I recommended this book to an acquaintance today who is, she believes, watching her marriage of 20+ years fall apart. Her helplessness is what reminded me of this wonderful book which I read more than 15 years ago and which saved ME and allowed my spouse and I to save our marriage. In fact, it began a journey that changed a great deal about how I look at life and what I understand about the power each of us has to control our feelings and reactions, and make helpful choices in a crisis.

I won't go into detail because others have already covered most of that. I will say, however, that the lessons in this book are universal and can be applied to any relationship. Each of us is responsible for our feelings and for our actions and going through life depending upon or allowing others to determine how we feel is a recipe for misery.

If your marriage is confusing, shaky, destructive, unpleasant or at a "dead end", or if you are feeling that it's all "just happening to you" and you are powerless, this book is an excellent resource. You aren't powerless. Get the book and read. It's worth every penny.

If there were a 2.5 stars selection I'd give it to this book.
Average in nature, it gives a reader a common sense approach, step by step, as the title touts. It is divided into three sections, first the "nuts and bolts" of the approach to helping the marriage. The second section tells the reader that communication is key and breaking the bad habits that you've made in your marriage. "Change yourself to change your marriage" is the premise. The third section primarily tells the reader to keep going with those newly formed habits and questions the reader "is working on my marriage working?" It gives a basic real world look at the union for the reader to decide if they want to keep the union together.

The first section is an absolute snore, I'm a psychology major and it bored me to death. I read on, hoping it would become more interesting. Lots of clinical jargon that didn't even interest me with my college background, I studied that years ago. Not considering my jaded point of view from my studies in my opinion the average reader would not be able to wade through the clinical language and concepts presented.

It tells briefly some statistics of how marriage affects children, even into adulthood. The children feel as if the marriage falling apart were their faults and it haunts them for years to come. By using scare tactics such as that it apparently urges the reader to keep the union together because of the kids but basically in the same paragraph negates itself, telling the reader to not keep a loveless marriage in tact "just because of the kids".

That being considered the average reader looking for marriage advice would put the book down less than halfway through the first section. It explains the concept of Solution-Oriented Brief Therapy, a "quick fix" type therapy that focuses on the end product of what would like to be achieved rather than focusing on the path that caused you to be where you're at. My thoughts in reaction to that is for the reader to put on rose colored glasses and focus on the end product rather than the things between A and B.

The second section of the book is slightly more interesting although no real brain power needed. It's the basic advice you'll find in any marriage counseling book or website. "Communication is key" communicate to your spouse using "I" statements so that it's non-confrontational. It does give some case studies showing the different dynamics for couples with the same problem, thus showing that not every couple is the same and won't have the same "fix" for their problems.

It stresses breaking old, destructive habits that interfere with your relationship. This again is basic advice. Break the old, replace with new, more effective habits. Other advice is to make yourself happy and by that your spouse will be happy. Be kind to your spouse and it will return tri-fold to you, because you're kind the spouse will be pleasantly surprised and return the favor.

The third section asks the reader if they feel that the changes have been effective and how they will continue to affect the relationship. Either the book has done one of two things at this point, it has helped and the changes necessary have been made or it's been completely useless and the inevitable answer to that question will be "no".

"A particular kind of problem doesn't necessarily lead to divorce; it's the unwillingness to change that destroys marriages". (pg 218) Obviously change is needed to preserve a union, otherwise a reader would have never picked up this book. It questions the reader if they've given the changes enough time to work, this goes back to negate the first chapter where it states this is Solution Oriented Brief Therapy, brief being the operative word.

Suggestions are made to talk to other people about it or seek counseling from a licensed family or marriage counselor. With that in mind the counselor will be using a totally different technique than that described in the book as it's not widely viewed as effective in the long run.

The book offers some parting words, not necessarily a fourth section but included anyway. It offers a congratulations to the reader for actually finishing the book, urges them to seek further help and to keep those positive habits going. It tells the reader to let go of grudges that prevent them from moving forward with the relationship. Bear in mind that a stress point is to keep the reader from "going through the motions" of fixing things without really trying, obviously that's counterproductive.

"It reminds people that the vast majority of relationship problems are solvable and the vast majority of marriages are worth the effort required to make them work." Is the final words offered to the reader, it sums up what the beginning of the book explains to him/her.

Overall I'd not recommend this book or technique to someone with marital problems, there are far more effective ways to solve problems in my opinion. At least I only paid $4 for it.

this book offered some very practical advice on how to mend a marriage and how important it is to try to resolve difference to maintain the marriage. It makes a very valuable point that there's really no point in trying to decide who is to blame for the problems, but just work on fixing them.

This book was recomened by a wonderful Christian Doctor that I work for. He knew my son was going thru a critical time with his wife and offered to purchase this book for him. I got online and ordered one that night. When it arrived it was the first time my son really got excited about the fact that his marraige could be saved. We orderd another one of the books and had it sent to his wife. Truthfully there are not enough books or people that encourage a person to work hard at saving your marraige. Most will tell you to move on. True, saving a marriage is hard, hard, hard work, but this book helps you see it can be done and there are people out there who are willing to help you achive this goal. People with serious marraige problems have a hugh feeling of failure, and feel the only way to succeed is to move on and divorce. This book helps you see that being successful is finding the strenght and support and making your marriage work again!!!!

There was a point in my relationship where I didn't know what to do, it was near over. A friend recommended reading this book and I got it right away. There are so many proactive suggestions that you can use that actually work. Of course, this isn't the only thing that did save my relationship, but it sure got me onto a great start. I now recommend my friends who are having difficulties to get this book. It's permanent in my personal library.

I felt she did a good job writing this book. I think some will benefit, but I found it to be a little too one size fits all for me. I suggest looking into it before buying it.

It is not always possible to prevent a divorce, no matter how much one partner wants to save the marriage. Divorce can be traumatic and life altering, especially to the partner who does not want the marriage to end.
I feel that couples should go to marriage counseling and read this book before filing for divorce, if at all possible. It may not save your marriage, but at least you know you did everything in your power to make your marriage work. Many couples simply give up too soon, not fully understanding the ramifications of divorce.

Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce

it is not easy to fix something that is broken, but that is just what this book has helped me do-fix my marriage. it has not been easy, but this book has provided me with a wealth of information, tools, and the confidence, to get back on track. it will not just come to you-it takes work and effort-but it can happen. i have several other of the michelle weiner davis books and i find them to be well written, and not at all vague or hard to understand-just open and honest and sensitive to both parties/spouses. i highly reccomend this book as well as her other titles.

it is not easy to fix something that is broken, but that is just what this book has helped me do-fix my marriage. it has not been easy, but this book has provided me with a wealth of information, tools, and the confidence, to get back on track. it will not just come to you-it takes work and effort-but it can happen. i have several other of the michelle weiner davis books and i find them to be well written, and not at all vague or hard to understand-just open and honest and sensitive to both parties/spouses. i highly reccomend this book as well as her other titles.

A must read for all relationships. I read it five times and I have been married for 15 years. I wish I would have read this book before I ever married. Reading it would have saved a lot of lost time on arguments. She puts everything into prospective. I have spent lots of money on marriage counciling, this book is better. She is a real pro.

A must read for all relationships. I read it five times and I have been married for 15 years. I wish I would have read this book before I ever married. Reading it would have saved a lot of lost time on arguments. She puts everything into prospective. I have spent lots of money on marriage counciling, this book is better. She is a real pro.

I have not read this book. But I read the reviews. And 11 months ago, when my friend was leaving her husband, I got the book to him. A couple of weeks later, he called me and told me that this book changed his life. He said that based on this book, he changed his behavior, and then his wife changed her mind and agreed to go to marriage counseling. They found an excellent counselor and now they are together and happier than they have ever been.

While the advice in the book appears to have been too late for me, the advice and strategies talked about in this book make a lot of sense and help to debunk a lot of traditional Freudian psychoanalytic therapy methods.

Most of this book would be helpful for anybody whether in the throes of divorce problems or not. I view it as sound advice for relationship building in general.

I got this book not because I was headed for divorce, but having a difficult time in my marriage as happens to everyone that has been married for awhile. As a married person, I know my thoughts of "should I leave this?" are not all that uncommon in today's society. I was at a place where I was really asking myself that question. This book was really a lifesaver for me and my marriage when I got it. Michelle Weiner states "No marriage is an island".Some marital difficulties can be precipitate by happenings outside the marriage. It is easiest to blame the one's we are close to! This book helped me see how I myself often pointed accusational fingers at my husband, when I was truelly not always the one willing to work on things. I often blamed him when other areas of my life were not going well. My relationship has actually improved greatly for the better since I read this book which was six months ago. I was able to view Michele's philosophy that all marriages are salvagable, and most are worth saving. I saw mine that way. I remind myself of all the reasons why I married my husband, and keep myself in check now. I believe that this book is very helpful, and especially if a person wants to try to save a marriage that looks like it is heading for divorce.

I found this book very helpful in understanding what I can do to make things better. I recommend this to anyone who wants their marriage to succeed and thrive.

When my wife left me, one of the first things I did was buy every marriage saving book in the store. This book was the only one worth what I paid for it.

But let me get straight to the "saved my divorce" point. I won't go into details of my sitch because that's a very personal thing. All I can tell you is that this book did not save my marriage. It's over. HOWEVER, using the ideas and information in Divorce Busting saved my relationship with my ex. It also saved me from my own emotional trauma by teaching me how to avoid "triggers" that caused me to become so emotional.

DB is based on something called "short term result oriented therapy". The basic concept is that it's not so important how you "FEEL" as it is what you do. The things you do in your life trigger responses not only in your spouse but also in you. This is fantastic news because it gives you a choice. You can do things that make you happy or you can do things that make you more depressed. Having this choice saved me from the trauma.

No, DB did not save my marriage. But it saved me. I'm a very happy person right now. My ex has given me everything I wanted and I'm doing great things with my life that I never would have done if I hadn't read this book. Divorce isn't so bad when you know how to BE happy.

The author says to "love the one you're with" and I think that's an admirable position to take. Look at the generations that preceeded us. Marriages didn't just crumble and fall at the 60% rate that they are today. We live in a disposable society. I'm not happy, therefore, he's gone. Working at a relationship seems like a foreign being. I would just caution that there may be a few categories to which this doesn't apply-I'm sure the author would agree-rape, spousal abuse or child abuse. Also, the statistic of second marriages failing is given at 60%. In fact, that's first marriages. Of those only 45% of the population choose to remarry and of those spouses, 85% divorce.

I'm currentyl 2 months into a seperation and this book has been my crutch. Well written and easy to follow with not to much psycho-babble. There are so many things in our relationship that I realized after reading this book, I wish I would have read this book months before we got seperated.

I read this book after my husband moved out of the house. Unfortunately, he has filed for divorce and it appears that he is very determined to end our marriage. However, I don't regret spending the time to read this book. It's a very practical book on relationship skills. The knowledge may prove useful in the future.

Divorce Busting was very helpful and I found answers to alot of the problems I have in my marriage. The only problem I have with this book and some of the other ones is that it assumes your spouse and you are either still together or communicate regularly. If you think you or your spouse wants to seperate I would suggest you read this book before it is to late.

I have been married for 16 years, 3 kids, 2 dogs, great home - what I thought was the perfect life. Almost two years ago my wife came to me and told me she wanted a divorce. She "loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore", was how she put it. She had been going to a therapist for over a year who had encouraged her to "find herself", "make herself happy". Never mind her husband and her children. I agreed to go to counseling sessions with her therapist. The counselor wanted us to explore our past and express our anger at each other. With each session our marriage got worse. I begged my wife to stay in the marriage and keep trying to make it work, not just for us, but for the children. She refused. She said it was over.

I bought "Divorce Busting" after visiting the author's web site. I read that there was a name for what happened to me. It's called the "walkaway wife syndrome". I read the book from cover to cover several times during the next few months. I immediately stopped chasing and begging my wife to return. I employed every technique in the book. I even tried what Michele calls "the last resort technique". I learned that I couldn't change my wife, but I could change myself. If I changed, truly changed my behavior, it would have to change my marriage. I love how this book is so clearly written. I really enjoyed( and continue to enjoy ) setting and achieving my goals. I love how this book gave me hope. It took almost 4 months of constant work on my part, but it worked!! My wife came back. For the first month that she was back, it was touch and go. I continued to use my divorce busting techniques and mindset, and now things are better than they have ever been in our marriage. We're like newlyweds again.

If you need to save your marriage and your family, Divorce Busting is the book to buy! Should be required reading before and during marriage. Thanks Michele!

Justin

I couldn't disagree more with the woman from California. Although this book isn't everything for everybody- no book ever is- it completely changed my life. My husband was in the midst of a mid-life crisis, big time. He had an affair, lost weight, the whole bit. Everyone was telling me to leave. But I didn't want to give up seventeen years of marriage when we have 3 kids together. Call me crazy, but through the whole thing, I still knew our marriage could work. But I didn't know how to make that happen. I was so depressed. My friends were tired of talking to me. I went to a therapist who told me to leave. Nothing helped.

Then I saw Divorce Busting in the bookstore. When I read it, it felt like the author had been watching my marriage from my living room. I learned so much from it, not only about getting my husband back, but about all kinds of relationships. The methods WORK! My husband and I have never been happier. I don't usually write reviews, but I just couldn't keep quiet when I read the review from that unhappy woman. I realize that some people can't save their marriages because it's too late. But even if I had not been able to turn things around in my marriage, I feel I am a better, stronger person because of this book. I have the author to thank for saving my marriage!

I totally agree with "A Reader From California." I got this book out of the library after my wife told me she had been having an affair for the past year and wanted to separate (but not get a divorce!) What a trauma! I read this book and started following its instructions, which, simply put, involves changing YOURSELF and not the other person (because you are the only one whom you CAN change). Well, it was just too late! She still wants to separate, and our marital therapist agrees that there is not much left to try besides that: "Your wife will either be very lonely and feel like something is missing in her life, or she will feel like she has finally come into her own." "You don't have a marriage any more," the therapist added. "You have a RELATIONSHIP." Some of the other books in this category were more to the point for my needs, including "Uncoupling" by Diane Vaughan (very sobering) and "When the One You Love Wants to Leave" by Donald R. Harvey (much more upbeat, but still realistic). Still, I am giving this book 4 stars, because if there is NOT a separation in the works for the reader, then this book offers really good advice. I just wish I had had a little more warning so I could have followed that advice, but in marriage there is nothing like a case of adultery to serve as a wake-up call! Read this book and you might never get that call.

, I wish the writer of this book would address the fact that this book is NOT for everyone. It seemes to have greatly helped some people, but in some instances, could make a bad situation much worse.

I have been in counseling for about 5 years and have worked very hard to address my problems and change some of my distructive behaviors by confronting my own issues, and was hoping that my husbands behavior in turn would change by my "setting a good example". Unfortunately, as in my situation, one spouse may be trying to change and grow while the other spouse may be unwilling or in denial of their own problems (do to fear of change, which is common for alot of people, but especially people with controlling personalities). And using the "one person can change a marriage on their own" theory in a marriage situation such as mine can make a bad situation worse. My spouse has a very controling personality and so, over time, my boundries became all but non existent.

With alot of therapy I finally got to a point where my self esteem became strong enough to rebuild my lost boundries. For me "acting as if" as recomended in this book (I have pretty much done this my whole life due to controlling parents) is what got me into a mess in the first place. I don't know any other way to put it.

What bothers me most is that therapists are sometimes using this type of marriage therapy without fully understanding a couples marriage background. This is what happened to me. My husband and I went to a marriage counselor and he started with the "focus on what works and not what dosen't" concept and told me to buy this book. Fortunatly, I was working with my personal counselor on the issue of SETTING my boundries at the same time we started seing the "Divorce Busting" counselor, and I could clearly see the serious problems (in some cases) with the advise in this book, for my marriage.

I'm sure that this book has helped alot of people judging by some of the other reviews. Unfortunately, I believe it could be VERY bad for others. I don't usually comment on books and realize this one is lengthy, but I do want to warn people who may be in a situation similar to mine.

God bless anyone trying to save their marriage and greatest good luck to you :)

Elayne wife and mother of 2 from California

The practical portions of this book are extremely helpful when what you have been trying in your relationship just keeps going and going and going in cycles. I doubt it is a cure-all for ALL marriage ills, but it is sure worth a shot! Though the first part of the book was a little tedious for me to get through, the practical part of it was extremely helpful in challenging me to analyze the habitual detrimental responses my husband and I have become so accustomed to. Now, I have new thought processes as we go through our day to day struggles and conflicts, and I try to break out of normal "no results" responses that I have inadvertently allowed into my life. At 31 years of marriage, it is time to re-examine the effectiveness of our habits.

... This book, if nothing else, has given me some hope towards reconcilliation with my wife. Whether or not that happens, I can rest assured that many of the programmed and habitual (but tremendously destructive) responses I have made in the past will remain in the past. Furthermore, I found my own experiences described here repeatedly, and I am no longer wallowing in guilt of my "distinct" failures. I will be trying, constructively, to earn back my wife's affection. ...

I saw the author on the Oprah show. My best friend's wife had already filed for a divorce and he was depressed beyond description about it. I told him to get the book. He got it, read it over and over, used what he read and she started to soften. It took 4 months of hard work on his part. He would tell me every day what technique he was using, and what progress he was making. Today, they are madly in love with each other again. She says he has become a new person. He says their relationship is like it was when they first met. They have become friends again. My wife and I have both read the book and we love the stories. We give copies of the book out at wedding showers and anniversaries. I think Divorce Busting is written in an easy to understand way. If you are married, I recommend that you(and your spouse)read this book!

This may be one of the most popular books; however, my experience with the book created a sorrowful ending. While attending marriage councelling, my ex and I were told to read this book. I had already been the one all along to change for my partner, and this book had me do that again. Against my better judgement, I changed again to effect a change, in the hopes of saving my marriage. It suggested to try something different, anything different. I say, if you are the one who has already become the chameleon, and the other person wishes to change nothing, you are working with a brick wall. All my changes did nothing, even initiating sex with him after two years resulted in the distinct feeling of being raped. No, I recommend being very careful.

This book gives realistic tools to identify individual traits that a spouse finds unfavorable. It shows you how to identify the cause of marital trouble and make changes to repair the damage you and your spouse have endured. Good luck, dont wait to fix your marriage. I have already started to use the knowledge of this text to save my marriage which is currently at a 7 week seperation. Tonight was the first time I communicated my feelings in years and I feel good even though I have little more hope than I did yesterday of reconciling

A revolutionary book. Definitely pro-marriage. One person can save marriage, even when partner isn't working on it. Principles upon which book is based are rock-solid. If you, a family member or a frend is having serious marital problems - GET THIS BOOK NOW!

Currently separated, I am reading several marriage and self help books. This book truly stands out with it's common sense approach. Half way through I sent a copy to my husband (who would never pick up a self help book).I think he'll appreciate the author's goal oriented action approach. We've tried traditional therapy and analyzing our issues, and it has gotten us nowhere but more resentful of each other. We communicate less after a therapy session than we did prior.I think we are both ready for something different. I finished this book in less than a week and I feel so much more hopeful and positive about working on my marriage. Read this book if you have gone the traditional route of therapists and self help books.

I'm a marriage columnist and author of two books on marriage: Marriage 911 and Chocolate Chili Pepper Love. I'm not a professional counselor, I'm a humorist/storyteller and write as a friend to others who are hurting in their relationships. The #1 book I recommend to those "stuck" in problem areas, the book that was most helpful to me during a time of darkness and confusion in my own marriage is Divorce Busting. When couples are hurting they don't usually need a course in WHY (they are already experts at that) -- what they need is HELP and RELIEF. Michelle's warm, practical, engaging advice is the medicine this writer/speaker prescribes for those who want to improve their marriage and maintain a sense of personal peace and dignity in the process. Thank you, Michelle! Keep up the good work.

If you think of finding a solution on how to save your precious marriage with this book,i wont waste too much time on it giving it a thought! This is one of the books written from the authors point of view,and will make you feel guilty.

from ALTER EGO in Tula OK

I had been talking with a close friend and shared that my wife and I were contemplating divorce. He gave me a copy of this book and The Romantic's Guide and two months later, we are happier than newlyweds. We know a lot more about our needs than we did when we were married so this time we are going to keep the happiness in our relationship.

I was amazed at the ease of implementation for the techniques. The book is easy to read and the goal is to save the relationship. That's it, nothing more.

The book details what Solution-Oriented Brief Therapy (SBT) is about and offers step by step ways to turn failing marriages around- even if only one partner is seeking to save the marriage. The book is written in a direct, non-psycobabble language and is also entertaining. (I found myself chuckling and saying "wow" quite often). SBT is designed to work far faster than traditional therapy- as many as 10 sessions but usually 4-6 sessions with only a couple of weeks between sessions.

The author wrote the book to get the information about SBT out to more people faster because SBT really works. She has received countless letters to this effect as well as having seen successes from her own practice. It is also enlightening to know that she was a "traditional" marriage counselor before shifting to SBT.

Plenty of examples and "how to's" and it is designed to work fast. The author contrasts traditional therapy versus SBT and explains why SBT works and gives some good insight as to why long drawn out traditional therapy often fails- especially if one partner is not willing to reconcile.

Rather than psychoanalyze why husbands or wives are a certain way, she directs the reader to examine "successes" from earlier in the marriage. She then guides the reader towards seeking positive outcomes via short-term simple goals/objectives based on those things that "worked" in the past.

The book also provides insight as to how men and women interact in a marriage environment and how men and women view and react to things differently. It also provides tremendous insight as to how a husband and wife can both be "working" at making a marriage successful, yet still be heading down the road to misery and possibly even divorce.

I would recommend the book to couples spanning the spectrum from newly engaged to those who have already divorced.

In a day and age where 1 out of 2 people will get divorced, it is refreshing to hear the advice Weiner-Davis gives about staying together! The hurt and devastation that comes with divorce (for all concerned) is to be avoided at all costs - she debunks several myths about "why I should get a divorce" as well as gives many peoples' personal testimonies. A must read!

I love this book! I bought it for my Mom, loaned it to a friend going through a divorce, I bought a copy for a friend who is separated, and I'm ordering another one for a friend who just wants to communicate better in her marriage.

I have found that I can use the techniques of this book in any inter-personal relationships. For instance, I was able to use one of the methods of resolving differences with my 12 year old son! And I avoided a big conflict with my boss thanks to this book! What about my marriage? I was able to keep communication open, but like the books says toward the end, "If someone is waiting in the wings for your spouse to divorce you, there may be little that you can do." The author is right!

Get this book!

I felt this book had much to offer. I appreciated the authors belief that marriages are worth saving. She puts forth helpful, assertive techniques that can be used together or alone. But most importantly she reminds you that you have to be happy with yourself before you can find happiness in a relationship.

If you are trying to save your marriage by yourself - then get this book and practice it's concepts. The book is well-written and easily understood. It has helped me tremendously in attempting to reconcile my marriage.

The book is a "getting started" approach to getting a marriage back on track. The solution based method is a "let's do this now and not worry about your childhood method". This allows marital issues to be addressed immediately, and she claims, for a couple to find some success immediately as well. However, the author doesn't acknowledge that some of those deep seated issues may well need to be addressed--even if they come after the immediate conflict is resolved. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is starting to think that divorce is an option--it's a great place to start.

This book takes a positive approach to helping people take steps to improve not only their relationship but their lives.

I very much enjoyed the book and it has helped me tremendously.

I strongly suggest this book to anyone that wants a better relationship. It will make you a better person in the process.

Although this book is great to help the couples that need help to retreat from the brink of disaster, it has little or no effect on the deep rooted problems that may be plaguing a relationship. Best if used with both committed to change the problems in a relationship. The one person techniques were only minimally effective and dependent upon that one individuals determination to remain married.

As a single person who had to read this book for a counseling class, I was very impressed by Weiner-Davis' clear, concise writing. As a daughter of divorced parents who fears repeating that painful mistake, this book gave me hope that my own marriage someday can be "divorce proof". In the end it reaffirms what ALL counselors should be saying to couples: I BELIEVE in your marriage, here is how YOU can too!

I really hope i can apply the prinicaples and technics in my marriage to see if i can work things out between me and my wife. I really would jump at the oppurtity to attend one of her seminars. I agree that 90% or more of the divorces do not need to happen! I also learned from the book that i love my wife more now than i ever have! I just wished i had this knowledge before we seperated! I will pay any amount of money,price and do anything to have my wife back! So i will apply the use of this book and see what will happen!!

....I believe this is an excellent book but it should not be the only source of reference. Wiener-Davis approach is perhaps the best approach when the situation has reached such a crisis level. In my opinion once the situation is out of crisis then a long term approach should be used to follow-up. Which is why I rate this book an 8 rather than 10.

While I am currently going through a divorce, my wife used as her explanation of wanting a divorce, "YOU DID NOT MEET MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS". I was comsumed with guilt until I read the SAME QUOATION in Wiener-Davis' book and the reason people use this as an excuse of wanting out of their marriage.

DIVORCE BUSTING help me realize that this was not MY problem but my wife's own failure to interject other external activities into her life. With that I was able to arm myself emotionally and was able to confront my wife with the truth about herself and her situation. My wife's inability to turn the mirror to herself and her unwillingness to change and lack of comittment has led her to take the "easy" way out via blame.

DIVORCE BUSTING also help save my friend's marriage. But in his case both him and his wife read the book and both decided to make changes. In fact I'd venture to say that their situation was worst. However they both are committed to each other.

Another thing I'd like to point out is Wiener-Davis' assessment of counselors. I can attest to this first hand. During the crisis my counselor labeled me as "passive aggressive". This labelling help "validate" my wife's position. Such labelling only inflames the situation and such labelling is ineffective. For example, is my 9y/o engaged in "passive aggressive" behavior if I have to call his name three time to get his attention. This is the type of ineffective counselling that occurs during a crisis that often assist the other party toward divorce rather than reconciliation.

....I highly recommend this book. There is much too much divorce and often times, I believe, marriages can be salvaged.

I was very excited when I got this book, but was disappointed after reading it, even though I did follow the advice the book gave. Weiner-Davis's quick-fix approach sounds good on the page, but in truth it just doesn't get to the bottom of any problems. More often than not, ignoring the problem seems to be the rule of thumb here, and that will just build resentment when nothing is really resolved. Also, Weiner-Davis succumbs to the very easy gender stereotypes that are so prevalent in the _Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus_ series. Basically, she says men are this way and women are that way. If you like the _Mars/Venus_ books and think critical analysis of a couple's problems is just fine, however, you'd probably like this book. For the couple wanting to fix the problem rather than ignore it, however, this book is just not going to do it.