I have this book and I haven't finished it yet. It's pretty much about one mans struggle with what is so obvious (that he is so gay). It's pretty frustrating because he goes back and fourth so much. Then there is a point where he is only with men and describing his sex adventures. Then there is the whole spirituality struggle that he is dealing with. This book so far has really upset me with how much denial this person is in and everyone who he describes in his book. They surely don't care about the what they are doing to the black community by being on the "down low". I mean seriously if your mother and little brother had HIV/AIDS I don't think that you would be out here living this secret life, just because you want to be selfish. Like I said though I haven't finished this book and from what I hear I am only in the beginning of this book (page 123) this is still day one but I doubt I will finish it just as I tried to read that other DL book.

I first read about this book last year and I decided right then and there that I HAD to get a copy when it came out.I have had some of my suspicions of Hip Hop artists confirmed by this book-and it is very thought provoking,too.

Terrance Dean dances gingerly through glass as he journeys from self-loathing to self-loving in a memoir that is at once brutally forthcoming and surprisingly discreet.

He assigns aliases to the major and minor down low players in the entertainment industry, a world, as any insider knows, is about as gay as pink ink. And it's a good thing he does. Some are so thinly disguised that only the fear of self-outing is, perhaps, preventing legal action.

"Hiding In Hip-Hop" is crammed with enough superstars with cover wives, rappers rolling in the hay with their homies, and enough stellar celebrities and big buff athletes same-sexing it to line a mile of red carpet. Same-sex orgies in private Hollywood Hills abodes and pick-you-out-a-man sex parties in the penthouses of Eastside Manhattan are mere weekly rituals for these brothas (and a whole lot of sistahs) who belong to an exclusive fraternity where effeminate men, overly butch women and openly gay anybodies are strictly forbidden.

These hide-in-plain-site undercover homosexuals believe that they are having their cake and eating it too, but alas, the dark cloud of dishonesty, self-hatred, and the fear of discovery loom furtively above their heads.

And therein lies Mr. Dean's thesis. He judges no one but himself, and in his self-disciplining he does not spare the rod.

From the very beginning, his life, if it were not so tragic, seemed a cruel joke, a set-up for the kind of self-loathing that can prevent a man from loving himself as himself. Mr. Dean's early years factor greatly into his loathing of his sexual nature, just as surely as some others come to hate their dark skin, kinky hair, big noses, African roots.

The first part of the book is gripping melodrama; chronicling events no child should have to go through. Born into the slums of Detroit to a prostitute mother, he was four-years-old when he had a gun put to his head by his mother's rapist when he and his grandmother happened to walk in on the assault. An adult male neighbor later sexually assaults him. His mother contracted AIDS and died of the then deadly disease while he was away at school(he was the first in his family to attend college). His baby brother, born with AIDS, died shortly thereafter.

Arrested for car theft, Dean spent eight months in a Tennessee penitentiary. He remained estranged from his family, except for his beloved Grandmother Pearl. Broke and downtrodden, he resorted to drinking.

Believing that his same-sex attraction was just another tarnish on his young life, he fought his desire for men with a passion.

In spite of all that was going on in his life Dean had been a good student, made admirable grades and, after college, determined that he was going to turn his life around. He ended up in Hollywood, aligned himself with a female friend who was a writer's assistant on the TV show "Friends." He finally landed a job as a production assistant on the set of a porn movie.

Being a hard worker who had made a Scarlet O'Hara vow to himself ("As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"), Dean moved quickly through the ranks, each job better than the next, networking with the movers and shakers of the industry, where he found that most of the black men he knew had the same sexual secret as he. Once it was realized that he could be trusted, he was invited into the inner sexual circle where he found himself routinely getting it on with some of the most recognizable black male stars in the business.

He soon discovered that the down low syndrome was even more pervasive in the hip-hop community, where homosexual hook-ups seemed more the rule than the exception.

Eventually, the constant hiding in this secret society and constantly monitoring his conversations, careful not to use the wrong pronoun, was taking its toll. He began pulling away from the scene and meeting more openly gay men. This was beginning to have a positive effect on him. Dean writes:

"These men were not hung up on what others thought of them. They were proud black gay men who lived their lives without fear or shame...They refuse to be unheard."

The death of a down low friend, Kenny Greene, lead singer of the group Intro, who had broken his silence and admitted to being bisexual and having full-blown AIDS in a Sister 2 Sister magazine article convinced Dean to come out.

As the founder of Men's Empowerment, Inc., an organization dedicated to self-empowering men of color and different sexual natures, Terrance Dean has turned his lemon of a life into lemonade for so many, and his book "Hiding In Hip Hop" is not simply a naughty Hollywood tell-all. It is a life lesson. In these pages we all find another way to look at that man in the mirror and like what you see. Looker: A Novel

Hiding in Hip Hop: Confessions of a Down Low Brother in the Entertainment Industry by Terrance Dean is an intimate account of the author's experience as an undercover brother. As a child, Dean was forced to cope with issues surrounding drugs, abandonment, AIDS, and molestation. As an adult, those issues still plagued him, but he was able to add sexuality to his list of problems. His fulfillment in having sex with other men would not have been so huge had he not been a part of the entertainment business. But because he was flooded with images of masculinity and saw how the rich and famous treated those who were openly gay, he contrived an artificial existence as a heterosexual man ultimately hiding in Hip Hop.

Dean was not the typical down-low guy though. In actuality, he loathed the way some down-low men lied to their women. He also was not too keen on playing second fiddle to men who wanted to have their cake and eat it too. Dean wanted much more. He wanted real love. And he wanted to know how he could attain that love and still be accepted in a business that was all about images and facades. Through his desires to love freely, dealing with his estranged family, and attempting to find a way to overcome his conflict with his sexual preference, Dean started Men's Empowerment where he invited his peers to discuss the stressors that came with celebrity and/or power. Men's Empowerment became a seed flourishing into other groups that helped communities in New York and ultimately helped Dean do some serious soul searching.

Hiding is Hip Hop was a decent read. It garnered so much attention that by the time I read it, I was so intrigued by the celebrities Dean was not naming and almost missed the point of his book. He did an excellent job of protecting the innocent, as I was unable to positively identify anyone he described, but I had tons of fun trying to figure them out. Because he used fictitious names, and so many of them, I often lost track of who was who and why they mattered. There were a few name glitches complete with misspellings and the timeline was a bit off. Sometimes, I could not tell what time period he was speaking of, but it may have been to protect celebrity's anonymity. Overall, Hiding in Hip Hop is an entertaining read if you enjoy playing guessing games. Readers who like memoirs and stories that delve into the struggles of human nature would also find this story fulfilling.

Reviewed by Darnetta Frazier
APOOO BookClub

Brilliant read!!! Gives an in depth view to another "CULTURE".

Can be over explicit at times.....but would recommend to anyone who enjoys reading real lives.

This book was boring and terribly written. I took it back after finishing it. It would have been so much better if he'd named names, but he didn't so it was wack!

The book is GARBAGE!!!! It's very confusing because of the clues he gives..It's not a "tell all" book.. He is no "Superhead" at least she had the guts to name names..He fancies around leaving everything open. Be a MAN for once and save someones LIFE.. Aids are killing women who don't have a clue because their man is keeping a couldbe deadly secret..Speak UP & Speak OUT..Make them own up to their sexual choice..Its so unfair to the women who have no idea and now their life is in libo..I did not like this book whatsoever!!!!! 2 thumbs waaaay down..

If he wasnt going to call out any names he shouldn't had wrote the book. It was a waste of breath. Why write about ppl if your not going to have enough balls to call them out. Atleast Super Head keep it real and give name. If he didn't want to give names he could had atleast give better descriptions. It's a waste of time.

I, like many, waited with baited breath for the release. I personally was not disapointed. It takes courage to be able to tell your story and not give a damn what may be said. I am encouraged when I see someone take a stand to purge the mind, body and spirit, on a very personal level, but then put pen to paper to share that cleansing and its life altering effects, with the world! I can only give kudos to Mr. Dean for his effort.

I could talk about the obvious attraction for wanting to read the book, the sex and the crazy desire to stop and google the clues to try to discover the identity of those participating in the sexapades, but I really took a deeper examination of the book.

This book is an important one, to me, in many ways. It spoke to me on many levels. In my young years we had elders in the gay community who took young men under their wings and taught, groomed, passed on secrets and gave advice about living in the life. The 80's and its gratuitous drug use as well as HIV/AIDS took many of those who could have had positive influence on the hip hop generation of today. This book, in a sense, speaks to this generation on its own level, in its own way. Where I may not be able to connect with a younger brother with the ways of those who touched me in my path, this book may bridge the gap for some young soul out there struggling with his sexuality or at least spark introspection or generate conversations on the dynamics surrounding-getting loved- no matter how much you fake, front or fool yourself about who you trully love or want to love.

This book also reiterated that we still have work to do in the African-American community specifically around homophobia. We are beginning to see an increased trend toward suicide/homicide whether it is concious or subconcious in young black males and I can't help but wonder if having same sex feelings and having them so negatively oppressed, especially in the hip hop community, does not take a toll on developing minds.

I think Mr. Dean has affored us with yet another opportunity to have dialogue around some very important issues that are not just going to go away.

Having read/viewed recent interviews and having knowledge of book club gatherings around this release, and the resulting conversations, is a continued step toward the legacy Terrance Dean is creating for bringing franchised and disenfranchised gay men of color together to....talk. Talking for the sharing of information about a lifestyle on the downlow, its affects and how you can still embrace your self worth and value and move beyond shawdows, silence and stealth.

Those conversations trump any criticism of the entertainment value for this book and renders it very necessary for our times.

I was disappointed in the book. If he wasn't going to name the entertainer he could have given better clues. I did feel for him and his childhood and was sad of the losses and struggles he had to go through. But, I wouldn't recommend the book to anyone. They can borrow mine.

You can always tell when someone is a true music lover. When they put the disc of their favorite artist in the cd player, they know exactly what number will give them the song they need for that point in their life. Whether its something to make them smile, bob their head, think about a time when things seemed better or even just that feel-good groove, they know where it is; and it manages to take them to the place they need at that time. No matter how many cds they have in their collection, there is no mistaken who will do what is needed at the time that it is needed the most.

Author Terrance Dean has managed to give us four discs containing the lyrics of his life complete with chapter titles that will remind you of some of your favorite songs and expressions. In his sophomore project "Hiding in Hiphop", we travel with him through a life that many can relate to but none can narrate the way that he does.

For months the book was talked about, blogged about and speculated about--yet many of those who seemed the most "knowledgeable" about the world that Dean was bringing to life felt cheated by not getting the dirt that many supposed "tell-alls" offer. Many felt the content didn't match the hype. For those who were looking to confirm their suspicions about the personal lives of some of the entertainment industry's most famous names and faces were greatly disappointed, however, one thing that was consistent throughout was what you would expect of a true memoir: the author's personal search for truth.

How many of us can imagine growing us as a child that by the age of four had to deal with being in the apartment with his mother while she was being raped only to have a gun put to his head afterwards, threatened with death. Can you relate to finding out your mother has full-blown AIDS and to not only lose her but two siblings to the disease as well? How many can keep their sanity as a teenager after being molested and left to answer why did it have to happen to you? Dean experienced all of this and more. He writes: "As a teenager, everything for me was trial and error. I watched adults and did what they did or I read books on a subject to learn more. I hated that I didn't have a father to explain to me the things I was going through... Since I had no real direction, I tried to figure out things on my own."

Before the molestation, Dean had no desire to be with someone of the same sex. Afterwards he found himself curious, leading him into the world that was known as the "DL". For some the main question they ask is why not just be gay? Why the lies and double life? Much of it had to do with being a man in the black community in a professional environment, especially the entertainment world. Dean explains it this way: "It's hard as hell to be an educated, smart, and attractive gay black man in the black community. We don't openly discuss it nor do we tell everyone. The white gay community tends to be more accepting and tolerant of gays in the business."

Being raised in the church, Dean struggled with what he felt and what he had learned was right and wrong in the eyes of God. "Many nights I cried, praying to God, asking and pleading with Him to take away my sinful homosexual thoughts," he writes. "Man, I wanted to be straight. I wanted to live my life as a heterosexual man with a wife and kids, but I couldn't shake my urges for men. I knew this would be my burden for life." At one point he even wishes for a pill that could take away his feelings, but no such remedy existed. Later he would consider pills as a literal way of ending his pain and his life. The conflict was just that real.

From `track' to `track' we see how he searched for love in the wrong places, hoping to find something that could be real in the world of lies he was carefully creating for himself and those around him. In full disclosure, Dean wasn't always the victim. His actions hurt others, something he readily admits. One of the most agonizing events seem to be when he cheats on one of his girlfriends with her own cousin. Trifling, yes, but he became so convicted by his betrayal that he ended both relationships--something that wasn't easy on either front, but something he felt had to be done.

As far as celebrities are concerned, his encounters do include those who are known as prominent figures in various facets of entertainment; but the book is not about them really at all. If anything their importance is only in the fact that they, too, found themselves in the careful dance between the worlds of self and self-preservation.

He describes it this way: "Hip Hop is a male-dominated culture with lots of machismo, testosterone, and ego. The more hetero a person is, the more accepted he is... It is an environment filled with hardcore young men overcoming a life of struggle and obstacles to make it to the top as the ultimate hustler. However, when Hip hop is mentioned what doesn't come to mind is gay men."

With maturity and the beginnings of what I call self-love, the author makes the decision to want to be just who he is. It was something that he went back and forth on, but the time had come when he wanted to live his truth for no one but himself. What he couldn't have expected was the love and support that came with the decision, and with that came a new mission for him in dealing with the industry that he so loved.

"Hiding in Hiphop" is a tell-all, but not the kind that you may have come to expect. It tells us that with adversity and trials we have really two choices. You can allow it to consume you entirely, wallowing in your own pity and lot in life; or you can do what Terrance Dean has done: use your life experiences to become a more refined human being that has learned from the past and now helps others to heal themselves by doing the same. These are reminders that like our favorite songs should be put on repeat for us to remember when things seem to be at their worse.

I heard about this book from Publisher's Weekly last year and have been in a mild state of anticipation ever since.

I read this book in a day and a half and I must say that I enjoyed every second. I, like many others, was able to guess several of the names and have now gone back through it to figure out the rest. I am happy to see someone finally write about the 'down low' men and women in the entertainmaent industry because we know it exists. Am I surprised about any of the people 'mentioned' in the book? Absolutely not! But I live and let live.

Aside from the outings, Terrance gives the readers an in depth look into his life, from his drug-addicted mother, the sexual abuse he experienced at the hands of a family friend and above all else, his journey to self-acceptance. I was thoroughly moved by Terrance's candor and impressed with his ability to turn his aspirations into successes.

You, Me and He

I thought this book was a good read. Offered some insight into the industry that I didn't know existed. I didn't like the structure of the book- was a bit jumbled and scattered at times. All in all- you can guess quite a few people if you put your mind to it. I think the overall point of the book has less to do with the identities of the people and more to do with Dean's exploration of himself.

I had gone into this book trying not to judge someone else's truth. I was preparing myself for the usual rumors and innuendo that have followed celebs throughout their careers but I was searching for more of an explanation of the method to the madness. I appreciated Mr. Dean's honesty pertaining to his life and upbringing, as it is always interesting to delve into a person's psyche.

I thought this book would be more about the author's experiences pertaining to business and his down low profile opposed to his social activities. Did these artist create stumbling blocks for him or his friends if they did not comply? I viewed a lot of it as more of a glorification of notches in his belt. Everyone was super attractive, every one in layman's term "could get it". The whole time there were excuses made for the promiscuous behavior. I think Mr. Dean was more so going along with the flow at first.

I wanted to read more about his life, it was basically some trials and tribulation, then the next chapter would go into some unadulterated sex that basically got redundant after a while. The chapters about his life as a youth were compelling and could have carried 95% of the book.

Then there were the chapters of the industry parties that were basically full blown orgies. I felt like the chapters about his early life and those written about the lewd world of Hollywood were so different in contrast in the writing style. Everything was down low and secret desires, I think I read that at least a million times as someone pointed out in an earlier review.

Overall, it was brave of him to tell his story. Everyone should be allowed to tell his/her story. Some of the alleged down low people, it was so much to figure them out and then he named names later in the book anyway, not on purpose I suppose.
If this book were a movie it would be rated X not giving much room for the more important story, his discrimation that he faced, his struggles, and his self worth. I wanted to read more of that. The downlow celeb sex could have been summed up in one chapter seriously.

I bought the book mainly because I wanted to know which one of the wannabe hardcore rappers were gay. I was EXTREMELY disappointed when he didn't name any of them. I heard that he gave descriptions of them so it will be easy for you to guess, but some of them were a little hard to me. I figured out Shemar Moore, LL Cool J, and other New York rappers. Did anybody figure out who is gay? If you did then who?

It's really difficult to share the painful details of one's life..even to oneself. But Mr. Dean has written a poignant memoir which reveals a life full of pain and victory. If you are looking for Video Vixen type of writing...this is not it...and for that I applaud this book! This book would make a great movie!

Terrance Dean makes it sound as if he is about to provide the reader with insight into the real goings on in Hip Hop and the entertainment industry in general, but what he provides is a disjointed look at his life. While I am not among those who wishes he named names (he has no right to do that unless he is trying to protect someone in danger), I wished that he told us more than men often become homosexuals because they are molested and their families refuse to deal with the event or that men cheat on their wives and girlfriends with other men. All of this is already known. What I wished he had done was provide some real understanding either for himself or the others whom he discusses. Instead, Dean takes the easy way out to make a buck. Too bad, real honesty could have done wonders for black men, black gay men and the black community in general.

I am glad Terrance Dean didn't name names. At first I thought that it was a ploy to sell books or for legal reasons. Once reading I realize that if he would have named names then he would have been a sell-out. It would have been out of character for someone in his situation.

The book detailed the struggles of a bisexual African American man working in a highly publicized industry. I was shocked at most of what I read about the "down low brothers" but not entirely surprised considering the nature of the book.

The riddles are not entirely easy to figure out. I think I immediately knew who one of the people, Ella (I think that was her psuedo-name), was. Otherwise I think the descriptions hides the identities of the people involved very well. And really...I DON'T want to know who everyone is. T.M.I. for sure.

This book was a fast read. Not something I would reread but definitely sheds some light on a sensitive situation.

i was anxiously awaiting the release of this book and i was thrilled when amazon received it early. once i began reading this book, i was shocked to discover that he used monikers instead of giving actual names. i really wanted to know the names of the gay rappers and other allegedly gay entertainers that the media speculates about. altogether, this was an enjoyable read because he spares no details when it comes to his life. this book would've been a 5 star had the timeline not been all over the place and he would have given out the actual names of his lovers and the other men and women who were part of his downlow circle.
3.5 stars

O.K. I will admit I ordered the book in hopes that he would name names. I feel like the author led us on to get book sales. Do I think there are men on the D.L. in Hip-Hop...yes, but not as many as he says.

I did feel his pain when he prayed to God to take the feelings away. I still wanted him to name names. I do feel like what happened to him as a child did have something to do with how he turned out.

This is an amazing book at first i got this book to see who was undercover but what i got out of was much more so to everyone out there you should get the book you will enjoy it.

I have finished reading Hiding in Hip Hop in 3 days.
This book is very thought provoking and uplifting based on Terrance Dean's life. A MUST READ for all especially for men of color.
He turned his jaded moments and turned them into positive by instilling hope to pursue a career in the entertainment industry and/or to be a better person in life.
Terrance Dean is future Pulitzer Prize and NAACP Winner.

I really didn't like the book at all. I think the author misled the public in order to get book sales. Unlike Confessions of a Video Vixen she names people. If you are not into the rap world you would have no idea who is talking about. Also not every man you meet is gorgeous and well people. Neither is everyone so beautiful. The writing was bad also. It is about his life as a gay man. Nothing more, nothing less. I would not recommend this book at all. I wish I would get my money back.

Like most people, I went into this book more excited about celebrity dirt. As you'll quickly discover, this is a book about a man's life, a true memoir. Yes, there's a little bit of sex here and there, and some celebrity references, but at the end of the day, this is a memoir about a man's search for identity and salvation.

Terrance Dean receives an A+ for his brutally honest portrait of his real life insecurities, confusion and loneliness, making this book so worth reading. So much more than which celebrities are doing what, this book really brings to light the fight or flight mentality so many black gay men endure every day in every part of this country, just to survive.

How I wish this book had existed 20 years ago.

An incredibly accurate portrayal of the industry. Those who make a living in hip hop know that it may only be surpassed by the closeted gay men in the entertainment industry of the Black churches. The book is truly an eye-opener to those who thought their "macho ganstas" were all that.

This is a good look at some of the stars young people choose to look up to through this man's life.
We choose who we want to be, whether we are the star or the fan.Ho-9
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