A comprehensive reading of this book just might save your marriage, especially if you are a female,married or planning to marry. It might also be helpful for any male considering marriage or presently married. If I had read this it could have saved my own marriage which failed due to infidelity. You cannot undo what has been done, not ever.

A comprehensive reading of this book just might save your marriage, especially if you are a female,married or planning to marry. It might also be helpful for any male considering marriage or presently married. If I had read this it could have saved my own marriage which failed due to infidelity. You cannot undo what has been done, not ever.

Marriage counselor Gary Neuman adds this fascinating book to those he has written on helping kids cope with divorce, and also one on emotional infidelity and finding the spirituality in tie of struggle and happiness.

This book on cheating is based on survey results as well as Neuman's professional experiences. My book has many tabs marking significant pages I want to refer to when talking with friends about this.

The irony is that I am writing this review on our 41st wedding anniversary--and even I learned several things about MEN. Written for women to better understand what makes men tick-and what makes them cheat, Neuman lays it all out.

Actually the author tells women that men are complicated beings even thought women don't think they deal with emotions very well. In fact the reason men cheat are:

- 92% of men living in the U.S. who cheated said it was not primarily about sex.
- 48% of men said EMOTIONAL DISSATISFACTION was the real reason they cheated.

To eliminate a man's feeling of emotional disconnection, his wife has to take on an attitude of appreciation and kind gestures.

The male psyche is programmed to win, and if he feels like he "cannot win at home no matter what he does" in his marriage, he will find someone else who makes him feel like a winner. A man's world is about simplicity. The idea of lying about having an affair was interesting, and many men lie because they figure it is the easiest of the options they face-like telling the truth. Neuman stated that for every lie that is avoided (after the wife asks...), there is a better chance of repairing the marriage.

The book is done in two parts: 1) Why and how men cheat, and 2) How to improve your marriage. The appendix is about value of therapy and how to heal after an affair.

I liked that each chapter contains some case studies, tips and things to do, and he backs up everything with results of the survey.

This book isn't just for women who feel their husband many already be cheating, but as a prevention manual.

Armchair Interviews says: Very interesting!

Lets begin with the title of this book. My husband saw me reading this book and he cringed. The title of this book actually started an argument as to why I was reading this book. He thought, I thought he was cheating!!!

My second problem with this book is that it was written awfully similar to "Proper care and feeding of husbands" By Dr. Laura except it was done with a softer tone with facts to back it up. The truth for me is that neither book is/was helpful to my marriage. Both books want the wife to coddle the husband like a child and not hold him responsible, and to only see the good in your husband and over look what's not working, stop nagging etc. Yeah I can see how a husband would love that. It lets them off the hook for say the last 12 years of having your home in disrepair because he promises to finish the home remodeling project within the end of the month.

Trust me if you try the advice in this book you most likely will end up in a much worse place in your marriage then when you started. Nothing will ever be resolved and your husband will never know how unhappy you are until the day you throw the divorce papers at him.

You can not stop your husband from cheating. It's his choice to do so and there is not one thing you as a woman can do to control that choice because it is not YOUR choice.

If you are reading this book in hopes to fix a marriage that has gone bad, run to the phone and get an appointment with a marriage councilor. Open and honest communication is key to any good marriage and having a third party present will help make it safe for BOTH of you speak and help you learn to communicate and resolve issues so you will no longer have the laundry list of unresolved issues to spout about in an argument.

As a man I found that the author was able to describe the ways that men feel about troubled relationships. It put into words many feelings that I and other males experience. I recommend that men read this book so that they might better articulate their distress. One of the reasons men act out their feelings rather than verbalize them is a poverty of language. This book is very articulate and puts the feelings men experience into easily understandable language. My hope is that men will begin to verbalize these feelings and that a dialog between partners can happen before an affair is started.

This book is about a bunch of excuses husbands give for betraying their wives. From She didn't pay enough attention to "ME", to not enough sex. Yes, I did read this book from beginning to end. Since this book also confirms that husbands lie about cheating, then of course they're going to lie about the reasons they cheat. And the reasons these husbands give in this book works! Wives actually believe these excuses and tend to blame themselves. First off, a husband will not cheat on his wife if he loves and respects her. PERIOD! Men will never admit the real reason why they cheat. Why husbands cheat is very simple. You don't have to buy any book to tell you this. You don't have to see a shrink or talk to your mother or girlfriends as to "why". You don't have to go on the Dr. Phil show, or Oprah show or any other show. Husbands cheat because they can. Because society (especially the wives) don't hold them accountable. As long as a husband doesn't face hard consequences he will keep on cheating. The last statistics I heard of (years ago) said that 9 out of 10 wives forgive a cheating husband (men know this). Yet, 9 out of 10 husbands DO NOT forgive a cheating wife. Why? Because men see forgiving a cheating wife as weak on the husbands part. So they see their wives as weak for forgiving them. If there's one think I know about men is that men do not respect weakness. Husbands do not respect forgiving wives. Yes, they want you to forgive them because they want their cake and eat it too. So, to all you women who forgive your husbands for cheating and you stay in the marriage, you are staying with a man that doesn't respect you. HE WILL NOT TELL YOU THIS! That is one of those deep dark secrets that men don't want women to know. If you don't believe me, then ask your best male friend that question. Ask a male friend that you know who will tell you the truth. Now, here's another secret about women. Women do not respect their husbands if they cheat on them. Men, you will never get that respect back. She will never look at you in the same way. If your wife stays in the marriage then she does it for the money, children, fear, scared of the unknown or because she has low-self-esteem. Some say that women stay with an unfaithful husband because she doesn't think she deserves anyone better. I have a different view on that. Maybe women stay because they know that there isn't much better out there then what they have. Food for thought! So now you have 2 people who don't respect each other in a relationship. Heaven help them if they have children. Women, if you want men to stop cheating we have to band together. Never, ever stay with a cheating husband. If you do then you condemn your daughters, your grand daughters and every female born after to the same misery you are going through. But then misery does love company!

Want to know how to tell if a husband will cheat on you before you marry him? Did your husband try to jump in your pants on the first date? A man who will jump in bed with you on the first date is not marriage material. This is also a guarantee that he will cheat. A man that will have sex with a woman he doesn't know will cheat. PERIOD

I believe Mr. Neuman's research, but I don't believe that the men were being totally honest with him. They were probably looking around for the camera. After you listen to the reasons they gave for betraying their wives you should of asked them if they really cheated because they knew they could because of their arrogant and self-entitlement attitude. I can't wait for your next book on why wives cheat. My opinion is totally different then why husbands cheat.

P.S. I believe 90% of husband will cheat sometime in their marriage. A male friend of mine thinks it's around 70%. Again, ask your best male friend (non romantic) this question. Ask him to be honest with you.

I downloaded this book to my Sony eReader at no cost. It does seem to be a bit one sided even though he tries to say that it isn't. It's unfortunate that men or women need a book to tell them what to do to prevent a spouse from cheating. I have never been married. I know it's a lot of work and haven't found anyone willing to put in the effort. Once you make a commitment/vow to another person, to be with them only, there is no excuse for going outside of the relationship unless one of you is being harmed; physically, mentally, etc. You have to communicate with each other. This is the only way you are going to be able to attain/maintain a healthy loving relationship. The material things only serve as a bandaid. Talk to each other.

I downloaded this book to my Sony eReader at no cost. It does seem to be a bit one sided even though he tries to say that it isn't. It's unfortunate that men or women need a book to tell them what to do to prevent a spouse from cheating. I have never been married. I know it's a lot of work and haven't found anyone willing to put in the effort. Once you make a commitment/vow to another person, to be with them only, there is no excuse for going outside of the relationship unless one of you is being harmed; physically, mentally, etc. You have to communicate with each other. This is the only way you are going to be able to attain/maintain a healthy loving relationship. The material things only serve as a bandaid. Talk to each other.

I am a man, and I read this book simply because I figured I could benefit from it the same as women do. The wisdom is true, and very practical. Following the principles in this book has enriched my marriage in a way that few other books have. Gottman's books have also been very helpful for us. Probably because both authors rely on rigorous research, and not speculation.

You have done nothing to "empower women in this book" but you have set the premise for men to now cheat with an excuse. When you are married it's for better or worse. Sex does not mean love and it never will. Couples have to stay connected in other ways as well. What about in today's environment when both parties work, the wife comes home, takes the children to soccer, baseball, hockey, or basketball practices, attends games, cooks, cleans, works full time in a stressful world, as we all do and you want to say that we need to comfort the man?! Insanity. When was the last time that a cheating man approached his wife and said, I love you honey, you are terrific for all that you do? I can tell you what my response would be, wonderful warm feelings and I in turn would do the same thing back. You have done nothing to empower women except give the men an excuse. Cheating is cheating...bottom line. It's disrepectful and degrading to women and all because a man feels inferior and does not get his mommy's attention everyday. Grow up!!! Life is what it is and men need to learn to deal. Good grief...if they had to give birth to children, our planet would not exist. They cannot handle the truth or the facts...they live in a fantasy that things are always perfect. Get a life.

My Ex-husband cheated because he turned out to be Bi-Sexual and I did not know this when we married. So this book could not of made a difference.

When people are asked why men cheat, most automatically think it is sexual dissatisfaction and never really think there may be other issues. M.Gary Neuman went to the source and approached men who previously cheated on their wives and interviewed them. I really believe that he offers wives numerous beneficial tips that not only can help prevent their husbands from cheating but even make their marriage stronger. Neuman is not telling wives to blame themselves but rather to take action and make an effort to strengthen their marriages through appreciation and support. The reality is that our lives are hectic and often we have so many responsibilities we forget to work on what is of the utmost importance, our marriages and family life. This book was well written and offers great advice.

Personally i think this book offers great advice for all married women whether or not they think their husbands will cheat on them. Neuman focuses on giving women suggestions on ways to prevent their husbands from being unfaithful. This book is well written and i believe that it can really be beneficial to strengthen ones marriage.

Book Review: The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do To Prevent It

From: www.BasilAndSpice.com

Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship

The Number One Reason Why Men Cheat


What's the issue? Fidelity. Period.

It's what almost every woman wants and is definitely a fundamental issue between a husband and a wife. Unfortunately, infidelity is a major problem in our society. Who's at fault? And can infidelity be prevented?

Author M. Gary Neuman, a family counselor is the creator of 2 x 2 Intensive--an innovative approach to couples therapy. Conducting a study of 200 husbands, he interviewed 100 physical cheaters and 100 faithful non-cheaters. His findings found that the number one reason why men cheat is "emotional dissatisfaction" (48%)--participants cited lack of appreciativeness, feeling unwanted, or being stuck in a "no-win situation." Neuman also noted:M. Gary Neuman, M.S., LMHC

* 8% of cheating husbands mentioned sexual dissatisfaction as a reason
* 11% cited lack of communication
* 10% said my wife and I no longer share the same values
* 12% said my wife often loses her temper

Infidelity clues include your husband spending more time away from home (55%), infrequent sex (34%), lack of personal contact (cell phone call) (29%), criticism from him rises (25%), increased fights initiated by him (20%). Another hint offered by Neuman, most cheating occurs with friends, not one-night stands.

A book which will empower women, The Truth About Cheating offers advice from the author on cheating prevention. The book includes practical strategies for married women that will prevent infidelity and foster a faithful marriage.


Related-- http://www.basilandspice.com/love-and-relationships/infidelity-warning-signs.html

This is not a helpful book for women. In addition, it was poorly written. Coming from an Oprah celebrity, I was surprised it had such a condescending tone. Personally, I am tired of hearing that women aren't making enough of an effort in their marriages.

I would not suggest any disappointed wife purchase this text. However, if you want to punish yourself and take the blame for your husband's lack of self control, dishonesty and disloyalty, you might want to this book.

Saving marriages thus families & children is Gary Neuman's inspiration for writing this important book and I applaud him. His compassionate, non-judgmental, and solution-oriented approach is exactly what we need to keep our marriages solid!

Thank you Gary!!

This book was Great my marraige was a disaster I mean at the end of the road. My husband was talking to women and I was done I told him I wanted a divorce. That very day I read this book and omg the light at the end of the tunnel went on after reading this. I loved it so much I shared the info I learned with every woman I know. Then shared it with my husband. Now he is gonna begin reading it. When my daughter gets married I will have her read this first. Or at least parts of it. Even if your marriage is not in a crisis you could learn from this book. Good luck I hope it works for your marriage too.

This is an intriguing book with an interesting title that provides one perspective on the issue of cheating. If all men cheated for the same reasons, then a lot more women would have figured out how to deal with it by now. Since every man is different, it's possible that every man views marriage and the marriage vows a little differently, and thus may stray from his marriage for different reasons than every other man.

I agree that a loving, nurturing wife is an asset in any marriage, but I also know from firsthand experience, that being an attentive, nurturing, loving wife focused on her husband's happiness, does not a faithful husband make.

While I feel that this book makes some valid specific suggestions on how a wife can support her husband emotionally which is always good, I feel that being a supportive loving wife does not assure a faithful husband. In addition, I strongly disagree that a wife has the right to keep her husband from socializing on his own with male friends, one of the suggestions in the book. Unless your husband is 12, I think he has the right to socialize with whomever he chooses.

People who genuinely love each other prefer each other's company, so genuinely nurturing that love and friendship seems like the best way to assure that the love will continue. And like another reviewer, I feel that 2 emotionally mature people who love each other have the best chance for enjoying a successful, happy marriage.

I truly appreciated the author's male point of view and his suggestions, some of which I thought were great, but I question the basic premise of this book that there is a formula or a series of behavioral patterns a wife can adopt to keep her husband faithful.

An unprecedented look at the real reasons for male marital infidelity, and what might prevent it

Few events cause as much turmoil in a marriage as infidelity. It can shatter trust and breed insecurity and resentment from which some relationships never recover. People who think it won't happen to them are hit that much harder when it does. Why are men unfaithful? Can infidelity be prevented? Can a wife single-handedly ensure that her husband won't stray? What do men say they're getting from their mistresses that they're missing at home? Do a man's friends have anything to do with his willingness to cheat?

While there are books that have explored the feelings and experiences of wives whose husbands have been unfaithful, the question of why men cheat and whether it is because of sexual dissatisfaction, emotional dissatisfaction, or something else has remained largely unexamined. At last, Lessons from Cheating Husbands presents many fascinating and provocative answers. In this book, experienced family counselor Gary Neuman shares the revealing and surprising findings of a cutting-edge research study in which he interviewed and studied close to 100 men from 48 states who have physically cheated on their wives. In this book, Neuman shares many shocking discoveries, including the prominent role of emotional dissatisfaction in motivating husbands who stray and how small a role sexual dissatisfaction plays.

Drawing on dramatic case stories of the author's own work with clients, Lessons from Cheating Husbands includes proactive strategies and action steps for married women that will help them prevent infidelity, and create a faithful and rewarding marriage.

Another book I enjoyed this week that will help with your spouse and A LOT with your work is: Squawk!: How to Stop Making Noise and Start Getting Results

The Truth about Cheating has completely changed my marriage. Even though i have only read the book recently it has allowed me to see my husband in a better light and to allow me to really take control.
This book is empowering for women and allows us to understand our men and make them never feel the need to stray.
I loved Gary's ideas about making the man feel appreciated and i have even begun to watch as my husband has become warmer towards me in the past few days.
I strongly recommend this book to everybody and hope you all enjoy it as much as i did!

For 'The Truth About Cheating', Neuman interviewed large numbers of men - both those who had cheated and who had not. His findings? Men blame being under-appreciated by their wives and thereby being 'emotional disconnected'. Even Neuman admits that sounds like whining and yet he moves ahead and works on that premise in order to tell women what to do to make their man feel appreciated.

In order to overcome their marital deficiencies Neuman claims he is helping wives by telling them to... always forgive him; give him sex on demand; lavish praise on him for providing for the family, rarely let him out on his own with friends or work colleagues; and take an interest in his hobbies.

The difficulty is, when does this become an act and when is it real? Is this approach manipulation? Does it put too much pressure on the wife?

Neuman writes nothing about developing a moral foundation of trust in your marriage. That is, what keeps a person from disregarding their vows to begin with? What fuels a healthy commitment to the other person whether it's easy or not? Those are the bedrock questions that Nueman forgets.

As a result, it may feel the author's advice ends up sacrificing the wife's needs and desires as they defer to their partner's needs. This might look like love, but it too easily devolves to pandering.

Neuman claims his work is dedicated to helping wives learn and change in ways that will significantly benefit both them and their husbands. That's a worthy undertaking when it's done together, mutually and out of a choice to care for the other person more than one's self. However, when it's done out of fear, or obligation, or desperation it can too easily devolve to something akin to slavery. That's what Nueman seems to miss.

The real questions are, how do women develop and grow in genuine love for their husbands? Where does a heart-felt love come from? How does a wife choose to respect her husband and not just go through the motions? Ultimately, that's a question much deeper that this book addresses - it's a spiritual question.

I saw the author on Oprah. I have a good marriage and I don't think my husband would ever cheat. What I liked was all the advice for making your marriage better before an affair could ever happen. It is too easy to forget about each other when dealing with kids, jobs, and house and I know some of my friends have definitely drifted apart. I feel like this book gives me ideas for connecting so we won't do that. I feel bad for the women in the book, but a lot of people could probably learn something from this.

An unprecedented look at the real reasons for male marital infidelity, and what might prevent it

Few events cause as much turmoil in a marriage as infidelity. It can shatter trust and breed insecurity and resentment from which some relationships never recover. People who think it won't happen to them are hit that much harder when it does. Why are men unfaithful? Can infidelity be prevented? Can a wife single-handedly ensure that her husband won't stray? What do men say they're getting from their mistresses that they're missing at home? Do a man's friends have anything to do with his willingness to cheat?

While there are books that have explored the feelings and experiences of wives whose husbands have been unfaithful, the question of why men cheat and whether it is because of sexual dissatisfaction, emotional dissatisfaction, or something else has remained largely unexamined. At last, Lessons from Cheating Husbands presents many fascinating and provocative answers. In this book, experienced family counselor Gary Neuman shares the revealing and surprising findings of a cutting-edge research study in which he interviewed and studied close to 100 men from 48 states who have physically cheated on their wives. In this book, Neuman shares many shocking discoveries, including the prominent role of emotional dissatisfaction in motivating husbands who stray and how small a role sexual dissatisfaction plays.

Drawing on dramatic case stories of the author's own work with clients, Lessons from Cheating Husbands includes proactive strategies and action steps for married women that will help them prevent infidelity, and create a faithful and rewarding marriage.

Another book I enjoyed this week that will help with your spouse and A LOT with your work is: Squawk!: How to Stop Making Noise and Start Getting Results

The Truth about Cheating has completely changed my marriage. Even though i have only read the book recently it has allowed me to see my husband in a better light and to allow me to really take control.
This book is empowering for women and allows us to understand our men and make them never feel the need to stray.
I loved Gary's ideas about making the man feel appreciated and i have even begun to watch as my husband has become warmer towards me in the past few days.
I strongly recommend this book to everybody and hope you all enjoy it as much as i did!