Bible, this is probably the best book written on male/female specific sources of conflict. It clearly and simply explains the most common reasons for conflict and how they can be avoided. It opened my eyes to life changing truths that had always been cloudy to me. A must read for all adults, Christian or not!

There is a lot that is good in this book, but there are also some false teachings. This book is the product of the culture, not the product of Biblical teachings. Now, some conservatives will take exception to this, but until the past 30 - 40 years, the culture put down women. Dr. Eggerich writes from this perspective. The Bible, though, when verses are put back into context, liberates women. Dr. Eggerich explains away the mutual submission verse (all other submission verses in Ephesians actually descend from this verse) and states that the husband is to make the final call in the decision-making process. The truth is that Ephesians is about love and relating to one another in a Christ-like manner and is not about who makes decisions in the family. Dr. Eggerich also takes a verse from 1 Timothy out of context and incorrectly applies it to the husband/wife decision process. This is just bad theology. I hope that Dr. Eggerich has not caused some people to reject Christ because of his false teachings.

If you want a good book about Christian marriage, read anything by Les and Leslie Parrott.

There is a lot that is good in this book, but there are also some false teachings. This book is the product of the culture, not the product of Biblical teachings. Now, some conservatives will take exception to this, but until the past 30 - 40 years, the culture put down women. Dr. Eggerich writes from this perspective. The Bible, though, when verses are put back into context, liberates women. Dr. Eggerich explains away the mutual submission verse (all other submission verses in Ephesians actually descend from this verse) and states that the husband is to make the final call in the decision-making process. The truth is that Ephesians is about love and relating to one another in a Christ-like manner and is not about who makes decisions in the family. Dr. Eggerich also takes a verse from 1 Timothy out of context and incorrectly applies it to the husband/wife decision process. This is just bad theology. I hope that Dr. Eggerich has not caused some people to reject Christ because of his false teachings.

If you want a good book about Christian marriage, read anything by Les and Leslie Parrott.

This is scripture driven and has helped my already good marriage. I have purchased several books for my friends as well. Read it, and live it!

This book is alright, I would not recomend it for a baby christian, there are many unbiblical principles, I think you must be very careful, and take the good, but sift through the bad. I do think it can be very helpful, but, this is not something I would want my children to take to complete heart in their marriages.. I think you must be able to carefully extract the true biblical principles, and make sure to use your bible, and find if it is being 100%.. Talk about being unfair and unbalanced...