I looked at this book from a different perspective than most readers. I didn't read it as a person in need of relationship advice. Rather, I read it as a person who has been happily married for 22 years. My question was, how closely did the advice in this book match what I was doing successfully?

A bestseller since 1988, the book is separated into 3 sections:

-the first part talks about how unmet childhood needs can affect your future relationships.

-the second part talks about a marriage that can fulfil your unmet childhood needs in constructive ways.

-lastly, part three is the exercises. Here you'll be taken through a series of exercises that you can do at home that have been actually used in the author's practice. They're easy to do and involve writing.

Well, that's a rough synopsis that should give you a little bit of a feel as to how the book is set up- and what its about.

So how closely did the advice in this book match what I have been doing all this time to create a successful 22-year marriage? Perfectly- both the book and I promote the idea that you have to work at your marriage to make it work!

And perhaps that's the best piece of advice of all: find constructive ways to make you marriage better- and that's one thing this book most certainly succeeds at. Other self-help books I liked include Finding Happiness in a Frustrating World.

I looked at this book from a different perspective than most readers. I didn't read it as a person in need of relationship advice. Rather, I read it as a person who has been happily married for 22 years. My question was, how closely did the advice in this book match what I was doing successfully?

A bestseller since 1988, the book is separated into 3 sections:

-the first part talks about how unmet childhood needs can affect your future relationships.

-the second part talks about a marriage that can fulfil your unmet childhood needs in constructive ways.

-lastly, part three is the exercises. Here you'll be taken through a series of exercises that you can do at home that have been actually used in the author's practice. They're easy to do and involve writing.

Well, that's a rough synopsis that should give you a little bit of a feel as to how the book is set up- and what its about.

So how closely did the advice in this book match what I have been doing all this time to create a successful 22-year marriage? Perfectly- both the book and I promote the idea that you have to work at your marriage to make it work!

And perhaps that's the best piece of advice of all: find constructive ways to make you marriage better- and that's one thing this book most certainly succeeds at.

I looked at this book from a different perspective than most readers. I didn't read it as a person in need of relationship advice, but rather as a person who has been happily married for 22 years. How closely did the advice in this book match what I was doing successfully? Well, if my opinion matters, I have to say that this book is worth the read. A bestseller since 1988, the book is seperated into 3 sections:

-the first part talks about the path that most relationships take. Here the book goes into the attraction, romantic love, and power struggle "phases" that typically play out. The author also talks about "the unconscious marriage" which includes all the automatic behaviors and hidden desires that are left over from childhood that can lead couples to fight.

-the second part, in contrast, talks about "the conscious marriage", which is a marriage that helps you meet your unmet childhood needs in constructive ways.

-lastly, part three is the exercises. Here you'll be taken through a series of exercises that you can do at home, that have been actually used in the author's practice.

Well, that's a rough synopsis that should give you a little bit of a feel as to how the book is set up. All-in-all its a great exploration in how to improve one's relationship. However, I can't help but think that perhaps the best overall idea provided is that you can't realistically expect to get married and have things magically fall into place without a little work in the right areas (which the book will show you). As I've said, I've made it 22 years successfully, and I can tell you that it does take a little work now and then. But it's not the kind of work that is really hard to do or the kind that is tiresome, but rather the enjoyable kind because you know that it's leading to something big and will pay off like no other kind of work- well worth investing your time in!

Harville's approach to relationships helps you find out who you are and how you love. I recommend this to friends all the time.

This book was recommended to me by my marriage therapist to help my husband and I understand why we act the way we do in relationships. The book helps see what in our childhoods led to the way we act in our adult relationships. It goes on to help understand one another and grow and heal from these experiences to create a much better, healthier marriage. I highly recommend this book regardless of whether you're married or not. It could be beneficial for current relationships, understanding past relationships and future relationships.

As a psychotherapy training supervisor, I highly recommend this book for singles, couples and those professionals open to a different slant on relationships.

Back in the early/mid 90's I was lucky enough to get this book recommended to me. I have shared it with many and continue to do so. I recommend this to anyone!!!! Better yourself, you will inturn better your relationships.
Thank you!
www.imthankful.com

I did not care for this book at all. In fact, I read about 50 pages from a few chapters and threw the book away. Before you consider buying this book be aware the the author focuses a lot on the subconscious mind and emotional trauma from childhood and how he feels these impact a marriage. The book spends a lot of time helping you understand your subconscious and how your upbringing has screwed you and your marriage up. This may be the right approach for some people but I found it very cumbersome and honestly quite annoying. I guess I'm just not in touch with my inner child. Books I have read and enjoyed much more are Willard Harley's Fall In Love, Stay In Love - Excellent. The best marriage book I've read. I also enjoyed the 5 Love Languages.

The author gives excellent advice on how each person can grow and learn to fulfill their own needs as well as their spouse's. Even if my marriage does not work out I will take comfort in the fact that my next spouse will get the very best me possible.

It is also an exceptionally easy read and great book about this topic I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't.

This book was right on I reviewed it many time. I gave it four stars because the book was simple and made since. Nothing complicated. The reason it did not make 5 stars is because it only relates to people in a relationship. Not those looking.

Came very fast, just as ordered, I would order from here again. Awesome, Awesome book!! I can't say enough. Answers every question you ever had about a relationship. Even though Harvey is a minister, he is also a PHd, and his book is more psychological than religious in any way. I would highly reccomend this book to all couples, and to anyone who is interested in making a relationship work.
Great! Thanks very much!

Fantastic easy to understand information, very helpful for young couples or people who have been together for many, many years. The advice and suggestions are easy to implement and have already made a huge difference in our lives. This author provides simple remedies providing hope for couple who need assistance for creating the relationship of their dreams.

Before counselor Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. teaches you how to improve your relationship, he asks you to think about why you were attracted to your partner in the first place. The answer, he explains, is that you were looking for a mate who possesses the same basic qualities as your parents. Why? Because people subconsciously seek relationships with those who will exorcise their childhood pain. Unfortunately, most people tend to reopen - as opposed to healing - these wounds in their adult liaisons, leading to the "power struggle" that ensues in many relationships. Hendrix and his wife, Dr. Helen Lakelly Hunt, say that the way out of this destructive cycle is to practice the tenants of "Imago Relationship Therapy," which they created. Their therapeutic approach includes making a true, lifelong commitment, treating each other in a loving manner, learning how to communicate constructively and eliminating negativity from your relationship. You may well find some benefits in the Imago approach even if you don't fully buy Hendrix's basic parent-seeking premise. The authors have trained some 2,000 therapists to use this approach, although Part III offers solid exercises you can do yourself. If you are seeking a relationship self-help book that discusses how to avoid getting hurt, how to deepen your communication and how to build a long-term connection, getAbstract recommends this bestseller.

A lot of good stuff in here to offer some help, but nothing magical.
Not a chore to read however like many books on the subject.
For a few things I did get from it that helped my life I would call it a good purchase and it deserves 4 stars.

This is an excellent book for couples and also singles in demystifying attraction and empowering individuals for healing in the context of relationships.

This book is great! It really explains why we react the way we do and can really improve your relationship. The reading is easy sometimes gets a little boring but the content is worth it. The idea is that we marry or get into a relationship with someone who will help us heal ourselves because they have faults that either our caretakers had or that are part of what we secretly want to be. It also has some great exercises for improving your relationship. A must read for anyone dedicated to their partner.

Of all the so called consumer based organizations Amazon is the only one that is in the league alone with Consumer Reports! All these other so-called self proclaimed consumer based companies just don't have the business model to compare. Ramble on Amazon!!!!

This is the best couples therapy I have come across. It is theoretically and practically sound. What a relief to discover the unconscious reasons we choose the partner we do, and how to work through the inevitable conflicts that arise in the adult committed intimate partnership in today's world. The vision that the purpose of modern relationships is growth and healing is very refreshing. It is so seductive to think the purpose is happiness and relaxation. But if that were the case, we would need to eliminate all conflict. But how can there be growth and healing without conflict? "Conflict is growth trying to happen." It is all important HOW we work through our conflicts, not try to eliminate them. This is MUST READING for everyone interested in understanding modern couplehood where equality is desired rather than male dominance.
- Bruce Crapuchettes, Ph.D., licensed psychologist, couples therapist.

If you suspect that you have a part in both your dreams and nightmares in your relationship, then this book will help you to understand how you dance the dance of relationship. Practical and simple.

I just really, really want to thank Harville Hendrix. I am not the sort of person who EVER reads self-help books, and when my friend recommended it to me, I judged this book with a big white guy on the cover and felt it wasn't me. After two expensive, lengthy and unsuccessful attempts with marriage counselors and being very near the end of my rope, I followed the insistent recommendation of a friend and picked it up. I am so grateful every day that I read and took to heart the attitude and technique that Harville Hendrix presented. He helped me to take the focus off of myself and strive for shared goals. He helped me to articulate my needs without blaming others. He helped me to be more empathetic towards my husband, and, just as Hendrix predicts in the book, it has helped him to be kinder towards me. I say without reservation that this book saved my marriage this past year; I would have left and my son would have been from another broken home if I did not have the tools this book gave me. I have given this book to my best friend and my own mother,and it's also a gift to anyone I know who announces their engagement; I am only sad to have discovered this book after 20 years of marriage, and am glad if people can start out on the footing this book offers. This book has also given me insight into all the relationships I have: why I pick the friends I do, and my dynamic with my parents. I know I am gushing, but I have to offer testimony that this book really did change my life and gave me consistent peace for many months in a row, after years of real strife. Every day I am grateful and say out loud,"THANK YOU, HARVILLE HENDRIX!"

This and its companion book "Receiving Love" give insight on why we do what we do and provides guidelines on how to do "the right thing"

Read this book and read it with your lover. It is depressing at times. It will upset you most of the time. If you let it, this will change your life. Dr. Hendrix has tapped into the wisdom of the ages. Only most of us in our enlightenment can't figure it out. I see a lot of parellels between the skyrocketing divorce rate and the horrors of world wars and genocide that have hallmarked the 20th century.

Nothing else I've ever seen will impart the insight that you will find here. Dr. Hendrix has been illuminated. Those of us who dwell in darkness can now see a great light.

I purchased this book to share with family members and friends; it is a 20th anniversary reprint and still applicable today. If you find yourself in another dysfunctional relationship please read this book. It may inspire you to change things where you are, or not to repeat the choices that get you into this mess every time if you start a new relationship :>) Facinating assessment with clear examples that improve our understanding of ourselves and our partners roles in replaying early, important relationships. Helps one to see how personal growth and an improved relationship can be created and flourish in the midst of your current situation.

I sat down with this book, and four hours later, I had made it through the first section -- with a pen and a highligher. Could NOT put it down. This is the most impacting book that I've ever read on relationships, and I've read a lot.... This is a must-read for anyone interested in succeeding (and ready to work) in a relationship. Very easy to read -- not clinical mumbo-jumbo -- and it's so practical. I read about 'myself' all through that book. Material is instantly applicable, and very eye-opening as to WHY we choose WHO we choose as partners. Explanations and examples are extensive and detailed to help the reader clearly understand the concepts. This has been extremely helpful as I'm going through a divorce. This book may even SAVE your marriage....