After 26 years of marriage, I recently found myself living with an alcoholic-and it is a FAMILY disease. This book clearly outlines how codependency manifestes itself in your life. This book not only describes symptoms but prescribes solutions and is the best read on the subject. If you need clarity, focus and are ready for recovery...start here!

I am the wife of an alcoholic and this book really helped me see my part in our marital problems. It will help you realize your own worth and how to set boundaries to protect yourself.

My counselor suggested this book. So being the good "student" I went out right away and purchased it. I can tell you I would gladly pay a million dollars for what's in this book (if I had it). Although, it mainly deals with people coping with alcoholics/drug addicts, it spoke to me. Each night I couldn't wait to read it and almost immediately I was able to start applying some of the suggestions. It has made such a difference in the way I'm starting to think, about myself and everything around me. It's also helped to lift the heavy despair that has been keeping me from enjoying my current relationship. I'm here on Amazon to purchase the next book, Codependency and Beyond (I think that's the title). I'm even going to give it to my partner, so that she can finally see what I've tried so hard to explain. I can't say enough good things about this book. I'm planning on writing to the author to tell her just how much this has helped me...in fact, it saved my life.

I was given some insight while reaing this book. I don't agree with everything in here, but no one is going to be completely satisfied with everything. I do not like the format or the"beatin around the bush" persay. I felt there was a lot of babbling and many tims when I thought I was getting somewhere she goes on to say...Later on in coming chapters...that is annoying. If I am on the subject now I want the meat and potatoes now, not later. She looses me a few times in each chapter with a lot of useless information I believe. The other thing is this book is reallygeared towards people who have relationships with people with many issues. I am in fact codependent, but I need a book for codependents who aren't enabling an alcoholic or sex addict, drug abuser, etc. etc. I didn't quite get that from this book. I will say it was a goo staring point and did put me in the right direction to finding out what many of my issues are and gave it a name so I may do further research on my own...mybe I'll write my own book on codependency.

Codependency is far more prevalent then one is aware. My many years in Al-Anon were very helpful but so many unanswered questions were found when I looked at my codependancy issues, that I was unaware of. Many thanks to Melody Beattie's books.

I was once in a relationship that tore me apart. I hated the guy, but I couldn't bear to think of life without him. He had be questioning my sanity and going from one extreme to the other. For two years, I poured all of myself into a relationship that was unhealthy, one-sided, and destructive. My brother recommended me to read this book when I was in the relationship, but I felt too proud and stupid to read something with "Please don't say you need me" on the cover. After the relationship ended, I was bored one day and began reading.

It was like a revelation... I didn't KNOW how much of a co-dependent relationship I was in. I really cannot recommend this book highly enough. I think there is a lot of truth and potential help for those who are miserable and lost in unhealthy relationships. Even people who are not in relationships might gain some insight and wisdom from reading this book.

This book, as well as a false "codependency" diagnosis empowered my abusive husband to continue his cruel behavior. He was horrific with constant verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse, and he wanted to blame it all on me. I lived in fear and torment through my entire marriage, but my abuser said it was my fault for "making" him angry with my personality and attempts to have my own opinions. He told me I needed to change to be more like him and went to therapy saying I was ruining his life. Unfortunately, his therapist didn't know the truth- that my husband was incredibly demanding, controlling, expecting and abusive. He would wait on me hand and foot, against my wishes, then berate me for hours and hours at a time because nothing I did in return was good enough. He was critical and impossible to please. So, my husband came home with the idea that he was codependent and that he was enabling me to "act out." He read this book, and decided that I was the one making him codependent and that I was the one who was abusing him by not giving into his every desire and making him happy enough. Sadly, this led him to abuse and criticize me more, and he now has even more excuse to deny responsibility for his cruel and torturous behavior. Instead of recognizing and stopping his abusive behavior, he decided that, since he was codependent, I must be the corresponding abuser. Never mind my bruises, emotional anguish and fear every time he came home! Maybe there are people who could benefit from this book, but in my case, it caused my abuser to deny his actions and escalate his cruelty. Maybe there are codependent people out there who do allow people to abuse them, but in my case, the man who behaved with some codependent mannerisms was the abuser. Things got out of control when he decided the opposite, and I moved into a domestic violence shelter.

A great reference and a classic for practitioners and for those struggling with these issues.

Timely in any decade of life, with any relationship in life. A must read for "why can't I fix them" folks.

Co-dependent no more should be read by anyone who has ever lived with an addict of any kind. If you find yourself always trying to fix everybody's problems, & forgo your own happiness, this book is for you. It will change your life if you let it. You will see yourself in every page. If you feel like everyone depends on you for everything, this book is for you.

This is one of the best books on CoDependency that has been written so far. It is recommended by many in the counseling field, along with the workbook, to introduce the destructiveness of its vicious emotional cycle.

As a trained Biblical Counselor, I recommend it most of the time to my counselees as it shows up in a multitude of relationship problems. It is an eye-opener to the those who want to know why they or someone else behaves the way they do.

Firstly, people should be aware that this book is really only intended for those that are in serious need of help. Mainly women whose partners are alcoholics, abusive etc..

Secondly, there is a lot of reference to god, being a saviour only if you trust in him...blah blah.

Lastly and most importantly, there is way too much waffle and not enough practical advice. Most paragraphs open with "ohh we are sad sorry folk who have little self esteem.. ", over exaggerated to prove a point, but nevertheless that type of writing is hardly worthwhile considering the reader wants change/help.

-FYI, I'm a 24 yo male who doesnt believe in man made religion.

At age 40, this book helped change my life! I never knew that I was codependent until I read this. Now that I've read it, I know what to fix and HOW to fix it!!!

This kind if thinking is what's wrong with America. Caring deeply for someone you love, even to the point of taking on their problems, is not wrong, nor pathological. It's part of what makes us human. Life is hard. Deep companionship, sharing of hardships, deep emotional involvement, feeling each other's pain - Humanity have grappled with these concepts since time immemorial through art, literature, philosophy. Along comes the American "Self-movement" and declares patly that any level of sacrifice for another is sickness, that one's own happiness is all that counts, and that this happiness exists in your own "vacuum" independent of the feelings of others close to you. Emotional poison!

This book has come to serve as a bible for those who are afraid of intimacy/human interdependence and are looking for moral justification for their continued self-centeredness. To them, I say - toss this garbage, start daring to involve yourself in the lives of others again, love, live - we all need others! You're no different, and Melody Beatty is the shallowest of philosophers. If you have an imperfect, troubled love relationship with an imperfect, troubled human being, welcome to the club. It's called being human.There's nothing wrong with it. Toss this book on the fire, stick out the tough times TOGETHER. The reward will often be much greater than immediate
'self' fulfillment.

I'm one of Melody Beattie's biggest fans. If it were not for her, so many of us would not be so aware of our subconscious irrational guilt when we want to help ourselves as much as we help others. I am an alcoholism counselor, and most of my codependency clients also are dealing with active alcoholics in their families. Melody Beattie referred around 14 times, in footnotes, in her 'Codependent No More' book, to the book, "Getting Them Sober".Getting Them Sober: You Can Help! (Getting Them Sober) So, I bought it and used it with my clients.....and now I can see why that book is the 'sister book' to Melody Beattie's books. (Melody wrote the cover endorsement for "Getting Them Sober", saying it is the 'best book for the family of the still-drinking alcoholic'. I counted over 200 suggestions in that book that really help with dealing with the stil-drinking person.)

I purchase the book Codependent no more, and it was in great conditions and the whole purchase and shipping went smoothly. Exactly how it it suppose to be when you buy products online. I recomend and I will buy it again when I need it!

Very good book. It was recommended to my husband by a therapist. We both enjoyed it & found it extremely helpful.

Melody Beattie is a wonderful recovery author. One of the words that always have stuck with me is that she says about trust and that there is a difference between trust and stupidity. Those words have stuck with me often when my mind is spinning from the lies of an alcoholic. I often use the Language of Letting Go (another of Beattie's book) as a daily affirmation tool. She is an excellent recovery author. This has been another essential book for my recovery.Getting Them Sober: You Can Help! (Getting Them Sober)
PS My rating should be 5 stars but I can't go back and edit the number of stars. I made a mistake. Sorry this is a 5 star author!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This book is a necessity for anyone who's had a less-than-perfect family situation and who has the tendency to people-please. If you get wound up and anxious about other people's lives, moods, emotions, feelings, etc., to the point that you're sacrificing your own needs, you're probably co-dependent and you can live a much happier life if you start addressing your co-dependent habits.

Thanks to this book I am taking better care of myself--the person who all these years needed much more help than what I was willing to bend-over-backwards for other people.

This review is short and sweet. The book is a very easy read and very useful. Luckily for me, I had already made all the changes, and read the book for awareness - to understand why I did certain things and why I felt the way I did. It's a great book, one I keep on my shelf and refer to when I need that "wake-up call." I got that life lesson and am moving forward. Life is so much kinder when you take care of yourself.

First, if someone else's behavior (like your son, spouse, family member, etc) is making you scared, unhappy, resentful or in any other way unhappy, then this book will give you the tools to not only deal with the situation, but fix it. It's because it teaches you that the only thing you can fix is yourself! That's what you truly have control over and thank God for that! If your happiness and peace of mind really were someone else's responsibility, you'd be in big trouble.

Here's a great quote from the book, "The Wisdom of the Rooms":

"Put the magnifying glass down and pick up the mirror"

Oh how I love focusing on you. If you would only stop doing this or that, or if you'd start doing this or that, then finally, maybe I'd be happy. Relieved of the responsibility of self, it was so easy to be critical, resentful and dependent on you. If you only knew what you were doing to me. If you loved me you wouldn't act this way. Don't you care about me? These were my constant thoughts.

When I first entered Al Anon, my sponsor told me something shocking - he told me that my happiness and well being were MY responsibility. He told me it was and always will be up to me to make my life enjoyable and safe. "But what happens when she does this?" I protested. "Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror," he told me. What was I doing to cause, contribute or in reaction to it was my only concern.

It took me a while to see the profound wisdom of this new way of thinking. Once I put the focus on me, I regained the power to influence and direct my life and happiness. If it's all about you, and I have absolutely no control over you, then I will forever be a victim. But when I do place the power and responsibility where I do have some control - over my own life - that's when I begin to recover and regain hope. It's about the mirror, not the magnifying glass today.

If that made any sense to you then buy both these books and read them right away! You can live a better life and you deserve it!

Michael Z, author of The Wisdom of the Rooms "A Year of Weekly Reflections"

In my opinion, the information covered in this book should be a mandatory education read at some point. All of us know a codependent. If you must pick only 1 book on codependency, enabling, addiction, alcoholism, or the like, I HIGHLY recommend this be the one you choose. It is the textbook.

What an excellent book for someone who questions what is "Co-dependence" and for someone who is involved with a recovering addict or still in their addiction. It is powerful and life changing. I cover this book at least twice a year to support my own recovery.

For so long I've wondered why so many of my relationships were unbalanced and unsuccessful.When I read this book I felt all those years of pain and frustration were finally explained. Since there were others that experienced what I did, there was no more need for that self imposed isolation. With clarity came relief. The message "respond to every situation by taking care of yourself" was my Holy Grail found in Melody Beattie's books.

The words in this book pierced my denial armor. It hurt me so badly to see myself on almost every page, that I could only read a few pages a month. It is the ONLY self-help book (well, besides "The Language of Letting Go") that I own. If you let it, it can help you change your inner self...that's how powerful it is.

I bought this book and it basically describes me perfectly! I love this book and it has definitely helped me get over some of the issues I am/was facing.

Excellent audio CDs. I did not realize how co-dependent I was until I listened to them and they have helped me rethink so many of my actions or reactions. They have helped to bring peace to my life and help eliminate worries and control issues. I listen to them each time I have alone time in my vehicle.

I think every person co-dependent or not, alcoholic or not should read this book. It applies to our every day strugles in life. There no normal family.
Thanks, Jill

This book is just great . It helps you to see what is going on in your life , that you may not want to see . It is a real eye opener . It will change you forever .

This was a book bought for a friend at her request.
Shipping was fast.

I purchased Codependent No More after someone suggested it to me because she was aware that I was in a place in my life where I was/am looking to make some changes.

I have received some very wonderful messages and helpful insights as to why I have certain habits and behavior. However, I am not the spouse, daughter or any relation to an alcholic or drug user. The reason I say this is because I almost didn't continue to listen pass the first cd because that is who the book seemed to be geared towards.

I understand that the book is intended for people who "suffer" from and with codependency however the word alcholic must be mentioned at least 1,000 times. It really began to wear on me, I felt as if the book should have been "Codependent to/with an Alcoholic No More."

It was a test of my patients and tolerance to continue listening because I was trusting that God's message for me was in the book. I received it but I must admit, it was with a lot of teeth grinding.

I'M HAPPY WITH THIS PRODUCT, IT'S REALLY USEFUL, ALTHOUGH I CONSIDER THAT EVERY SITUATION AND PERSON IS DIFFERENT, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO APPLY ALL THE SCENARIOS WRITTEN ON THIS BOOK TO WHATEVER SITUATION WE ARE GOING THROUGH. LET'S JUST TAKE THE BEST OF IT AND CONTINUE GOING ON. THANK YOU.

I was surprised by the CD, and didnt really get into it until the 2nd one, which was where the messages were so much clearer about the book and its purpose. I have bought it for my sister hoping to help her on this journey of co-dependence on her husband.

I read this book and in the beginning I thought "Oh, this kind of book is for people attracted to people with destructive personalities." As I read on, it is for people used to putting themselves last. Some people may have that hero or Christopher columbus mentality. But when the villain is destroyed or the land is found - now what? You are in a rut because the excitement is gone.

There are others that fall into the "you complete me" trap. Complete yourself then find a partner. This book totally changed how i feel about myself and my experience. I recommend this book to anyone who is/was in a relationship that is essentially over.

Very enlightening book. Helped me to see what I was doing to our relationship and how my behavior was hurting us. I am not an alcoholic but I am a person who needs to be in control. I can now see how my need to control zaps the energy from others and does not let them have self worth.

Highly recommend this for anyone.

I'm only halfway through it so far so I'm not completely sure. However it seems to have some good information on what we codependants do to ourselves and activities at the end of each chapter to make it easy to understand.

Having had alcoholic family members in my childhood, it was recommended
to me by a friend in counseling, that this would be a good book to read.
I bought myself this and am happy I did, recognizing some of my own behaviour as well as finding ways to change my behaviour to have a more content and balanced life. I recommend it for those who have any such issues.

Excellent book of you are strugglin with codependency issues or want to know more about it. Easy to read and understand. I thought it was inspiring and gave me a sense of control over my life I've never had before.

Wow, what an eye-opening book! I was touched deeply and am so glad
that I read it. Anyone ready for a close look at what's really going on in their life should read "CoDependent No More". Reading this book also defined terms, like codependent, which I'd heard of but didn't know for sure what they meant. Author Melody Beattie says codependence is when
someone else's problem becomes your problem. Her personal story is healing as are the true to life
examples in the book. Both lend great insights.

Knowing I'm not the only one who has ever allowed another person's drama become my life gives me peace. "CoDependent No More" is an opportunity to see not only that you're not alone but that there are other ways, great healthful ways to live.

Another book that gets many people on the right path and continues to support
a rich, full life is "How to Create A Magical Relationship" by Ariel and Shya Kane.
Both books will show you that the most important relationship is with
you. Definitely read these books if you're willing to have a great life!

I've been in the mental and behavioral health field for 16 years and now am working with clients who are HIV+ and are struggling to live more meaningful lives. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself, has been of great value to helping many learn to live their lives more powerfully. The book is written in plain language that most can understand and can be a valuable tool helping you learn to take care of yourself.

This book was pretty helpful in some ways. It is easy to read and it is not just for people who are in relationships with substance abusers. I think there is a lot of material in this book that could be of help to people who don't see codependency as a problem in their life.

This book has been a useful tool in my life. Living with an alcoholic and knowing many, it has given me many helpful suggestions. I learned that I am only responsible for myself and I cannot change anyone else. I had to learn to feel good about myself and not look to another to do that for me. I thought I was a victim but then learned that there are no happy victims and I want and deserve to be happy.
I now have many healthy relationships and have a lot of fun in my life. Along with Melody Beattie's books, I have found other authors that I absolutely love because they too are about living in the moment and having a magical life. The two books are "Working on Yourself Doesn't Work" and "How to Create a Magical Relationship" by Ariel and Shya Kane.
Go for your life, fill yourself up with what feels good to you and be true to yourself, if I can do it, so can you.

It is a valuable tool to work on your innner self. Hightly recomended

If you agree with the concept of codependent, this might be a good book for you. I found myself completely disagreeing with the author in that she seems to think that her definition of codepedent is a state to be overcome. Nothing could be farther from the truth. One could also define codepedent as passionate, loyal, selfless and honorable. A "real" friend.

While it is true, it is not a good idea to get so wrapped up in someone else's life that you do not have a life of your own, at this point our agreement stops. This author seems to feel that people who care, should not. The friend who interceeds to stop another friend from killing themself, is wrong. They should "let them handle their own problems". What ever happens- happens. If a drunk kills someone..it is their problem. If a friend is going through anger and takes it out on you, walk away - it is not convient for you. I find this kind of thinking scary. It is what is wrong with our world. No one cares about anyone but themselves. It is what causes the wars and sucide as others feel alone and abondoned by society. Everyone has weakness. Everyone has faults. Everyone needs others. Caring and reaching out is not one of them.

Skip this book and go with your own instincts. It's advice Of course do not let anyone run you, but to care with passion and honor is not wrong.

Beattie sort of touches on behaviors/experiences that many of us can relate to. I don't think we'd interpret these things in the way that she does (nor give them the managable labels she does), but it does feel good to have these hard-to-define things explained to us by someone who speaks like she knows what she's talking about. I think that causes many of us to accept her interpretation of things and accept her as an expert on the subject. But Beattie, in her affected authoritative tone, rambles all over the place, and it can cause your mind to feel disoriented and confused. And this confused state of mind you fall into while reading her words helps to conceal how Beattie consistently contradicts herself throughout the book. After the first 100 pages or so I felt dizzy at all the confusion she'd stirred in me. Or maybe SHE didn't stir anything up in me - I'm a codependent victim. Sheesh. I think the good feelings this engenders in people is due to people relating to a lot of the same gripes as Beattie. It's nice to see our problems in print - it gives us hope for a solution to these problems. But the good feelings end there. Beattie does more damage than good. The one message that blasts loud and clear out of this book is CARE FOR NO ONE BUT YOURSELF. But then she says that caring for people is good. But don't do it. But you can still love them. But don't. This appears to be a book written by a conflicted woman who obviously has issues, and decided to put in print the neurosis that helped her to cope with these issues. It just makes me feel bad that people may try to implement her ideas/advice in their lives to the destruction of their good relationships. She's advocating being alone -"undependent" of anyone - and taking the "necessary" steps to detach from these relationships. Some abusive relationships may need such severing, but Beattie casts the label of "codependent" under a wide enough umbrella to cover everyone. "Everyone's codependent." So good relationships will be destroyed by following her advice, as well as bad ones. I think that down the road many people who follow her advice and alienate the people who love them in their effort to be "undependent" and "detached" will feel a deeper pain than the one that caused them to pick up this book in the first place. And then they'll just be confused as to why they're unhappy - they did just what Beattie said.
It pains me to know that this book is in print. I'm sorry for everyone's individual pain and I hope you find something to soothe it. This book, at best, is destruction disguised as hope.

Years ago I worked with a lot of this material, and a lot of other material, most of it was good. My father died this last winter and stuff started shifting around a bit and at any rate it became apparent that some of what was getting in my way was codependence.

I bought this on CD and am now buying it on paper. Clear, concise, smooth, down to earth and a bunch of material where i got to take a breath and process a little bit ... the material is not easy to slip by thinking something along the lines of 'this might be for me, but i can really tell it is for so and so'... so to me (at the moment) it is pretty elegant in its structure.

Those who have survived living in dysfunctional families have a weird set of skills and handicaps, this book (especially on CD) seems to slip in between that hodge podge and provide a foundation for moving forward from where-ever you are. For me it has been over 4 years since my life was 'out of control' it would be easy for me to think i no longer had any of this going on, but I heard the cadence in my voice shift when i thought there was some way that i could communicate to make 'things work out well for everyone'. Which started me on 'time to look up this material again and see if maybe i am ready to do more than i did the last time'.

It seemed to me that this book was structured well for any number of individuals, someone new to it or someone who knows it all but isn't working it or someone who just got to another stage of life and found some surprises.

Anyway it seemed pretty useful to me.

This is the best book I've ever read about letting go of unhealthy attachments to people and the pain associated with it. I highly recommend it to anyone who has ever loved an addictive person, an abusive person, or lived in a family with dysfunctional behavior. To me, the best lessons explained in this book are 'you cannot change other people - they will only change when they are ready' and 'detaching from an unhealthy situation doesn't mean detaching from the love you feel for a person, it means setting yourself free from the pain of your involvement with them.'

Marina Kushner
Author
The Truth About Caffeine: How Companies That Promote It Deceive Us and What We Can Do about It

At this point I love not having to read and having this book on CD is great.

I am not all the way through the book, but so far this is an excellent book.

Of course with any self help information you get out of it what you put into it.

I would recommend this book and for the busy bee having it on CD is fabulous.

This is the best book I've ever read about letting go of unhealthy attachments to people and the pain associated with it. I highly recommend it to anyone who has ever loved an addictive person, an abusive person, or lived in a family with dysfunctional behavior. To me, the best lessons explained in this book are 'you cannot change other people - they will only change when they are ready' and 'detaching from an unhealthy situation doesn't mean detaching from the love you feel for a person, it means setting yourself free from the pain of your involvement with them.'

I gave up coffee too! I feel so much better! I'm less anxious and cranky, and I find that I wake up much more rested in the mornings. [My doctor says that it takes 2 weeks to get caffeine out of your system completely and to stop feeling the withdrawal symptoms, so hurrah!] He recommended this book called The Truth About Caffeine by Marina Kushner. I read about caffeine wrecks your nervous system. However, I sort of cheated because I've had green tea on two occasions since giving up coffee, but I think the occasional cup of tea isn't all that bad, as long as its herbal.

This book is a must for anyone who is learning to "Let Go and Let God" be in control of their life as well as those of others.