Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way
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| Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Divorce is painful and confusing. Perhaps now more than ever, you want to give your child all the love, support, and guidance he or she needs, but everything seems harder and more complicated. Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way can help. Based on Gary Neuman's phenomenally successful Sandcastles program, which has helped more than fifty thousand children cope with divorce, this warm, empathetic guide shows you:
How to build a co-parenting relationship--even when you think you can't When you or your child should see a therapist Age-appropriate scripts for addressing sensitive issues What to do when a parent moves away How to stop fighting with your ex-spouse How to navigate the emotional turmoil of custody and visitation How to help your child deal with change How to cope with kids' common fears about separation How to introduce significant others into the family and help your child cope with a new stepfamily More than a hundred pieces of artwork from children of divorce will help you appreciate how kids perceive the experience. Dozens of special activities and fun exercises will help you communicate and get closer to your child. This guide shows you that divorce need not be an inevitable blot on children's lives, but an opportunity for them to grow and strengthen the bonds with their parents. |
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Kids tend to blame themselves when parents divorce. The Sandcastles workshop--now mandatory in over a dozen counties throughout the United States--is a half-day group session for children of divorce between the ages of 6 and 17. This intensive workshop helps kids open up and deal with their feelings through drawings, games, poetry, role playing, and other activities. Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce details many of the workshop exercises, all designed to increase communication, understanding, and togetherness between parents and kids. The book is also packed full of suggestions on everything from the best way to break the divorce news to a child (it differs according to age group) to facing the holidays, visitation, custody arrangements, anger, discipline, co-parenting, single parenting, overcompensation, sorrow, custody fights, and much more.
Author Gary Neuman never patronizes or preaches, and although he is technically a child advocate, he proves himself to be an advocate of every member of the divorcing family. Neuman takes a hands-on approach and believes that children need not be permanently scarred by divorce--that with work and time, divorce can actually become a positive force for change. A powerful tool for protecting children caught amid parental struggles, Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce should be required reading in all divorcing families. --Ericka Lutz |
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| Reader Reviews 1 - 34 of 34 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| 11-17-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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This book is great and gives you the help you need when you need it. Even if you think you have all the answers this offers some great tips on things to say to your child that they need to hear.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-11-17 01:59:40 EST)
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| 11-17-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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This book is great and gives you the help you need when you need it. Even if you think you have all the answers this offers some great tips on things to say to your child that they need to hear.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-11-30 02:57:30 EST)
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| 10-24-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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Divorce is not a pleasant experience and it affects the entire family. Mature grown-ups can become the ugliest, nastiest, most bitter creatures around. And despite how much they may put on a good face in front of their kids, kids see through all the subterfuge. They are much better at reading the non-verbal communications than any of us would imagine.
Neuman's book is a sensible, positive, and down-right amazing approach to dealing with the most critical individuals involved in this process: our kids. His Sandcastle's program has had excellent success for years. Neuman addresses what is developmentally appropriate for each age group, helping the reader understand quickly the unique communication needs from the littlest people in our lives to our teens. Understanding this helps parents establish appropriate communication modalities and connect with their kids through this incredibly challenging time. Make no mistake about it: this is not a book that addresses reconciliation. This is a compassionate, straight-forward book that guides you on the path to helping your children heal effectively and grow into healthy young people. (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-11-17 01:59:40 EST)
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| 10-19-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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This book is a 'must have' for couples going through a divorce who want their children to adjust as well as possible. It is well written, easy to understand, and has tons of examples. It helped a difficult situation become a little bit easier.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-10-20 01:54:51 EST)
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| 10-19-08 | 5 | (NA) |
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This book is a 'must have' for couples going through a divorce who want their children to adjust as well as possible. It is well written, easy to understand, and has tons of examples. It helped a difficult situation become a little bit easier.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-10-25 01:56:34 EST)
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| 10-16-08 | 4 | (NA) |
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This is very useful tool for parents experiencing divorce as well as for therapist working with children. I would highly recommend it.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-10-17 03:45:05 EST)
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| 10-16-08 | 4 | (NA) |
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This is very useful tool for parents experiencing divorce as well as for therapist working with children. I would highly recommend it.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-10-20 01:54:51 EST)
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| 09-09-08 | 4 | (NA) |
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Very useful and the book revealed lots of common mistakes tat easily overlooked. I gave the book to my boyfriend as gift as he is experiencing the nightmares wif his ex n son..
(Review Data Last Updated: 2008-10-17 03:45:05 EST)
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| 11-24-07 | 5 | 4\4 |
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Super Book. When I met my wife, she already had a 3yr old daughter. That was 6 years ago. The book really helped me understand what my new step-daughter was coping with, even at 3/4/5 yrs old, etc. More importantly, I learned how I could be a positive support to her emotional transition and the stress placed on her. Today, I am simply "dad" and she is simply my "daughter" ... I couldn't be more proud.
I would say every person involved in the life of a child who suffers a divorce simply MUST read this book. Thank you to the author. Scott Reese Alabama (Review Data Last Updated: 2008-09-11 01:44:26 EST)
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| 10-25-07 | 5 | (NA) |
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This book covers what kids are feeling/thinking/experiecing as their parents go through divorce/separation. Its great for parents to read regarding their childrens behavior during this time. No matter what age your child/ren are this book covers it. It truelly makes understanding the harships of divorce on kids a little easier. a MUST read for all parents going through separation or divorce. an EAXCELLENT book.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-10-26 09:43:28 EST)
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| 10-25-07 | 5 | (NA) |
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This book covers what kids are feeling/thinking/experiecing as their parents go through divorce/separation. Its great for parents to read regarding their childrens behavior during this time. No matter what age your child/ren are this book covers it. It truelly makes understanding the harships of divorce on kids a little easier. a MUST read for all parents going through separation or divorce. an EAXCELLENT book.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-12-13 02:15:58 EST)
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| 10-16-07 | 5 | (NA) |
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Some great advice for parents who are going through a divorce. Wish I had had it when I went through my divorce.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-12-13 02:15:58 EST)
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| 10-10-07 | 5 | 1\1 |
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Forget any other book (and believe me I went through a lot of them)!
G. Neuman helps you in very warm and positive way (and isn't what you need right now?), to understand the development stages your children are at, how divorce can affect them and most important how to help them. I have 3 children and it was so important for me to go to what is specific to their ages. I love all the little tools you can use to see where your child is at. (Review Data Last Updated: 2007-12-13 02:15:58 EST)
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| 05-01-07 | 5 | 1\1 |
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If you are going through a divorce and have small children, this book is for you. Children often cannot express their feelings about divorce. They tend to blame themselves or one of their parents. If children are not allowed to express themselves and the feelings they have about their parents divorce are suppressed, deep seated anger brews inside them. Read this book with your kids. It will help them cope with their feelings and learn to accept the divorce.
Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce (Review Data Last Updated: 2007-12-13 02:15:58 EST)
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| 04-14-07 | 1 | 2\6 |
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the section on toddlers is written entirely from the female perspective assuming that the female actually cares and gets the child.
I am a father and have custody and think that this book is garbage for all those dads out there that have their loved one. (Review Data Last Updated: 2007-12-13 02:15:58 EST)
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| 01-05-07 | 5 | 1\1 |
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This is the type of book that once you start, you can't put it away. Very interesting and profund.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-06-28 02:13:19 EST)
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| 12-30-06 | 5 | (NA) |
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This book was a God send during my tumultous divorce eight years ago. I recommend it to anyone dealing with children during a divorce. It teaches you what to do and say to young kids when your ex is bad mouthing you or sharing inappropriate behavior or information. It gives wonderful tips and tools about how to guide your children through what is an intensely challenging life change. Most of all, it helps a parent or step parent know what is appropriate and what isnt. It gives children a license to stand up for themselves and say "I am not comfortable discussing this, mom." I loved this book and recommend it to everyone I meet.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-06-24 03:06:21 EST)
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| 12-29-06 | 5 | (NA) |
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This book was a God send during my tumultous divorce eight years ago. I recommend it to anyone dealing with children during a divorce. It teaches you what to do and say to young kids when your ex is bad mouthing you or sharing inappropriate behavior or information. It gives wonderful tips and tools about how to guide your children through what is an intensely challenging life change. Most of all, it helps a parent or step parent know what is appropriate and what isnt. It gives children a license to stand up for themselves and say "I am not comfortable discussing this, mom." I loved this book and recommend it to everyone I meet.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-01-06 02:39:46 EST)
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| 08-01-06 | 5 | 1\1 |
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Dear Reader, This book is a great help for parents who have small children and want to make sure they are not lost in the divorce process. Get this book and read it all. As well it will help the parents and everyone connected to their life and affected by the divorce. Since no therapist, government body or secular agency can help from a spiritual perspective this book is the definitive secular bible for divorcing\divorced parents with kids. Divorce and the reasons for it are as old as Moses, and if you must enter that arena, at least the world's modern ways to cope with it are most all found here and for a price far less than the divorce and classes that follow. If reconciliation has even half a chance... Go For It First. With that in mind, remember or remind the reader to seek spiritual support if they have any religious affiliation. Otherwise, this book, good supportive friends\family and the best support therapy you can afford for yourself and your kids is about all there is. Good Luck to All. Amen.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-06-28 02:13:19 EST)
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| 03-18-06 | 5 | 6\6 |
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I am a retired elementary school guidance counselor, and have often recommended this book to parents who have come to me for advise in understanding how their children experience divorce and strategies for helping them cope with it. I have also used it as I developed small group activities for my "divorce groups". It is filled with invaluable information and includes many easy but effective activities for parents to do with their child to maintain communication during this difficult time. One of the most valuable features is information about how children adjust to the separation of their parents at different developmental levels. Sadly, I recently dug out my copy of the book and then ordered two copies, one for my son and one for my daughter-in-law, to use in helping my granddaughter cope with the end of their marriage. I wish everyone who is divorcing and has children would read this book and follow the advise contained therein. We'd have lots more kids surviving the break-up of their parents with their emotional health intact.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2007-06-28 02:13:19 EST)
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| 03-17-06 | 5 | 4\4 |
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I am a retired elementary school guidance counselor, and have often recommended this book to parents who have come to me for advise in understanding how their children experience divorce and strategies for helping them cope with it. I have also used it as I developed small group activities for my "divorce groups". It is filled with invaluable information and includes many easy but effective activities for parents to do with their child to maintain communication during this difficult time. One of the most valuable features is information about how children adjust to the separation of their parents at different developmental levels. Sadly, I recently dug out my copy of the book and then ordered two copies, one for my son and one for my daughter-in-law, to use in helping my granddaughter cope with the end of their marriage. I wish everyone who is divorcing and has children would read this book and follow the advise contained therein. We'd have lots more kids surviving the break-up of their parents with their emotional health intact.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-09-03 06:05:59 EST)
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| 09-03-05 | 5 | 10\10 |
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As a mental health professional I am always a little skeptical about this kind of book - when people write based on their experience they sometimes forgo the need to check whether their experience is consistent with that of other people in other places by reviewing the research literature before writing their books. I was pleasantly surprised to find this book full of evidence based suggestions and information for separating/separated parents. It is an easy read, with information clearly presented so non-professionals will find it very helpful; and for those who have a scientific background and who are familiar with the psychological research in this field it will be clear that the book is based upon solid information. A very useful resource.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-09-03 06:05:59 EST)
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| 04-24-05 | 4 | 1\2 |
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Children of divorce can move on and incorporate this experience as just another in their long lists of experiences that life will serve up to them. It is not the end of the world. It is all about, as the author points out, how you deal with it. With over 60% of the American population divorcing, it is time we spend more time on this subject.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-09-03 06:05:59 EST)
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| 04-14-04 | 5 | 4\5 |
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As a psychologist and author of "Embracing Your Father: Building the Relationship You Want with Your Dad", I teach daughters how to create more meaningful relationships with their fathers - especially after their parents divorce. I applaud this book for helping children through the difficult times after their parents divorce. Dr. Linda Nielsen author of "Embracing Your Father"
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-09-03 06:05:59 EST)
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| 12-30-01 | 5 | 31\31 |
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I am a professional Christian Counselor. I work primarily with children and their parents. I use recommend this book for all divorced parents who wish to make things work between dad's house and mom's house. It also gives practical, easy helps for parents who do not know how to respond to their children's anger, questions and pain. I have found it very helpful and many of the families I work with have also.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-09-03 06:05:59 EST)
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| 12-14-00 | 5 | 18\20 |
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This book is a wonderful resource for divorcing/separating parents who want practical tools to monitor what affect it is having on their children. My son was very small when his father and I divorced, and as he grows I return to the book to use the recommendations to help him express any feelings he has, and not hold them inside.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-07-07 21:57:34 EST)
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| 09-18-00 | 5 | 133\133 |
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This was the most comprehensive resource I found to help me understand what my children may be experiencing as a result of my divorce. It is full of both heart-wrenching and enlightening truths spoken by children of all ages. It's not a book for those who are in denial. It's for those parents who recognize that one of the major consequences of divorce is a life changing event for their children. If you want to know what you're children are really experiencing and want to help, this book is for you! Be warned, it will make you cry, feel pain for your children, and possibly resurrent feelings of guilt. But it will also give you insight and direct you in how to continue parenting effectively with love and guidance, with or without the cooperation of your ex-spouse.
In the state of Vermont, it is required by the Family Court law that divorcing parents attend a 6-hour long workshop on "co-parenting" and the effects of negative parent behavior on children. What a joke! I wish instead that the state of Vermont mandated that every divorcing parent read this resource. I learned so much more from Gary Neuman and the children and families he has worked with. This thorough book covers every topic imaginable that is associated with divorce and family transition. The focus is from the child's perspective on matters such as validating your childrens feelings, protecting your children from conflict, separating adult issues from children's issues, custody and visitation, uncooperative parents and parent-bashing, child support and financial stress, relocating, dating, and most importantly, how children "feel" about all the ups and downs associated with this life changing event. I highly recommend this book for every parent who is experiencing a family separation. I still pull it out periodically before I crawl into bed. It's a great "reality check" and helps keep things in perspective, still, two years after our family experienced this transition. (Review Data Last Updated: 2006-07-07 21:57:34 EST)
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| 03-26-00 | 5 | 43\43 |
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I have read a number of books for divorcing parents, and this is by far the best. The range of information given is enormous (460 pages!) and covers almost any situation you can imagine. This is the ONLY book I have seen that discusses how to help infants cope with divorce. Neuman's discussion of the needs of children has given me the motivation to avoid fighting with my ex, even when he makes extremely aggravating remarks. His suggestions have also helped me keep my son's father involved; in fact, he spends much more time with our son than he ever did when we were married. The example dialogues are very helpful, and reflect the diversity of real families. Neuman is careful to avoid stereotypes, for example he gives anecdotes about deadbeat moms as well as deadbeat dads.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-07-07 21:57:34 EST)
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| 07-31-99 | 5 | 32\33 |
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I STRONGLY RECOMMEND READING THIS BOOK. AFTER HEARING GARY NEUMAN SPEAK AT A BOOK SIGNING, I PURCHASED THIS BOOK. THIS BOOK HAS GUIDED ME THROUGH THE PROCESS OF DIVORCE, TO MAKE SURE THAT MY CHILD CAME THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT TIME WIHTHOUT TOO MUCH PAIN. I HAVE REFERRED TO THIS BOOK PRIOR TO MY DIVORCE AND TO THE PRESENT, 4 MONTHS AFTER. GARY NEUMAN, WRITES IN A WONDERFUL, EASY TO UNDERSTAND MANNER FOR ALMOST EVERY SITUATION THAT WILL ARISE. BUY THIS BOOK, AND READ IT, SO YOUR KIDS AND YOU CAN HANDLE THIS DIVORCE THE SANDCASTLES WAY. IF GARY NEUMAN IS SPEAKING SOMEWHERE, GO HEAR HIM SPEAK. YOU WILL BE HAPPY YOU DID!!
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-07-07 21:57:34 EST)
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| 11-14-98 | 5 | 24\24 |
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As a child therapist I found this book to be very helpful. I recommend it to all my parents who are divorcing. It is in plain, straightforward language. This book can help the millions of parents who need some insight into what the reactions of children are when their parents divorce. The book discusses developmental, co-parenting, and a plethora of related issues. His style is compassionate, lighthearted, and genuine. A must read for parents who are divorcing and professionals who work with these parents.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-07-07 21:57:34 EST)
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| 11-09-98 | 5 | 15\16 |
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M. Gary Neuman is a truely gifted author. His insights and information found in the Sandcastles book helped my family through an extremely difficult time in our lives. The understanding that my ex-wife and I walked away with helped us set the pace and tone for a more healthy future for my family. Although we won't be a couple anymore, Gary helped me see that we will be a family on many levels. It was a gift in a time when life seems vcry difficult for all of us. I can't thank him enough and I even have bought copies for my parents, ex-inlaws and my siblings. It has certainly become one of the most important books I have ever read. I would love to hear him speak if he is ever in California. Please inform me. Thank you to M. Gary Neuman for his reserach and depth of understanding the ever changing families in our country. A book LONG OVERDUE!!!!!!
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-06-24 14:28:24 EST)
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| 08-30-98 | 5 | 6\6 |
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I was very impressed with the well-thought out process and approach presented in this book. It is a must-read for all parents who are either divorced, separated, or with maritial discord at home. The author is certainly sensitive to the needs of children and this book serves as a guide to better understanding and working with your children.
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-06-24 14:28:24 EST)
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| 07-13-98 | 5 | 3\3 |
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This book is so good that I bought a copy for my ex-wife so we would be on the same page. I particularly like the things 2 do sections and the way in which he presents the data from a nonjudgemental approach and really an approach on how to help the child in the best possible manner
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-06-24 14:28:24 EST)
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| 07-09-98 | 5 | 5\5 |
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I was very impressed with the depth of research involved in this book. It is well organized and thought through, with exercises, advice, games, and suggestions for every age level. The drawings and sidebars added to the unique layout which held my interest. I only wish there was a video to accompany the book! Congratulations to the author on a superb job!
(Review Data Last Updated: 2006-06-24 14:28:24 EST)
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