This book is a eye-opener. Very good and so helpful to understand family dynamics and workplace- or congregational-dynamics. A must for clergy and those who have family problems of any kind.

Edwin Friedman's Generation to Generation is a classic work that examines how family systems therapy can be applied to religious systems. Friedman makes the case that religious leaders have a unique vantage point from which to initiate change. Multigenerational forces, involvement with families in rites of passage/"hinges of time", the length of time over which parishioners are a part of religious institutions, and pastors/priests/rabbis being viewed as leaders by the families in their flocks are the factors that provide such entrée into the lives of families and set up the opportunity for bringing about change.

Friedman writes from a specifically Murray Bowen-inspired form of family systems theoretical perspective. Illustrative of this are his explications of Bowenian concepts such as: individuation, differentiation, triangulation, extended family field, homeostatsis, identified patient, genograms, parallel and series interdependency, family projection process, etc. Central to many of these concepts is the notion of lowering anxiety, becoming less emotionally reactive ("non-anxious presence") to symptomatic behavior, and more individuated and less controlled by projective processes/typical roles/"shoulds and musts".

Religious congregations are multi-layered according to Friedman including individuals' families, the congregation as a family, and the leader's family. Since change is isomorphic change in any one of those systems can bring about change in the others. The leader as a self-differentiated person is perhaps Friedman's central concept in this volume. He sees it as pivotal for the leader's emotional well-being and resultant health of the religious body he serves. He offers an extended discussion of the "seven laws of an emotional triangle":
(1) The relationship of any two members of an emotional triangle is kept in balance by the way a third party relates to each of them or to their relationship.
(2) If one is the third party in an emotional triangle it is generally not possible to bring change to the relationship of the other two parts by trying to change their relationship directly.
(3) Attempts to change the relationship of the other two sides of an emotional triangle not only are generally ineffective but also homeostatic forces often convert these efforts to their opposite effect.
(4) To the extent a third party to an emotional triangle tries unsuccessfully to change the relationship of the other two, the more likely it is that the third party will wind up with the stress of the other two.
(5) The various triangles in an emotional system interlock so that efforts to bring changes to any one of them are often resisted by homeostatic forces in the others or in the system itself.
(6) One side of an emotional triangle tends to be more conflictual than the others.
(7) We can only bring change to a relationship to which we belong.

He also discusses churches or synagogues as locations where displaced unresolved family issues get played out. This underscores the need for differentiation to occur to bring about a new homeostatic balance.

This is a seminal work in the integration of family systems theory and pastoral care. Friedman's gift was to be able to communicate in both a provocative and practical way. This book is no exception. For years I have used his Friedman's Fables in therapy sessions. They have opened windows of therapeutic opportunity for me as a therapist. I had never however read this book. I am glad I had the chance to do so. Having worked on pastoral staffs in churches and as a family therapist I found his insights to be profound. I heartily recommend it to therapists and ministers alike.

HIGHLIGHTS:

Process models that portray human interactions in terms of individuals functioning among themselves in simple cause and effect relationships are mistaken. A more correct view is one that sees human behavior as dependent upon individual positions within systems of homeostatic relationships.

Implications are wide-ranging. Although stress varies depending upon personalities and circumstances, all individuals naturally seek to reduce their stress. Different positions (father, mother, child, grandfather, etc.) within a system are subject to different kinds and degrees of stress. Thus the same individual will behave differently if located in different positions within a system. Nuclear and extended-family relationships are more immediate and are therefore more influential in producing stress and shaping associated behavior. At the same time, family life always involves growth and that growth unavoidably injects stress into close relationships. Individuals can reduce the stress in destructive or constructive ways-- they can refuse to grow-- or they can go onto a greater maturity (differentiation) that can lead others to greater maturity as well. Conversely, individuals can "respond" (vice "react") constructively to differentiation (growth) in others-- and the associated tension-- by differentiating themselves. Or, they can "react" destructively by refusing to differentiate. Refusal to differentiate may be manifested in (1) trying to undermine the growth of others or (2) attempting to shift anxiety to a third party (triangling).

Unless they know better, triangled parties can wind up bearing the burdens of other people's anxiety and can easily find themselves as "identified patients" in troubled relationships not of their own making. The anxiety they absorb can produce, not just emotional and behavioral problems, but physical problems as well. Interlocking triangles of troubled relationships can produce identified patients far removed in time and space from the root causes of their anxiety. The challenge of "systems thinking" is to discover and address sources of stress rather than focus on the symptoms of persons reacting to it. Visiting the relatives of the sick, for example, may be more fruitful than visiting the sick themselves.

Systems thinking suggests a model of leadership focused on emotional process rather than emotional content. The systems model assumes content is secondary and a distraction from the more important emotional process. In the systems model, leadership requires self-definition rather than expertise, questions rather than diagnoses. The idea is to lead by differentiating oneself while staying connected to others. The goal is to foster the same "differentiating while staying connected" process in others.

Leadership based on systems thinking recognizes opportunities for growth and healing in lifecycle events. Birth, marriage, sickness, retirement, old age, death, divorce, and even geographical moves provide opportunities to "un-stick" relationships stuck in high-anxiety states. The result can be the exorcism of "demons" (emotional baggage) passed down from "generation to generation."

Everything systems theory has to say about families also has analogs in churches, synagogues, and even the workplace. The problems of individuals within larger communities have more to do with their relational networks than with their individual personalities. The departure of the leader from a religious group, for example, is much like a divorce. His or her arrival is like a marriage. Such insights are particularly important to religious leaders because they must manage relationships within three intense "families": (1) their nuclear family, (2) their extended family, and (3) the "families" represented by their religious communities.

COMMENTS:

One irony of Friedman's book is that he, being Jewish, provides a compelling argument for the Christian doctrine of total depravity, a doctrine that views every aspect of human nature as having been flawed by the Fall-- and flawed it certainly seems to be. If Friedman is correct, humanity's most fundamental relationships and needs are unavoidably conflicted. On one hand, people are naturally inclined to create and maintain homeostatic relationships highly resistant to change. On the other, they cannot avoid changes that threaten the stability of those relationships. High anxiety is therefore inevitable-- and unbearable. Not surprisingly, people try to escape the tension in the easiest ways they know how. Those ways, however, are often steeped in fear, ignorance, and moral failure. The results are relational pathologies that are passed on to future generations who, in turn, focus and amplify the burden for their descendants.

The cascade of dysfunction from "generation to generation" illuminates the question of where do we get our souls-- our lives writ large. One could use Friedman's book to argue we get them from our parents. As he notes, "the problem with parents is that they had parents."

_Generation to Generation_ is classic in giving readers the sense of being told what they knew all along. Most of it seems patently obvious-- once it is articulated. Take, for example, the trivial case of two strangers in an elevator who "triangle" smalltalk about the weather into their relationship in order to relieve the tension between them. If that is true of momentary contact between strangers, how much would it be true of more intimate relationships?

Systems theory focuses on emotional process rather than content. It holds that the same cause (content) can have (1) a particular effect, (2) the opposite effect, or (3) no effect. Accordingly, it is not falsifiable and is therefore not scientific. That, however, does not mean it is not worthwhile. Rather, it is profound. The difference between (1) that which is obvious and (2) that which is profound is that profundity can simply be common sense that is made to appear deep by long-standing cultural denial of the obvious. For centuries, Western society has denied the importance of community-- the obvious-- in preference for exalting the individual. _Generation to Generation_ offers a compelling argument for the importance of community-- the obvious -- and it is profound.

The book, however, is not without its faults. Friedman champions systems theory to point of setting aside larger concerns. "Differentiation," for example, is not necessarily the highest good. People may find themselves in situations where they must set aside growth for the sake of higher values. Discerning those values will itself be problematic. More specifically, Friedman does not address the question of authenticity. Which values arise out of the self and which are externally imposed? The tension in a marriage relationship, for example, may be traceable to a wife's embrace of either feminist or traditional ideology. The question, therefore, will not be differentiation along the lines of one ideological stance versus fusion with its opposite. Rather, it will be fusion with which ideology. In the end, authentic differentiation may not be possible. The only decision may be the choice of which culture (which set of values) will define fusion versus differentiation.

In the end, systems theory may be one of the most compelling realizations of Christian theology within nature. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit exist in a relational network. Human beings, created in the image of God, follow the same pattern. The only difference is that the divine relationship is always functional while the human counterparts are often pathological. The divine network, however, is not without its stress. Human sin creates tension between God's mercy and His justice. God's response is to "triangle" humanity back into fellowship with Him via the cross. The church, in turn, is the historical continuation of that triangulation in the form of interlocking triangles that extend the resultant inheritance from "generation to generation."

--Bill Brewer
[...]

This is a book to be absorbed slowly.



I don't think I can summarize this book any better than Friedman himself does on page 1: "It is the thesis of this book that all clergymen and clergywomen, irrespective of faith, are simultaneously involved in three distinct families whose emotional forces interlock: the families within the congregation, our congregations, and our own. Because the emotional process in all of these systems is identical, unresolved issues in any one of them can produce symptoms in the others, and increased understanding of any one creates more effective functioning in all three."



This book will invite you to take a good, hard look at your own functioning. "There is an intrinsic relationship between our capacity to put families together [or, Friedman would also say, to put congregations together] and our ability to put ourselves together" (page 3). Friedman looks at family issues and congregational issues from a systems perspective, arguing that when a member of a family (or a congregation) is demonstrating "symptoms," it is necessary to look at the whole network of relationships that that individual is involved in -- because the root cause of the problem may lie in a completely different part of the system.



Friedman illustrates in detail how clergy can positively effect change in a family system or a congregational system. He also (somewhat indirectly) stresses the critical importance for clergy to resolve their own lingering family-of-origin issues.



The book is heavy reading -- full of terms that may be unfamiliar (and that, unfortunately, he doesn't directly explain, which can be confusing at first), such as "identified patient" and "self-differentiation" and "detriangulating." Frankly, I think he could have used a good editor, so that the book would be more accessible to people who are new to the concepts of Bowen family systems theory.



But don't miss this book. Read it, slowly. Digest it. Read a few pages at a time, then put it down and process what you have read before trying to proceed further. It took me months to work through the book. But I'm a heck of a lot stronger and wiser than I was when I first started. This book will help you grow.



Then, if you want to keep learning and applying the concepts in this book, read Friedman's unfinished manuscript, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (available through the Edwin Friedman Trust), and/or do a Google search on The Center for Family Process in Bethesda, Maryland.

This is a book to be absorbed slowly.

I don't think I can summarize this book any better than Friedman himself does on page 1: "It is the thesis of this book that all clergymen and clergywomen, irrespective of faith, are simultaneously involved in three distinct families whose emotional forces interlock: the families within the congregation, our congregations, and our own. Because the emotional process in all of these systems is identical, unresolved issues in any one of them can produce symptoms in the others, and increased understanding of any one creates more effective functioning in all three."

This book will invite you to take a good, hard look at your own functioning. "There is an intrinsic relationship between our capacity to put families together [or, Friedman would also say, to put congregations together] and our ability to put ourselves together" (page 3). Friedman looks at family issues and congregational issues from a systems perspective, arguing that when a member of a family (or a congregation) is demonstrating "symptoms," it is necessary to look at the whole network of relationships that that individual is involved in -- because the root cause of the problem may lie in a completely different part of the system.

Friedman illustrates in detail how clergy can positively effect change in a family system or a congregational system. He also (somewhat indirectly) stresses the critical importance for clergy to resolve their own lingering family-of-origin issues.

The book is heavy reading -- full of terms that may be unfamiliar (and that, unfortunately, he doesn't directly explain, which can be confusing at first), such as "identified patient" and "self-differentiation" and "detriangulating." Frankly, I think he could have used a good editor, so that the book would be more accessible to people who are new to the concepts of Bowen family systems theory.

But don't miss this book. Read it, slowly. Digest it. Read a few pages at a time, then put it down and process what you have read before trying to proceed further. It took me months to work through the book. But I'm a heck of a lot stronger and wiser than I was when I first started. This book will help you grow.

Then, if you want to keep learning and applying the concepts in this book, read Friedman's unfinished manuscript, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (available through the Edwin Friedman Trust), and/or do a Google search on The Center for Family Process in Bethesda, Maryland.

This is a book to be absorbed slowly.

I don't think I can summarize this book any better than Friedman himself does on page 1: "It is the thesis of this book that all clergymen and clergywomen, irrespective of faith, are simultaneously involved in three distinct families whose emotional forces interlock: the families within the congregation, our congregations, and our own. Because the emotional process in all of these systems is identical, unresolved issues in any one of them can produce symptoms in the others, and increased understanding of any one creates more effective functioning in all three."

This book will invite you to take a good, hard look at your own functioning. "There is an intrinsic relationship between our capacity to put families together [or, Friedman would also say, to put congregations together] and our ability to put ourselves together" (page 3). Friedman looks at family issues and congregational issues from a systems perspective, arguing that when a member of a family (or a congregation) is demonstrating "symptoms," it is necessary to look at the whole network of relationships that that individual is involved in -- because the root cause of the problem may lie in a completely different part of the system.

Friedman illustrates in detail how clergy can positively effect change in a family system or a congregational system. He also (somewhat indirectly) stresses the critical importance for clergy to resolve their own lingering family-of-origin issues.

The book is heavy reading -- full of terms that may be unfamiliar (and that, unfortunately, he doesn't directly explain, which can be confusing at first), such as "identified patient" and "self-differentiation" and "detriangulating." Frankly, I think he could have used a good editor, so that the book would be more accessible to people who are new to the concepts of Bowen family systems theory.

But don't miss this book. Read it, slowly. Digest it. Read a few pages at a time, then put it down and process what you have read before trying to proceed further. It took me months to work through the book. But I'm a heck of a lot stronger and wiser than I was when I first started. This book will help you grow.

Then, if you want to keep learning and applying the concepts in this book, read Friedman's unfinished manuscript, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (available through the Edwin Friedman Trust), and/or do a Google search on The Center for Family Process in Bethesda, Maryland.

This book has a reputation of revolutionizing the way its readers view congregational life. Based on his experience as a rabbi and marriage and family therapist, the late Ed Friedman gives the most comprehensive and practical understanding of congregations as emotional systems. Conflicts are explained not from a linear standpoint, i.e. "A causes B," but from a systemic perspective where all participants are contributors. Each part of the system is connected to, or has its own effect upon, every other part. This helps to explain why many "issues" that arise within a congregation cannot be settled on the level of content, but must be viewed as representations of how the persons surrounding the issues are participating in the relational system. "Issues" may seem settled, but if the relational system continues to function the same way, the same or other "issues" will reappear later, because they were merely symptomatic of the emotional dynamics among the people involved. This book begins by explaining the major concepts of family systems theory, and applies them to organizational life, leadership, and the leader's family. It is full of examples, which makes these complex ideas easier to grasp. Few books are as insightful and helpful in equipping church leaders to understand congregations. It is the standard in applying family systems theory to congregations.

"Generation to Generation" by Edwin Friedman is a groundbreaking book on the dynamics of organizational and religious leadership as seen through the lens of the multi-generational family systems model. In the book, Friedman uses case studies and examples drawn from his own leadership experience and uses them to illustrate how leadership can be understood and transformed by having an awareness of three major systems that directly affect organizational leadership:

1. the personal multi-generational family system of the leader

2. the organization itself as a system with both functional and dysfunctional elements

3. the family systems of those person within the organization- for a religious congregation this would be the families within the congregation; for a company it would be that of the employees; for a hospital, it would be that of the employees, volunteers and patients who comprise that organization, etc.

Friedman brilliantly shows how these three sets of systems intertwine with one another to make an organization function in a certain way. He asserts that by better understanding the dynamics of these systems and how they affect one another, leaders can move from a transactional style of leadership to one that is more transformational in the way it functions.

In addition, Friedman's book is a tremendously helpful resource in seeking to gain a better understanding of one's own family of origin issues and how these dynamics manifest themselves in our relationships throughout the life cycle.

In this sense, this book will be greatly beneficial, not only for leaders, but also for lay people as well as caregivers.

The book is challenging reading in spots, but well worth the effort- get this book of you have not done so already- it will change your perspective on leadership and life.

I must have read this book twenty times since I was assigned to to read it in 1992, and it has grown on me. At first reading, the concepts that Friedman presents may seem contrived and counter-intuitive. However, after being in a leadership role in my church for some time now, this book is an absolute life saver. Leadership by self-definition is the most difficult, but the only honest and edifying way to leadership.

Friedman's seminal work in the application of Bowen Family Systems Theory to congregational life (Jewish and Protestant) has become a modern classic. More than just "theory" Friedman's book offers examples of the application through the lens of both pastor (rabbi) and therapist. This book provides the key to both healthy leadership and functional, healthy religious systems.

This should be essential reading for any thinking pastor who seeks to help his or her congregation grow spiritually and psychologically. It is filled with ways of thinking about relationships that challenge and expand our normal definitions of what works and what doesn't. It moves beyond addressing intellectual techniques and tools to showing a person how to lead the emotional process in a congregation or a family.

I read Generation to Generation because I was looking for ways to become a better pastor. What I found was that it helped me as much or more in my own personal life and my marriage, which in turn made me a more effective pastor. It addresses leadership on every level.