John Gottman produces the most insightful and inspiring books I have ever read. All his work is well worth the investment. Every parent should own a copy of this book and refer to it on a regular basis. There would be less violence, suicide, depression and school drop out if children where raised by parents who had more empathy and understanding of the important role that emotions play in early childhood. Buy this book and hold it close, it may change your life. Other books that you may find helpful are: Kids-Parents and Power Struggles, How To Talk So Kids Can Listen, Got the Baby Where's the Manual, Between Parent and Child,and Undconditional Parenting.


Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT
Licensed Child Therapist
Author, Mommy Confidence
founder, www.TheGoToMom.TV

memoir written by a brilliant woman trained in child psychiatry, whose path was influenced by a need to heal the damages of her own childhood. That's How the Light Gets In: Memoir of a Psychiatrist by Susan Rako, M.D. owes its title to a song by Leonard Cohen: "There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Rako's book is remarkably candid, fascinating, and wonderfully well-written. It's a great read. The writing just flows.

Great book. A must read for every parent. One of the best parenting books out there.

This book was a purchase as a gift to my daughter who brought our first grandchild into the world not long ago. I know about John Gottman and his reputation as an excellent researcher on emotions and how they play out in body language and other ways people communicate with one another. I am also very familiar with the research on Emotional Intelligence developed by Perter Salovey at Yale and popularized by Daniel Goleman. This book integrates all of those sources of profoundly important social science into an amalgam that will surely help parents guide their children toward becoming well balanced and confident. This is not a bunch of pop psychology. It is impotant information from a man who knows whereof he speaks.

John Gottman is a professor of psychology at the University of Washington, a Rabbi, author of the excellent book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," and also an entertaining speaker. My wife and I attended one of his talks on successful marriages. He's the Jerry Seinfeld of the clinical psychologist-Rabbi set.

Against that backdrop, it wasn't difficult for my wife to get me to read "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child" after we had our second kid, although I wondered what misdeed on my part prompted the purchase.

As with Seven Principles, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child is a tad heavy on discussions of research methodology, obviously intended to enhance the credibility of Gottman's conclusions. And some of Gottman's advice is a bit much for any but the most obsessive-compulsive. As an example, I don't think I'll be keeping an "emotion log" anytime soon in order to better understand my feelings "from moment to moment."

Such quirks aside, I recommend this book to every parent. It's short and easy to read, and most readers probably come away wishing their parents had read it. Gottman provides compelling insights and guidance for parents on how to help children identify, understand and work with all kinds of emotions ("emotion coaching"). Concepts are supported by examples of good and bad parental attitudes and/or parent-child interactions. These real-life examples colorfully reinforce Gottman's basic theories and demonstrate the advice in action.

Half way through the book, I found myself already trying to apply its principles in dealing with emotional outbreaks from our young children. They responded well. Gottman presents compelling evidence that parents can play an important role in the emotional well-being and happiness of their children and he argues persuasively that parents who succeed in doing so likely form stronger bonds with their children. That's a lot more value than one usually expects from a $13, 200-page paperback.

This book was published 10 years ago, but the advice is still as timely as ever. Very well written, with just the right blend of research, stories, and recommendations. This book should improve the life of anyone who reads it. When John Gottman talks, people listen!

This is such a great resource - filled with information and research about how the ways we interact with our children can have long term, positive impact if we do it well. A must have for every parent!

This is a must read book for all parents. It has already changed the relationship with my daughter to the positive side, she has become less agressive. The book is based on a research.

I found this book to be very helpful to me emotionally and to my parenting skills. I am also a substitute teacher and use these methods in the classrooms I teach in. I'm so impressed with this author, I'm ordering his book on marriage.

This is the best child development book I have ever read! It was incredibly helpful and an answer to a prayer. I have encouraged everyone I know to read it and I quote it every day. Thank you!

Dr. Gottman presents an intelligent and informative approach to parenting that teaches children appropriate behavior in a sensitive manner that helps both parents and children explore the underlying reasons for the child's misbehavior. I have found this especially useful when approaching my toddler's tantrums, and have often been able to convert her screams into rational discussion. There is also a chapter that would be particularly helpful for families experiencing marital discord or separation. The book's greatest weakness is that it doesn't discuss differences in children's temperament, which would have a big effect on how well a child might respond to this approach. Overall, though a very interesting and helpful read for parents and child professionals.

If you have a child that is a handful this may help.

This book helps parents understand how their personal philosophy about their own emotions influences what and how they teach their children about emotions, such as how to recognize, express, and control anger. The book provides a simple self-test to help parents understand what their philosopy is and how it impacts interactions with their children. For example, some parents do not permit their children to express anger at them while others are accepting of their children being openly angry with them. There are very different long-range implications of these different philosophies and parenting styles. This book helps parents to assess their own philosophy and consider changes in their parenting style.

Everything I am reading in this book makes so much logical sense in reflecting on my own experiences as a child and observing others and their interaction with children. I plan on reading it a second time...took notes in the columns for my husband and certainly plan on applying it in raising our son. A must read for ALL parents (especially future parents)!

Everything I am reading in this book makes so much logical sense in reflecting on my own experiences as a child and observing others and their interaction with children. I plan on reading it a second time...took notes in the columns for my husband and certainly plan on applying it in raising our son. A must read for ALL parents (especially future parents)!

As a new elementary guidance counselor, with a master's in general counseling, I wish the parents of all my students would read this book! Emotional Intelligence is a highly important teachable skill set for children, on the level of discipline or academics, but unfortunately much overlooked. I think Gottman is right on in terms of describing how to relate to children in ways that teach emotional skills in daily situations. This book captures and makes sense of so many of the little strategies I learned by trial and error through working with kids and observing many parents. Plus, Gottman's strategies should be helpful to parents with a wide range of values or discipline styles.

As a new elementary guidance counselor, with a master's in general counseling, I wish the parents of all my students would read this book! Emotional Intelligence is a highly important teachable skill set for children, on the level of discipline or academics, but unfortunately much overlooked. I think Gottman is right on in terms of describing how to relate to children in ways that teach emotional skills in daily situations. This book captures and makes sense of so many of the little strategies I learned by trial and error through working with kids and observing many parents. Plus, Gottman's strategies should be helpful to parents with a wide range of values or discipline styles.

Dr. Gottman, thanks for writing this book: it is a great gift to parents involved and interested in their kids development.

I loved this book because I felt, chapter by chapter, that you loved writing the book and sharing with the reader your great knowledge and your own experience as a father.

I personally liked the sixth chapter "The Father's Crucial Role" because it stresses the importance of the emotional connection between father and child.

I found as well very helpful the fifth chapter "Marriage, Divorce..." because it helped me shed light on my own childhood emotions with separated parents.

Thanks again.

Dr. Gottman, thanks for writing this book: it is a great gift to parents involved and interested in their kids development.

I loved this book because I felt, chapter by chapter, that you loved writing the book and sharing with the reader your great knowledge and your own experience as a father.

I personally liked the sixth chapter "The Father's Crucial Role" because it stresses the importance of the emotional connection between father and child.

I found as well very helpful the fifth chapter "Marriage, Divorce..." because it helped me shed light on my own childhood emotions with separated parents.

Thanks again.

This is a book that makes you understand and remember many feelings of childhood and it gives you really good tools to communicate effectively with your child. The author is the best in his field.

This is a book that makes you understand and remember many feelings of childhood and it gives you really good tools to communicate effectively with your child. The author is the best in his field.

I found this book useful with some practical ideas. Discipline tips are particularly useful and realistic.

I decided to read this book after completing a summer with my children and I thought it would be a good read. I don't claim to be the best father in the world, but I'm always up for areas I can improve. This book truly opened my eyes in several areas where I realized I could take a bit of a different road. My two daughters are very precious to me and I learned a lot in this book. I ended up reading it in two evenings and I must say a lot of it was very enlightening. And as funny as this sounds, after reading this book, I really appreciate my parents now as an adult because, according to this book, they did a lot things that were right on.

I decided to read this book after completing a summer with my children and I thought it would be a good read. I don't claim to be the best father in the world, but I'm always up for areas I can improve. This book truly opened my eyes in several areas where I realized I could take a bit of a different road. My two daughters are very precious to me and I learned a lot in this book. I ended up reading it in two evenings and I must say a lot of it was very enlightening. And as funny as this sounds, after reading this book, I really appreciate my parents now as an adult because, according to this book, they did a lot things that were right on.

This book is a practical and well-presented guide to recognizing, validating, and helping your child deal with emotions.

Gottman starts out with his rationale for Emotion Coaching, helps the parent assess their current parenting style, discusses the Key Steps and strategies for emotion coaching, and devotes an entire chapter to Marriage, Divorce, and Your Child's Emotional Health. At the end of the book he includes an age range breakdown of specific emotions to expect from your child (anxiety separation, fear of the dark, fear of death, adolescent separation...)

In the Marriage chapter, Gottman also includes a short summary of his renowned work in the study of relationships. He applies emotion coaching to avoiding the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse that end marriage: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

This book made me reevaluate the way I interact not just with my child, but my husband, and friends as well. I found it very enlightening.

There are many parenting books out there that are as controversial as they are popular. You use what you find helpful and ignore what doesn't fit in with your own personal parenting philosophy. I found most of Goleman's techniques in this book to be insightful and invaluable.

Too often, we may find ourselves giving in to venting our anger or frustration at our children for our own emotional benefit, forgetting that they are not adept at reading their own feelings much less yours. It is too easy to discount our little ones' cries as merely manipulative attempts to get what they want. (The author DOES recognize that children DO try to manipulate adults in this way and recommends not using emotion coaching in those instances.) This is a realistic, practical, and easily read book told from the perspective of a father who also relays helpful instances in his own life where he'd used emotion coaching.

One benchmark that I often use to judge parenting books are their philosophies on punishment, particularly time-outs. Goleman believes in the proper implementation of time-outs. They are to be consistent and respectful, not opportunities to emotionally berate or humiliate children. He believes that it is best used for children aged 3-8 and should last about a minute. You may want use Amazon's search-within-a-book feature and search for "time-out" to get a better idea.

The author sites studies showing that emotional intelligence is linked to higher reading and math IQ's, social competence, and physical health. We all wish the best for our children, and reading this book will help you to be the best parent you can be. More than that, you've probably noticed, that our children have a lot more benefits available to them than we did (baby care gadgets, nutritional food, innovative schooling, etc.) and yet, if I were to choose one benefit of our present to have as a child, I would have wished that my own parents had read this book. How wonderful that would have been!

This book is applied and practical - it provides a step by step solution. I also found the self-assesment tool very valuable.

A good book to help your child get the intellectual skills they need to succeed in school and life. It helps with their emotions and their "emotional intellect" to create a better understanding of the world. Highly recommended.

I liked the book but also enjoyed the Emotional Intelligence Quickbook because it came with a test where I went online and found out my actual EQ, which was really helpful.

This is an incredible book. I gives som many interesting ideas and examples.

Another great parenting book to add to my list. This book was a great parent evaluator. Every parent "needs" to be an emotion coach.

A must for every parent! You'll have no regrets.

So many times, before I know it, I'm launching into telling my son what to do, how, where, why... Without giving him a chance! And I've already read most of the book! It is so important how we talk to our kids. If we say the wrong words too often, we build up a wall in them. They need to express themselves and work out their own problems and feel SAFE expressing EVERYTHING with you and TRUSTING YOU while not compromising your morals and beliefs. It's amazing how much happiness there is between parent and child. It's the best thing in the world! Yet I fear, it is so easy to watch it all disappear without knowing why. This book gives you a chance NOW, to hear yourself and gives you the instructions to hold on to that joy and pride. I KNOW when I have said the RIGHT thing. This book taught me things you just don't get with trial and error! Instead of grasping at the vapor fumes of youth's departure, I know, I'm doing the best I can to be there always, with love being true. Do NOT forget this: #1 ALL PARENTS MUST ALWAYS READ ABOUT THEIR CHILDREN. (Trust the wealth of literature! Really! Don't fool around with trial and error. A child is NOT your first model airplane where you didn't read the instructions beforehand!) #2 THIS BOOK SHOULD BE ON THAT REQUIRED LIST!

Thanks for reading! Take the stand. Be there for your kids.

You can find a lot of books about parenting, but many of them are just pop psychology, the solitary opinion of the author.
Gottman is definitely not one of them. He is known as one of the leading psychologists in the area of family and marriage psychology. This book presents the essence of his research findings about raising emotionally intelligent children.
His advise is surprisingly easy and is based on a 5 step model:
1. Be aware of your child�s emotion
2. See your child�s emotions as an opportunity to be close together
3. Actively listen to your child and validate the feelings
4. Help your child to verbalize his feelings
5. Help your child solve problems, while setting clear limits

Gottman clearly explains how you can implement this 5-step-model in daily life and what to do when problems arise. His real life examples make reading really fun.
All in all, an excellent parenting book! As a supplement, I can also recommend the book by M. Seligman: "The optimistic child"

I am a child/family psychologist and don't like most parenting books for my clients because they present theories as facts without the research behind it. This is one of 3 books that I recommend because it is well-researched yet easy to read and comprehend. Gottman's work in the field of psychology is highly respected, and the research from which this book emanates is thorough and rigorous. Yet his format in the book is such that you can immediately begin to apply his "emotion-coaching" technique. If you are having difficulty coping with your child's emotional outbursts, read this book!

...and re-read it once a month ever after. Gottman is both a student an professor of relationships--marital and otherwise. He has so much to offer that it's difficult to digest this book in one reading. Every time I pick it up I find something new in what I've already read before. This is definitely my parenting book of the decade!

Many parenting books make many suggestions, of which I pick one and that is about it. This is the first book that I agree with virtually 100%. It has benefited not only my parenting but my personal and business relationships as well. I literally hand out copies to coaches, teachers and the occasional friend that is searching for a better way to parent. It has been the first book that realistically addresses not only my children but me as a parent, without making me feel guilty or stupid. We all have to deal with fun and frustration, cuddling and craziness...the reccomendations in this book helped me find great perspective on all those aspects of being a part of a family.

Gottman, well-known for his books on marriage and divorce prediction, presents a terrific look at parenting from an "emotion coaching" standpoint. This is an easy-to-read book that can change one's thinking about negative emotion from, well, negative, to inevitable and necessary.

extremely interesting (and not only for parents but anyone who wants to know more about their childhoods as well) and helpful book about the nature of interaction with our children, the daily exchanges and the big picture, how different parenting styles impact your child's perceptions, behaviors and self esteem from an early age. good methologies for forging healthy emotional exchanges, well-organized and written, this one is a gem