Jesus is pretty cool guy eh turns fish in to wine n duznt afraid of n e thin.

The Old Testament is chiefly of interest for its unique and reliable documentary record of Bronze Age tribal origins. A case in point is the story of how God created the Ammonites and the Moabites: these two tribes, adversaries of the Hebrew people, descended from Abraham's nephew, Lot -- whose two naughty daughters kept their innocent father drunk in a cave, and had sex with him until both gals became pregnant, and gave birth to Abraham's grand-nephews, Ammon and Moab (Gen. 19:30-38).

The holy Ghost didn't just make that story up, it really happened! And you should hear the stories, told by the Ammonites and Moabites, about how the HEBREWS got started! ... er, I mean, no you should NOT hear them, because they're not true! Which is why God mostly omitted from the Bible that X-rated story narrating what Abraham did with his sister; and why He totally omitted that famous Ammonite anecdote of Abraham and the nanny-goat.

(While we're on the subject of really weird conceptions, have you heard the one about the 14-year-old virgin who got pregnant? but that story comes later.)

If you like stories of rape and incest, and tales of women getting reamed by a penis as long as a donkey's, then the Old Testament may be right up your alley. But I actually find those ancient Hebrew sex stories rather tawdry, like the tabloid trash printed about such men of God as Jim Bakker or Jimmy Swaggart or Frank Houston or Ted Haggard or Paul Barnes (et al.); or, for that matter, unconfirmed stories of Pat Robertson's Onanistic self-abuse. But if you are coming to Scripture for twisted stories of sex and violence, then don't miss the history of Father Elizashib Ben-Eleazar (Judges 19:1 - 21:25). Elizashib was a Levite priest and true man of God who facilitated the gang rape of his concubine (after she ran away from him and returned to her father's house); the priest then chopped her into twelve pieces and sent body parts throughout Israel, to illustrate the Lord's displeasure. But the best part is the amazing story of how the Lord brought justice to the land, as a lesson to the Israelites that concubines should not be allowed to run away from a holy priest and go home to their father (Judges 19.1-21:25)

Most readers come to the Bible for the first time with high expectations. People naturally assume that any book written by God must be a good one. Maybe explain the meaning of life. The nature of good and evil. The mystery of death. The path to finding true love, or hope for the future, or elevated self-esteem, maybe even a successful weight-loss plan. Whatever. Then they start reading ... and they always quit about halfway through the second book, aptly named Exodus. If you have never read the third book, Leviticus, which you probably haven't, go ahead, give it a try, it's a cure for insomnia. No one but a rabbi, or a Levite, has ever made it through the book of Leviticus without major skimming. That said, I'd rather have our modern priests reading the Word of God than chopping their lovers into twelve pieces and shipping the body parts all over the country as a cautionary tale for disobedient concubines.

The New Testament is a volume that everyone should read, once, but talk about a bad case of sequelitis! Ouch! The less said about the New Testament, the better. Half the books therein were dictated by the holy Ghost to the apostle Paul, a.k.a. Saint Knucklehead, who was the most boring windbag I have ever known, except maybe Fidel Castro. I would rather read a year's worth of C-Span transcripts than to slog once more through Saint Paul's thirteen tedious epistles. Paul was not without talent and drive. But if the holy Ghost ever exhibited any real promise as a writer of prose nonfiction, he was ruined by the apostle Paul.

Surprising fact: the Holy Bible, Old and New, remains the best-selling book of all time. In some places, especially in the United States, the Bible still outsells J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter books. In America, God has sold more copies of His two-volume book than McDonald's has sold of its Big 'N' Tasty double cheeseburger. According to statistics supplied by Wycliffe International, the Society of Gideons, and the International Bible Society, nearly a quarter million new Bibles are sold or given as gifts in the United States every day. Which goes far toward explaining what happened to the Earth's rain forest. But your typical Holy Bible is purchased for a carry-to-church item, or for coffee-table decor. No one ever actually reads it, not even in the United States of America.

Am I wrong? Okay, perhaps you have read it. If so, you're an exceptional human being. It's not impossible: your average reader can get through both Testaments, without skimming, in about seventy hours. But truthfully, almost no one ever has ever read the Word of God from cover to cover except elderly nuns, and the occasional Christian adolescent who reads it through for sheer penance, to punish himself for having downloaded erotic pictures from the Internet, and ... but never mind.

- L.

Most readers come to the Bible for the first time with high expectations. People naturally assume that any book written by God must be a good one. Maybe explain the meaning of life. The nature of good and evil. The mystery of death. The path to finding true love, or hope for the future, or elevated self-esteem, maybe even a successful weight-loss plan. Whatever. Then they start reading ... and they always quit about halfway through the second book, aptly named Exodus. If you have never read the third book, Leviticus, which you probably haven't, go ahead, give it a try, it's a cure for insomnia. No one but a rabbi, or a Levite, has ever made it through the book of Leviticus without major skimming.

The New Testament is a volume that everyone should read, once, but talk about a bad case of sequelitis! Ouch! The less said about the New Testament, the better. Half the books therein were dictated by the holy Ghost to the apostle Paul, a.k.a. Saint Knucklehead, who was the most boring windbag I have ever known, except maybe Fidel Castro. I would rather read a year's worth of C-Span transcripts than to slog once more through Saint Paul's thirteen tedious epistles. Paul was not without talent and drive. But if the holy Ghost ever exhibited any real promise as a writer of prose nonfiction, he was ruined by the apostle Paul.

Surprising fact: the Holy Bible, Old and New, remains the best-selling book of all time. In some places, especially in the United States, the Bible still outsells J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter books. In America, God has sold more copies of His two-volume book than McDonald's has sold of its Big 'N' Tasty double cheeseburger. According to statistics supplied by Wycliffe International, the Society of Gideons, and the International Bible Society, nearly a quarter million new Bibles are sold or given as gifts in the United States every day. Which goes far toward explaining what happened to the Earth's rain forest. But your typical Holy Bible is purchased for a carry-to-church item, or for coffee-table decor. No one ever actually reads it, not even in the United States of America.

Am I wrong? Okay, perhaps you have read it. If so, you're an exceptional human being. It's not impossible: your average reader can get through both Testaments, without skimming, in about seventy hours. But truthfully, almost no one ever has ever read the Word of God from cover to cover except elderly nuns, and the occasional Christian adolescent who reads it through for sheer penance, to punish himself for having downloaded erotic pictures from the Internet, and ... but never mind.

- L.

This book should never be left where it could fall into the hands of children. Recurrent themes of bloody violence, murder, racism, incest and rape are dealt with extremely irresponsibly. Horrific events are presented as justified by circumstances and as solutions to petty wrongs.

Worse than the depictions in the book are actual historic examples of such depictions being used to justify the worst kind of degradation and humiliation that humans have ever been forced to endure. These acts are not just inspired by this book, but characters in the book urge its readers to follow its example. Worst of all, however, is that, despite this book's obvious lack of coherent logic or sense, it inexplicably possesses a following of people that somehow find comfort in its horror.

No doubt about it, the horrific images, and lack of intelligent discussion of those images, contained in this book makes it entirely unsuitable for children, or sensible adults.

It is very doubtful that a book that meanders so terribly, and contradicts itself so often, is truly inspired by a deity. What you will read in here can be found in other mythologies. There is nothing truly unique about it.

Upon close scrutiny, we discover that the content of Bible is a compilation of historically and archaeologically unsupportable Myths such as Noah's ark, Abraham, Joseph, David, Solomon, etc.

For those of you who are rating this as a book, I feel compelled to share with you that this is not just another fiction book! Jesus truly lived, died, & was risen from the dead several years ago. Don't believe me? Just start investigating it & he will show you!!! You can read about Josephus who lived back in the days, yet was not christian. You can ask people from the middle eastern countries about their ancestors & learn that they are characters from the bible. Most importantly, you can just whisper as much to Jesus Christ & he will hear you & show you the truth! Seek & you will find these answers!!!

Oh, man - this book was SOOOO long! I could barely get through it. It was totally unbelievable, and the ending was a real downer too. The main character would be awesome to party with, though. He gets killed and then comes back to life (so, he's like a zombie or something), and then he knows how to turn regular water into booze! I'd get so many chicks if I could do that.

They did a good job of formatting the bible for the Kindle. However, there are no cross references and it's quite a bit of work to jump from location to location (go to index, page to the desired book, page to the desired chapter, page to the desired verse). Not sure how they could have made it better but maybe take advantage of the keyboard.

This book was entertaining for the most part, full of a mixture of stories ranging from the absurd to semi-useful to outrageously violent. Like most mythologies, there are lessons presented in the parables of the book that could benefit its readers, but I would not recommend for children under 18, especially the rather graphic chapters detailing torture and incest.

But WOW! What a rip roaring twist taking ride! You cant make that S**t up!!! Well, I guess you can...and they DID. Good stuff tho.
However, I wouldn't recommend this read for children, as they're easily lead, and may try to interpret it literally...and that could be dangerous.

Holy Bible: New American Standard Bible (NASB) After searching you can't really identify where you are in the bible (what book?) Must scroll to the nearest book beginning