Reading this book was an incredibly validating experience. I have never written a book review in my life but I believe that this work is essential for daughters of narcissistic mothers. I am 45 years old and have been in counseling for 4 years with a great counselor to address my mom's Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have had difficulties in the denial and acceptance department; it seems that cognitively I know that my mother doesn't have the capacity to ever be warm, loving, or empathetic. However,I have had many instances where I just thought well maybe I am just the nutty girl and go back into denial. My counselor has spent hours upon hours discussing the harm that comes from being raised by a narcissistic mother. And, yes, I have read many books on narcissism. The difference with this book is that it is written from a first hand experience and includes very specific exchanged between the narcissistic mother and the "still" seeking daughter. In reading this book I must have said oh my God hundreds of times. I made margin notes where I wrote "yep" next to so many scenarios, feelings, yearnings, lowered self esteem, being self critical, the workaholism (I am a practicing trial attorney), and the issues with respect to brothers being treated differently. I am the only daughter and I have 3 brothers who had vastly different experiences with my mother. They are all perfect princes and I am the one that is constantly criticized and judged. For many years I have grappled with my brothers' experience versus mine and it was crazy-making. This book explains that daughters of narcissistic mothers may be subject to projection, jealousy, and envy because you are viewed as her extension (or shadow). It finally made sense. IF YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF A NARCISSIST MOTHER THIS IS THE MOST HONEST AND FORTHRIGHT BOOK THAT I HAVE COME ACROSS AND IT IS ONE THAT I WILL USE AS A REFERENCE GUIDE FOR GROUNDING AND VALIDATION ON A REGULAR BASIS.

This book is well-written, extremely insightful, and well structured. It is written in a tone as if the therapist is talking directly to you.

If you have lived with a narcissistic mother, you may not even realize it, or how it has affected you. You may realize that something is wrong, but not know what or how to fix it. If so, this book is for you.

This book encouraged the reader to stand up for herself and tries to be kind but I found it lacking in specific insights or perhaps examples that I could relate to. Seems like the author was too close to her subject and despite self work not distanced enough to write a detached view of the dynamics of a relationship with a narcissistic family member.

I haven't finished it yet, however I knew just from reading the foreword that this had potential to be life changing for me. Things were identified "on paper" that I had never seen written anywhere, or had validated in my 46 years of trying to understand my relationship (or lack there-of) with my mom. It were as if I had written the book and was re-reading it. It is very hard to vocalize what you went through as a child, especially as the author explains, it seems so taboo when speaking negatively regarding your mother. Even when knowing it has been the experience of your life, and how it has affected your ability to form relationships, the way you feel about yourself---it is still almost impossible to stand firm in your experience, assert your truth--yet have others tell you "Ah, c'mon! She couldn't have been that bad!" These very kind of statements, unbeknownst to others, help keep us feel more insane.
I am a substance abuse counselor, but I am now disabled. I too had worked with many women who had some variance of this kind of un-bonding with their mother. It is one hellish way to grow up, because you do not really know who you are. As Ms. McBride has so brilliantly written, in a nutshell, we weren't given the same tools nor loving nourishment as most children. Children mirror themselves as they grow, looking for cues--guidance, acceptance, limits, wonder---fear--everything from their main caregiver. As Ms. McBride references, we had criticism, either being exhibited like a quippy doll, which I can relate to, or being ignored...because you're just "something to tolerate". None of which invoke feelings of warmth or belonging. This author really knows it, and hits it home. She lived it too and you relate to her from the very first page.

Now, along with identifying with how it affected us---Equally IF NOT Most important : we can learn how to nurture ourselves. We learn how our Moms end up like this. If we don't do this work, we will quite possibly repeat it, even as much as it hurt us. This book IS NOT about blaming, it's about healing, accepting that no, we didn't have our best friends mom. The reality of it is, we will never have the relationship we keep killing ourselves trying to have with OUR moms. It's Okay. So far, this is a great book, I especially like the use of other women's stories. I'm grateful I read the article about this book, I know I was meant to. I don't believe much in coincidences. I love that life gives us opportunities to keep growing if we choose. That our minds have the capacity for more and more information-- and that getting old also means gaining wisdom through life's experiences! Always something to look forward to. Mistakes are okay, we get do-overs!

I was only on page 8 and I had said, "This is my mom and what she would say and do," over and over again. I can not put this book down. It's really helping me out.

Finally a book about narcissistic mothers that describes the subtle nature of emotional neglect and abuse and kills the myth that all mothers are benevolent! It's hard to heal the narcissitic wound when it is a result of emotional neglect and put downs and there is no physical bruise or easy explanation like "my mother is an alcoholic". I've been in therapy for approx. 18 years and still struggle with a lifetime of never being good enough and still being placed in competition with my mother by her (even though she is 80). I was glad to hear that it's okay to have little or no contact with a narcissitic mother, since I've struggled with the guilt about having a mother like her and feel that her distancing herself from me is my fault and I am responsible for the relationship and for fixing it.

One section in the book that I did not agree with was the author's comments that the daughter should not show any anger or frustration toward the narcissitic mother. One important aspect of my healing was to stand up to my mother and demonstrate my separateness and that I too am accomplished. (I had never rebelled as a teenager, since it was essentially forbidden with the unspoken threat love would be withheld.) Even though this turned out to be a threat to her it was important for me to see that I have my own sense of power apart from her. I've also tried to reach out in ways trying to build bridges that would put as on equal footing. This was to no avail but these steps have been important in my trying to build the communication with her and determine I'd done everything in my power to try and make a relationship work. It's even harder to be the daughter of a narcissistic mother when the theological messages coming from her were that disobedient children are evil and she was picked out as special by God from the time she was 8.

This book offers hope and resonated so much with my experience. Those childhood abandonment fears and post-traumatic stress reactions still happen to me but I know where they are coming from and I continue to fight through them with hope.

Finally a book about narcissistic mothers that describes the subtle nature of emotional neglect and abuse and kills the myth that all mothers are benevolent! It's hard to heal the narcissitic wound when it is a result of emotional neglect and put downs and there is no physical bruise or easy explanation like "my mother is an alcoholic". I've been in therapy for approx. 18 years and still struggle with a lifetime of never being good enough and still being placed in competition with my mother by her (even though she is 80). I was glad to hear that it's okay to have little or no contact with a narcissitic mother, since I've struggled with the guilt about having a mother like her and feel that her distancing herself from me is my fault and I am responsible for the relationship and for fixing it.

One section in the book that I did not agree with was the author's comments that the daughter should not show any anger or frustration toward the narcissitic mother. One important aspect of my healing was to stand up to my mother and demonstrate my separateness and that I too am accomplished. (I had never rebelled as a teenager, since it was essentially forbidden with the unspoken threat love would be withheld.) Even though this turned out to be a threat to her it was important for me to see that I have my own sense of power apart from her. I've also tried to reach out in ways trying to build bridges that would put as on equal footing. This was to no avail but these steps have been important in my trying to build the communication with her and determine I'd done everything in my power to try and make a relationship work. It's even harder to be the daughter of a narcissistic mother when the theological messages coming from her were that disobedient children are evil and she was picked out as special by God from the time she was 8.

This book offers hope and resonated so much with my experience. Those childhood abandonment fears and post-traumatic stress reactions still happen to me but I know where they are coming from and I continue to fight through them with hope.

This is an excellent book. It changed completely my perception of narcissism. I always took "narcissism" literally. ie someone who cared about their appearance.... This book was painfully and thankfully close to the bone. I feel I can deal much better with my Mother but I also see how it effected my brothers as well. I used to feel very alone with this and finally at 47 I realize there are a lot of us out there. Thank you Thank you Karyl McBride!

Having spend over 20 years in therapy (which was certainly worthwhile)I think I've found the last puzzle piece to help me put the past behind and move forward. Having "never felt good enough" I struggled for an answer. This book pulled all the "threads" from therapy into a context that finally made sense to me. The best part -- it's based on hope and healing for the future with actual techniques to help you along the path.

Rather than an esoteric view of maternal narcissism, this author has kept it simple, concise, and very easy to read. The point-by-point outline, stringers and explanations were to put it simply, brilliant. She interjected explanations to the descriptions of what a narcissist is, and thereby gave it a more feeling touch.

I was to discover ah-ha's on each and every page, to see how the behavior of my parent impacted on my life in more ways than I would have believed possible. The pain of never feeling good enough, to beginnings of understanding that I am more than good enough has been an incredible journey. Though often fraught with potholes, backtracking and questioning my own sanity, the good doctor has brought it all around full circle via her book. Suddenly and joyously, someone finally understood! I felt validated and no longer alone on this journey.

To my mind, the chapters on healing were rich with ideas that have ripened into workable solutions that I have been applying successfully to my life; I am looking forward to the future through very different eyes.

While not a full out answer to many of the problems associated with this devastating blow to the ego of a small child, it surpasses my expectations and excites me with the possibilities. This is a book well worth reading for layman and therapists alike. For me, this was a deeply satisfying read.

D.E. Waugh

Dr. McBride introduces the concept of The Collapse. It was the first time in my life I understood that "punched in the gut feeling" when my mother made some remark about me and my emotional state. I read it in two days and highly recommend it!