Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence
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| Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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The Basis for the Movie Mean Girls
PARENTS CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN GIRL WORLD Do you feel as though your adolescent daughter exists in a different world, speaking a different language and living by different laws? She does. This groundbreaking book takes you inside the secret world of girls’ friendships, translating and decoding them, so parents can better understand and help their daughters navigate through these crucial years. Rosalind Wiseman has spent more than a decade listening to thousands of girls talk about the powerful role cliques play in shaping what they wear and say, how they feel about school, how they respond to boys, and how they feel about themselves. In this candid and insightful book, Wiseman discusses: • Queen Bees, Wannabes, Targets, Torn Bystanders, and others: how to tell what role your daughter plays and help her be herself • Girls’ power plays, from birthday invitations to cafeteria seating arrangements and illicit parties, and how to handle them • Good popularity and bad popularity: how cliques bear on every situation • Hip Parents, Best-Friend Parents, Pushover Parents, and others: examine your own parenting style, “Check Your Baggage,” and identify how your own background and biases affect how you relate to your daughter • Related movies, books, websites, and organizations: a carefully annotated resources section provides opportunities to follow up on your own and with your daughter Enlivened with the voices of dozens of girls and parents and a welcome sense of humor, Queen Bees and Wannabes is compelling reading for parents and daughters alike. A conversation piece and a reference guide, it offers the tools you need to help your daughter feel empowered and make smarter choices. |
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"My daughter used to be so wonderful. Now I can barely stand her and she won't tell me anything. How can I find out what's going on?" "There's a clique in my daughter's grade that's making her life miserable. She doesn't want to go to school anymore. Her own supposed friends are turning on her, and she's too afraid to do anything. What can I do?" Welcome to the wonderful world of your daughter's adolescence. A world in which she comes to school one day to find that her friends have suddenly decided that she no longer belongs. Or she's teased mercilessly for wearing the wrong outfit or having the wrong friend. Or branded with a reputation she can't shake. Or pressured into conforming so she won't be kicked out of the group. For better or worse, your daughter's friendships are the key to enduring adolescence-as well as the biggest threat to her well-being. In her groundbreaking book, Queen Bees and Wannabes, Empower cofounder Rosalind Wiseman takes you inside the secret world of girls' friendships. Wiseman has spent more than a decade listening to thousands of girls talk about the powerful role cliques play in shaping what they wear and say, how they respond to boys, and how they feel about themselves. In this candid, insightful book, she dissects each role in the clique: Queen Bees, Wannabes, Messengers, Bankers, Targets, Torn Bystanders, and more. She discusses girls' power plays, from birthday invitations to cafeteria seating arrangements and illicit parties. She takes readers into "Girl World" to analyze teasing, gossip, and reputations; beauty and fashion; alcohol and drugs; boys and sex; and more, and how cliques play a role in every situation. Each chapter includes "Check Your Baggage" sections to help you identify how your own background and biases affect how you see your daughter. "What You Can Do to Help" sections offer extensive sample scripts, bulleted lists, and other easy-to-use advice to get you inside your daughter's world and help you help her. It's not just about helping your daughter make it alive out of junior high. This book will help you understand how your daughter's relationship with friends and cliques sets the stage for other intimate relationships as she grows and guides her when she has tougher choices to make about intimacy, drinking and drugs, and other hazards. With its revealing look into the secret world of teenage girls and cliques, enlivened with the voices of dozens of girls and a much-needed sense of humor, Queen Bees and Wannabes will equip you with all the tools you need to build the right foundation to help your daughter make smarter choices and empower her during this baffling, tumultuous time of life. "Wise, humorous, life-affirming advice for parents that is utterly respectful of girls. I recommend parents mark it up, turn the corners of pages, and heed Wiseman's creative and practical strategies for guiding girls along the sometimes treacherous pathways of growing up today. Queen Bees and Wannabes is Mapquest for parents of girls, from fifth grade all the way to young adulthood." "Who's in? Who's out? Who's cool? Who's not? Why is one girl elevated to royal status and another shunned? Queen Bees and Wannabes answers these unfathomable questions and so many more. Wiseman gives parents the insight, compassion, and skill needed to guide girls through the rocky terrain of the adolescent social world. This is such an honest and helpful book; we recommend it highly." |
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| 11-18-08 | 3 | (NA) |
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I had high hopes for this book after reading the reviews, but it didn't cover my daughter's problem. What about the girl who isn't a part of any clique? The one that other girls call wierd or strange because she doesn't dress like they do, or has achne, or whatever else they decide is not like them. Surely some of those hundreds of girls she talked to had this problem. So, why the exclusion... yet again???
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-11-30 02:56:40 EST)
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| 11-16-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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I'm a former high school teacher and I think this book accurately depicts the challenges of adolescent (and pre-adolescent) girls. I've ordered it for my nephew and neice to use as a longer-term guide since their oldest daughter just turned 12.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-11-19 02:10:10 EST)
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| 05-27-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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This book does a beautiful job of painting a picture of the unique culture of girl bullying and teasing. Alot to be learned. Every parent with a daughter should read this book. Additionally, I recommend highlyBully-Proofing Children: A Practical, Hands-On Guide to Stop Bullying which gives so many strategies...both proactive and for intervention on how to deal with this ever pervasive topic.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-11-17 01:59:41 EST)
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| 04-25-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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If you have a daughter currently in middle school, this is a must read before high school!
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-05-27 01:38:19 EST)
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| 04-24-08 | 4 | 1\1 |
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There's so much good in here, but Wiseman's naivete on the normality of fatness gets in the way of this being an entirely safe or sanity-promoting book. It's simply normal for some women and girls to be "overweight". There's no evidence anywhere that fat people "eat their problems" (to use the naive phrase from "Mean Girls") any more than thinner people. Some of us are genetically destined to be at the top of the weight bell curve. It's great that Wiseman recommends The Beauty Myth, for instance, but I wonder if she actually read it. Or The Dieters Dilemma. Or The Obesity Myth. Or Losing It. Or any of the other books in the fat acceptance/health at every size canon.
Perpetuating the old fat-people-are-gluttons myth simply is no longer acceptable or scientifically accurate. Reading this book and projecting its messages on to young fat girls is potentially as dangerous as any other form of bullying Wiseman describes. Maybe someday she'll correct this major flaw in a future edition? (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-05-27 01:38:19 EST)
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| 04-12-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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Simply put, I found the book to far exceed my expectations for it. As a male, the author's insights into girls' social roles and interactions were a huge eye-opener. And as the father of three girls, I appreciate all the examples of specific situations girls may find themselves in, how their thinking/social conditioning may have contributed, and how they can extricate themselves.
As others have noted, the author's presentation is non-judgmental, and she makes great use of first-hand accounts to introduce or support the discussion, not as trite filler. This book will go on my shelf as an irreplaceable "field guide to my daughters, their friends and their social habits". (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-04-25 13:25:30 EST)
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| 01-26-08 | 4 | (NA) |
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I survived eight years of single sex education (high school and college), and work in an industry populated by mostly women in office settings. I am here to tell you, it doesn't matter if you are a teenager in classes with other teenagers, or if you are in a multi-age group setting in an office - GIRLS / WOMEN ARE JEALOUS AND TWO FACED! As the movie Mean Girls was based on this book, it was more of a documentary than entertainment (although it was certainly both), and you realize how depressing it really is.
Girls are mean. Period. No human female despite age, race, soci-economic backgrounds, value system, etc. is immune to the sociopathic tendancies that women are capable of. This is a good book for women to understand their peers and for mothers to understand what their daughters are going through. Traditionally, women were not taught until relatively recently that we are able to achieve the same things that men are. How we attained power was to cut each other in half with words. You as a woman must overcome jealousy and stop pitting one against the other. However, while this book gives sound advice as to how, why and what to do about the caddiness of girls / women, it can only give you good coping skills. The best way to handle these situations is to be nice, but not too nice to others. Don't let people get too close that they have ammunition to use against you. Believe me, if you have never experienced this before, you have no idea the lengths people will go to in order to cut you down. And, somewhat crazy as it may sound, I am a 33 year old woman whose closest friends are all men. Jealousy, emotion, and irrational behavior has cost me several women friends I've had over the years. It's rough sometimes, but, I guess I have no choice, do I? (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-04-13 09:04:53 EST)
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| 01-14-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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Wow, if you are female this book will take you back in time and make you more compassionate towards your daugher. If you are a dad - you need to read this to realize what your daugher is going through. It is a quick read. I think my daughter apprecaites that I am reading this book. By the way it was suggested by her Dr. that I read it.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-02-15 22:55:00 EST)
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| 12-27-07 | 1 | 0\2 |
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AS already knmown by know the baook that I ordered more than a month ago never arrived and actually a wrong book arrived through a third party seller that Amazone had assigned. The reason for their not sneding the book was they found out it was more costly than had been charged by Amazon!!
These information was obtained through my persistant E- mailing to the book sellers. Final review is a thumb down. (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-02-15 22:55:00 EST)
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| 11-11-07 | 3 | 0\2 |
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but, honestly, the book is a very over-dramatic version of what teenaged girls are like, as far as my experience has been (I'm eighteen now and in college). I can honestly say that the most popular girls at my school were intelligent, friendly, personable young women who were popular because we all liked them (and, no, I wasn't one of them). I'll be the first to admit that it's a great read--lots of interesting and funny stories--but, seriously, it's completely the opposite of my memories of middle and high school. The book always made me worry that I was "evil," since according to Ms. Wiseman, only the meanest girl in the class says that everyone pretty much gets along and hangs out with her friend, but that's honestly how school was for me, and I was nothing like a "queen bee."
It's not a bad book to remind girls how to behave, but for moms? This book will scare you for no real reason. Most of the girls I knew in high school had their heads on straight and are doing well at college now. I think that Ms. Wiseman is projecting her own bad memories of school and popularity on everyone else. (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-02-15 22:55:00 EST)
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| 06-08-07 | 5 | (NA) |
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This book was such an eye opener. It helped me to not only understand where my girls are right now but also helped me understand some of the things I experienced as a girl in middle and highschool. I think every mother of a preteen daughter should read this book.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-02-15 22:55:00 EST)
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| 05-07-07 | 5 | 1\2 |
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Though this book is intended for parents, anyone who spends time with young people- mentors, teachers, program administrators, etc.- will benefit from the insights and detailed instructions contained in this highly readable volume!
It is clear that Ms. Wiseman has done her homework. Working with diverse groups of teenagers for years myself and having been one not THAT long ago) I recognize and relate to the characters and conflicts she describes and value the advice she offers. If you've seen the movie, MEAN GIRLS, which was based on this book, you've gotten a small taste of what's addressed here- cliques, fads, teen politics, gossip, sex, and parental influence- but there's lots more! And for those of us who are raising boys to be honorable and respectful young men, Queen Bees and Wannabes is a terrific resource, too. I've often heard that there is no "manual" for raising kids. I respectfully disagree- there are MANY manuals for raising kids and this is the best one I've read dealing with adolescents and teens. READ it and encourage others to do so. The young people in your life will thank you for it! (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-02-15 22:55:00 EST)
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| 04-20-07 | 4 | 0\1 |
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I am a 25 year-old girl who has experienced many of the situations cited in this book, either as the target or the bully. I grew up an overweight, unpopular, artsy little girl. In the 8th grade, I lost a ton of weight, grew, and my clothes became trendy. Needless to say, things changed. With one easy swoop, I went from victim to bully. Only now, as a (young) adult, I come to terms with both my nerdy, victim past and my mean girl high school years, with the help of this book. As other reviwers noted, most teenage girls will probbaly experience both sides of the scenario and often are a combination of the traits lised for each of the diff. person. types. As others noted with this book, there is no judgement imposed on the "mean girls". Most girls have "mean" moments, no matter how quiet, shy or unassuming, and I think Wiseman portrays this accurately. Sometimes, the worst bullying is from girls who simply follow others or stealthily do things, like not inviting someone out with a group of friends or not being honest because they're too "nice". I find it completely annoying that alot of the mothers/teachers/family friends/etc. who are commenting on here refuse to believe that their daughtes/students are not like that. ALL girls, or kids, are to some degree. It doesn't make them evil or not great kids. It makes them human. You can still be "hysterically funny, kind, emotional, creative and most of all INDIVIDUALS" as one reviwer wrote but still have mean girl moments. I don't think Wiseman oversimplifies. I think alot of the parents and teacher do in their reviews. Kids are much more complex than being good or bad. The mean girls need love too and have problems as well. I'd like to believe that some people are just mean and that's it but that's often not the case. Some are defensive or have family problems or are insecure or are being abused or may be depressed. Wiseman doesn't demonize anyone in this book, which I find great. In addition, to the reviewer who said she has no credentials and should not be writing about this, as a youngish adult woman, I'd rather have someone who knows what goes on and is close in age commenting on this stuff than someone who is out of touch.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-05-08 23:23:39 EST)
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| 04-01-07 | 5 | (NA) |
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It can be painful to look back honestly at your junior high and high school experiences. But it will better enable you to help your children navigate through those emotionally turbulent years. Rosalind Wiseman has the personal and professional experience to guide any reader to a better understanding of the pitfalls and landmines on this journey. She offers not only her words, but the words of many 11-21 year olds that are currently in the trenches. Very interesting, very insightful, and seemingly dead on target. A surprisingly easy read although the subject matter is almost gruesome at times, in the degree of painful insight it offers.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-04-20 21:42:39 EST)
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| 02-28-07 | 2 | 1\2 |
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Just not that impressed with this book. The write-up was much better than the book itself. Superficial. Will be selling my copy as used.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-04-01 21:29:48 EST)
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| 02-16-07 | 2 | 1\1 |
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So I bought the book in hopes of learning something about my 13-year-old daughter. What I found was the author's attempt to sell her program: "Empower." I would have been better served if she were more focused. I felt the book strayed--there was lots roll-playing which I believed to be a distraction. At this point I'm on the hunt for a book that will really be of benefit to me, my daughter, our relationship and her roll in her social circle.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-03-20 10:21:59 EST)
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| 01-07-07 | 5 | 6\7 |
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Teen and Tweenie social lives can be a touchy subject for some. I'm a teacher, and I love kids, and I like all of the ones I deal with, whether they fit as "Queen Bees", "Wannabes" "Floaters" or any other little label.
But still, I think as adults we tend to idealize kids, see the cute and innocent qualities, and tend to turn a bit of a blind eye to the politics between friends, and sometimes even to the attitudes of our students toward class outcasts. As adults, the way they behave can seem quaint, but for the kids themselves, grades 6-8 can be a hard time socially, and it doesn't make it any easier if teachers just turn a blind eye to it and shrug it off thinking "they'll grow out of it". On the flipside, I think adults that had a hard time during these grades themselves tend to want to brush it aside as "that was then, now I'm all grown-up, and I realize how silly all that was, and one day my daughter/students will too". As nice as that feels to say as an adult, it might not be very helpful to a 12-year-old who'll have to deal with school as her reality for 6 more years. Finally, a complaint I've heard about this book is that while it presents a depressing reality at times, it doesn't give much advice on what parents and educators can do, and the counselling advice is dismissed by some as being too preach or too idealistic. I think that this book is worth reading even if you don't intend to try a counselling approach right away. It could change yor attitudes to how you handle your class. Speaking as an elementary school teacher, what I've come to realize since I read this is that while you can't always cram everything you know and think down your students throats, sometimes just knowing what's going on and having an objective view of it can help you build a healthy classroom where everyone is appreciated and respected- the popular kids as well as the loners. For example, the author describes how when the popular girl in a fifth grade class gets paired up with a fat unpopular girl and has to hold her hand during a game in gym class, she feins digust and how all the other kids laugh. A lot of teachers blow this off as kids being kids and ignore it, but if your read this book you'll have a clearer idea of whats going on, and the pecking order that makes it allowable. I can't claim my classes are little social utopias now, with every kid and group in perfect harmony, but I CAN say that in the time since I've read this book, those types of situations happen much less if at all. The popular kids are still popular, but while I don't come right out with it and try to preach, subtly through the first few months there are different expectations on them about what makes a good person and what kind of attitudes will make them accepted and respected. The kids get along better, aren't embarrassed about being in other groups for work (Even if they'd prefer being with their friends), and most importantly, the shyer and more awkward kids are more comfortable to speak and participate, and begin to get along with the others and become more accepted. In short, the world of girls at this age is complicated and not an easy thing to deal with for anyone. But learning about it and having a clear view of it WILL help. (Review Data Last Updated: 2007-03-20 10:21:59 EST)
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| 09-22-06 | 5 | (NA) |
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I bought this book two years ago so I could better understand my teen daughter, although I still do not understand her I found the book very helpful. Although the book is aimed toward adolescents I think it would be helpful to parents of all girls no matter what their ages. My daughter got her first taste of cliques and what happens to girls who aren't in the popular clique when she was in 4th grade, so don't think this is only a problem among teens. I have referred several friends to this book and will continue to do so.
Author of THE TRUTH ABOUT CAFFEINE (Review Data Last Updated: 2006-09-23 03:23:47 EST)
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| 08-14-06 | 5 | 0\4 |
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bought this book two years ago so I could better understand my teen daughter, although I still do not understand her I found the book very helpful. Although the book is aimed toward adolescents I think it would be helpful to parents of all girls no matter what their ages. My daughter got her first taste of cliques and what happens to girls who aren't in the popular clique when she was in 4th grade, so don't think this is only a problem among teens. I have referred several friends to this book and will continue to do so.
I gave up caffeine, or more specifically I gave up caffeinated sodas. This resulted in me getting a lot more sleep than I am accustomed to. I could not keep myself awake at all, and believe me, I tried hard. And then yesterday I decided to have a Dr Pepper. Which turned into two Dr Peppers, and a gigantic Coke at the movies. And a Dr Pepper at breakfast, and one after lunch. So now I am awake, back on my regular three-hour-sleep schedule. Freaking junkie. I finally bought this book called "The Truth About Caffeine" by Marina Kushner and it really convinced me to quit for good. (Review Data Last Updated: 2006-09-19 02:36:14 EST)
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| 07-21-06 | 4 | 1\3 |
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Having been (and perhaps am still) a combination of "queen bee"/"floater", I found this book to be amazingly accurate. Though the situations are a bit overdramatic (and generalized), the book is amazingly accurate when it comes to the social behavior of girls.
Girls are mean (no matter what kind of image they present to you, mommies and daddies reading this, and no girl is an exception to some of the behavior outlined in this book, such as gossiping). We DO backstab, gossip, and hurt each other in the most horrendous ways, and this book highlights it all. However, girls engage in such behavior solely for the reason of revenge, not for the rush of it all. Also, most girls are a combination of the roles given in the book, and through their career in elementary/middle/high school, ALL girls will become "targets" BY MEMBERS OF ANOTHER CLIQUE (there is no all-emcompassing "In" group anymore!), regardless of their position/role. Every girl out there, no matter how "popular" she perceives herself to be, will be hated (and targeted) by a member of another clique. Moving on, I don't recommend this as a parenting book, but more of a glimpse into "Girl World". It makes for an interesting read, but I disagree with the parenting strategies outlined. It's far too romanticized and idealistic to be applicable in real life, in my opinion. (Review Data Last Updated: 2007-03-20 10:21:59 EST)
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| 06-10-06 | 5 | 0\2 |
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I bought this book two years ago so I could better understand my teen daughter, although I still do not understand her I found the book very helpful. Although the book is aimed toward adolescents I think it would be helpful to parents of all girls no matter what their ages. My daughter got her first taste of cliques and what happens to girls who aren't in the popular clique when she was in 4th grade, so don't think this is only a problem among teens. I have referred several friends to this book and will continue to do so.
I'm at the airport posting this review and looking forward to my long flight now that I have this book. Halfway through I simply cannot put it down. Just like my other book called "The Truth About Caffeine: How Companies That Promote it Deceive Us and What We Can Do About It" My doctor recommended it to all of his patients and I can tell why, its got me off my red bull fix. Available on Amazon so buy it. Oh, gotta run or I'll miss my flight!. (Review Data Last Updated: 2006-07-11 16:25:52 EST)
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| 05-22-06 | 4 | 2\2 |
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I thought that this book is a great book for parents of teens to read. It includes realistic examples of different situations that his/her daughter might be in, but some of the stadegies suggested to solve problems are not always good. I an a teen myself, and I think that some of the ideas given were just another way to embarass the teen rather than help them. the general idea of the book, though, was good.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-03-20 10:21:59 EST)
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| 05-21-06 | 3 | 5\6 |
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I felt that this book was just ok. It was well written, and I can see how it would benefit a parent of a teen. However, I am a teen, and I feel that some of the book was a little too dramatic and harsh on teens. There are some dramatizations of situations which were somewhat unrealistic. Besides this, I feel that it was an interesting read.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-03-20 10:21:59 EST)
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| 03-18-06 | 5 | 3\3 |
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Great book for counselors to help kids cope with cliques, even though it is written to parents. I have used it in counseling sessions with the girls in the cliques, as well as their targets, to raise their awareness. It has helped change behavior already. It is the best book on girl bullying I have found.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-06-30 04:51:17 EST)
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| 03-09-06 | 5 | 0\2 |
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It was a gift for a friend who has a step daughter. She said she enjoyed the book and it will be helpful to her
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-06-30 04:51:17 EST)
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| 03-05-06 | 4 | 1\1 |
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Pros: An excellent insight into the world of young adolescence. This book really opened my eyes into what is going on in the mind of my daughter and her peers, and what the social scene will be for her as she enters middle school. We have already had several very good conversations about how to deal with mean girls, developing, fashion pressures, etc. The comments of real teens quoted throughout are very insightful. This book will help us get through the next few years.
Cons: I think that the author jumps around too much. The book could be organized better. If you read the entire thing, you won't miss anything, but it will be difficult to find certain portions if you want to go back to them later. (Review Data Last Updated: 2006-06-30 04:51:17 EST)
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| 12-31-05 | 4 | 5\11 |
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I put this book to the test, and discussed it with my very forthcoming teen. She didn't understand what I was talking about.
She explained that she hangs out with a group of girls that label themselves "nice but not the popular girls." She is only vaguely aware of those popular girls, and just ignores them. She emphasized to me that her group does not want to be popular. They are inclusive of newcomers, and work hard at not even giving the appearance of being cliquish. They're not afraid to be individuals. They stick up for each other. They stick up for themselves. When there's a little argument between two of them, they all still sit together at lunch. They are emotionally and socially balanced, in some ways more than some adults I know. Looking back, I knew all this already about my daughter's group of friends, but wanted to be vigilant anyway, and make sure I wasn't hiding my head in the sand about anything. That's why I went ahead and read this book. I guess this book applies to some girls, but it's over-generalized. Some kids are more mature than others. I'll continue to be vigilant. But other books are more helpful. (Review Data Last Updated: 2006-06-30 04:51:17 EST)
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| 12-30-05 | 5 | 12\12 |
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I am a 12 year old girl, and I found this book to be very helpful. I thought this book was very accurate about social situations. The only problem was the girls roles in cliques. I thought the roles were right, except that many people are a combination of two or more roles. For example I have a friend that is a combination of a Floater and a Queen Bee. I also thought that the book was too sympathetic to targets. We have three targets in our class. One is a target because she bullies and physically hurts people, one is a target because she likes to pick fights with everyone, and the third is a target because he is rude and condecsending to people.
The boys in our grade are similar to the ones described in the book. Many of them like to taunt each other and call other boys 'gay' on a daily basis. However, I disagree with Wiseman, and think that the reason they call each other 'gay' is not because they are homophobic, but because it is the best insult they can think of. (Really, I am not a man-hater. I like the boys, I just think some of the stuff they do is weird. I know they think stuff girls do is weird.) I noticed that many of the people who wrote bad reviews were parents that could not accept that their children might choose their friends over them. They couldn't understand that just because a girl separates from her parents, that doesn't mean she's obnoxious. I thought the girls comments were useful and sounded honest. Despite a few small flaws, overall this was a great book. (Review Data Last Updated: 2006-06-30 04:51:17 EST)
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| 12-16-05 | 5 | 4\4 |
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Like Dr. William Pollack in Real Boys and, in fact, a great companion piece to that book, Ms. Wiseman takes on explaining the pyschological interactions of teens with *her* focus being on girls rather than boys. Very precise in describing roles (Queen Bees, Wannabes, Messengers, Bystanders, Targets, etc.), the author describes how a girl's status in (or out of) a teen clique can largely affect her social development and perhaps her personality as an adult. She then goes on to suggest appropriate interventions for adverse social situations in what she describes as "Girl World".
I would consider this book an indespensible reference for adults who interact with teen girls in almost any capacity (parents, teachers, counselors, club advisors, scout troop leaders, etc.). Using techniques in this book could be very helpful in preventing psychological damage to girls at a very tender age and teach the perpetrators more appropriate and less toxic behavior. While most of the book was fascinating and down-to-earth helpful, I did have some problem with having all girls lumped into stereotypes--although they sounded *very* familiar to me! The book seemed to drag a tiny bit, but I think that was only because the author intended to write a very comprehensive guidebook rather than just skimming the surface of this topic. She handled some difficult topics extremely well and provided excellent practical advice for ways parents of teenage girls can more effectively communicate with their daughters. Despite minor flaws, I found this book to be insightul and worthwhile reading. (Review Data Last Updated: 2006-06-30 04:51:17 EST)
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| 12-13-05 | 5 | 8\8 |
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I am in my 20's, and a graduate of an Ivy League college. I state this fact hoping to give some validity to my opinion. I read this book when I was 20, and I cried at least twice during each chapter of "Queen Bees". Although in high school I hung with a non-conformist/alternative crowd, we were not immune to the petty fights and backstabbing that Wiseman attributes to typical teenage girl behavior. No matter how independent your daughter, she will be either the victim or perpetrator of such behavior. I know,this may shock you...but even your well-behaved, beautiful, intelligent, honor student is very mean, and she has (or will) engage in the cruel and vicious behavior Wiseman discusses in her book. It's NOT because you're bad parents, but as Wiseman says in her book, it's kill or be killed out there in "girl world". It's hard to imagine how cruel teenage girls can be, but there is no exaggeration in this book, I promise you. Even if all your daughter's friends seem lovely and mature, there is still a power struggle within the group, and your daughter may be stuck in the middle.
Please understand that this book IS what life is like for your teenage daughters. She is not the exception. Wiseman outlines various personality types of teenage girls, and even if your daughter is the diplomatic, friendly, and generous type, not all those around her are the same. You need to understand the world she lives in to understand anything about her. I wish my parents had read this book. Though they did a great job raising me, they could have saved all of us the emotional turmoil of those years. (Review Data Last Updated: 2006-06-30 04:51:17 EST)
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| 12-13-05 | 5 | 3\3 |
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I am 22, and a recent graduate of an Ivy League college. I state this fact hoping to give some validity to my opinion. I read this book when I was 20, and I cried at least twice during each chapter of "Queen Bees". Although in high school I hung with a non-conformist/alternative crowd, we were not immune to the petty fights and backstabbing that Wiseman attributes to typical teenage girl behavior. No matter how independent your daughter, she will be either the victim or perpetrator of such behavior. I know,this may shock you...but even your well-behaved, beautiful, intelligent, honor student is very mean, and she has (or will) engage in the cruel and vicious behavior Wiseman discusses in her book. It's NOT because you're bad parents, but as Wiseman says in her book, it's kill or be killed out there in "girl world". It's hard to imagine how cruel teenage girls can be, but there is no exaggeration in this book, I promise you. Even if all your daughter's friends seem lovely and mature, there is still a power struggle within the group, and your daughter may be stuck in the middle.
Please understand that this book IS what life is like for your teenage daughters. She is not the exception. Wiseman outlines various personality types of teenage girls, and even if your daughter is the diplomatic, friendly, and generous type, not all those around her are the same. You need to understand the world she lives in to understand anything about her. I wish my parents had read this book. Though they did a great job raising me, they could have saved all of us the emotional turmoil of those years. (Review Data Last Updated: 2006-02-05 03:56:00 EST)
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| 12-05-05 | 2 | 3\6 |
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If you are facing life with a surly, self involved daughter, then this book is for you. My biggest concern is that the author lumps "all" adolescent girls in the same category..A very negative one. The claim that your daughter WILL turn her back on you as a parent and dismiss you in favor (always) of her friends may be true of some girls, but dare I say not ALL.
It's the across the board generalizations that bother me. Teenaged girls do have things in common, but in this book there is no accounting for individual temperment, family dynamics, nor already present relationships with the parent(s.) Another reviewer said it best: "Wow - I guess this book might be meaningful to a very shallow "princess" culture, but real kids have a bit more brains, compassion and depth than the sad cases she writes about. Glad I'm beyond that stuff - so are most of my friends." Well said! My 14 year old daughter and her friends are a testament to this statement. They may be High Honor Students and "band geeks" but I'll be darned if any of them fit the narrow mold this book portrays. They are hysterically funny, kind, emotional, creative and most of all INDIVIDUALS. Though I will say I do know a few girls who fit the portrayals in this book. If you have a good relationship with your daughter, especially with communication, this book may seem like foreign culture to you. But if you have been raising a shallow, surly, spoiled teen, you may benefit from what it has to offer.. (Review Data Last Updated: 2006-05-31 04:43:48 EST)
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| 11-09-05 | 4 | 1\1 |
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A must-read for anyone with a teenage daughter. Using interviews with multiple subjects, the author takes us inside "Girl World." She analyzes cliques dynamics, what makes someone a bully and another a victim, parenting styles, and even offers a look into "Boy World," from multiple boys' perspective. She gives parents advice on how to handle their often mercurial daughters: i.e. "Never confront her in front of her friends," "Don't use the slang she uses." She frequently quotes from the girls' she interviewed, which provides a supporting viewpoint. I haven't been in high school for over a decade, but the portrait painted both from the author and the interviewees perspective rang true. The stories the teens shared were humorous, perceptive, one-sided and occasionally harrowing. The author also provides a "must see" movies, fiction and nonfiction lists for girls and their parents at the
end. (Review Data Last Updated: 2006-05-17 03:51:14 EST)
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| 10-11-05 | 4 | 3\3 |
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I bought this book for my daughter on her 12th birthday, and she was thrilled to get it (she is a big "Mean Girls" fan). My hope was to encourage her to be sweeter to her friends and to refrain from rumour-spreading and that has happened. She and her friends have all read it and are doing their part to promote civilized behavior!
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-05-17 03:51:14 EST)
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| 10-04-05 | 5 | 4\4 |
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I'm 21 and I read this out of curiosity, to see if someone will finally get it right. Wiseman comes closest. Yes, this book is not perfect, but it reflects my own experience pretty well. The Landmine boxes summarizing wrong approaches are particularly useful - for example, don't tell your daughter that being humiliated by teasing is not a big deal, or that everyone will forget about it tomorrow. Sometimes this is true, but sometimes the "mean girls" can do it for months.
Another reason why I think all the mothers should read this book is that often their own experiences are very different (I know this from talking to my mom) and they simply cannot believe or understand what being a teenage girl is like these days. This book should bridge that gap. (Review Data Last Updated: 2006-03-18 04:25:42 EST)
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| 05-12-05 | 2 | 4\31 |
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Having grown up with no sisters, the female mind is even more of a mystery to me than it is to most men. As a former high school teacher I had to deal with the sorts of girls described in the book, and found it helpful. I only gave it two because what mere male can really know the inner workings of the female mind?
(Review Data Last Updated: 2005-12-05 07:55:25 EST)
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| 04-21-05 | 5 | 5\5 |
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"She just acts like that because she's insecure." What girl or former girl hasn't heard or said these words about the Really Mean Girl? What no one told us is that while this teen-level psychobabble may have its basis in truth, 1) It doesn't stop her meanness from having a very real effect; and 2) Mean people can and do wield power. This is Wiseman (who should be called WiseWoman)'s point of departure.
More power to Wiseman, who ventures beyond Ophelia. She doesn't simply bemoan the fact that our daughters are the victims of society, MTV, and peer pressure, leaving us parents feeling defeated before we've even begun. It was positively uplifting to read that the girls know quite well that they're being manipulated by the media to aspire to impossible standards (read: buy lotsa makeup and clothing), but they nevertheless try. That piece of information alone was, if not empowering, revealing and even encouraging. I also applaud Wiseman's stating openly that breasts are power. Most material on this subject weighs in on the side of the woes of the early developer. As a late developer, I can testify to the fact that whatever an early developer has to face, breasts undeniably equal power, and corollarily, the lack of them equals powerlessness. I actually found the material on how to communicate with and stay on top of your daughter more valuable than the analysis of cliques. As a matter of fact, the clique thing actually gave me insight into the phenomenon in my place of work, and believe me, it exists, right here in Woman World. The "turning homophobia on its head" and explanations of Act Like a Woman / Man are also highlights. Simply put, Queen Bee is mind-blowing for both girls and former girls. Way to go, Wiseman. (Review Data Last Updated: 2005-12-05 07:55:25 EST)
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| 04-19-05 | 4 | 9\12 |
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It was written well, and with good intentions but I think the book dramatizes adolescence. I found some of the information to be true to some degree, but as a 13 year old I cared about a lot more than which friend to please.
The author admits that she is basing this on feedback that she has recieved while teaching an empowerment class for teens. This means that it is certainly bias information - only those with problems reporting. It is statistically unsound. I also feel as though it pigeonholed a lot of girls. It informed parents that your child will drink and do drugs, and that her relationships will only last two weeks in high school, and if they don't she's already offered up a detailed reason as to why they will break up in the future. I can't speak for everyone, but I didn't party at all in high school, I was capable of and had a serious relationship in high school (that did not end via her reason) and know couples around my age who are married and had started dating in high school. This is true for some of my relatives, and some of my friends' parents. I'm reading this book as a 20 year old music education major. I'm interested in adolescent psychology and thought that it would be a good read. There is definitly some validity to it, but there is some hype too. If you're raising a daughter read it if you're interested, but don't stick to it like its all-knowing. (Review Data Last Updated: 2005-10-17 09:58:44 EST)
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