when you start using the methods your life changes! I did it with my 6 year old and so far it changed our lives! a must read!

This audio tape made me realize why I wasn't getting anywhere with my lengthy lectures as to why we don't do this or that. So far this has proved to work. I will recommend to others.

This is an invaluable book for every parent. Raising children these days calls for open communication and creating that environment where children can flourish. This hits the mark.I just finished another book that should be read also by every parent and teacher.Bully-Proofing Children: A Practical, Hands-On Guide to Stop Bullying is really about empowering children from day one so they don't become bullies or victims.

Gently and easily teach your children to become self-monitoring and self-disciplined (so you can stop nagging)!

This little gem is a great stress reliever, for parents as well as children.

Faber and Mazlish provide reliable information to help us re-think what discipline is and how to teach it. The sample scripts are very helpful. Using this little book, you will find effective strategies to
-- set and enforce limits
-- enable your children to become self-monitoring and self-disciplined
-- enable your children to be responsible for their decisions and consequences
-- strengthen your relationship with your children

Who wouldn't want these results?

While the book is a quick and easy read, the principles are ones you will return to and will rely on. This is one to own.

Don't miss it!

This book follows the same vein of empathic parenting as Alfie Kohn's book Unconditional Parenting; Kids, Parents & Power Struggles (Kurcinka); and Kids Are Worth It! (Coloroso). The difference with this book is that it's less about theory and more about the practical application of those empathic principles. I haven't read Alfie Kohn's book but I've seen one of his lectures so I'm familiar with his ideas, and I understand the criticism that Kohn's work is light on examples. Sure, you may agree with him (or not), but how do you apply those ideas in real life when your child is defying you?

That's where "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen..." comes in. It provides all kinds of examples, some in comics form, to give you ideas for reacting constructively to various situations. The book is somewhat dated having been written almost 30 years ago, but it's still helpful stuff. You may not agree with every example, but you probably don't agree with everything you've read in other parenting books either. Take what works for you and discard what doesn't.

Of the other books I mentioned above, I recommend Kids, Parents & Power Struggles as the book to read before this one. Kids, Parents & Power Struggles will give you a good foundation for understanding empathic parenting without making you feel inadequate or guilty.

I must admit I was disappointed with this CD. It was pretty short and not what I was hoping for. I thought it would deal more with taking to children in a way to give an gain respect and only a small portion was devoted to that subject. But it wasn't a total loss since it did make me stop and think about how I (we) might deny a childs feelings, ie: that child states "I'm hot" but we tell him "no your not it's freezing out here, put on a sweater or go in the house!" , since we are cold. I know it seems basic yet how many times have we done it? I know I have and I can't really say why other than I wasn't really listening.

If you bought the book because you need to have your children understand you, you wouldnt have time to find your answers. This book wouldve been a lot easier to read if the authors didnt write their workday. All I needed was advice but this was more work than trying to talk to a toddler and who has time for all the reading if you have a toddler????

Hi there, I was a teenage mom at 17 years old. It was a very scary thing and very new. I read this book and applied the methods to my son who is now 15 and a half and my two daughters who are 13 and 11. My son is an honour roll student and I have such open communication with my kids. It's so open they can and do tell me and us everything. This book was a total asset to my parenting tecniques and I recomend it to all parents of any age :)

This book is great. I purchased it for a "Childrens' Behavior" class, and have re-read it many times. When I began babysitting again, I re-read the book. When I began teaching, I re-read the book. Now that my friends are having children, I'd like to read it again. I love its easy reading style, and feel-good approach. It really works, which is why I love it so much.

This book teaches the one skill and the one attitude that every parent must have in order to do their best parenting: the skill of listening to understand and the attitude of compassion. Although the book is not new, this skill and attitude will never go out of style, never become old-fashioned. In fact, it is the basis of new works and theories such as that of John Gottman's "emotional coaching." The basic idea is that when parents take the time to try to see things from their child's point of view, the child feels valued and validated. This causes the child to "put down his weapons" and become more cooperative, more ready to work with the parent. Discipline becomes less necessary and the parent-child bond grows ever stronger. Children become emotionally healthier and homes become peaceful havens. This is one of the first books I taught to parents decades ago and I still refer my students and clients to it. In my own parenting book, I draw on the basic skill and attitude found in How to Talk to Your Kids, although I do also offer some "quiet discipline" methods for the few occasions on which they may be needed. And by the way, the techniques offered in this book will work well in marriage and other relationships as well!
Sarah Chana Radcliffe, M.Ed.,C.Psych.Assoc.
Author, Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice

I should preface this to say - it is not for kids with auditory processing problems or verbal problems either. Maybe not for special ed kids or kids with low IQs. Not for parents of kids that consistently misbehave and are impulsive. Well... okay - these techniques probably only work on really bright kids with only some occasional problems.

I initially thought that most of the techniques were pretty much what we do - sans ask him to troubleshoot his own behavior. However, I did not agree with alot of what was said about praise (e.g. "you must be so proud of yourself" not "I am so proud of you" - basically this one made my kid think I wasn't proud of him - "Wow - that must have taken alot of hard work. I'm so proud of you! I bet you feel pretty good about yourself too" works so much better for us). Anyway, that complaint is probably minor in the grand scheme of things.

So, we have a 9 year old boy who lies constantly - and I mean constantly. We have a behavior contract - with levels to get opportunities like watching t.v., playing a video game... We have done this since he was 4. In the last year, the lying and deceit (hiding things, sneaking things to school) have suddenly appeared. We bought this book hoping that we might be able to speak to him without yelling/being negative/nagging/belittling et cetera and get through to him. Basically, he cannot take part in any of the suggestions that the author gives for remedying specific misbehaviors. Okay - so Johnny let Dad's tool rust - logical consequence - clean the tool. So what about when Johnny lies about it - hides the tool - and the destroys the garage in an attempt to cover it up. The author's suggestion - lock it up. Basically, our whole house would be under lock and key - and this is like a bandaid on a hemorrhage. It does not address the underlying problem - and the author's suggestion is no punitive punishment only logical consequences. It just won't cut it for the impulsive Bart Simpsons of the world. We have tried it for 3 months - and if anything he got worse. But, it is possible our son does not have the ability to gain anything from these techniques because he does not have the abstract thinking skills that they require. They really do seem to need a smart kid with excellent verbal skills.

Techniques did cause SERIOUS problems at school. Son decided that the world must revolve around his needs shortly after using these techniques. Would say things like, "No, I would rather read a book than do math" - might work for Montessori but not public school. I am not sure how to get the proper balance - I think using clear "I" statements and affirming my needs, teacher's needs, sister's needs et cetera helped him develop a sense of empathy, which these techniques sorely lack. I could have been doing it wrong - or it is just a personality/developmental thing. I think you will have to judge for yourself.

Now - for my highly, highly verbal 3 year old daughter - they seem to have some promise. But, unfortunately, they frustrate her. I get things like "I don't want to talk about it", "you're irritating me", screams of exasperation, but I suspect they might be effective when she is older.

Overall - the book should be renamed - "How to talk to your spouse so spouses will listen & listen so spouses will talk" - the techniques in this book are highly useful for myself and the husband - hence 2 stars and not 1 b/c it did have some small benefit just not for the target audience.

I should preface this to say - it is not for kids with auditory processing problems or verbal problems either. Maybe not for special ed kids or kids with low IQs. Not for parents of kids that consistently misbehave and are impulsive. Well... okay - these techniques probably only work on really bright kids with only some occasional problems.

I initially thought that most of the techniques were pretty much what we do - sans ask him to troubleshoot his own behavior. However, I did not agree with alot of what was said about praise (e.g. "you must be so proud of yourself" not "I am so proud of you" - basically this one made my kid think I wasn't proud of him - "Wow - that must have taken alot of hard work. I'm so proud of you! I bet you feel pretty good about yourself too" works so much better for us). Anyway, that complaint is probably minor in the grand scheme of things.

So, we have a 9 year old boy who lies constantly - and I mean constantly. We have a behavior contract - with levels to get opportunities like watching t.v., playing a video game... We have done this since he was 4. In the last year, the lying and deceit (hiding things, sneaking things to school) have suddenly appeared. We bought this book hoping that we might be able to speak to him without yelling/being negative/nagging/belittling et cetera and get through to him. Basically, he cannot take part in any of the suggestions that the author gives for remedying specific misbehaviors. Okay - so Johnny let Dad's tool rust - logical consequence - clean the tool. So what about when Johnny lies about it - hides the tool - and the destroys the garage in an attempt to cover it up. The author's suggestion - lock it up. Basically, our whole house would be under lock and key - and this is like a bandaid on a hemorrhage. It does not address the underlying problem - and the author's suggestion is no punitive punishment only logical consequences. It just won't cut it for the impulsive Bart Simpsons of the world. We have tried it for 3 months - and if anything he got worse. But, it is possible our son does not have the ability to gain anything from these techniques because he does not have the abstract thinking skills that they require. They really do seem to need a smart kid with excellent verbal skills.

Now - for my highly, highly verbal 3 year old daughter - they seem to have some promise. But, unfortunately, they frustrate her. I get things like "I don't want to talk about it", "you're irritating me", screams of exasperation, but I suspect they might be effective when she is older.

Overall - the book should be renamed - "How to talk to your spouse so spouses will listen & listen so spouses will talk" - the techniques in this book are highly useful for myself and the husband - hence 2 stars and not 1 b/c it did have some small benefit just not for the target audience.

AWESOME, practical book. I'm a mom and special ed teacher and suggestions in this book are empathetic and consistent. BEST of all, this book is easy to read and FULL of common sense. You could pick it up and get started right away without overly academic dialog. I give this book an A++++!

This book should be obligatory for parents! It teaches new skills without being stupid and it gives examples and exercises. It's simply brilliant and I hope my daughter will appreciate the new skills I've learned.

This book is fantastic. It is a book that focuses on how to better communicate with our kids. Takes into account the need to respect them as individuals, which sets it apart from the more authoritative variety of parenting books. I have learned so much about how to talk to my children in an effective way by reading this book. My kids are 1,2 & 3yrs old, so communication is key! Sidenote: I am a practicing pediatrician and use the methods with my patients as well. Using these methods, I am better able to relate to my patients and build trust. I recommend this book to all the parents who ask for this genre of parenting books.

A coworker of mine highly recommended this book to me in the early 1990s when my children were very small, telling me it was the best book she had ever read about kids. I forgot about this and never followed up on her advice until my children started the backtalk phase and the disagreeableness of the preteen years. After lots of unhappy interactions with them, I remembered her advice when another friend recommended of this book. What a revelation. I immediately tried listening more and reducing my anger toward my kid's behavior. Simply pointing out what was wrong with certain situations at home, messes, backtalk, homework, clearing the table, soon lead to results. I am forever grateful to these 2 ladies for helping me survive the teen years. This book also works with coworkers and everyday situation.

This book will greatly improve your quality of life. Honestly.It's that good. It has helped with every relationship in my life friends, husband, very young childrne to my teenagers. This book is worht it's weight in gold.

This book is a "must have" for everyone. It teaches you (quickly & easily) how to incorporate new ways of speaking to not only children, but anyone with grace, courtesy and respect AND have them respond in a positive way with almost immediate changes in their behavior. This book has improved my relationship with my children and husband better than classes, therapy or anything else I've read or tried.

I purchased this CD, because my wife and I struggle with getting our 4-year old son to hear what we say and act on it.

Adele was very realistic and conveyed a fair amount of personal struggle with the topic, which significantly increased her credibility with us. Her book boils down to developing habits that enable parents and kids to follow the golden rule. It has made us more aware of the habits we want to form.

I thought the male speakers voice was a bit hokey and over-dramatic, but the re-enactments struck a chord with my son. He actively listens with us and asks questions about them, which was really cool. That made the purchase worth it.

I heard about this book from my mom. She had used it when I was a kid. Her brother Joe gave it to her after he had used it with his son. You don't need to be a parent to love this book! I am a young guy. I don't have kids, but I love this book. These ideas and concepts can be adapted to any situation, with any person of any age. It's very interesting, easy to grasp, and is a quick read. After reading this book and applying what you've learned, communicating with EVERYONE in your life should definitely improve.

I cannot say enough good about this book. For someone who loves practicality in topics on parenting this is amazing stuff. I especially love all the practical examples and exact scenarios and real conversations that are written out. You can clearly see how two styles of conversations compare and know exactly how to apply what is being taught! I never knew that how you word things can make such a difference but the proof is in the pudding, as they say...Enjoying the Ride

Excellent, practical guide for parenting children. Also, could help improve your communication skills and style with your spouse and friends/family in general. Reasonable middle ground for parenting children in a compassionate manner (as opposed to the authoritarian style or the overly child-centered attachment style).

The book feels a little "old" although the methods recommended in it are timeless. It had a little too much of workshop over it where you should be working in a group with role-play etc. in order to follow the recommendations. Over all; good recommendations for how to talk to kids and you can skip the work-shop parts.

this book is perfect for the relationship between parents and kids,it helps parents to be aware of their kids thoughts and emotions,so they can deal with the daily conflicts that can happen in almost every family,parents also benefit alot for themselves, as it creates self esteem, and confidence...I really liked this book and recommend everyone to read it, not only the parents ....

To improve relationships with teenage step-daughters, I was willing to try the techniques offered in the very first chapter, even though I doubted they would work. I've come to realize that by letting them know I understand their feelings, rather than trying to fix things on the spot, we have grown closer and learned how to solve problems together. The following chapters on cooperation, punishment and building esteem repeated this cycle of doubt -> practice -> results.

I still can't say I agree with everything the authors preach - for example, I believe punishment is appropriate in some cases, that it's not just a "distraction." And I am concerned that over-emphasizing children's needs, feelings and desires could create self-oriented and ego-centric psyches. But many of the ideas in this book have helped us all to become more sensitive, helpful, respectful and caring while becoming less vengeful, hurtful and blaming.

This is one of the best parent-child communication books, if not the best. Full of practical, proven and tested ideas. The best part is the ideas in the book do not teach you to "force" your kids to do what you want. But you and your kids both come up with a solution that benefit both parties.

If you are having problems getting your kids to do what you want or they simply don't listen to you, get this book. I always refer to this book when I have problems talking to my kids. I regret for not getting the book earlier ;-)

THIS BOOK CHANGED MY LIFE AND THE LIVES OF EVERY ONE I LOVE!!!!

IT IS EASY TO READ AND EASY TO USE THEIR SUGGESTIONS FOR A HUGE CHANGE IN RELATIONSHIPS.

IT IS A MUST READ - NOT JUST FOR PARENTS - THE PROACTIVE, POSITIVE WAY TO COMMUNICATE IS USEFUL IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS. THEY DO A VERY GOOD JOB OF TEACHING ACTIVE LISTENING.

EASY READ !!!!

MUST READ!!!!

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!!

THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER PLACE IF EVERYONE READ THIS BOOK!!

My mom pretty much raised my brother and me according to this book, and I give it most of the credit for how good our relationships remain to this day. When I was in college for my Teacher's Certificate, I got myself a copy and found it more useful than any of my textbooks.

Yes, it's got cartoonish drawings. Yes, sometimes things are presented in a somewhat simplistic fashion. That's because this is a book to be used with your kids, not just from your end. Go through it, do the exercises, and then do them with your kids. You'll be amazed at the difference it will make in your approach to conflicts.

Not just conflicts with kids, either. Pretty much all of the techniques in this book can be applied to any conflict situation with good results.

I learned many ways of listening to my children, making them talk, very helpful in many ways. One great parenting book. A MUST HAVE FOR MOMS and DADS!! My husband read too and helped him to see a whole new way of managing trantuns and every day circunstances with the children.

This book has a lot of little cartoon drawings which I personally find annoying in a book geared towards adults. In the book and the cartoon drawings there are many sample conversations of what a parent should say and then how the child will respond. Most of the cartoon scenarios depict best case results, with the children positively responding when the parents use the tactics suggested in the book. I can see where some parents might like this book and some children might respond positively. However, I think it seems a bit naive on the part of the authors to assume that all children will respond exactly as they predict based on being talked to in a certain way.

Instead of buying this book I would recommend the book Assertive Discipline by Lee Canter and Marlene Canter. I suspect the ideas in that book would be more applicable to a wider variety of children's personality types.

This book has a lot of little cartoon drawings which I personally find annoying in a book geared towards adults. In the book and the cartoon drawings there are many sample conversations of what a parent should say and then how the child will respond. Personally, I think the authors are living in a dream world. In the cartoons the kids always respond perfectly to the parents sage questions and gentle advice. But the reality is that raising kids isn't so easy, and the cartoons simply depict some kind of author fantasy on how effective their advice is going to be and how children will instantly respond and magically behave once you talk to them in a certain way. Generally I like to collect books, keep them and reread them, but I gave this book away since it had such little advice that I found to actually be helpful.

Instead of buying this book I would recommend the book Assertive Discipline by Lee Canter and Marlene Canter. I bought a number of books on parenting last year and found the Canter book to be the most helpful.

Wow I thought I was an encouraging loving mother until I read this book, there are all kinds of little things I was doing that were kind of undermined my kids self esteem and confidence! What a shocker for me! I have also read How To Talk So Kids Can Learn, another EXCELLENT book. That book was the beginning of a much more positive homeschool situation and excelled learning!!! Both books have transformed me from a frazzled tired Mom to a much less stressed one, knowing simple ways to make a difference in my kids lives...the best part is that the more confident and happy the kids are (and the happier I am from not being so overwhelmed) the better they behave daily! I checked the book out from the library but am going to buy a copy of my own to keep and share!!! I wish every parent and teacher could read this book!

I got this CD thinking it would be an easy way for me to be productive on the subway to and from work. By the time I got home... I had listened to the whole CD!! That's it! I was very disappointed, because the content was great, and I wanted to hear more. I neglected to read that this was an "abridged" version of the book. Too bad, it felt like one chapter out of a book rather than the whole book. I got the book for my 3 pregnant girlfriends and they were all really excited to read it (as were some of their husbands). I own the authors' book about how to talk so kids listen and learn, and i think the principles taught are wonderful. I have yet to try them on my future students, but I have secretly tried their techniques on my husband and it seems to work with him :).

I have a toddler and also teach high school. This book works for both situations! The illustrations support the concepts presented. Everything is so easy to follow. It even works while talking to my husband when I try not to get irritated with him!

this book has saved my parenting! I read it over and over; when I apply its methods, I see miracles happen, every day. You will, too. I have given it as a present to all my parent-friends - they thank me and pass it on to others; my sister who is not a parent, but teaches kids, bought it too. She says it helps her in her job tremendously. It's a gem. The best thing is, you think this applies to kids, but it applies to everyone. Try the skills on your spouse, family, best friend, colleagues. You will see amazing changes.

As a Grandmother raising a "second family" 8 year old, I just wanted to make sure he could express all the things he feels and I wanted help in knowing how to really listen! This book is excellent, an easy read and very helpful!

I was quite skeptical at first but after reading the first two chapters and seeing the immediate positive reaction from my kids, i am hooked.

This is such agreat book! It really opened my eyes. It has helped my relationship with kids so much. It has even helped me comminicate and listen better with my husband. I highly recommend it.

I honestly think this is a "vanity published" book. The content is dated and simplistic, kinda Dr. Laura style. I have the CD, read by the authors. Good God, that was a mistake. I guess I'd have rather have had a professional reader without driveling nasal voices. Anyway, READ the book, but DO NOT under any circumstance, BUY THE CD. It SUCKS!

When I purchased this book I was skeptical, but desperate. My children would not listen and no amount of bribing, threatening, or begging would help. They would grind their heels in and pull one way while I desperately pulled the other. But now I offer compromises I don't have to win all the time, they realize that I am a human with feels that can (and does) get as tired and frustrated as they do and because of it I live a happier life with happier children that aren't storming off into their bedrooms to sulk. Are we perfect? No, not quite, but we're working on it!

It's practical, fair and effective. Every time I end up getting in a pattern of discipline or communication that doesnt work and I go back and re read this material I find that this book is the best out there. All of a sudden my son starts to HEAR what I'm saying and follow directions. BUY THE BOOK!

This is an excellent book that teaches parents how to think about parenting holistically rather than simply providing a one-size-fits-all disciplinary approach (e.g. counting 1, 2, 3,... or naughty spot or time outs or whatever). So you have to be open-minded, imaginative, and disciplined enough yourself to fully appreciate its brilliance. We purchased this book after it was recommended by our daughter's Montessori school. I didn't begin reading it, though, until after a particularly publicly humiliating battle in a grocery store parking lot with my 3-yr-old daughter. It took effort and thought to apply the techniques described in the book, but within a few days of that episode my relationship with my daughter drastically improved. I quickly learned that she has far more smarts and creativity than I gave her credit for and that she can be a delightful companion when given some autonomy and a chance to think for herself. The people who reviewed this book negatively seem to prefer the "my way or the highway just because I said so" techniques to behavior modification (as a way of proving that they are in charge). These also work to an extent, I suppose, but they don't foster the independence, self-reliance, and self-esteem that will result in a kid who can solve real world problems and compete effectively. This book teaches that by respecting your kids and encouraging their independence, you will achieve better long-term results for yourself and for them. It provides tips, techniques, and examples, but be prepared to think for yourself how to appropriately apply these ideas to a specific problem at hand. I now have much less need to "discipline" my kids because they choose for themselves to behave well.

This is a great parenting book, what a difference reading this book has made in my life and family. Although it was over 200 pages I read it in a day, because it was so good. This book is written in a really clear manner. The techniques are easy to use, and the language is simple without being lofty. The authors cover discipline, sharing feelings, how to give useful praise, and a variety of other subjects. Its useful not only for parents, but for anyone who has contact with kids. I've seen an improvement in my interactions with kids in only a few short weeks.

Other great books I suggest What to Expect when you are Expecting, MOM by Holly and Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley

I, and several friends of mine, were raised by the principles that this book. Recently we were all talking about how frustrating it is to have a parent try this stuff on you. I didn't know my mother had used these until I was older and learned about them in a child development class. (Later I asked her too) Of the people Ive talked to who have experience these techniques, there is a general agreement that they produce more frustration than anything else. It doesn't feel natural or like your parent is taking you seriously. I love my mother and am very close with her, but I feel these communication style created more strife and division than anything else. However, this may just be due to my, and my friends' personality types. We are almost all Rationals (Keirsey personality type) or NTs (myers-brigs). I am an INTJ and apparently we react differently than children with more common personality types (ex: as kids, we dont respond well to most compliments but fair better with interested questions in things we are proud of).

This is a great book that gives concrete examples and has the parent imagine the outcomes of different imagined conversations in order to understand how to get the desired one. I think it should be in everyone's bookcase because it not only suggests ways to get your kids to open up and feel comfortable talking, but its suggestions and tools are useful for any other interpersonal relationships.

wonderful! wonderful! It really opened my eyes on some of the things that I say and do as a parent with my child. Really recomend this to anyone!

wonderful! wonderful! It really opened my eyes on some of the things that I say and do as a parent with my child. Really recomend this to anyone!

This is a great book that gives concrete examples and has the parent imagine the outcomes of different imagined conversations in order to understand how to get the desired one. I think it should be in everyone's bookcase because it not only suggests ways to get your kids to open up and feel comfortable talking, but its suggestions and tools are useful for any other interpersonal relationships.

This is a helpful book written for all of us who do parenting. If you've ever felt like your kids weren't listening or just didn't understand, this book is for you! You'll find clear, useful, immediate help here.

Barbara Sheldon, M.S.W.
A great book on this topic: Raising Great Kids on Your Own: A Guide and Companion for Every Single Parent by Dr. David & Lisa Frisbie

This is a helpful book written for all of us who do parenting. If you've ever felt like your kids weren't listening or just didn't understand, this book is for you! You'll find clear, useful, immediate help here.

Barbara Sheldon, M.S.W.
Coordinator of Divorce Care
Also recommended: Raising Great Kids on Your Own: A Guide and Companion for Every Single Parent by Dr. David & Lisa Frisbie