I ordered the audio tapes and listened to them at work. Once I was finished with the whole series I started counting immediately and after two days my 3 year old knew she wasn't going to be able to get away with her past behavior. I say past bacause we have been using the system for a month and we have a whole new child. It is challenging in front of people and in public but you have to stick to your guns -- my worst challenge is with the grandparents! I highly recommend this product.

Buy this book if you are tempted to spank - we did and we are so thankful we found this solution instead of having an adult tantrum (spanking). It really makes a difference for our preschool-age girls. Both have very different temperaments (sensitive & dramatic vs. strong-willed and defiant). It seems that the authors anticipated our children's reactions and this helped for us to be prepared and handle appropriately. When our home feels chaotic, it is because we are not applying this simple and effective method that brings order in a firm and loving way. One of our daughters (guess which one:) even started to vomit and urinate in her room but doing time outs in the bathroom helped to remedy this.

This is a simple and great technique that allows your child to keep his dignity WHILE not allowing him to manipulate others by bad behavior.
I don't hold a degree in child psychology. But, I have three grown children and one left at home. What I have to offer is practical and hands-on experience in parenting. My purpose for this review is to address the negative reviews, because I believe those who leave them do not understand the program. In the preface of the book, Dr. Phelan states that evaluation and psychological counseling are indicated BEFORE using 1 2 3 Magic if your child has a history of behavioral or emotional problems. He also states that marital conflict may interfere with the program. He goes on to say that if a parent is unable to remain calm while using the 1 2 3 method, counseling beforehand is advised. This book is for stable, loving, yet imperfect families to use. Dysfunctional families more than likely already stifle any type of communication with their children-I know this from experience. Only in this type of family is the "sit, stay, rollover" method used. I can't understand why some parents recoil in horror at this method, unless it is that they don't finish the book or attempt to grasp its' principles.
Our job as parents is, in essence, to "train" our children in proper behavior. Our job is to discipline our children, and teach them that there are outcomes to everything they do, positive or negative-just as in the adult world. For example, hitting a sibling results in a negative outcome, maybe time out or having to do something nice for the sibling who was the victim. If a child shares a cookie with his sibling, then that should naturally result in a positive outcome. The child who shared would experience that joyful feeling of doing something that is right and good. PLUS, a beaming smile from a pleased parent is priceless.
The book has a threefold purpose. All three elements must be employed for the program to work, and work it does!
The book's first purpose, as it clearly states, is to control obnoxious behaviors such as badgering, bargaining, whining, teasing, arguing, pouting, yelling, tantrums... etc, by interrupting the situation before it escalates. That is where the counting to three comes in. Honestly now, are these not the behaviors that drive us parents over the top? Do many parents not badger, bargain, yell, and degrade their children in an effort to stop the negative behavior? Anger leads to abuse. Allowing a negative situation to escalate to anger INVITES abuse. Counting to three gives the child time to think about what they are doing, and to make a choice to turn the behavior around-or not. A time out in the child's room is a result of making the wrong choice-a minute per year of the child's age is what the book suggests. A child whose behavior is out of control may need to be carried or escorted to their room. If need be, the parent may have to stand outside the door to make sure the child stays put until their time is up. What is so abusive and repugnant about that?
The second purpose of the book is to encourage positive behaviors like picking up, eating, homework, bedtime, etc. Unfortunately, I think the negative reviewers never get this far in the book. It's simple; reward your child with a smile, a hug, or a sticker for learning how to become independent by taking responsibility for their behavior. Even two year olds are able to grasp this concept. It's never too soon to start. Charts are GREAT for this. They are a visual way for a child to see the results of their efforts and behavior.
The third and last step, strengthening your relationship with your child, will be a natural outcome of doing the first two. When children feel secure and loved, and are held accountable for their behavior -corresponding of course with their age and level of maturity, then the family atmosphere will be more peaceful. Parents will enjoy parenting. Children will enjoy being children. Children need boundaries and consequences.
It's really that simple.
Dr. Phelan has books that deal with older children. The best way to avoid problems with older children is to obviously begin early. Good luck!

I have read so many parenting books because I used to have a child with serious behavioral problems. This book is ridiculous. The premise behind this system is that if they don't do what you say by the count of 3, they get a time out of 10 minutes. If they don't do it the second time, the time is increased. That sounds great for a young child, but what about when the child is over 12? You haven't taught the child why cooperation is important or what it means to be respected member of the family. This may work for a few years, but it doesn't set a base to help families with really difficult children. I HIGHLY recommend Redirecting Children's Behavior by Kvols. It helps kids age 2 to teens. It is wonderful and really teaches behavioral lessons for life.

El autor trata a los nin~os como animales que deben ser domesticados. En ninguna parte se menciona la palabra amor o cariño (creo). Dicho esto, el libro presenta un metodo muy simple y eficaz para que los niños dejen de hacer algo indebido o desagradable. Tambien propone un metodo mas complejo y menos efectivo para estimularlos a que empiezen a hacer algo (como por ejemplo vestirse o irse a dormir).
El metodo funciona y los consejos y distinciones son indespensables para criar en buena forma a un niño.

Easy to read, funny, supportive, if you have challenging kids....you MUST try this.

This is a postitive disciple technique that does not ignore that there are times when children need limits and a loss of privelege.
I've tried many techniques which did not work when my daughter was biting, tantruming, and putting cracks in our wall (banging it) during time-outs. I started 1/2/3 Magic with her at age 4 and I am disappointed that I waited that long! It has saved our relationship and made me a much calmer mother (most of the time...) It will not create a perfect child....But, it points out that kids are a work in progress. My favorite feature of the book is that it gives you preparation for any scenario (including a child angrily taking sheets off their bed, or peeing on the floor during a time-out.)
Any child catches on and tests out a worn-out discipline tactic. Add some "tricks up your sleeve". This gives many ideas for appropriate punishments for minor or major offenses. Talks about avoiding the "argue-yell-hit" routine that many of us have encountered on a bad day.

I bought this book because one day I realized something.. I no longer like my 4 year old. Then being his mother I thought I must be a horrible, evil, disgusting person. I never looked forward to seeing him when I got off work because I knew it was going to be a fight to get him to eat his dinner, to be nice to his baby brother and to go to bed. Whining, crying, screaming, yelling, spanking. I would get so angry at him I would see stars.

One day I came to a resolution. I was on google and I typed in "Child Discipline" and I came to a page that started talking about "1-2-3 Magic". I read the reviews and thought that I HAVE to buy this book. So I did. Received it on a Friday, had it done by Sunday.

Today is Monday. We've already started the "That's 1", "That's 2" routine. My son already has it down to where he'll stop whatever "Stop Behavior" he's doing at 1. Today we're starting the step 2 portion of the book where it's about "Start Behavior". I made a chart for him to do his "chores" (brushing his teeth, eating dinner, getting ready in the mornings, etc.) so he'll be rewarded with stickers. My house is already quieter, friendly and more peaceful.

If you're at your wits end and find yourself in my situation, buy this book (BUY IT EVEN IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU NEED IT YET). If you're thinking your neighbors are going to call DCFS on you because of all the yelling that goes on, BUY IT. You won't regret it.

I know it's early but I can already see the change. I like my child again, and he likes me. We can actually sit down and enjoy each other's company again. Thank you for saving my relationship with my son!

The key to it is no emotion and no talking. The more emotion you put into it and the more words you put into disciplining your child, the more you'll confuse him/her. The no emotion is to keep you from blowing your top. That's the hardest part for me but I have hope.

There is no handbook for raising children, you don't get one when they're born. But once your precious little baby turns 2 and you start pulling your hair out (if not before then), buy this book. It's as close as you're going to get.

I have not yet read the book. However, it is important as a parent to take every aspect, help, and information that you can. No matter what you read or advise you get, there is always something forthcoming about it that will help you with your children.

I am purchasing the book right now. I know that I will come away with at least one good thing that will help me raise my children.

This book has been a tremendous help for our family. We have four children, but our six year old is always whiny, yelling, and "picking a fight" when told no. It seemed every little issue we had escalated into a long yelling match. This book is so simple and logical -- I so wish I had found it sooner. Once the kid knows the new "rules", she has no reason to keep doing the bad behavior. I think it makes everyone happier and we have much more time and effort to do fun/happy things!

We have an almost 3 year old that is very stubborn and considered a strong willed child. She would laugh when I would try and put her in time out. My husband and I tried everything. Then I heard from the school about this book. I highlighted it and have now ordered the dvd. I love it. Most of the time I don't even make it to "two." My daughter looks up at me and it is this look of "oh okay she is not kidding now." I use it out in public and is effective too. I get looks of admiration from other parents.
Debra

An answer to the prayers of even atheistic parents!! A classic. What can you lose by trying? Get this and follow its advice. A grateful grandfather.(Two generations of trial and error.)

As a licensed, practicing psychologist, I recommend this book to parents I work with when their children have behavior problems. It really works when you use it! Use it CONSISTENTLY and you will get the best results!

That's one, that's two, that's three....go to your room for 5. Ohhhh blissful peace and quiet for my ears. My children were not heathens before but I wanted to have a solid foundation to follow along with my husband so we could be on the same page. It is working like a charm and I recommend giving this technique a try! I originally borrowed the older version from the library and decided to buy the newer rendition so I could reference it for a long time. Happy reading and good luck fellow parents, care takers!

This book is fun to read and very informative. It's also very straightforward and easy to understand. It's just hard to draw the line sometimes and can be difficult to stick with but it's worth a try!

Great program for parents struggling to stay in control of their children. Great for managing kids with behavioral problems.

My oldest son will be 4 next month and has always been a challenge. He is sweet,affectionate and smart, but also very hyperactive, strong willed and stubborn. by the time he was 3 he had been kicked out of 2 preschools (we were told that other children were afraid to come to school and that 5 teachers had quit because of him :0 ) He was in speech therapy for a severe speech delay (due to hearing issues, which tubes solved last summer) and had been recieving Occupational therapy for Sensory Processing Disorder (he was labeled a "crasher" with the need to throw, hit and slam into things) We had even tried behavioral therapists and psychiatrists, some tried to medicate him and diagnosed him with ADD and ODD at the age of 3???!!!! All to no avail. We couldnt take him anywhere, I was on the verge of quitting my job and staying home with him and then I found 123 Magic and.........

WOW WOW WOW!!!!!!!!! It is like Magic. We have been consistently using this for abou 10 days now and the turn around has been amazing!! My formerly impossible child is now sweet, obedient and LISTENS TO ME!!!!!!!!!! now he is still stubborn and strong willed, nothing will change that!! (and I wouldnt want to!) but life is so much more peaceful!!!!!!!!!! I havent even had to hit 3 in the past 3 days for anything, I get to 1 or 2 (sometimes even just saying, Please do blank or stop doing blank or Im going to count) and he says, "Oh sorry Mama" and ceases the inappropriate behavior!!!! For instance yesterday he wanted to play with the water hose, I told him no it was too cold, and he turned it on anyways, I said very calmly "please turn off the water, thats 1, thats 2 and he ran over turned it off and said "sorry mama" and that was that. before this week it would have been a full scale battle with me picking him up kicking and screaming and hauling him inside and holding him in side while he was sceaming and throwing things and trying to get back out and turn the hose back on. This is just one example of many more!!!!!!!!!! We have also started working on start behaviors and he is now getting dressed with minimal to no fuss in the morning and going to bed at 8:30 every night with no fuss. So not only is he behaving better, but he is getting more sleep and thus is less irratated and more apt to cooperate. Oh and he is sitting and eating dinner with the family every night too!!!! I think the best part of this is that I no longer feel so irratated with him and I''m no longer yelling and making a multitude a threats, a simple 123 and a 3 minute break or taking away whatever is causing the issue is all that is needed. He knows I mean business and that I will do as I say and I think that is a comfort to him, he can no longer get away with everything, I think he actually feels more secure with limits that are gently, fairly, and consistently enforced.

If you have a difficult child, or have found that you are not the best disciplinarian (inconsistent or not always following through) then do yourself and your family a favor and get this book. It has changed our lives in less than 10 days!!!!!!!!!!!!

My wife I and have been supporting our daughter with the application of 1-2-3-Magic as an effective parenting tool. I also stated using it as I am a substitute teacher (kindergarten to fifth grade). It is amazingly simple, based on common sense and easy to implement.

I have been a daycare provider for over 20 years. I have ten children (toddlers and pre-schoolers) with assistants. I recently introduced 1-2-3 Magic to the staff and then to the children, and it has been like "magic!" The children co-operate and stop unacceptable behavior at the count of one of two. It's been a real gift. I highly recommend it to any parent or daycare provider.

Thanks for the expediency on delivery. The book is going to be helpful I know. Thanks much!

It is a good concept but nothing works all the time.

Not bad...

As parents we share many rewards as well as challenges with our children. Different stages may require more learning on our parts to deal with discipline effectively. This is an easy technique that truly works. Parents don't get frustrated, and their children listen and follow what their parents guide them to do. Isn't your peace of mind worth it?!!!

This book is a quick and easy read with straightforward instructions. No boring or overly lengthy explanations -- it follows its own advice!It seems reasonable though. Worth a try!

I implemented this when my son was little. Sarah, my Goddaughter and two years older knew that we had a "1, 2 3, Magic" house. I sat down and introduced this to them like it was a new game but being clear that it was about discipline. I think they were 2 and 4 at the time. Of course they pushed me to the limit (3) a few times but after that it was smooth sailing. And I did 1, 2, 3 Magic all the time. In stores, in restaruants in the car! One time, and this is true, the kids said, "Do 1, 2, 3 Magic on us!"

This technique really works!! My son is now 14, an A student and well behaved!

I bought this for my daughter who has 4 young children. She thought it was so good she bought it for her four siblings who all have young kids. Must be good.

This book is a very good book to motivate the helpless parent. If you stick to the rules, you will see a difference in your child. The only problem we have, is maintaining the rules. If you can do it, you will be successful!

My daughter is two, and is definitely in the "Terribles!" By the end of Day 1, she knew what to expect and had started to clean up her attitude. She is now behaving like the angel we always suspected she could be, and it's only been 1 week!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you! 1-2-3 Magic is fantastic. I started to implement it with my daycare children, and it's like a new home here!

I bought this book after learning about it from my daughter's preschool teacher. My husband and I were at our wits end with our daughter. She doesn't listen and we swear she has a hearing problem : ) because we always have to repeat ourselves before she responds. The advise in this book (when used..sometimes I forget to use it) does work. It is amazing that once you say "That's 1" my daughter stops doing what ever she is doing. I would recommend this book for every parent. It has great examples to help you out and all around good advice!!

This book came highly recommended to me and I'm so glad I read it. It has really helped our discipline in the household. It's easy to understand, makes sense, and doesn't insult your intelligence.

This is a great book and does work but you have to temper it with a bit of love also. Yes it keeps you calm and in charge but you have to allow your child to express themselves sometimes and they need to learn to do that respectfully. If you just put them in "time-out" and then never discuss what they did wrong how will they know if they were punished for the way they spoke to you or what they said. I'm sorry but letting them destroy their bedroom and then living in it as punishment is just wrong. Children have to learn to take care of what they have not that it is ok to throw temper tantrums as long as you just do it in your bedroom. Also in one of his accounts of how to do the counting, he is punishing both children for one child's actions in several cases. So you are telling one that it's wrong to take the toy away but telling the other they are wrong for not just handing it over at the first request...OK so don't bully but also allow yourself to be a doormat...HUH!!! I will use some of this book with my children, it's great to understand the various ways of manipulation and recognize what my son is doing so I can deal with it but it's not OK to count a child for expressing their viewpoint or feelings.

I guess my point is the general idea of the counting and then time out is a great idea that is quite effective in disciplining your child but his ways are a bit too rough for most children and leave them feeling like our puppets not our children who we love and cherish.

This book was recommended to us by our son's doctor. It is an easy read and our son responded to our new 1-2-3 method very well. Things are much calmer in our house. I highly recommend this book to anyone with small children.

Dont get me wrong the concept is very good and works, but there is no need for this book to be any longer than 10 pages! This is the same technique that most parents have used over and over again. Good commensense technique.

If you have a stubborn, high strung child, like mine, this book could change your life. My daughter is 4 and generally gets extremely upset with any kind of disciplinary approach(including timeouts, removal of privileges, etc.). Even though I have tried similar techniques, this finely scripted approach works great for us. The magic is that when she starts to protest her consequence, that gets counted and she is automatically cued to stop. The 1-2-3 cues her to quit whining, talking back, etc. and is basically a time-out warning. I think what works so well is totally removing the emotion and not focusing too much on the misbehavior.

I almost bought this book a year ago and I am so sorry I didn't. Some reviewers complained about not allowing your child to express emotion. Of course, common sense is needed. If your child is truly upset, hurt, etc., they don't need to be counted but if they are using the whining, crying to try to get out of a consequence the counting works like a charm. I have a masters degree in psychology and am a school counselor (but obviously not an early childhood expert LOL as I was having significant trouble with my daughters personality and some differences of opinion with my husband about how to manage it.) In the span of a week, it has totally changed the atmosphere in our home; we have only made it to time out 2 or 3 times. One incident was in a parking lot when she was balking about holding my hand and started a fuss during Christmas shopping season. We ended up going back to the car for her 4 minute time out and then went about our business without talking the situation to death. When we returned to the car after shopping, she told me she was sorry that she had thrown a fit in the parking lot and would never do that again.

If you are struggling with a preschooler temper, whining, and rude mouth, get this book, now! For us, it has been worth its weight in gold!

If you have a stubborn, high strung child, like mine, this book could change your life. My daughter is 4 and gets extremely upset with any kind of disciplinary approach. Even though I have tried similar techniques, this finely scripted approach works great for us. I think what works so well is totally removing the emotion and not focusing too much on the misbehavior. The 1-2-3 cues her to quit whining, talking back, etc. and is basically a time-out warning. I almost bought this book a year ago and I am so sorry I didn't. Some reviewers complained about not allowing your child to express emotion. Of course, common sense is needed. If your child is truly upset, hurt, etc., they don't need to be counted but if they are using the whining, crying to try to get out of a consequence the counting works like a charm. If you are struggling with a preschooler temper, whining, and rude mouth, get this book, now!

This book is so simple and easy to read. My son was having tantrums and I couldn't figure out why. Now I understand that we needed to change our communication patterns. It was hard to change things, but we are so happy we did.

Our house is so much more peaceful and happy now that we stopped yelling.

The tips seem obvious once you read them.

I love the way this book explains how toddlers view us and how we respond to them and their actions. It is a quick read and worth every penny. We didn't have dramatic problems with our 2 year old but just enough that she was testing and pushing and I didn't know how to react sometimes. This book was so helpful I have given the name to lots of friends.

I bought this book because so many people had told me it's the BEST parenting book out there. I have to disagree. It took me a long time to get through the book because it frankly was irritating. I feel that the author writes in an extremely arrogant tone and although the counting can have a place in every household with young children, i don't feel that a parent is listening to their children if this is the only method they use. I want more of a relationship and lines of communication with my 2 year old daughter than this book will ever give us. It will be up for sale at my next yard sale.

We have wonderful grandchildren, we love them intensely, but their parents needed help with their discipline. I found this book to be the perfect answer. If you follow the the program and don't make exceptions, in just a very brief time you will see results. The children seem much happier too. When they know that you mean what you say, their negative behaviors improve. Our children were happy to have a tool that helped them with their children.

I have a masters in communications disorders and have taken numerous courses on child physchology, etc, so I felt pretty confident as a parent and communicator. After numerous attempts at making my daughter listen, be more appropriate, etc., I finally brokedown and got this book. I read it, applied some of the techniques and really took a look at how I was communicating. Once I made a few changes in my approach, it was like magic. I highly recommend this book.

This book DOES have a place. Sometimes, when nothing else works, this might, especially for really young kids, who really cannot behave rationally. When my daughter was a toddler, from about age 2.5 to about 3, she had an awful habit of screaming whenever she didn't get her way. And by screaming, I mean SCREAMING. If we said no, she would look at us, narrow her eyes, open her mouth and scream with such volume it literally hurt our ears, even when across the room, and could be excrutiating if at all close to her. Nothing we did seemed to help, and it got worse and worse. Finally, we re-read this book, and tried it. Within 2 weeks, the behavior went from common (several times a day) to occasional (weekly). 3 months later she had stopped entirely.

However, it DOES lead to some problems. I think parents who continue to use this much beyond age five (if my own example is an indication) tend to get too inflexible, and stifling of their child's emotions. The kids let out a whine, and you count them to one. Whine again, and they get counted to two. Whine a third time, and get sent to their room to scream it out. I have a real problem with this - first of all, I think it tends to encourage the bad behavior at least one more time (the kid won't get sent to their room on a one or a two, right, so why NOT whine at least once more before quitting?) Second of all, it doesn't encourage the parent to find out WHY the kid is whining. I recently re-read one of Faber and Mazlish's books, and when my daughter whined about a situation we were in, I tried "you sound very frustrated" and she said "yeah, I am!" and to my surprise she STOPPED whining after that one comment on my part. If I'd counted her, she'd have whined at least one more time, and possibly a second. AND she accepted my "no" that had caused her whining in the first place. I use 5 as the cut-off, because at about age 5, kids get way more reasonable. By "reasonable" I mean they seem to gain the ability to use reason, and become a lot more rational. And this method really doesn't exercise that at all, beyond "if I don't quit, I'm going to have to spend time in my room". It's getting kids to behave, but for the wrong reasons.

I'm sure proponents would say that I'm doing it wrong, and there is certainly some truth to that. However, parents AREN'T computers, and cannot remember all the rules the time. And with habitual use, I really believe this system leads toward overuse and inappropriate use - stifling and rigidity, which I doubt the author really intends.

Anyway, my recommendation is that this book MIGHT be useful with very young children, but to be careful not to become too controlling, rigid and stifling.

This book helps parents understand their children better and change the way that we "train" our wild animals. It is a bit of a slow start and self-praises a lot in the beginnig which gets a bit anoying. The program works well, my 3-year-old is doing much less whinig and yelling.

After reading this book I was anxious to have
my clients read it and "try it". It sounded
easy but I thought I better try it myself.

I was taking care of my granddaughters (2 & 3 1/2).
They have different parents and certainly different
personalities. 1-2-3 Magic works!

The book is easy to read and understand which is
important for my clients. I like this method better
than "Love & Logic". By the way, I gave copies to
my granddaughters' parents.

short on psychobabble long on common sense. People of all ages -from kids to adults- will always act differently if the consequences are certain. That's why only the mentally ill jump off roofs: nobody messes with gravity because it will always make you splat

This is a great book. Once you understand how your darlings manulipate you they are so much easier to deal with. Our children are doing what they are supposed to do, now armed with this knowledge I can understand them better and am a better parent for it.

The Bible tells us to "Train up a child in the way he should go..." but many of us are at a loss as to how we should do it. We know that "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child," but we often wonder if it is so tightly bound, that we'll never see its removal. The Bible is full of wonderful godly parenting wisdom, but sometimes a practical how-to that uses this wisdom would be a God-send. Enter 1-2-3 Magic (and for sanity's sake, let's forget that we are using the word "magic" in conjunction with Biblical parenting--they are being figurative).

1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents works in three straightforward steps: 1) Controlling obnoxious behavior. 2) Encouraging good behavior. 3) Strengthening your relationship. But how do you do this? By using the count method to control "stop" behaviors (Stop whining!), and strategies for encouraging good, or "start," behavior (Start cleaning up!) you will get your child to a point where you enjoy spending time with them, thus build the relationship.

I would say the power of this book is in controlling the stop behaviors. What do you do about whining? In and of itself, it isn't really a punishable offense. You can tell a child to stop whining until you are blue in the face but they keep at it. Shoot, it works! But with the count method (used correctly), you can put a damper on it pretty quickly. My kids latched right on to the count for those stop behaviors. Also, there is a great abundance of applicable scripture that you may want to copy down and quote to your kids daily (or to yourself!).

As in most parenting books, there are about three chapters that tell you why the system will work before they describe the method, and there are points I disagree with, but overall 1-2-3 Magic seems to work.

Armchair Interviews says: A new way to raise better children.

This was a wonderful book. The advice was so helpful and it worked for me.

After I read 123 Magic, I started using it on my kids. After using it a few times, their behavior changed for the good. Now our time together is fun and enjoyable because there is no yelling. This is the best book I have ever bought.

I was skeptical when I read the review of this book- that the techniques would actually work but I bought it, read just half and applied what I read to the behavior of my unruly 2.5 year old boy and my 5 year old girl and the difference in one day was very noticeable. The 2.5 year old didn't catch on as quick- we did several time outs for the same thing over and over but he did understand that when I started counting 1 - 2, I meant business. And, when I gave my daughter a time out in the car by pulling the car to the side of the road and not moving the car for 5 minutes she really got the idea. In two days of using this method, now I just get to 1 with her for most things and she stops what she is doing. We did have to do time outs for her in the bathroom not her bedroom as suggested. Still having some minor issues b/c both children open their doors after being put in their rooms for time out but definitely a change in their behavior and mine using this method!! I would highly recommend this book- it is not rocket science, it's not revolutionary, but it does work.

As a pediatrician, I found this book a great resource on discipline for parents. Very informative reading! AVOIDING THE 15 BIGGEST MISTAKES PARENTS MAKE: A PEDIATRICIAN'S PERSPECTIVE

This is a good book, but I must admit, most of it is common sense things. Is a great book for 1st time parents..

There are some big flaws in the pure "Obey now because I said so" approach.

It works for the young ones and then backfires with rebellion in the teen years. Even the youngsters though, what do these kids do when Mom is not there with the threat?

Think about how you dealt with your own parents discipline when you hit the teen years? I plead the 5th.

Think about how the 18 year olds behave when they first go off to college and Mom isn't there? Just read the news every autum, they die from alcohol poisoning, or recently the Duke U. lacrosse athletes hired strippers to a party in 2006, insulted them and then had to fend off bogus rape law suits in 2007. These are not unusual stories, every fall something like this comes out, how can they reach adulthood and not know?

Also with all the scary news about pedophiles in respected positions like teacher, priest, coach, family friend etc, I don't want a child that is overly obedient.

Also it teaches kids that it is OK to do the wrong thing if you are willing to go through the punishment, you just buy off or pay off your sin. My siblings, friends and I used to do this all the time.


I've noticed with my two kids, facing the fact of what they did is the hardest thing for them, we mostly use the discussion approach, even when they were very little, I'd physically stop them hitting or running in the street or whatever and point out the sad friend, or speeding cars etc. But man, they would NOT want to look in the face of the crying friend/sibling.

The discussion approach actually helps them to THINK, use their brains and find several ideas and choose solutions that will work for both parties.


The other thing about the Obey Now approach is that it damages the trust and relationship. Even today my parents and I don't have that close of a relationship. They are nice enough people, but I don't chat with them or hang out with them much. My kids also don't care for either of the grandfathers, they prefer any other visitor.