A well written easy read. If the title grabs your attention and you find the word "toxic" best describes your parents, then this book will give you more than one chapter that will make you think the author was watching you grow up. It is inspiring and hopeful, and best of all, helpful.

If there is any lingering hurt between you and your parents or you and your children, this book is worth reading. Even young people can relate well to it's concepts (yup - that's me! pointed out my son - and we're from a pretty close family). I have sent it to many teens and twenty-somethings, but even my 40 & 50 something friends have found some wisdom and comfort in knowing that "it wasn't just them" or "oh my g..! I did that too!"

Knowledge is power and choice - once we have a better understanding about where our "hurts" are originating from, we can change those thought patterns and maybe even find the courage to talk to the ones we have hurt or have hurt us.

Easy, fast and can be read in parts.

... having someone who stands by your side.

Perfect examples, broad life experience, no judgement, just a quest for the inner truth each one of us has deep inside.

I suggest this book to all those who need a neutral point of view, beyond common sense, religion, and even psychotherapy itself.

Do you walk on eggshells around your parents? Do you dread seeing them, really? If so, chances are, your parents are toxic and they have you under their control. I have since realized this after 36 years. This book almost appears to have been written by me as it captures what happened in my past and recent relationship with my parents. Get this book! They are crazy and you no longer have to buy into their loonyness! By the way, I just saw a counselor and she said that the first person to either leave the family or get kicked out of it is the healthiest. GO for it; run! You can't change them no matter how much you pity the crazies!!

Reading this book will confirm what you already suspect about your parent's behavior if you have toxic parents. It will also confirm that many of your emotional habits, such as letting people walk all over you, or not standing up to others because you don't want to make them angry, are because of the way you grew up. This book may help you to redefine your relationship with your toxic parent if you are in a position of still desiring a relationship with that parent. The short coming of this book is that it lumps so many kinds of abuse into one book that you don't get a good feel for how to deal with the specific type(s) of abuse that you experienced. It also doesn't really give the reader any tools to move forward in their own life. Yes, it validates that you were abused, but it doesn't talk about how to move yourself forward in any aspect other than your relationship with your toxic parent. The one thing that I took from this book, and am very greatful for, is the realization that my aging and in poor health, but still miserable, angry, mean, and toxic parent lived her life and made choices to get to where she is today, it isn't my fault she is miserable and mean (even though she would tell me otherwise). I am entitled to live my life, I don't have to feel sorry for her and try to make her feel better at my family's expense anymore. Basically, after reading this book and dealing with a nasty precipitating event, I have realized that I am not responsible for her problems, she is. So if you are in need of validation that your parent is toxic, read this book. However, if you are looking for a way to pull your life together because of childhood abuse, this isn't the book you are looking for.

I cannot rate this product due to not receiving it. When I looked up the tracking number it said it was delivered, however, I did not get the package. I have contacted the post office, but they could not do anything. If you could help me resolve this I would be grateful as I will not pay for something I did not receive. Thank you.

Toxic Parents is wonderful and extremely useful. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the second half of the book in particular. Susan Forward has written and explained various techniques to help you re-gain control of your life. There are that many techniques and activities that I doubt you wouldn't be able to find one that works for you.

I found the book 'Controlling Parents' by Dan Neuharth to be better at explaining the different types of control and more about the insides to the problem, whereas this book I found to not be as in depth in that area. I just found that this book helped tremendously in regards to its therapy techniques.

Overall, both books work extremely well hand in hand. I recommend them both, regardless of whether you are in therapy yourself or not. There is a lot you will learn and come to understand and ways in which you can help yourself regain control of your life and independence.

If Susan Forward never typed another word her life would be well spent. This book should be required reading for every expectant mother or couple... the sooner we stop the legacy of bad parenting the better. Just as important adults can figure themselves out better if they get a better insight into their own childhoods.

I think one of the great unsung books on the subject of toxic parenting and the confusion it creates from an accomplished author about his own childhood is "Be Sweet" by Roy Blount Jr. It is pure genius and I highly recommend it. Interestingly, a lot of the reviewers and subsequent commenters don't "get it." I would hope that these books get discussed a lot on amazon; it is one of the greatest features of our times and can do a lot to enlighten us individually and as a society.

Along the lines of pure psychological brilliance Alice Miller and Alexix Morgan are also incredible.

I read this book when it first came out in the early 90s. It made me realize that my sister and I were not crazy - our mother was! Our mother had caused us a lot of pain with her belief that her needs always needed to come first. The book opened my eyes. We eventually both broke it off with the selfish monster and led much happier lives. Incredible book.

I found this book to be incredibly eye-opening and helpful, both as the daughter of a toxic mother and the parent of two children. The only thing that I am not sure about is whether confronting the toxic parent is always the best option. The most obvious questions in my mind were "What's the point? Why do you still want ANY relationship with this person? Why do you feel you owe this person ANYTHING? At what cost are you willing to keep trying?" Several years ago I made the very difficult decision to end my relationship with my mother when, after years of trying so hard to keep some relationship going and suffering for it, I finally found the courage to ask "what's in it for me?" and realized the answer was "absolutely nothing positive whatsoever". Also, being disgusted by her interactions with my children was a big factor. I profoundly miss having a mother, but I do not miss her or her poison.

I read this book when it first came out and it really helped me to realize that I was not the problem, contrary to everything that I was taught as a child. My mother abused me to no end. She beat me with belts, wooden spoons, hockey sticks, spatulas and anything else she could get her hands on. She humiliated me in public and made me feel unattractive because I was not a size zero like she was. This book helped me to realize that she was the sick one, not me. I still have problems but at least I feel better about myself. I would recommend this book to anyone who is considering having a child because this book explains just how much damage you can do to a child through verbal/physical abuse.

Wow. I devoured this book. I found it riveting, fascinating, absorbing - I couldn't put it down. I am intrigued by books that help me understand how people work. Why does my friend have these emotional issues? How has a troubled relationship with her father affected the rest of her life? This book does an amazing job of explaining the psychology of those questions. Plus, it was an enjoyable read. Usually books like this have a tendency to go over the head of the average person. But this was written in an easy writing style. I laughed and cried with the people who were featured as cases.

All my life, I've been told by therapists, friends, lovers, my siblings, even my father how unhealthy my relationship with my mother was. I felt this intense obligation to her to the point that it was getting in the way of my life. Guilt followed me around like a dark cloud. I had blocked out large chunks of my childhood not understanding why but just accepting it.

After my father passed away, my brother ceased all contact with my mother (who has cancer). I couldn't understand why. I would email him, call him. I was devastated for my mother. Neither sibling seemed to care about our mother so when she got extremely ill, I dropped my life in California and moved to her home state to take care of her. I was suddenly bombarded by all these memories of my childhood. I felt intense sadness and guilt and I couldn't understand why. I started resenting her.

When I reconnected with my brother, he told me about this book. He said it made him realize just how manipulative our mother is and that's why he ceased ties with her. I remember going to his house and we ran through some of the questions and I answered "yes' to 90 percent. He gave me the book and I have since realized just how unhealthy my relationship with my mother is. It only took forty years.

I would recommend this book to anyone who is constantly overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and sadness. Nothing you do is good enough. You find yourself relying on other people and unable to really value yourself for who you are. It might do for you what it did for me: open my eyes that were sealed shut.

My Christain counselor recommended this book. My husband devoured it from the day it came in the mail. I, the victim, had to sit it down at times so I could sleep. It is very thorough and eye opening. The Lord knew the suffering in my heart and gave me just what I needed. My counseling continues and my enormous load gets lighter each day. As far as gifts from God, I rank it second only to my salvation. If you're the victim, take this life preserver and free yourself from the undeserving guilt you've been living with. Get a Christain counselor and start this book.

This was recommended by my therapist and was really helpful for me. I lent it to a friend and she found it helpful as well. In order for it to work, you have to be willing to follow its suggestions. Good recommendation and good book.

Yes, that is right. I have not read this book. So, why am I reviewing this book? Because, my wife has read this book, and I got to see first hand at the effects on her. Why am I giving it 4 stars? Because I don't want the review from someone who has not read the book, to affect the overall rating.

My wife has always had a troubled relationship with her parents. In her teen years, she recalled that she hated her dad. She didn't mind her mom, but also had occasional problems with her.

Nevertheless, she tried to make the best of it, and after the birth of our son, three years ago, her parents came and stayed with us for a few days. She appeared to get along with her dad just fine during his week-long stay. We had some frank discussions with them about the past, and her dad acknowledged his shortcomings, and said that he should have spent less time at work, and helped out her mom. He remarked that the kids turned out fine, due to the good parenting of his wife.

After her dad went home, her mother stayed with us for 3 months, so that she could help us out with the cooking and cleaning, while my wife dealt with the difficulty being a first-time mom. As usual, during the long stay, they had some tense moments, usually because her mom offered some unwelcome advice, or made some comments that irked her. Some of the things that really bugged my wife seemed a bit minor to me, such as when her mom remarked about our son, "Thank goodness his nose is so cute..." My wife was upset at the apparently conditional quality of her affection.

Anyway, before her mom went back home, we took her out to dinner and, as a gesture of thanks, we gave her an expensive bracelet (my wife's idea, BTW).

It was the period after her mom went home that my wife got this book and started reading. Slowly, my wife's attitude began to change. She felt more and more anger at her parents. She was particularly upset that her mom did no research on raising children, prior to her visit. So, she was particularly upset at any advice, because, to her, they were all uneducated old wives' tales. She started recalling more and more of the unpleasant memories from her childhood. There was no physical nor sexual abuse. Most were belittling remarks and zingers that robbed her of her self confidence. I think having a child of her own made the memories more intense and vivid. She felt very angry and sent a confrontational letter to her parents.

She got an apologetic response, but she did not think it was adequate, because the tone was something to the effect that the bond between parents and children was timeless and should not be broken. She felt they weren't taking any responsibility. My wife made the decision to cut off relations with her parent. Subsequent letters from her parents were sent back, without being opened...which I found particularly cruel. She did not respond to any of their e-mails.

When our daughter was born a year ago, my wife decided to be a full-time mom. She didn't let her parents know of the birth of our daughter. I stayed in contact with them and sent them photos. My wife was fine with what I did; she just didn't want contact with them.

Then, in the past year, our relationship changed. She started feeling angrier and angrier about what she felt was my belittling attitude towards her. She dredged up arguments we had from years earlier, and accused me of oppressing her and holding her down. She got angrier when I gave her my interpretation of those events: they were arguments between two equal persons. No one had the power to oppress or hold anyone done. I never laid a hand on her, and though I've said some unkind things to her in during some heated arguments, there were in many cases much milder than anything she said to me.

Late last year, she told me that she wanted a divorce. She feels that I have always treated her badly, and that any positive feeling she had in the past were self delusions. I was thunderstruck and confused. She was totally embroiled in this victim mentality, where anything unpleasant I've ever said to her in the past was being cast in this new light that I was victimizing her. This really frustrated me. I consider her an intellectual equal, so how could one equal oppress another equal? If we had physical fights, then I can understand. I am much stronger, and I can certainly abuse her physically... but mentally?

Three weeks ago, while playing with my son, I noticed a piece of paper in her purse. The portion that was legible without any prying had the name of a psychiatric hospital. I think she is really suffering, and she is thinking of going for therapy. I would like to help her, but our lines of communications are so damaged that I'm not sure how to help her. It will have to be executed very delicately, but I'm going try to let her know that I can take some time off work to watch the kids, while she goes and gets therapy. Still thinking about how to even bring up the subject without it seeming insulting to her. How to tell her that I found out, without sounding like I'm rifling through her things.

Back to this book. Maybe this book has helped countless others, but just observing my wife, her downward spiral seems to coincide with the reading of this book. It has only made her more bitter, and turned her into someone who cannot accept responsibility for her own actions. Maybe she is totally misinterpreting the advice in the book. Maybe I should just pick up the copy on the shelf and read it for myself. But, just maybe, this book just offers up a lot of negative solutions...

This book, quite simply, changed my life. If you have unreconciled and unresolved issues with your parents ... especially if they are no longer living ... this book will help you through them. Do not hesitate to buy it. It really will help you. I've also given it as a gift to people I know well enough (it's a pretty intimate gift...) and have been thanked profusely.

Probably 80% of people should read this book. We often don't realize how much instances of poor parenting affect our adult life. This book helped me to see, not only the affects of toxic parenting on me, but also I could see the affects of toxic parenting on my own parents by their parents. This book cannot be read quickly, there is a lot here to ponder about. Also the second half of the book is extremely good, offering tools for recovery.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who had or has a dysfunctional family. This book has helped me stand up for myself and become a much stronger person. This book was recommended to me by my Naturapath.

This is a good resource for freeing yourself of repetitive patterns that may have developed with your parents. If you had to take care of your parents, were physically abused, told you were useless or bad, it can cause you to feel worthless and never good enough as an adult. This book uses case histories of adult children of toxic parents. It can help you to release the patterns of your past and help you towards emotional independence and greater inner strength.

well written and insightful. i immediately thought of at least ten people who must read this.

I finally understand that it's not me. No matter what I do my mother will NEVER be pleased and will continue to attempt to manipulate me in order to satisfy her personal agenda. I am now learning how to set boundaries so that I am no longer thrust into a spiral of guilt and self loathing every time that my mother expresses her displeasure with my actions or lack there of.

This book, for me, was very hard to put down. Reading other peoples' experiences and the results in their lives was heartrending and helped me feel less alone. The letters to parents helped me start to formulate letters to mine. This book was recommended by my therapist, and it has given me the strength to move forward.

I HIGHLY recommend it. Thank you!

This book along with a couple of others on the subject have helped me to have peace with my hurtful childhood. I had pretty much adopted the attitude that I received the hand that I was dealt in life. Now I'm beginning to see that things could have been much better had I had parents who bothered to take an interest in me other than what I could do for them. The good news is I feel empowered to break the cycle and provide loving feedback for my children at all times.

It is rare that any of us grow up in "perfectly-parented" households; after all we're imperfect humans. Some of us have had really difficult, complex upbringings. Yet, we can move on and make the best of our lives with the help of information offered in this book. It opened a new vista for me, and parents should find it thought-provoking for their own relationships, especially in regard to both their parents and their children.

It was a great help to recognize the psychological types in my parents. For a couple of years in my adulthood my mother and I even "divorced" each other. Although we were not able to resolve all our issues before her death, we were finally able to function on relatively friendly terms in the last years of her life.

Although individual situations often warrant consulting a professional counselor, this book is an invaluable tool for identifying and recognizing the problematic traits, reasons for the behaviors, and ways to move beyond the differences, so you don't wallow in the blame-game. Depending on one's spiritual inclination, blame cannot be laid entirely on the parent. There may be karmic dynamics that call for healing.

E. A. Davis, author - Waiting for Wings: Accompanying a Parent to the Edge of Life

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Good book for doing self-analyis of one's childhood. Good start to moving foward and getting over the past.

I would like to know who is addressing the issue of abusive children. I think that there are soooo many books that thrive on the weak-minded individuals who want someone to blame. Life is tuff and there are crappy kids AND crappy parents. People who read these type of books are probably out of control in many area's of their life and also have a boss who they blame for a lack of success, a minister who failed their spiritual needs, and a dog who refuses to love them.
Life is a work in progress and blaming is easy.I met someone yesterday who won't talk to his father for the rest of his life because his Dad did not like his girlfriend who treated the son badly. How did the father know that the girlfriend had a messed-up attitude toward his son? HE listened to what the son told him. The son called the woman his " tar-baby". But when the Dad said he did not want to associate with the girlfriend, he became his son's enemy. Who is to blame for this situation?
This book cannot fairly give a blanket statement about parents---- people will recognize themselves in this book, just like horoscopes that are a "one size fits all" concept about how to live your daily life.

This book really helps to heal some old wounds and answer some questions about (perhaps) your parent.

If I could give this book 10 stars, I would. I have suffered for years in the revolving door of insanity trying to put a finger on what was happening in my life. I went through therapy sessions, and in and out of various religions hoping to find peace. This book has done more for me overnight then what all those years of searching could not, and that was to recognize the orgin of my suffering.

Ms. Forward's book came to me after a recurrence of breast cancer. I was devistated. I ate right, exercised and did all of the right stuff or so I thought. Yet, here I was getting this disease again. I was at a standstill as to what to do.

After reading her book and comparing my life with her case studies, I walked away in awe as to all of the layers of garbage that I had been pushing down my gullet, all to protect my parents and the family structure, when in fact, I was the victim.

She is bold enough to talk about the religious influences from Biblical text such as "honor thy mother and father..." that scriptually may parents abusing their children.

Ms. Forward book has allowed me to see my destructive patterns of behavior and give me the tools to change these areas. Also, it has allowed me to identify dysfunctional behavior in others. This is particularily helpful for those of us who are single and still looking for a mate.

I have given this book to 11 people who I recognized were suffering as I had been. I believe that this is the kind of book that should be given to couples who are interested in premaritial counseling, chemical dependency and alcohol abuse couselors, guidance counselors and the list goes on.

I thought the book was very well written, and very helpful. I would recommend it to anyone who is having a difficult relationship with a parent or parents. It lets you know you are not alone and that it is possible to break an unheathly cycle of behavior.

I've struggled with a toxic family dynamic from early childhood. I'm just beginning to realize that, and the impact its had in my life, my successes, my failures, and my personal relationships. This book helped me to see the truth and it opened my eyes. It's not an easy book to read if you want to continue along the path of denial. I read it a year ago, put it down, and went back into my own personal hell. But it planted a seed. A year later, I read it again...this time with an open mind and heart. It's changed my entire perspective of the world, and it's made me feel validated in my own feelings, and not alone. It's so comforting to read that others have had the same experiences in their own "perfect families" and "perfect childhoods."

The section on nonreactive communication is especially helpful. Not defending, or arguing, or trying to convince your parents to change. I tried it this morning for the first time, and it felt GREAT!!!! I felt FREEDOM when I talked to my parents, for the first time ever.

This book is easy to read, easy to follow, and PRACTICAL. Read this book. Do the exercises. You won't be sorry... it will transform your life, and free you from the anger and pain within.

I read this when I left home more than four years ago. I'm not sure it made me feel any better. It has probably made me feel worse.

It's hard to tell I'm so dead inside.

I wish there was a book like this for my parents to read. I suppose it wouldn't do any good anyway. Even if they felt some kind of emotion--it would not translate into a change in attitude or behavior.

It doesn't really matter now.

I've been struggling alone to live life since I read this book four years ago. None of the positive things have happened for me, only daily pain that consumes me. It's been extremely painful to have hope; to take steps to get ahead, and have it blow up in my face.

Everything is colored in a negative light. Everything in the world is cold and evil. Including myself and my parents.

Our lives are a shame and a terrible waste. I only feel worse thinking about this book and my memories. I can't blame the author. It seems to have helped so many reviewers on here.

I guess the book is five stars and I'm the one who needs to be pulled off the shelf.

As a counseling psychologist, I read this book hoping to better understand the nature of this issue. I think Dr. Forward has a greal deal of experience and knowledge about the subject, and there are some helpful sections in her book. I feel, however, that the tone and way in which she delivers her information comes across as self-promoting, at best, and is presumptious and harmful, at worst. Through the vignettes and therapeutic dialogues, Dr. Forward paints herself as an expert who knows what people should think, react, and behave regarding this matter. I am concerned for the general public because Dr. Forward is so absolute and dogmatic about how people should approach this situation and "heal." At no point in her book does she qualify her statements or advice, which I feel should have been addressed. While the advice in the book may help many people, I would like readers to know that she does not take into account cultural, ethnic/racial, social, economic, or other personal differences that could influence how you perceive, respond, and relate to "toxic parents."

After reading this book, I had a new understanding of why people behave the way they do and how they rationalize. It helps to understand not only parents, but people in our everyday lives. Being a victim of abuse myself, The book helped me towards my next step with tools in hand...Therapy. The tools I still carry today! I had to read one chapter at a time and rest between chapters because what is described could have been written about me, I soon found myself dogearring the pages and writing comments. No longer the victim- this book was my first step towards recovery and I highly recommend it.

Marina Kushner
Author
The Truth About Caffeine: How Companies That Promote It Deceive Us and What We Can Do about It

As someone who has a toxic mother, you know how everyday feels like an eternity when you feel so much pain inside. Half of the book is about other people's experiences with her in therapy and the other half is about how we can change our situation ourselves. I gave her 1 star because of this very important point that she misses: If you have a truly toxic parent, confrontation is not the answer (as she says). I agree with the other reviewer who gave one star because it doesn't seem like she has truly been in this kind of a situation. The REALITY of LIVING WITH TOXIC PARENTS is that THEY DO NOT CHANGE. I am a grounded and fair minded person, but I think her advice is baloney. And she spent chapters on bits of advice that you could outline on one page. I felt so bad after reading it. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with all of you.

It would have saved me years of guilt about hating my mother and wishing things could be different.

In this book the author makes it clear that forgiving an abusive parent is not always necessary to heal, and that it in fact, may be a trap that denies feelings of anger and hinders real healing. She takes a tough, yet compassionate approach in showing exactly how to recognize the old messages and patterns you may be stuck in, and offers steps to practice different ways of coping with triggers.

Reading this is a good step in an effort escape the legacy of abusive parents and move on to be fully who you are.

It would have saved me years of guilt about hating my mother and wishing things could be different.

In this book the author makes it clear that forgiving an abusive parent is not always necessary to heal, and that it in fact, may be a trap that denies feelings of anger and hinders real healing.

A good step to escape the legacy of abusive parents and move on to be fully who you are.

This book was extremely helpful to understand and recover from family stress. It explains vividly and in easily understood terms that any reader can understand. It is compassionate and practical and helps give readers direction for moving forward. I highly recommend this book.

A previous reviewer wrote: "depending upon where a person is in their process, I believe that Forward's approach could actually do damage." I want to confirm that his/her suspicions were correct. Although the responsibility for my actions are my own, I feel that my decision to follow the advice in this book nearly destroyed my life. To this day - almost 20 years later - I am still living with the disastrous consequences, for which I was not at all prepared.

There is, even to this day, a vacuum when it comes to the understanding and treatment of severe childhood psychological and physical abuse. At the time this book was printed it represented practically the only "consumer" information on this subject.

At the time I read it (shortly after it was printed I believe) I was very young and dealing with extremely serious abuse issues. Unfortunately, I followed the misguided advice it contained about confronting my abusers - something which I never should have done. The results were disastrous. I then made my second mistake in reaction (also following advice in this book) - cutting off all ties with my family.

I still believe that I needed to eventually cut off ties with my abusers. However, the advise in this book gave me the false impression that I could take on more than was safe or advisable. It minimized and/or omitted the possible consequences. The confrontation escalated the situation and put me in actual danger; it provided no healing or closure whatsoever. What it did do was isolate me from family members who weren't ready to confront the issue, and added a huge layer of trauma that I've struggled to overcome ever since.

I would like to advise anyone dealing with extreme abuse issues to proceed with caution indeed. I sincerely hope that my feedback can help other readers avoid making the same mistakes I made. I would urge you to think twice before following any of the advice in this book.

While I found this book to be extremely useful in my own situation, as I feel many others have, I do wish MY parents had read it...actually I sort of wish they had read it before I was born. The books is well done, is down to earth and more or less tells it like it is. Not only did I find it of great value to myself, I found it of great value is raising my own children and now grandchildren. This work graphically points out just what parents can do to thier children, sometimes not even being aware of it. I liked this work, found it helpful and do wish more parents would read it and more grown children burdened with some pretty bad stuff could read it. I think it would help. Highly recommend.

Excellent explanations for all kinds of childhoods, parents and families. Detailed, practical and deep. This book would work well alongside psychotherapy sessions, as it has case studies and is comprehensive - but is limited in its way of accessing chidhood memories on the scale that is often required for overall healing.

I think that people should stop whining, look at yourself in the mirror and decide what kind of person that you want to be. This book just perpetuates the excuses and looks for someone to blame. Take responsibility for yourself!

I have read several books that attempt to help adult children of abusive (verbal or physical) parents, but most authors fail to connect with me because they feel a need to give the most horrible stories and examples in their books. My father didn't sexually molest me or tell me to die, but he did constantly belittle me with subtle remarks, jokes, criticisms. This book spends over 100 pages giving stories and examples of all kinds of toxic parents,not just the ones that make the most horrifying read. It seems a little vague and scattered at first, because there are so many different examples of so many different types of toxic parental abuse, then you realize that most of the symptoms of the adult child who has suffered, are the same. Children of alcoholics, molestors, belittlers, hitters, all share a commond bond of lacking an identity, and struggling with their self esteem, and fighting a rage deep inside them.
The second half of the book is the most impressive. The author is surprisingly and refreshingly realistic in her advice on how to start healing. She conveys that it is ok to feel whatever emotion you are feeling, because it is an emotion. She sheds a brilliant light on the act of forgiveness, and how the general concept of "total forgiveness" is not always best with toxic parents.
It was just a well written and realistic book that I think will appeal to all adult children who had or have "toxic" parents.

Too many children of abusive parents have given up hope of ever having someone take their side, listen to them, and have empathy for their pain. Too often they're told to "get over it," to "move on," or worse yet, "just forgive and forget." If it were only that simple! Sadly, people just don't understand how those words can make a completely unbearable situation even worse.

Susan Forward is a lifesaver for these adult children of abusive parents. She seems to completely understand the frustration and pain that continues long into your adult years. She takes the burden of "fixing" the problem off the shoulders of the victims and puts it back squarely where it belongs. Her attitudes on forgiveness are entirely different from any I've read, and rightly so.

Anyone who's suffered abuse or neglect as a child, and who still struggles with the pain of guilt, isolation, depression, anger, etc., absolutely MUST read this book.

I have read a number of books on this subject, and found this one to be excellent in identifying with the children and adult-children of toxic parents.

It didn't get into the labeling of the different types of behavior disorders that a parent might possess, (i.e. Narcissistic, Borderline, Anti- Social), but instead focused on the hurtful behaviors, and gave sound advise on how to recognize, understand and remedy these problems. So many of the other books on this subject get into identifying the names of the various types of behavior disorders, as well as the labeling of the dysfunctional behaviors of splitting, projecting, etc... All very important to understanding toxic parents, but it was refreshing not to get a review of these facts for the umpteenth time... As a result of this style of writing, I was able to get more engaged in the topic at hand, toxic parents.

I also found the book to be more intraspective, not only with the children and adult-children of toxic parents, and how they were affected by their parents, but with the adult-child as an adult, and how he or she may be repeating or avoiding the sins of their parents.

I found the book to be written so well that I'm beginning to read a second book by the author, Susan Forward, Emotional Blackmail.

When I read the reviews for this book, I was thinking that it was a very narrowly defined work for a very narrowly defined subset of people - it isn't. It's about relationships - the kinds we have with our parents, our children, our spouses and ourselves.

I got this book for my nephews, as they've been going through a difficult separation; their father is about as toxic as a human being can get. As I don't believe in recommending books to others that I haven't read myself, I sat down and read this book cover-to-cover - in two weeks.

I'm not a particular fan of psychology, as it has a tendency (in some of its schools of thought) to become a subjective pseudo-science, nor am I particularly fond of self-help books with their childish mantras. I also believe that every person is ultimately responsible for his/her own actions.

Having said that, however, this book is a standout. I believe that it has something to say to nearly everyone. It brings self-destructive behaviors out into the open and addresses them, rather than the status quo of pretending that they don't exist. In our formative years we learn by observing (especially our parents) and in many cases in what we observed there are negative influences that impact us and our ability to form/develop/maintain healthy relationships. Many of us have relationships within our families that are far from healthy.

Its provocative title aside, this book is about self-discovery and self-healing. Even for those whose relationships are so perfectly healthy as to make this book redundant, this book is a great study of relationships and the learning and transmission of behaviors that might still provide intellectual stimulation.

This book helps identify toxic parent behaviors and behaviors you may have inherited unknowingly. It gives you tools for uncovering and ridding yourself of these behaviors. It also advocates confrontation which is phenomenal and promotes healing. Great choice!

Toxic Parents was one of the most helpful books I've read thus far in trying to unravel the mystery that is my relationship with my parents. I am a successful professional, yet why do I feel this sense of not accomplishing my goals? Why do relationships leave me empty? How do I explain the weird patterns that are my life? This book was truly enlightening and for me was the first step on a long road toward healing.

...to those of us whose childhoods were not fairy tale perfect. Lacking the funding to see a therapist, and having a husband who had the good fortune to have had 2 wonderful parents, I picked up this book, since I knew not who else to turn to. I am thrilled that I did. I read every chapter, even the examples that in no way pertained to me... and they helped. Susan Forward's style is so warm, I wish sessions with her were a possibility for me. The exercises and ideas to break the cycle are already benefitting myself and my son. Thank you Susan for your gift.