He's Just Not That Into You (The Newly Expanded Edition): The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
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| He's Just Not That Into You (The Newly Expanded Edition): The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men.
He's afraid to get hurt again. Maybe he doesn't want to ruin the friendship. Maybe he's intimidated by me. He just got out of a relationship. Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that -- despite good intentions -- you're wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages. The truth may be He's just not that into you. Unfortunately, guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman "You're not the one." But their actions absolutely show how they feel. HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU -- based on a popular episode of Sex and the City -- educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn't like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship. Reexamining familiar scenarios and classic mind-sets that keep us in unsatisfying relationships, Behrendt and Tuccillo's wise and wry understanding of the sexes spares women hours of waiting by the phone, obsessing over the details with sympathetic girlfriends, and hoping his mixed messages really mean "I'm in love with you and want to be with you." HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU is provocative, hilarious, and, above all, intoxicatingly liberating. It deserves a place on every woman's night table. It knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better. The next time you feel the need to start "figuring him out," consider the glorious thought that maybe He's just not that into you. And then set yourself loose to go find the one who is. |
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He's Just Not That Into You is provocative, hilarious, and, above all, intoxicatingly liberating. It deserves a place on every woman's night table. It knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better. The next time you feel the need to start "figuring him out," consider the glorious thought that maybe He's just not that into you. And then set yourself loose to go find the one who is.
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| 08-19-08 | 3 | (NA) |
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So, this book isn't really bad , but it is common sense. We girls keep making excuses for the man when deep down we known what's going on. We just don't want to say it or belive it. The book basically says the same thing over and over in every chapter just different situations. Basically if the guy doesn't treat you like a princess then " he is just not into you!" That doesn't take a whoe book to say but and here is where credit is due; if you are hard headed and in one of these relationships maybe reading the whole book is what you need.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-08-20 08:55:52 EST)
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| 08-18-08 | 4 | (NA) |
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I really enjoyed reading this book. I do think it is one every girl should read. It is a very short read so I did think it was overly expensive. However, if you do buy it, just share it with all your girlfriends as I have. For the most part, all of the advice in here is commmon sense and stuff we all know . . however . .it is all the things we refuse to admitt to ourselves. I believe this does help you do just that. It is also done with great humor which is much needed if you are in a situation where you "need" to be reading this book. The bad part about it was that I really think if we all held out for the guy this book says exists . . we'd be single forever. So as long as you realize that no one is perfect but you do deserve to be treated well I think this book is worth the read.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-08-20 08:55:52 EST)
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| 08-16-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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This is literally my favorite book now. It was helpful to have a "professional" (sort of) tell me that if he's not calling, etc., he's just not that into me, and why would I want to wait around with him, when there's someone better out there who WILL BE "into me" enough to call (or whatever). The point is, why waste your time with someone who's not into you--potentially preventing you from meeting that someone who is? It goes through all the ways that he might not be "that into you" and why and how you should move on. Every woman should read this book, and I mean that.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-08-19 09:09:55 EST)
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| 08-14-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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The book was received in great condition! As always, I'm very happy with the service that Amazon provides, the quality of the merchandise, and the members that I deal with.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-08-17 09:03:55 EST)
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| 08-13-08 | 5 | 1\1 |
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This book is great. Bought it after getting dumped. I'd read a little everytime I started to feel a little down. It would even make me laugh sometimes. It was amazing how so much of it did apply to situations I had been in. It helped to realize that I am worth more and deserve to have someone that really is into me.
I'm definitely keeping this book as a reference on future relationships. (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-08-17 09:03:55 EST)
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| 08-09-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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I really enjoyed this book. I gave it to every girl I know. It's like our bible. Stop wasting time and move on. However, I just found this site that explores the issue a bit more. Has anyone used it? WhyWasIDissed.com? This seems even more entertaining. I'm just waiting for them to come out with a book...
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-08-14 09:06:07 EST)
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| 08-08-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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This gave me a whole new outlook to boys and dating! I highly recommend it for anyone, single or taken. It is eye opening!
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-08-14 09:06:07 EST)
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| 08-05-08 | 1 | 0\1 |
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I read my roommate's copy of this book. After she broke up with her boyfriend, she brought it and a copy of "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken" home and we read them aloud together and laughed. I suppose we are each other's "breakup buddies," something one or the other of these books recommends getting after you've dumped or been dumped. Let me make one thing clear, I hate self-help books and can't help but wonder about the motivations of those who write them. This one's no different. I will say this though, a short way into this book I realized that my partner of 6.5 years who recently dumped me HAD read the book (in secret) and had followed its directions to the letter. Does that make me bitter? No more so than I would have been anyway, but I do believe a lot of this "advice" is reckless, scantily researched, and ultimately designed as bathroom reading destined for the bargain bin. (Although I understand it's soon to be made into a movie: Why?)
What is most irritating to me about the book is the premise that women are more serious about relationships than men, that their agendas are more important, and that they should make these sorts of decisions without involving their chosen one. Just buy the book, read it in secret or share it with your girlfriends, plot your escape, and bail. At least that's what happened in our happy home. Heads up guys: if your live-in girlfriend starts copying all your CDs onto her hard drive one day with no explanation as to why, get ready for the heave-ho, or more likely, the walk-out. Here's a suggestion, why not a companion piece: "She's Just Not That Into You: The Honest Man's Field-Guide to Goldiggers, Swingers, Princesses, and Women Who Read Self-Help Books." (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-08-10 01:04:57 EST)
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| 08-04-08 | 4 | (NA) |
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This book takes out a lot of the drama in relationships that some of us cant seem to get enough of. But when you see the relationship for what it is (minus the drama)then its really not so bad that "Hes just not into you" and you can get on with your life.
I also recommend I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't my favorite book about relationships and sex (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-08-10 01:04:57 EST)
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| 07-31-08 | 4 | (NA) |
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About 4 years ago, a friend of mine gave me this book for my birthday.
I'm a gay man and had been in a couple one-way relationships in the previous years. My friend was tired of hearing me pine after men who were just not that into me. I enjoyed the read . . . applied it to my love life. No boyfriend right now, but I FEEL much better. Empowered. BUT, the biggest positive aspect of this book that I have taken from reading it was not even (at least to my knowledge) intentional on the part of the authors. I have taken the advice of "He's Just Not That Into You" and applied it to my FRIENDSHIPS, and THAT is what has changed my life much more (and for the better). I'm no longer a friend who does all the calling, planning, caring, etc. If you're my friend, you'll share those responsibilities. Ironically, the friend who gave me the book fell into the "he's just not that into me" category, but I'll always be grateful for him introducing me to the idea. (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-08-09 08:20:08 EST)
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| 07-28-08 | 1 | 2\5 |
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A friend purchased this book for me, and the first few chapters were ok. Yes as ladies we need to stop making excuses and pick up the signs, if a guy isn't into us. However, I stopped reading after chapter 4, I thought ok, myabe 5 will be better, but then I read the title, and then the title of chapter six. Chapter four's title is that he's just not that into you if he isn't haveing sex with you. Well, let me tell you right here. If he's the kind of guy I would be interested in, we wouldn't be having sex. I'm, waiting for marriage, so it wouldn't happen. Chpater 5 is that he's just not that into you if he's having sex with someone else. Again, if he's having sex with anyone, he's not waiting for marriage and he isn't the kind of guy I would want any way. Theses two chapters were followed by He's just not into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk.... ok seriously. This book has nothing to do with my lifestyle, nor is it applicable to the kind of guys I would date. So if you are a Christian or if you are simply waiting for marriage, this is most definitely NOT the book for you!
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-08-09 08:20:08 EST)
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| 07-21-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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All you single women need to read this book!! I'm sure we've all had a guy like that at one time or another...oh and the book arrived in a timely manner and was in great condition :)
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-07-29 09:03:54 EST)
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| 07-19-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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The theory on how to handle guys and relationships in "He's Just Not that into You" can certainly be seen as very controversial, and perhaps women may initially find it to be offensive. But after reading the book I'd have to say it's the most liberating piece of literature that I have ever read. A few months prior I had broken up with a boyfriend of two and a half years and was in another budding relationship when I started the book. Not only did I get closure from the one, I realized my current relationship had hit a dead end. I hate feminist literature, but I'd have to admit that this book is empowering. It teaches women to take there life and their love into there own hands and it genuinely hopes to prevent women from being jerked around anymore by the slew of awful guys that are out there. I would recommend this book to every woman I know, especially my closest friends and family. With an open mind and a willing heart, this book is an invaluable tool to every soul out there.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-07-21 11:10:16 EST)
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| 07-14-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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Although this book seems intended for women who have never been married before, as a recent divorcee, I found this book had a lot of good advice. I wish I had read it before I married the first time! Now dating for a second time and really the first time as an adult, its helped me understand why men act the way they do. The letters interwoven in the book really help illustrate exactly how men are not really into certain relationships. I, like Greg, know there is someone special out there for me and feel I can better decipher when to get out of a dead-end relationship and get to the relationship I'm meant to have. I've passed the book onto my 18 year old niece so she'll be smarter as she dates. Thanks Greg and Liz!
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-07-20 03:03:00 EST)
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| 07-07-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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As corny as it sounds, this book turned my love life around. For years I made the rounds with guys who wasted my time. This book "laid down the law" in very concise and light-hearted manner. I quickly recognized the symptoms and got rid of the time wasters, found a guy who was truly interested and now been happily married for 1.5 years!!!
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-07-14 01:04:14 EST)
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| 07-06-08 | 1 | 1\2 |
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Don't ruin your life with this foolish book. First off, Greg Behrendt is a stand-up comic, not an expert. Second, his "research" consists of emailing questions to a handful of personal friends. Furthermore, he comes across as being a narcissist and clearly a very controlling personality. I suppose if a woman wants to attract a narcissist, a Scott Peterson-type sociopath, a controlling abuser, or an obsessed stalker, then this book will be a very handy tool.
Adult men who come on like gangbusters in beginning are either desperately needy or have extremely shallow emotions, and are most likely either narcissistic or sociopathic or at least controlling. Period. These men lack the depth of emotion necessary to feel real love - otherwise it would take them some time to let it grow. What "love" is to them is being instantly infatuated with a woman's appearance and suitability. That wears off in time and they drop you like a hot rock for the next infatuation. Be wary of the ones who are "really, really into you" right off the bat, and if they are extremely charming, doting and flatter you a lot, RUN! Think about Amber Frey. Also, he never reveals the number one reason a man loses interest in a woman: she has sex with him too soon. It's a double standard, but it's the truth, so deal with it. No man truly appreciates an easy woman. If Behrendt had an ounce of sense he would have said on every page to wait at least a couple of months, and definitely once exclusivity is mutually agreed upon, before consummating a relationship. Instead he rants on and on about NEVER, EVER calling a guy. That is ridiculous. All the nice, normal guys I know have a three try rule: if she doesn't call you back after three tries, leave her alone because she isn't interested. Only the most dangerous of men will keep pursuing a woman who never calls him back. There are so very many misleading notions in this book that I could go on for pages, but essentially Behrendt has everything upside-down and backward: he advises to make it darned near impossible for a man to even get your phone number, unless he behaves like a desperate stalker, but then once you go out with the guy, you can feel free to immediately have sex and expect him to call you daily and act like you're in an established relationship - all in the first few weeks! In reality, you should let a man you like have your phone number, but then make him court you and work hard to EARN your trust and affection over time as you get to know each other, let real love blossom, and BUILD UP to an established relationship before sex becomes part of it. Duh! The best book in the world on the subject of relationships is "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov. It is very well researched and is based on interviews with many hundreds of men and women from all walks of life. It is written with great wisdom and humor and will explain everything you need to know about men and dating, such as why men don't call (not necessarily a reason to dump them); why you must wait to have sex; what drives men away; how to rekindle a man's interest; etc. Most importantly, it teaches women how to get into, and stay in, the driver's seat at all times. It transformed my dating life overnight and I haven't had trouble understanding men since. John Gray's Mars and Venus series is excellent, too. (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-07-14 01:04:14 EST)
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| 07-05-08 | 4 | (NA) |
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This book was great. It was witty and funny, and sad at the same time. Are women really this desperate? So many of the letters in this book reminded me of friends of mine who use every excuse in the book (literally) to defend their relationships with loser guys. It's nice that someone is finally telling it like it is!
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-07-08 01:01:11 EST)
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| 06-30-08 | 4 | (NA) |
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I don't go out of my way to read books about how we should and shouldn't act in the world, especially in the relationship genre because you end up either blowing it or seeing something that isn't there. This, however, is a good self help as to why and how we end up in the messes that we tend to be in.
Unfortunately, much of who we are will not show themselves until a situation presents itself. For example, you will not know if the person likes your friends until you introduce him to your friends. It's a sad world we live in to know that meeting your family and friends is a true litmus test, not just of them but of the potential party before you. Most of the time friends and family will be receptive, but I cannot tell you how many potential and even established boyfriends I have had who have broken it off after meeting my friends and family because they don't like them. All I can say is that that's terrible. They will disappoint you then and they will disappoint you in other situations as well. That's why he's not that into you. Most of this is self explanitory: If he's not that into you, he won't call or go out of his way to include your being in his world. There is no 100% garantee that following this or any other self help guide will get the desired results. It uses trendy language that those who watch a lot of SITC will understand. The 90s had The Rules, then HJNTIY was the book for the 2000s. There will be something else next decade that will start a few new catch phrases. (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-07-05 02:03:17 EST)
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| 06-28-08 | 1 | (NA) |
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This book makes women see problems were there are none. I was accused of so many selfish things and there was no truth to it. This is written by a lousy television show writer. What does that tell you? I don't need George Lucas writing me books about hyperspace or religion. I don't need Sex and the City to tell me about relationships. Women and men need to think instead of going to television for answers.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-06-30 00:56:01 EST)
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| 06-11-08 | 1 | 1\3 |
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So I found this book in the lounge where I work and flipped through during lunch. If you get past the myriad of typos, the flawed/non-existent logic, and the fact it's not funny, there's pretty much nothing left but a nice looking cover.
Still, even though I don't think of myself as an idiot, I took the book to heart. So days later when I ended up in the ER and had a very gorgeous doctor who seemed wildly attentive considering I only had a sprained ankle (he asked me for my number) and he didn't call, I assumed, "Hey, he's just not into me." and went about my life. Flash forward six months later, I get a call from a number I don't recognize. I let it go to voice mail purgatory only to discover it's my "He's just not into you" Doctor saying, "I've been waiting the required six months before I could call you. I practiced calling you every day." Hmmm, you think he's just not into me? or maybe this worked out because I played by the "rules". who knows? It's all hooey. (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-06-29 01:06:26 EST)
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| 06-07-08 | 4 | 0\1 |
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A fun, antidotal, book chalked full of all the masculine cliches that we smart women wish were not true. But, as my momma said (long before this book existed) there would be boys like this. Cute and entertaining, light and charming a fun book to give to a girlfriend as a gag gift. However, if you have even a trace of common sense, most of these chapters will be leaving you with a rather deja vu perspective.
Although, if you are picking up this book because you think you cannot find Mr. Right on your own, STOP, and do not pick up this book or any other book. As a matter of fact, burn all those relationship books on your night-stand (preferably some place safe), invest in a sexy outfit, go out on the town and use your "COMMON SENSE..." And, for god-sake, be your self!!!! That is the sexiest quality any of us woman have... (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-06-11 08:52:00 EST)
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| 05-07-08 | 5 | 1\1 |
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oh my gosh, girls! after being divorced 10 years and confused about men, and confused as to why i was still single, this book was a HUGE wakeup call for me, it just hit me. i now knew what to do and how to react/behave in certain situations. and not to wonder over and over again "should i make some sort of gesture to let him know i'm interested," "is he interested in me?" "should i call him?" yeah.....no! i read this book and liked it so much i listened to the CDs and TOOK NOTES. i hadn't intended to take notes. i was cleaning the house one day and listening to it and some things just hit me. so much so that i paused the CD several times to take notes.
and at the risk of sounding dramatic or naive, with the exception of the Bible, this is THE MOST HELPFUL and practical book i've ever read! greg made it so clear and obvious when to know a guy is into you. so much so that i felt an enormous amount of peace and felt so differently about "finding" someone, about constantly searching, literally looking for, scoping out men after that. i just didn't care anymore. i would know when the right one came along and whether or not he was interested in me, instead of pushing for a relationship. i was not going to waste my time wondering about someone's feelings for me. if you've been single for a long time, i really think you will find this book useful. i think it can save women a LOT of time and also from making fools of ourselves like i did MANY times. don't waste your time on him: if he is interested he will let you know and you will have little doubt. i don't necessarily believe in the adage/cliche "when you stop looking you will find someone," even though i recently got married, after not caring anymore about men. i stopped guessing whether or not they liked me. because of this book i was able to have that peace, an overwhelming sense of peace, actually. in hindsight, when my husband and i were dating, there was no doubt in my mind that he was "into me." he let me know all the time by his words and actions. and he wasn't afraid to talk about commitment. that didn't scare him at all b/c he was crazy about me. best wishes and peace. (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-06-07 08:45:54 EST)
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| 04-18-08 | 4 | (NA) |
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I read this book upon the recommendation of someone (one of several) my ex-boyfriend of 4 and half years cheated on me with (through no fault of her own I might add). I wouldn't say it is or should be my bible to dating but it gave advice I needed about one year into that relationship. Reading the book was just a re-affirmation of the clarity and relief I felt when I discovered the character of the person I regarded so highly and trusted. I don't know if my experience or reading the book has made it so easy for me to move on but I do recommend buying a used copy or borrowing it. It is just like the Sex and the City Series, entertaining with some common sense and peppered with a little meaningless fluff. I believe that it sometimes can be as simple as him or her "not being into you" or at least "not into you" enough. I disagree with the author though when he dismisses or excuses bad behavior, implying that it is normal for guys/people to avoid the truth because they don't want to face the music. There are plenty of people out there with sense enough to end a relationship when they know it is going no where.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-04-23 08:34:55 EST)
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| 04-18-08 | 4 | (NA) |
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I read this book upon the recommendation of someone (one of several) my ex-boyfriend of 4 and half years cheated on me with (through no fault of her own I might add). I wouldn't say it is or should be my bible to dating but it gave advice I needed about one year into that relationship. Reading the book was just a re-affirmation of the clarity and relief I felt when I discovered the character of the person I regarded so highly and trusted. I don't know if my experience or reading the book has made it so easy for me to move on but I do recommend buying a used copy or borrowing it. I believe that it sometimes can be as simple as him "not being into you" or at least "not being into you enough". People (men and women) need to know that.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-04-21 08:17:40 EST)
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| 04-17-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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Greg has soooo spared women the heartache of millions of women should they buck up and take his advice! So many women make the mistake of making excuses for lame-duck relationships or would-be lame duck relationships, because of their inability to read the "red flag" warnings.
I found this book honest being reproach and highly entertaining. I saw myself saying alot of these things in the past, and although I don't need the advice these days, I was more than happy to pass it along to someone who does! Thanks, Greg! You ROCK! (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-05-21 08:53:16 EST)
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| 04-10-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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When I first read this book I was amazed at how much crap and excuses I put up with. Then after some time I started dating someone, who I got really serious with, he showed a lot of "into me" signs. But I should of never packed away this book b/c it turned out as time went by this guy started showing the "I'm not that into you" anymore signs and as I go back and read this book again I wish I had remembered a lot of it. It would of saved me a lot of wasted time and heartache with a person who was never really right for me. Thanks Greg! Your Awesome!
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-04-18 08:39:07 EST)
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| 04-09-08 | 5 | 2\2 |
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I love this book. It tells the truth about how guys think, in a simple, straight-forward, yet amazingly accurate way. It's chock full of examples that help illustrate the authors' point: Men are simple. They make time for women they're hot for, no matter how busy or preoccupied they are. If your guy is full of excuses as to why he can't be with you/call you/email or text you, the reality is inescapable...he's just not that into you. Quick, entertaining, informative read. Buy it and never live in denial again!
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-04-18 08:39:07 EST)
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| 04-08-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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This book is a staple when trying to figure out if he's 'The One' or if 'The One' has just walked out the door and all over your heart (Hint: he isn't). No matter how badly I feel when a relationship ends, Greg puts it all in perspective for me. Yes, I cry, bargain, deny - I experience all those stages. Then I read Greg's words, and realize that if ______ (insert latest breakup's name here) really wanted to be around, he would be. By the end of the book, you won't want to 'waste the pretty' on another guy who is so NOT worth your precious time.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-04-11 08:46:13 EST)
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| 04-04-08 | 2 | (NA) |
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This book was an interesting read, although I didn't agree with all of the theory within. I liked some of the ways that it tried to open women's eyes and see themselves in more positive lights, however it completely assumed that all men were cut from the same cloth. It was certainly interesting, but I found it flawed.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-04-08 08:36:22 EST)
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| 03-26-08 | 4 | (NA) |
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This book is a quick, fun read. I recommend stopping at Borders, plopping in one of those comfy chairs and reading through it in about 20 minutes.
He's Just Not That Into You is light and interesting. Some people don't like it, but you have to bear in mind that this is a guidebook. It speaks in generalities and those generalities cover the majority of relationships. Of COURSE there are going to be women who ask guys out, or call them frequently, and end up happily married. But more often than not, it doesn't work that way. This is one of those books you want to give as a gift to one of your girlfriends--the one who tends to give off "desperate" vibes. You know the one I'm talking about. She's always reading into little things he does (ohmygosh, he said "hi Susan" today at the gym, normally he just says "hi". This must mean something!") and thinking that he might secretly be into her but he's just too shy, or maybe he just got out of a bad relationship, or he's too busy...yadeya. You know the truth, but this book will tell it to her better than you ever can. (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-04-03 08:41:43 EST)
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| 03-25-08 | 2 | 1\1 |
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I think I saw this book on Oprah, and while I was at the library, I thought I would check it out and see what it was about. At the time, I picked through this book as a woman who didn't have a boyfriend or any other guy on the radar besides a lot of male friends, but every red blooded American girl I have an ex, and I have girlfriends who were going through some of the troubles covered by this book.
In short, this book is both good and bad. On one hand, it offers some good, straight forward advice, such as if a guy is not calling you, he's probably not into you, which is advice your friends should tell you, but can't bring themselves to, which is refreshing, but on the other hand, this book is a bit general, and does offer some not so good advice. The first thing that caught my eye was the chapter He's just that into you if he only wants to see you when he is drunk--Isn't this pretty explainatory? Why would you even need to write a chapter like this?Maybe the chapter sould be renamed, " You should get the hell outta there if he drinks this much" The first thing it does is to tell women that they are the lesser in the relationship, so according to this book, you can't ask a guy out, so you need to sit around and wait for him to ask you out and if he dosn't ask you out, it automatically means he dosn't like you. I think this is wrong. I don't know how many of my male friends are scared to death of rejection and and find it burdensome to always have to be the one who are asking. Some men are very shy, some men have no idea you might have feelings for them, especially if they are much older or much younger or not your type. There is the chapter--he's not that into you if he's not having sex with you--Sex does not a relationship make--in this day and age, with casual sex, "booty calls" and friends with benefits, just because a guy wants have sex with you, does not mean he is totally into you or even wants you for a girlfriend. There is another chapter--He's not that into you if he's not asking you to marry him. This chapter bugs me on a couple levels. First, we live in the 21st century--not everyone male or female actually wants to get married, this chapter says that men don't get married because they are not financially ready for marriage--it does even touch on female financial independence, or that many men find that attractive. Marriage is a partnership and a legal and emotional contract that should not be entered upon lightly. This book makes getting married sound so simple. Maybe one reason 21st century men don't want to get married has less to do with thier own financial independence, but more with the financial capabilities of thier future spouse. Many men today fear the financial implications of divorce and having to pull the weight of being the breadwinner--also a fear for many financially secure woman. In this day and age working women no one wants to be taking to the cleaners--I think the reason a man or a woman who not want to marry has many more levels then just him not being into you--also, who says the woman can't do the asking anyway? (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-04-05 08:48:16 EST)
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| 03-23-08 | 5 | 1\1 |
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With the right approach you will admit that it is actually an empowering book for women. Ladies, it is up to you to "Awaken the Giant Within" as Tony Robbins suggested! You can take it all! Or, if you decide, you can NOT take it at all! It is all entirely up to you. It all depends on your own decisions. Just decide if you want to be the prey or the hunter. Have fun!
Another must read is Why Do Men Have Nipples? Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-03-26 08:37:51 EST)
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| 03-15-08 | 1 | 3\3 |
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I regard this book as an entertaining read and nothing more. I used to be a devoted follower of Behrendt's advice and basically treated "He's Just Not That Into You" as my dating bible. Boy was I wrong. After entering therapy for other issues, my therapist told me that there are indeed many men who are too shy to approach women that they find attractive. I think it's highly unfair of Behrendt to label these men as either defective or members of such a small minority that you'd probably never meet one. I'm not advocating that women start to act like men, but asking a guy out is not a big deal and doesn't automatically eliminate your candidacy for the role of girlfriend. And if he isn't asking you out it doesn't mean that he's not that into you; it could mean that you've only known each other for 2 months, had 4 meaningful conversations and he's not quite sure he wants to ask you out yet. This book ignores a major issue--time. My cousin married a classmate from college that she didn't start to date till they had been friends for almost a year. Look around you and there are so many exceptions to Greg Behrendt's rules that anyone taking this book seriously needs to seriously reconsider its applicability to real life.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-03-23 08:36:56 EST)
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| 02-21-08 | 1 | 4\5 |
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I'm halfway through this book, and wish I hadn't wasted my money. Greg's "ideal man" is one that calls 10 times a day, wants to spend every waking moment with you, and wants to tag along on Girl's night out and shopping trips. That's not a boyfriend, that's a stalker. In fact, I had one of those guys once, and now have a restraining order against him. Women enjoy a challenge too. Anyone who dotes on me as much as the author says he should, I would assume he is emotionally needy and has no life. Total turn-off, sorry. Don't buy this book, buy "Why Hasn't He Called", much more realistic.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-03-16 08:41:52 EST)
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| 02-17-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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This book was on the New York best sellers list for good reasons. Very often, countless women are crushed by their romantic relationships. They intensely worry and struggle to figure out what "they" did wrong.
They likely did not do anything wrong at all. The man that broke off with them simply " was not into you" and was wasting your time and energy. He is doing you a favor to let you free to seek the true and sincere man you are yet to find. He does you a favor when he breaks off with you and there's nothing wrong with YOU ! (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-02-22 08:44:55 EST)
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| 01-31-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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great book! funny and informative............makes you stop and think about situations both past and present. gives you the tools, support, and encouragement that sometimes one nedds to muster up the strgnth to make a life changing decision
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-02-17 16:23:10 EST)
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| 01-31-08 | 2 | 1\1 |
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On the one hand...
Women (and men) need to keep ego from blocking out reality, stop trying to force solutions, and keep moving toward what they want and deserve. (Yes) But on the other hand.... * Women should never, under any circumstances whatsoever, call a man or ask him out. Or show any assertiveness at all. Or take his number. Or email him. Or take the initiative, ever. (Back into that cave, Wilma Flintstone!) (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-02-17 16:23:10 EST)
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| 01-28-08 | 2 | 2\2 |
| Reviewer | Permalink | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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First of the good things:
1. This book is useful in reminding you to stop making excuses for the bad things that guys do. Through its constant repetition of the phrase "he's just not that into you," you should get it drilled into your head, that really, he's not, and its best to cut your losses and move on. If you find yourself constantly in bad relationships and constantly making excuses, this might be a book to read. The bad things: 1. It is repetitive and not really funny.d 2. The sample sizes of their "surveys" are never given. I suspect it may be Greg's 10 closest buddies or coworkers. 3. It is very one-sided. I like getting a guys' perspective on these issues, but I would rather it be much more than one guy. Greg is 'all or nothing', as Liz acknowledges, and sorry, but not everyone is like that. It's akin to saying that all women need their guys to make a lot of money or have a powerful job. Just not true! 4. Guys' might be a bit more simplistic when it comes to dating than women, but I am a highly-educated woman who has been involved and continues to be involved with highly-educated and thoughtful men. I have intimately known guys who do NOT think like Greg, and since reading the book I have surveyed more male friends. Some agree with Greg, some don't. 5. It is NOT inspiring or uplifting. At the end of each chapter, writing things like "you're hot girl!" and "you deserve better" and "he should move mountains for a desirable lady like you" are things that a lot of us either know, or honestly, are unbelievable. Because c'mon, if you are 275lbs and having dating problems, you might--and probably are!--a fantastic person in many ways and totally worth dating, but...hot? Yes, some women believe they are, and that's great for them, but to just blindly tell everyone she's hot, or desirable without providing some context as to why she should think that is not, to me, very helpful. 6. Did I mention it's not funny? In fact, I find Greg to be obnoxious. So in summary: rent it from the library, peruse it in the store (its a quick read), but don't waste your money! (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-01-31 08:39:37 EST)
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| 01-23-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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Okay this is a great book! I couldn't put it down. Greg knows men! His advice is true and I believe is about 99% accurate. He has a great sense of humor and really tells it like it is. I would recommend for any woman that is having men/dating issues. It's a real eye-opener!
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-01-29 09:11:38 EST)
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| 01-20-08 | 4 | (NA) |
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This is truely a great book. Very easy read and very funny, as well as enlightening. This book is for anyone that has let a guy make excuses for his awful behavior. It also teaches you to appreciate the guys that do treat you the way you deserve. If you are dating... read this book. It will change your life.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-01-24 09:19:16 EST)
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| 01-18-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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I bought this book not for me but for my girls that need a Clue. I'm a Happily Married woman so my friends always come to be for advice. This is a Great Book it tells the truth so if your not willing to accept the truth then this book is not for you. But if you can take the truth about men and how they Really are then buy this book but not only read it take what it has to say and use it.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-01-20 09:37:25 EST)
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| 01-12-08 | 4 | (NA) |
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The book is on the comical side; however, I have to say that Greg's advise is sooo right on. There is a whole segment of women out there with very low self esteem who atract the losers that treat them badly. Liz, the co-author, is the perfect example; she seems to be a basket case, always going somewhat against Greg's simple and to the point advice. No wonder she is 41 and single. It is really quite simple, LISTEN to your feelings. If you feel disapointed, and making up any excuse for the guy you are dating, he is not worth your time - get out now because it will only get worse. Leave the path open for the guy who will make you feel like a million bucks. The only advise lacking in this book is for those abused women to seek out counseling. In order to attract a healthy relationship one has to be healthy emotionaly first.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-01-19 09:08:11 EST)
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| 01-04-08 | 5 | 12\12 |
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This book is a must read for all women because it is a time saver! No need to waste precious time on someone who isn't into me. With great humor, this book gives me insight that men are clear with their actions. If someone isn't into me, I no longer have to take it personally.
As Greg & Liz's book has helped me confirm that I'm currently with a wonderful man who is really into me, Ariel & Shya Kane's book How To Create a Magical Relationship is helping me maintain a loving and lasting relationship. I suggest reading this book as well if you're interested in finding Mr. Right. (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-01-13 01:02:30 EST)
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| 12-29-07 | 1 | 3\6 |
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I'm trying to put together a book of my own concerning some of this stuff which is what led me to finally devour this lightweight bestseller. I grant that I'm not the target audience for Mr. Behrendt, but I was rather astounded that such a simple and deceptive work received the blockbuster reception it did. Liz Tuccillo is co-author and she occasionally adds some input of her own here. She is not astute regarding these matters but appears to know fifty times more about relationships than the work's principal author.
The main problem with the book is its gigantic misunderstanding of female motivation regarding reproductive selection. A crucial and unbelievably integral fact that Mr. Behrendt does not comprehend is that women are attracted to men who are indifferent towards them. The snarky and condescending advice he issues in the form of answers to fanmail--and it is within this format that He's Just Not Into You is structured--soon becomes pointless as a result. Behrendt can describe to women what some men may be thinking but he has no idea what females are thinking or how they get themselves into particular situations. Women do not like guys who initially come off as being subservient (when they first meet them at least, long-term is a different matter entirely). This is why the "nice guys finishing last" mantra came about in the first place. That this quip about nice guys is so well known is due to its being true. Women, for a variety of psychological reasons, are repulsed by men who worship them in the early stages of courtship. They want a man who's a challenge and one who will not immediately roll over for them and become their groupie. That's why they attach themselves to fellows who "are not that into them." What males reading this haven't had a girl you were only mildly interested in end up falling love with you? It happens all the time and it's a result of ambivalence. Whereas, the women for whom one cannot hide intense admiration are the same ones who lose respect for you and blow you off. This is a very common occurrence, and it will continue until our society stops referring to the fairer sex with the respect that should be reserved for Abraham Lincoln or Dr. Martin Luther King. Lastly, why should any person have to be notified about others not being into them? This is most troubling. Shouldn't normal folks be able to discern such a state of affairs on their own? I suppose though that this last question is one we'll have to explore at a later date. (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-01-04 09:35:57 EST)
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| 12-22-07 | 4 | (NA) |
| Reviewer | Permalink | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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I liked reading this book alot. The key to getting something out of
this book is to read it with an open mind. Having this book written by Behrendt you get the male perspective on things which is nice. I thought the check lists after each chapter were helpful because it reinforces what you just learned. This book I would say is appropriate for women in their twenties who have not been in long-term committed relationship. I think there are enough examples in this book for everyone to get something out of it. What I took away from the book is that life is short and there are many more fish in the sea. If the guy you are dating is not really making an effort to show you he's truly interested then he's just not that into you. JDG (Review Data Last Updated: 2007-12-29 09:11:55 EST)
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| 12-21-07 | 1 | 0\1 |
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if you have a lot of time on your hands and a bottle of wine to kill..you def could get into this book..i do think greg should stick to comedy however... i could only hope that all the ladies out there dont really take his relationship advice seriously...but like i said...it could be a fun read if thats all you want out of the book...
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-12-29 09:11:55 EST)
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| 12-21-07 | 2 | 0\2 |
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The cover of this book makes the book look very interesting, it it is an easy read but this book is not a page turner.This book try to expose mens feelings which really does not work. Also this book is not for a man to read because he will end up putting it down. This is only one side and basically does not give men leeway.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-12-29 09:11:55 EST)
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| 12-14-07 | 5 | (NA) |
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Hi my name is Alex Duffy and I am a freshman at Loyola Marymount University. I am doing this review for a final paper in my Interpersonal Communications class. This book interested me because I had always heard so much about it and relationships are a big part of communications as a course. We explored this topic widely in my class with Professor Perry Reynolds. I personally have never been in the type of relationship or the mindset in which this book is aimed towards. However, I have dealt with many close friends that have been in all sorts of these situations and have revolved their lives around obsessing over failed relationships and first loves. I chose this book first because it directly related to what I learned in this course and second to get a better understanding on what my friends were going through, to better advise them on similar situations in the future. What I really enjoyed about this book were the labeled excuses and letters to Greg. There was not one thing that I didn't like about this book because I think that both men and women can benefit from reading this. What I found most valuable about this book was Greg's feedback. Although he was sometimes harshly blunt, he was straight to the point and stated exactly what these women needed to hear. I would most definitely recommend this book to everyone in a relationship, both men and women because it gives you a completely new outlook and better understanding of relationships all together. I now know what to expect from men and can be better prepared with my emotions in future relationships. One of the great things that this book focuses on is realization, assessing the situations you are and being practical throughout.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-12-21 09:03:26 EST)
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| 12-14-07 | 5 | (NA) |
| Reviewer | Permalink | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Hi my name is Alex Duffy and I am a freshman at Loyola Marymount University. I am doing this review for a final paper in my Interpersonal Communications class. I chose this book because I had always heard so much about it and relationships is a big part of communications as a course and we explored this topic widely in my class with Professor Perry Reynolds. I personally have never been in the type of relationship or the mindset in which this book is aimed towards but have dealt with many close friends that have been in all sorts of these situations and have revolved their lives around obsessing over failed relationships and first loves. I chose this book first because it directly related to what I learned in this course and second to get a better understanding on what my friends were going through, to better advise them on similar situations in the future. What I really enjoyed about this book were the labeled excuses and letters to Greg. There was not one thing that I didn't like about this book because I think that both men and women can benefit from reading this. What I found most valuable about this book was Greg's feedback. Although he was sometimes harshly blunt, he was straight to the point and stated exactly what these women needed to hear. I would most definitely recommend this book to everyone in a relationship, both men and women because it gives you a completely new outlook and better understanding of relationships all together. I now know what to expect from men and can be better prepared with my emotions in future relationships. One of the great things that this book focuses on is realization, assessing the situations you are and being practical throughout.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-12-14 09:14:31 EST)
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| 12-13-07 | 5 | (NA) |
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A well written book with lots of great advice. Greg is an awesome author and has great insight into guys and how to deal with (or without) them.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-12-21 09:03:26 EST)
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