This is one of my favorite books. I'm very familiar/educated on a lot of this emotional stuff and I've never thrown around 5stars haphazardly. This book is full of really good useful knowledge. However, that doesn't mean that every single page or every single line will apply to your particular situation. I think that often people expect a book to be written directly for them personally. That's not likely to happen. This book is excellent. It's an excellent reference for this disorder. I'm also going to recommend Tao Cycle Therapy, by Sarah Shikitao-Brown. Her book is a good companion to this one and an excellent method for the emotional management of this and other disorders. Tao Cycle Therapy: Natural Happiness via Self Directed Cure for Chronic Anxiety & Depression [Updated 2008 3nd Edition]

- Jane Stevens

In her office, my therapist has two books that she doesn't keep on her big shelf of books. She has them sitting right out on the end table. This one and Tao Cycle Therapy, by Sarah Shikitao-Brown. Tao Cycle Therapy: Natural Happiness via Self Directed Cure for Chronic Anxiety & Depression [Updated 2008 3nd Edition] Her reasoning she says is that, "if every one of my clients read and used these two books, it could easily put me out of business, and I keep them front and center to remind myself of that fact every day." It makes me laugh, because when I then pointed out that maybe she shouldn't be leaving them out for clients to see, she gave me this creepy smile and replied, "come on, do you really think any therapist needs to worry about their clients actually taking their advice?". I've never forgotten that and it makes me laugh because I did take her advice and read both books. And I still read them both a lot even now. I stopped going to therapy about three weeks later. I love that story, but the point is, these two books are exceptional. Samantha Tobin

Don't struggle: read this book.
It provides a plethora of tips and example that fit well with the character of a BPD, but that applies to many other behaviors. You will discover that you are not crazy and it will help you in the journey to a better relationship in a caring way.

I would give this book five stars for research alone, but all of these books regarding Borderline Personality Disorder seem to be inter-plagiarized amongst themselves with the same research and facts and only a smattering of examples of adults who still suffer the consequences of growing up with a Borderline parent.It is both laughable AND nauseating to read how we should be "calm" while in the throes of being pummeled, beaten, slammed against walls, having our hair torn out, being shoved onto the floor and the relentless SCREAMING. I TRULY would like to see any of the authors of these books act in a "calm" fashion while being repeatedly smashed to bits on a daily basis. I am sorry to find out, 41 years too late, that my mother suffers from BPD; it took 41 years for me to become friends with a young woman who diagnosed my mother. After that, I frantically purchased this book and two others and the "coping" suggestions are completely ridiculous. The only thing/s the authors get correctly is that we are guilted into never leaving these horrible parents. In MY case, my mother has repeatedly threatened to kill me, jeopardized relationships with boyfriends, bosses and landlords, and screamed at me until I felt certain I would go deaf. Yes, I have remained calm, but having my head slammed repeatedly against walls, banisters and doors, as well as my integrity, emotions, feelings and reputation being equally pummeled by a nonstop barrage of insults, accusations and commentary has made me an extremely unhappy woman, and a very damaged one at that. I cannot even sleep due to my mother's abrupt appearances either at my home or place of work, if I hang up on her when she is insulting or screaming at me on the phone, she rages a personal vendetta about me to anybody who knows me and worst of all, is that when I was younger, I reported her insane behavior to my neighbors, doctors, school nurses, school chums, teachers and even the police and NOBODY DID A THING. 30 someodd years ago, there WERE no Social Service agencies in place to remove me from her dangerous dungeon and worst of all, if I had the audacity to complain about her relentless abuse, these people would question my mom, if they did anything, and this would make her so enraged, the beatings and screaming would escalate. My older brother only was her target for a few years and all he simply was doing was defending himself verbally. She kicked him out of the house at age 19 and ironically, as she has refused to work for 15 years now, I tried to help her by paying all her bills, ruining my credit twice, filing bankruptcy and never being paid back the nearly $50,000.00 I kept outlaying for all her ridiculous bills and debts. Whenever I complained, and justifiably so, that I had my own bills to pay, she bashed me so hard and screamed so loudly I truly prayed every single night I would go deaf, or simply die already. Yes, I also rented five apartments in my name after we were homeless and living in motels together, she refused to live in any of them; I even bought a house which she demanded I buy and refused to live there, so I immediately put it back on the market until it sold, I lost thousands of more dollars DUE TO buying that house, gave her back the profits when it sold, because of her repeated violence and threats to kill me (she'd given me money as a downpayment and never even told me she HAD any money and when I'd complained that she should have paid me back, I got bashed to bits), and her latest accusation is that I KEPT MONEY from the house when it sold, when it was absolutely not true. It is true that people with BPD come up with bizarre accusations, but what is most troubling of all is that these three books I have purchased TRULY did NOT touch base upon the fact that the violence is instant and savage and relentless in nature. They say violence "can occur", well, I have never seen anything the likes of what this horrid woman pulled on me my entire life and thank God I no longer live with her, but she still makes repeated threats against my pets, job, relationship with my boyfriend and I never know what this insane woman is going to pull next. She always is well-behaved around my brother, so I don't see how this can be a disorder when she can control her vicious rages, screaming and violence while in the presence of my brother, but the moment she sees me, she goes off on her un-ending screaming, insults, accusations and that painful hitting. I finally hit her back once, when I turned 30 and she practically murdered me from simply trying to defend myself. Yes, I have written letters to her doctors and positively all of them must be quacks, because NOBODY finds anything wrong with her. I have had horrendous Jewish guilt trips laid on me my entire life to keep taking this vicious woman's crap, abuse, insults, screaming, punching, hitting and hair pulling and she is crafty and manipulative enough to lie about me to everybody who knows me, thus these people question me relentlessly about how I can let my mother "suffer". This woman has her Social Security to live on, yet after supplying some 300 links to rentals from CraigsList, refuses to rent a place; instead, she either flies back and forth to my brother's home, or else she stays in motels for months at a time. She complains positively 24 hours per day and never has a kind word to say to me. So I say to the authors of these three books, you couldn't BEGIN TO KNOW what it is like to live with somebody who hates you so ferociously and thinks nothing of breaking your hands, giving you fat and bloody lips, black eyes, who tears out your hair, and slams you against walls, kicking, punching and screaming at you. Your suggestions are beyond ludicrous. You couldn't possibly have been put in the position of trying to placate these insane people, who REFUSE TO SEEK HELP!

I haven't finished the book yet but so far the information I have read has proved very useful.

The thing I like most about this book is how it breaks down and explains the thought process of a BP. I constantly found myself thinking, "DAMN, that's exactly what she does!" However, this book should come with a warning label that reads, "WARNING: The Borderline Personality in your life may react violently when they see you purchased this book." Anyway, it helped me to understand the illness, but my now ex-wife was so against breaking the cycle, she allowed the evil, manipulation and physical violence towards me to just get totally unbearable.

Borderline Personality Disorder impairs relationships as no other disorder can. Those who suffer most are the people who don't have the disorder, but care about someone who does. This book has many practical suggestions for coping with these hurtful and frustrating behaviors.

I have BPD and this book has shed a lot of light into the inner workings of my thoughts and feelings. So far this is the best book that I have found for people that have BPD & Non BPD's to read and help cope with the disorder. The best aspect of the book is the short stories of people who have BPD. It shows that you are not alone and that other people have gone through similar situations.

Most of this book is devoted to how to cope with, coddle, make excuses for and accomodate the BPD in your life, using techniques from AA, the usual pop-psych bromides and advice from Dr. Susan Forward, a radio talk show shrink with specious credentials. Most of the examples of BPDs cited in this book are female, perhaps because females are more likely to seek treatment. On the other hand most of the people sent to anger management classes or incarcerated for abuse are males with BPD who don't voluntarily seek treatment. BPD is a personality disorder that is generally considered to be intractable. This book presents a distorted, rosy view of the possibility of improvement and, after telling the "non-BP" not to play therapist, then goes on to tell the non-BP that if they just handle the BP correctly all will be well, thereby making them responsible. The best advice you can give a person (usually a woman) living with a person with BPD (usually a man) is to protect herself and her children by leaving.

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality DisorderThis is the most important and valuable book for parents and friends of borderline personality disorder victims. BPD is an obscene illness that defies logic and common sense. The authors do a superb job of introducing the reader to the illness, walking through its components and syndromes, and establishing effective strategies to deal with the disease. If you follow the advice, you will no longer be a co-dependent, lashed to the bizarre behavior of the victim, responding inappropriately and dangerously. You will get your life back and actually help the victim by breaking unhealthy bonds and establishing necessary tough boundaries. This is especially important for parents, moreso for mothers because of nature's bonding ways. The authors have hit many home runs with this foundational effort.

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder A must read for those of us who must learn to adapt, overcome and improvise. Recommend highly.

It deals with extraordinarily complex issues in a way that makes them understandable, and can lead the reader to take real productive action. I must say I am amazed at the insights from this book. I also recommend other book on this topic is: I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't

The book is a revelation - it offers practical knowledge and advice in plain english. it helps you to understand what it going on in the life of your loved one and how to deal with the rollercoaster that you end up on when living with this person. I highly recommend this book.

This book gives practioners and family memebers a practical and true basis for coping with the love ones of clients in thier life that struggle with an Axis II.

The book was well laid out, with good examples. I was able to put together a coherent picture of what I was experiencing, and began to put my experiences in a better perspective. Although not everything in the book pertained to my relationship, it certainly illuminated many aspects of what I was feeling and what I ultimately gained the courage to do.

This book, without a doubt, helped my family more than any other understand our BLPD inlaw,it's easy to read and you know the author has dealt with this disorder and knows what she's talking about.
Shirley

for anyone who lives or has a relationship with a person with borderline personality disorder, this is a must read. it will explain not only the behavior of the borderline person but also your reactions to to it. you will feel better after reading this book, and you will learn how to deal and cope with it.

For those who share the challenges of life that I do, this book is a MUST READ. Well organized, and written in a sensitive but "hit-home" approach, you'll find this book to be the key to getting back on track. For those who aren't avid readers, like myself, you'll also find this book to be an easy read, bringing so much understanding to light... you'll have a hard time putting it down.

I found the book extreamly helpfull. The many examples were a great help in identifying the type behavior exhibited, and the methods to deal with them.

Excellent descriptions in the book help you recognize the behavior; sympathize with the owner; guide your reactions; and lead you to improve your life. Invaluable.

This is an incredibly inciteful and relieving read. Anyone who has been touched by Borderline Personality Disorder, and there would be few who have not, will find this a very empowering read. No longer the guilt laden interactions of old, but rather you will be given the tools needed to assist you find a new lease on life. Do yourself and your BP partner a favor and read this text.

Thank goodness i have this book. it helps me keep my sanity and my boundaries. I always find another great point to keep me going since i can only change myself. My husband and I both find the book insightful and exactly right on regarding the borderlines in our life.

Introduced me to a mental problem that I had observd but didn't know was considered by the psychology world. Ideas for coping were much appreciated.

This is a very well written, easy to read book. For myself, I think the comments from BPs really helped me to distance myselfs from my wife's verbal attacks. It really helps to remember that BPs are reacting out of panic, or raging at something within themselves, and those around them are, in a sense, caught in the crossfire.

There is a diverse variety of BPD types and even more combinations of subtypes or coexisting disorders that can make up the BPD spectrum. It is way too easy to generalize and only view this disorder in an extreme spectrum....and in the process, view it very wrong. This book comes out of the starting gate generalizing the BP way too much in a "worst case" scenario.

I understand this books mission, and it was a noble undertaking. But I think it can do more harm than good. So many good books have come since this books first publishing and many of them dispel what is written in this book because the science, psychology and understanding of BPD is a dynamic and ever evolving one. Psychology is a fast paced field and new information and knowledge is constantly evolving. For this reason alone, you should always focus on more recently published works.

Honestly, if you're having these terrible experiences with your spouse as described herein, you should seriously talk one on one with a qualified psychiatrist and ask how to handle your unique situation.

It took me 53 years to understand that my mother has Borderline Disorder. What a great book for an average person to understand what was really going on. Highly recommended.

I purchased this book in order to help me understand family members, from a counselors recommendation. Initially I wasn't convinced that the descriptions matched and wasn't sure I liked the book. But the author gives great examples and testimony,additional resources, and recommendations for how to address various behaviors, which I found very helpful.

This book gives specific and extremely helpful info on how to deal with people with borderline personality. Perhaps the best info is on how to deal with our own part in a relationship, which of course is really all
we can do-setting boundaries consistently, being appropriate yet loving-and so is totally in synch with 12 step program work. The book also leads us to compassion for those who are, biochemically or as a result of abuse, borderline personalities. Very useful.

I deal with people a lot and it seems almost everyone has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) to some degree. This book is well-written for the person dealing with people who have BPD or living with a borderline and the borderline as well. The book is written in a format that moves from clinical diagnosis to real-life examples to suggested 'how to's'. I can't recommend it highly enough! I also recommend the book Understanding: Train of Thought.

I haven't finished this book yet. So far I have recieved information that has been valueable. I really think the book will be a great source of information and reference for me.

Having a parent with BPD, it was comforting to read the stories of other children and parents coping with similar issues in the examples offered by the authors. However, I found the authors efforts to analyze these real world examples to be overly simplistic. I would still recommend this book to others who have family members with BPD, because of the isolating nature of this disorder.

As a parent of a BPD this is absolutely helpful, and was recommended by our Dr. However it can be depressing as this disorder can wreck havok on your life.

As a Clinical Psychologist who works with BPD (and lived with one) I don't know of another book that is more helpful to the spouse or family of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. It provides both reassurance (that they are not "making it all up") and helpful guidance for how to best handle their Borderline loved one, most notably the importance of "mirroring" unacceptable behavior and limit setting, while reminding them of the BPD's constant never-ending need for their own reassurance. For torn between the deepest fears of abandonment and of being controlled, BPD's are perpetual tornadoes of emotion without the ability to regulate it. So while this book isn't as helpful as others regarding the psychotherapy BPD's need (cf. psychodynamic or dialetical behavior therapy), it is the best one available to help families deal with their loved one's inability to handle strong negative emotion and their marked swings between extreme passion and semi-psychotic distortions, the most notable being the accusations that they are "controlling" the BPD loved one. The only thing I would have added would be an index, though I use the book so much I ended up making my own.

Eggshells is a great book. It is full of helpful advice when you have a friend that suffers from BPD. It helps a layman understand the disorder and ways to protect yourself from the emotional demands of someone with BPD. It helped me a great deal understand not only the condition of BPD but also how caring for someone with BPD effected me in regards to my emotional health. Eggshells further gives assistance in recognizing certain red flags when a person with BPD is breaking down your boundaries and emotionally sucking you into their world. The book is very sympathetic to the reader and gives a very understanding view to the person that suffers from BPD. It is a one of the foundation books referred by therapist to assist people with weak boundaries or someone trying to deal with a friend that suffers from BPD. I wholeheartedly recommend the book and suggest keeping it close by as you will refer to it often.
Another book about BPD I would strongly recommend is One Way Ticket To Kansas: Caring About Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder And Finding A Healthy You. This book presents a more personal view as it addresses the emotional impact of BPD on the partner (spouse, romantic relationship, significant other). It includes the diagnosis criteria in easy to understand terms, ways to rebuild your self esteem, and gives a very touching personal story of the author that describes the impact and disorder progression of having a wife diagnosed with BPD.
In a book market with very few helpful books to explain BPD and its impact in laymans terms, these two books stand above the rest. I strongly recommend picking up copies of Stop Walking on Eggshells and One Way Ticket and keeping them close. You will find youself referring to them often for validation and advice. You may also want to look into some online support groups for people effected by having a loved one diagnosed or suspected to have BPD. Godspeed, keep you head up, and know that you will be strong enough to make the right decisions for yourself.

Eggshells is a great book. It is full of helpful advice when you have a friend that suffers from BPD. It helps a layman understand the disorder and ways to protect yourself from the emotional demands of someone with BPD. It helped me a great deal understand not only the condition of BPD but also how caring for someone with BPD effected me.
If you have a spouse or partner with BPD, I STRONGLY recommend the book One Way Ticket To Kansas: Caring About Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder And Finding A Healthy You to help you understand the unique situation of being romantically involved with someone with BPD. The author Ozzie Tinman does a fantastic job of explaining the difficulty of being in love with someone with BPD and the possible results of such a relationship. One Way Ticket To Kansas: Caring About Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder And Finding A Healthy You also explains the BPD condition in easy to understand layman's terms, gives a very touching story of the author and explains ways to rebuild your self esteem and life following a chaotic relationship with a person with BPD.
In my opinion Eggshells and One Way Ticket To Kansas: Caring About Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder And Finding A Healthy You are the only two books you need. In a book market with very few helpful books about BPD available, Eggshell and One Way Ticket stand above the rest.

The book describes how to recognize borderline personality disorder in a person for whom you care. It also gives advice in plain language on how to deal with this person.

This book was recommended to me by a therapist i was seeing for marital difficulties. When i read it, it gave me answers for 18 years of chaos in my marriage. It also gives me compassion for my husband, and resources for support groups for me. I HIGHLY recommend it for anyone feeling crazy in an interpersonal relationship, not able to understand the other person's behavior. It also helps you understand what borderline personality disorder is, since it's very complicated and each person has unique traits and different levels of each trait. What a relief to finally have some hope and some resources to help with the chaos.

If you are living with someone with BPD and they are driving you nuts along with them, you don't need a book, you need a taxi. Whatever you do, don't procreate with them. If you already have, then maybe this book will help you deal with it until the kids are big enough for you to get out. Good luck. If you are reading this, you are gonna need it.

No one believes that men can be abused. It happened to me with a fury. This book helped convince me that I was in a no-win situation and that I needed to break it off. It helped me get my life back.

This was an easy to read explanation of Borderline Personality Disorder with suggestions regarding how to live with someone who has this disorder. It is not overly scientific, but does go into some detail as to how and why the disorder occurs. I found it quite comforting as it explained that this disorder is not anyone's "fault". It helps the reader to distance themselves from the behavior of the person who has the disorder and see it as simply a result of the way they think.

There may be nothing as lonely as being the child of a BPD parent. Few outside a BPD home will ever understand the pain, the neglect, and the insanity of it all. This book is a lifeline for all who have tread those waters and those who about to embark on that unfortunate journey. If I could, I would put this book in the hands of every child of a BPD.

Stop Walking On Eggshells - "taking your life back when someone you care about has borderline personality disorder" is a relatively easy-to-read book that can be a great help to anyone trapped in that situation.

The first part of the book helps the reader understand the chaotic, irrational, turbulent inner world of the BDP. The authors have given just the right amount of info. Many other books on this subject are simply too technical.

Though many people living with BPs are well aware of their own suffering, some non-BPs may be in denial or blaming something else for their problems. Chapter 4 on how BP behaviour affects non-BPs is especially helpful in identifying the root of the problems that many non-BPs face.

Part 2 - Taking back control of your life is what distinguishes this book from the rest. Especially useful are chapters on setting boundaries and asserting your needs with confidence and clarity. Though all the tips and advice may not work all the time, they are practical and realistic. The authors seem to be rather optimistic that you can live with someone with BP by adjusting yourself to them. I'm not sure whether this is true or within the powers of a mere mortal.

The reality on the ground is that most non-BPs in the online support groups have thrown in the towel and given up on their BP partners. Probably that's why the authors have only devoted a few pages to the subject of treatment and recovery.

Stop Walking On Eggshells - "taking your life back when someone you care about has borderline personality disorder" is a relatively easy-to-read book that can be a great help to anyone trapped in that situation.

The first part of the book helps the reader understand the chaotic, irrational, turbulent inner world of the BDP. The authors have given just the right amount of info. Many other books on this subject are simply too technical.

Though many people living with BPs are well aware of their own suffering, some non-BPs may be in denial or blaming something else for their problems. Chapter 4 on how BP behaviour affects non-BPs is especially helpful in identifying the root of the problems that many non-BPs face.

Part 2 - Taking back control of your life is what distinguishes this book from the rest. Especially useful are chapters on setting boundaries and asserting your needs with confidence and clarity. Though all the tips and advice may not work all the time, they are practical and realistic.

The reality on the ground is that most non-BPs in the online support groups have thrown in the towel and given up on their BP partners. Probably that's why the authors have only devoted a few pages to the subject of treatment and recovery.

This is a great book. it helps the Non-BPD u/s the BP and their roll in the relationship. Very good. A must read if you know someone w/ borderline personality disorder.

We are struggling with a diagnosis of borderline traits in a family member. This disease is a emotionally debilitating one that exacts a toll on the victim and their families. I have read several resources on this topic, and this is by far the most readable and practical in terms of what BPD is, how it manifests itself, and what family and friends should and should not do around a borderline. If I could have bought only one book, it would have been this one.

I've never been one for self-help books or anything like that. It was more painful to attempt to read it than just deal w/ issues myself. This book is actually not difficult at all to read and understand the emotional issues surrounding people w/ BPD. The examples, for the most part, are the most extreme cases, but it's a book... they give you support sites in the back that are incredibly helpful and more of a day to day type resource than the book is. I found the book to be full of useful strategies and information that I'm working on trying to perfect. The book gives you a basis of where to start when dealing w/ someone w/ this personality disorder.

If you could hate a book or love a book, it's all just paper and ink. There are ideas contained in your intrupation of the arrangement of letter on the pages. In my frame of refferance

I found my interpation of what I think the autors are saying helpful. I found the experance of the ideas created in my mind (by me) after reading this book to be helpful in my research of myself and in helping me find my own excellance.

I found this book a very help tool in my own self help and in understand and disclosing to my self the self defeating I was involved in and how I was allowing my self to be disempowered. I discovered my own particaption in my own sufferings and how I needless and relentless stayed in an unhealthy relationship hopeing it would get better with out giving it any effort. I have also found all the reviews VERY entertaing when considering the paradime of the book and the backgrounds of the writers.

Good luck to you all.
JML

( I use "I" alot in my review and appologise for that, but really my thoughts are all about me aren't they !!)

This book is well written, well organized and, while not dumbed down in any way, easy to understand. Written in mostly laymen's language, it makes sense of the nearly incomprehensible actions of those that suffer from borderline personality disorder. The authors neither condemn nor attack the sufferers, presenting the material in a compassionate and objective manner. The included letters from those suffering from BPD do more to illuminate the thinking and feelings of BPD sufferers than any book on the subject I have so far read. The authors provide helpful guidelines to assist non-BPDs in dealing with the BPDs in their lives. While the guidelines are good, they could be much better. The knock on those with BPD is that they haven't learned how to manage their emotions -- that they are too emotional. The opposite is more accurate -- they're repressing too much. Non-BPDs in relationships should be encouraging those w/ BPD to express their feelings and to resist the temptation to act out.

This book is helpful in understanding personality disorders and how to manage your life despite them.

For over three years I allowed my BPD partner to change the person I was; she objected to me whistling, walking to loud on the floor, flew into a rage if a steak knife was in the wrong place, etc. The slightest thing would set her off. I thought that it was me. The harder I tried, the more demanding and irrational she became. The book helped me understand many of the things I was having to deal with; it wasn't me, it was simply about her and inability and unwillingness to deal with her BPD. It allowed me to reclaim myself. I'm now in the process of recaliming my life.

GAW