A wonderful book, I've told my friends to buy this book even before they get to the teenage years, it is a complete handbook for parents of adolescents. Wolf lives and works in USA but he might have been writing about my teenagers in Dublin, Ireland. It seems they are the same, the world over. I loved his explanation of why they hang out in gangs outside shops and now that I know, I view them differently! I put some of his suggestions in to practice and saw results within days. It's true what others say about this book, you will feel he has been evesdropping in your house.

As a clinical psychologist specializing in work with adolescents and families, I am always searching for information that will help parents better understand their children. This book has become an invaluable resource for allowing parents a window into the thoughts and emotions of their teens. Dr. Wolf does a wonderful job of explaining the gaps in communication and understanding that transpire on a daily (or more) basis without placing blame on either the parent or child. The reality is that teenagers, especially in this day and age, are struggling to straddle the line between childhood and adulthood. They face an overwhelming set of challenges in trying to balance expectations of peers, parents, and those placed by themselves. Further complicating matters, is the loss of ability to think beyond choices that will fill them with an immediate sense of competence. The more parents can understand these, as well as other, elements of adolescent development the easier it will be to maintain a sense of connection to their teens. This is not always an easy task. Thus, parents should feel comfortable to reach out for support from family, friends, therapists, etc. Ultimately, as Dr. Wolf highlights, parents who are able to whether the storm while balancing the teen's need for structure with the need for increased independence will ultimately see their teenagers become thriving, happy, caring, responsible young adults.

wolf uses many examples of actual conversations between parent and teen and then re-writes these conversations as to how they should have played out. very helpful and insightful. easy for me to apply to my own negative outcomes with my teens.

I found this book to be of great value in improving communication with my 9th grade daughter. I wish I had read it sooner!

After several recommendations by friends with teens, I've almost finished this book after a couple of days of reading. Helpful points include the reminders to not engage in pointless arguments and to state my position clearly and concisely and not to lecture. My problem with the book is the lack of any apparent consequences for bad behavior. Teen comes in an hour past curfew? Re-state the appropriate curfew time and move on. Teen lies about grades on homework? Overlook the lie and re-state expectations about homework. Teen calls parent a f-ing b*tch? Ignore the name calling and remain silent. While I agree it creates ongoing conflict to call kids out on these behaviors and punish them, I think that is a necessary part of the landscape and to think otherwise is unrealistically permissive.

After having yet another argument with my 12-year old on why she needed to do her chores and homework instead of playing on the computer she threw at me the old "I hate living here and wish I could live with Dad!" So I went onto Amazon.com in search of a book that would solve the mysteries of why my lovable little girl was turning into a monster before my eyes. I ordered "Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated" and couldn't put it down. If reinforced many of the parental decisions and rules I have already made and gave me insight and ideas on how to deal with other situations. Most of all, I feel it somewhat prepared me for "what is to come." I also loved that the book explained the differences between how adolescence affects boys and girls. I have 2 stepsons, 12-year old twins and did not realize the differences in how they do and will react to things compared to my daughter. After finishing the book, I handed it off to my husband and told him he needed to read it too!

The CD's were easy to listen to and make alot of sense. I look forward to the time when my children outgrow this stage, but the insights given by the author and practical ways of communicating with teenage daughters has been helpful in cutting back on the stress in our home.

This is a must read for parents who have a young teen. With humor and dead on descriptions, he captures the angst and worry a parent feels when their loving child turns into a silent, morose, ungrateful, crazed, possessed being. After reading this I breathed a sigh of relief that it was all to be expected and even the nastiest child can turn into a fabulous adult. Did we ever doubt it? Read this book and be saved.

I was immediatly drawn to this book because I have had many of the same converstions with my daughter and felt good knowing that I am not going through it alone.

The real problem is treating teenagers like they're somehow subhuman, which is what Wolf is advocating. Just because they are at a different developmental stage does not mean parents must treat them as something less than themselves, which is what tactics like "say it once, then drop it" and "ignore them if they keep arguing" imply. I was a "bad teenager" like the ones he described and did a great deal of scheming and shouting in my time, but my clearest memory of that time is how small and hateful I felt because my parents would order me around with threats and block me out if they were done listening, which Wolf suggests is appropriate parenting behavior. I love my parents, but the kind of parenting skills that they, and Wolf, preferred just helped create an incredibly hostile environment. You would never treat another person in such a way, so why would you treat your own children like that? When does "because I said so" ever work in the real world?

Neither of us deserved to be treated badly and I regret having been so frustrating. But if they didn't earn my respect by treating me like a human being, I felt that I didn't have to respect them either. Even to this day, I believe respect is something to be earned, although now I can respect how hard my parents tried and all that they selflessly gave me. I didn't know any other way to communicate how I felt, so I rebelled and dared them to listen to me. The only way I "grew out of this stage" was to go to college and live on my own. Now I can see my parents as regular flawed human beings who tried their best, but I still wish they showed me some respect and compassion when I really needed it instead of waiting for me to become older first. In fact, I only really "grew out of it" once I was surrounded by people who treated me equally. I learned how to communicate better because I remembered hating feeling devalued and ignored.

Even now, when I feel the urge to snap at someone, ignore them, bully them into what I want, or interrupt them, I know that urge is coming from skills and behavior reinforced as a teenager. I hold back, and at 22, am still strugging to learn how to speak from a calm and loving place, to listen well and deserve to be listened to. Tney are now proud of what a good, respectful daughter they have and give parenting suggestions to others, but I know they weren't really the ones who taught me how to treat others decently.

As parents, you need to teach them skills for communicating, and if necessary, properly learn them yourself first if your own parents didn't teach you. That is your responsibility. Do NOT block them out and ignore them as Wolf recommends. If all you do is shout at them or ignore them when you're annoyed, how do you expect them to know how to respond otherwise?

I'm sure Wolf was partly sarcastic, but I think this issue is too serious to laugh off and perpetuate the idea that this brand of parenting is best. I read the 1991 version so I don't know if he's better in this new edition, but I plan to check. I would highly recommend the "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen" series by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, which presents practical communication skills and strategies for both parents and children, based on compassion and respect.

I have been reading everything I can get my hands on about teens and behavior problems....this book is the best that I've found. I have also read Love and Logic which seems to be another highly reviewed and time-tested book. I can do without the religious bend of Love and Logic although it also has some good insights.

Get out of my life...was helpful just in that you start to understand why teens act the way they do, and why it seems so much worse "these days". Wolf explains this in a very comprehensible manner.....so that after a few pages you really start to get it. Just feeling that you are not alone in this really difficult age of parenting is reason enough to buy this book! But the author goes into detail about every sort of topic that you can think of, and as an open-minded parent, the book really resonated with me. Wolf manages to write in a humerous way as well. His basic premise is that most teens are going to go through a "bad" stage....just how bad will depend on the individual, and that basically, teens are going to lie and sneak around at times but it doesn't mean you are a failure as a parent or that they will never "grow out of it". The author asserts that we should try to limit the opportunities that teens have to be bad, but that "individuating" a.k.a "being rebellious" is part and parcel of growing up especially in our media-saturated and kid-emboldened culture. Not that we are to let them do whatever they want....Dr. Wolf offers lots of ideas and suggestion as to how to manage certain behaviors, but the common theme is keep communication open, otherwise kids just shut down. So far I have found this to be true with my own daughter, even before reading this book confirmed it. One very big difference Wolf has in his book compared to Love and Logic was on school and homework--he says if you want them to get it done...be ready to put in your own time supervising, this also goes along with my line of thinking whereas the Love and Logic idea is that if they won't do the work, they take the consequence of failing. Also Dr. Wolf's book I thought was much more realistic about sex....kids are going to experiment with one another and maybe have sex, so we need to educate, educate, educate.

I absolutely loved this book. I highly recommend it for anyone that loves, yet struggles w/their teens! It is a well written, humorous book. It has been extremely helpful in aiding us to understand the behavior of teenagers.

One of the biggest mistakes that today's parent makes is to act as if the parenting methods they were raised with will work on their own children. As this author shows, today's teenage is different. VERY different.They are not like you and me, the world is a very different place, and the stresses they endure today are beyond most parents'comprehension.

Which is why you should buy this book. The author, Anthony Wolf goes a long way toward helping parents understand why their children are bolder, less obedient, and willing to speak up and out when under great stress. The truth is, they are. With divorce rates soaring as high as 65% for first marriages and up to 85% for second marriages, no wonder Dr. Wolf's advice is needed more now than ever before.

Parents of today's "new teenagers" need to alter their parenting skills to be the role model that their children can follow. Wolf's book can help. Most adults think teenagers are trying to be difficult and make life miserable. What they want, says the author is love, guidance, and compassion. Not tough love. He helps parents understand why teenagers act the way that they do and offers ways to handle lying, breaking the rules teen sex, use of alcohol or drugs, or a threat of suicide.

In my work, parents often ask for help with parenting. I'm happy to recommend this book.

Alexia Parks, TeenLiberty.org/ author of An American GULAG, Secret P.O.W. Camps for Teens

I found this book extremely helpful! I was constantly arguing with my teenage daughter and things have improved significantly since I read this book. Anthony Wolf offers both comfort and great advice for relating to your child. I found the chapter on conflict especially helpful as it allowed me to understand what goes on in the teen mind! I would recommend this book to anybody with a teenager and plan to re-read it when my younger daughter enters adolescence.

This is a great source for things to say to your teenager (or tween). Makes you realize how what you say impacts your teen. How much control can you realistically have? Great book on cd to listen to.

I purchased this book because my 12 year old son (6th grader), who has been my buddy his whole life, progressively was getting seriously moody, and really annoyed with (and embarrassed of me) at the drop of a hat. This was heartbreaking as a Mom, and I knew I had to look for some good parenting books for teens or pre-teens. I loved the title of this book and read the reviews on Amazon.com and took the chance, and I am very glad I did - and I have recommended it to several friends. As with any parenting book, not one book has all the answers, but if you get a sense of perspective about the phase of life your child is going through, it really helps! The story I tell the most is that lately when I ask my son a general question, for example, "How was school today?", I get a grunting sound back from him (I'm sorry...what?). I was so relieved when I read that this is normal behavior for this age. Just one of many great examples the author uses along with his good humor as he describes familiar scenarious. I love this book.

A friend asked me why after raising 3 teenagers was i reading this book. MI have a 12 soon to be 13 year old. My reply was that this book just reminds me of where teenagers are and how to relate to them.

An entertaining and reassuring look at the mind of the teen. I agree with other reviewers that there are few practical techniques for the parent. However what we needed most was to know we were not alone and that this was a normal part of our kids development. This book was just the ticket.

In reading this book, it really hits home. He takes real life situations and applies them to your concern and life. As my daughter is only 14 some of the scenarios are not as effective as I would like them to be. I do understand that he has to cover all audiences. As well, I realized last evening in reading the book, that children's minds do not mature until age 25 and I thought I was crazy. I guess this too shall pass, it is just nice to know that other people feel the same pains that you do when dealing with teen age children. I also understand the reason why we send them off to college for a while, this is to keep our sanity as well.

I have found this audio book to be a great help in trying to deal with teenage issues. Most of what is stated is common sense, however, a lot of us need a reminder now and then. In addition, there were also a number of ideas presented which were contrary to the route I would have taken, in trying to manage my teenage son.

This book is a painless method of learning to deal with today's teenagers and why saying, "...but I didn't behave that way when I was your age" is simply irrelevant. Practical advice in a book that is a real page turner. I couldn't wait to read on from the example of outrageous teenage or parental behavior to the "this might work better" solution. Being a grandparent, I gave it to my long suffering son, the father of two teenage girls.

Awesome book. It has taught me a lot with my 14 yr. old daughter. I have used the things that I had learned from this book and it works!

I found this very easy to read and insightful. I thought Mr. Wolf was over hearing conversations in my house. It was recommended to me and I recommend it to you!

I didn't believe the hype about this book, but after following some of the suggestions offered within, I see that it wasn't hype at all...it was duly deserved praise for sound advice. I have a really good kid who can be dramatic and a bit of a slug. Thanks to Wolf, we have had a fight-free week, and my kid is pretty much doing what she is asked without me having to ask her more than twice. Wolf's insights into how the teenaged mind works are enlightening and dead on. The book has given me some peace of mind, too, about what kind of an adult she will become, and that is invaluable. Just get this book...for the price of a pizza, it could buy you a lot of peace!

This helped to bring about a balanced perspective regarding the relationship with my fifteen year old daughter. Its easy to read and made me laugh out loud. It is like he was in my living room watching my daughter and I butt heads. It gave me hope and a plan of action. It also helped me realize that there are many parents that are going through the same situations with their teenagers and I truly am not "the enemy".

Book in perfect condition and came fast. Thank you so much!!

This book is so true to life! It was funny, very informative and a pleasure to read.

Things around the house have been different since my wife and I read this book. Now we can see that our son isn't doing things just to get to us -- he is just doing them because he is a teenager. I appreciated the dialog that author provided and better ways of addressing a situation.

This is a helpful and humorous book on being a parent of teenagers. It has helped explain many behaviors, provided much peace of mind and helpful coping tips. Highly Recommended!

i read his first book back in the nineties and have two other books: divorce/hamster, and sibling rivalry. this author shines and helps one feel sane again! i deal with teens every day in middle school, trying to help them understand the grown ups and the grown ups understand the teens...i could never have felt competent to do this without this book!! it is the ultimate reference guide i hand out or refer parents to, and even the students love to read it!! if there could be a 'how-to' or 'direction manual' to parenting a teen, this would be my first choice! amen and thank you god for anthony wolfe!!

I recentley took my teen to counseling for attitude problems respect problems running away leaving when he feels like it ect. After sitting and listening to us for awhile she told me to go get this book. She said you will say this is my life. she hit it on the nose the new teenager as they are called are very different than ourselves this book is very helpful at explaining what is happening.in thier mixed up heads and bodies. I would definatley reccomend. I also have adaughter and it also explains behavioral differences in sexes.

A friend of mine with (who now has "normal" young adult children) suggested that I get this book after hearing my tales of a very turbulent weekend with my daughter. This easy to read book brings humor to the tense experience of raising teenagers. It was such a relief to realize that my experiences where not unique - some of the scenarios I experienced that weekend were described verbatim in the book! While not written in "instructional" poise, it does provide insights on how to handle typically interactions that are very "doable" and effective. And, at least, YOU will feel a lot calmer after reading it - which is part of the battle.

As a parent of a 15 year old son and an 11 year daughter, I HIGHLY recommend this book. It sat on my night stand for sometime, but once I opened the book, I couldn't put it down. It helped me to realize the differences and the similarities in remembering my teenage years and now being in the parental role, that life can be hard... some things have changed greatly while a lot of things are still the same. It is a very straight forward book.

Having two teenagers, one of each sex, I found this book extremely insightful. It explains why they act the way they do, and tells how to "handle" these turbulent times. A MUST READ for all who are rasing or about to raise a teenager.

Any parent of a teenager should read this book. It is not your usual self-help manual. The author presents a truly different and effective way of perceiving erradic teenage behavior and in so doing offers a whole new world of possible and appropriate parental responses to that behavior that will reduce the stress and anxiety for both parents and their teenage children. If you want to survive adolescence with your sanity intact, read this book.

Were I a teenager, I would most certainly have pitched a fit upon encountering the condescension and fatalism portrayed by this author.

His verbal irony is ironic only in the fact that he is completely serious (though this is hard to tell for some time into the book because its verisimilitude to satire is so great). The teenagers he invents may or may not be crude fascimiles of his own children, but his personal vendetta against the teenage demographic is wholy undeserved and rather slimy (to use his own poor impression of teenage terminology).

Were I a parent who followed this man's treacherous advice, I would find myself deservedly dangling from a ceiling fan after a so-called peaceful night of sleep - with my poor, maligned child standing at the switch.

Were I a teenager, I would also be inclined to pen a scathing review in protest of this...man's insidious infamy.

As well, I would feel the necessity to speculate about his mental health/age/existance/connection to various government agencies that are in fact out to end the human species as we know it by eradicating through spontaneous combustion the demographic that is at its healthiest.

This book came at just the right time for us, parents of a 13 y/o girl. Initially written over ten years ago and now updated this book deconstructs so much of the day to day interactions that we have with our teenager. It is almost spooky to see so many of the conversations written about in this book mirror so closely what we go through almost every day. What we may have already been doing "right" is explained well in these pages, and when it comes to trying a different approach for certain issues the instructions are clear and well explained. For us the most important thing that this book offers is a realistic sense about what battles to chose with your teenager--as well as the reassurance that, while the going is rough, most teenagers come out as nice people at the other end of adolescence.

This book is great to calm you down and to give you explanations about your children's transformation into a "normal horrible" teenager. It helped me put back some humor and perspective on the whole situation. The rationale behind the behavior helps you understand what is going on during this growth period and even though it does not give you a magic wand, you can avoid falling into the fights and arguments with your daughter so easily. Also it reassures you that it is important to set rules and that they need and want the rules and limits.

After raising two and a half teens (my older kids are in their 20s, my youngest is 13) I have to admit that very few childrearing books prepared me for the insanity of the teenage years. Except this one.
I don't think the book is that magic bullet guide we all thought must exist somewhere. But Wolf's observations and suggestions are among the most realistic and common sense ideas I found. He suggests we learn to live with the ultimate reality of kids: They are individuals who will, in the end, do what they want. This doesn't mean their parents should give up or give in. It also doesn't mean that our standards of behavior can't be high or consistent. We must only be willing to acknowledge that they will not always be met and that this process is crucial to growing up.
I found this approach took much of the anger and frustration out of parenting for me. I stopped seeing my kids' resistance to rules and instruction as a personal rejection of my life, my hard work and my ideas. Rather, I came to see it as their own exploration of the world by testing the limits of behavior. Many of the most valuable lessons they learned came from the mistakes I would have liked to have prevented -- but didn't. Teaching them that just because they broke a rule didn't mean that the rule changed or my love for them was somehow diminished helped us all survive without losing our self esteem or respect.
In the long run, learning how to balance guidelines and freedom is the trick of being a parent. Being a rigid authoritarian may feel like the right thing to do at times, but short-term cooperation is no substitute for longterm responsibility and respect for the individuals our children will be -- no mater how well or how badly we raise them.

This book has been a major help in getting an objective view of the upheaval that is life at home with a teenager. I wish I had read it as my older son was going through his teenage years. The author sheds light on many of the difficult behaviors and situations that occur with teens in a highly entertaining way, and the increased understanding makes a tremendous difference in how we perceive, and therefore react (or not), in the face of challenging times. These years of passage to adulthood are not always pleasant! And sometimes it's downright ugly. It's very reassuring to read through the anecdotes and grounded insights and to know that there really are reasons why this once lovable child of yours is acting this way. After reading this book, I can more easily maintain my own equilibrium, and therefore remain a loving, caring, and strong (even sometimes helpful) parent, rather than adding to the angst. The book is a lot of fun to read and great to share with a spouse or other parents of teens.

This book saved my sanity! I was pulling my hair out trying to raise my teenager -- thinking I was doing the right thing but always feeling like it was the wrong thing! This book allowed me to see everything from BOTH sides - hers and mine - and it was then I was able to change MY behavior which then changed hers! We are both A LOT happier! I strongly recommend this book for anyone with kids in the 12 to 17 age group. Priceless!

The title of this book caught my attention, and the first couple of chapters made sense. However, I found that most of the advice offered boils down to imposing limits with the knowledged that teens are going to do whatever they want. His general approach seems to be for parents to accept what their children do instead of insisting on good behavior. His dialog is engaging and even funny at times. He doesn't offer much hope or constructive problem solving though. The cursing in the book was offensive to me as well, and that type of language would never be tolerated in our home. Acceptance of it as inevitable is unacceptable to me.

This is a funny, down to earth, very practical and helpful book for dealing with today's teenagers. It sheds light on their world and thinking, both conscious and unconscious, which will help parents understand why they act the way they do. A great help.

I loved this book! Anthony Wolf is a wise man. Not only does he have the exact words my son uses but he understands why he does and says things teens do. I know now that I am not loosing this battle, but am doing great with my teenager. It may feel like you don't know where to turn with a teen in the house so turn to this book. The tools for parenting are awaiting you.

The title sets the tone of this informative book. Anyone with a teenager can relate to the scenerios the author depicts. The rational advice given on how to deal with different issues is wonderful. Just the simple fact that kids now are growing up in a different parenting era than we were brought up in, recognizes the different parenting problems and solutions that need to be used today. The author recognizes that parents today usually were brought up under parenting controlled through fear, today's parent is less about controlling through fear and corpreal punishment. The author recognizes that today's parents while trying to raise self-confident children, may, as a result, have to deal with different responses from their teenagers than their parents did. I have truely enjoyed reading this book and the practical advice of dealing with various typical situations any parent encounters with their teen.

I would give the title 5 stars and I agree with the majority of reviewers that it is comforting reading another parenting book that explains seemingly outrageous behavior. The major disappointment was the advice for how to deal with problems that may range from upsetting to dangerous. Dr.Wolf's "solutions" can be summed up with a quote from the chapter "Conflict" in which a parent tells his child "You are going to have to learn that what you do and say has consequences." Dr. Wolf advises "The parent may say this and may indeed punish a child for disrespect. What punishment accomplishes, as anybody who has been through this will attest, is nothing. Nothing positive, that is. The same thing will happen again anyway." If that fits your parenting philosophy, you will probably enjoy the book. I hope this is not what the majority of parents believe, much less "anybody who has been through this".

As a mom of teens and author of GIRLTALK and other advice books, I was curious to read this funny and wise book. Here's to Tony Wolf for giving parents reassuring and witty advice that is full of compassion and valuable nuggets. One such tip: If you're in the middle of a fight, don't let things escalate--just disengage.

It's refreshing to see a positive book for parenting teens -- but with a real look at the challenges as well. As an author to parents of teens and to teens, I'm always looking for great resources. This is one to add to the list.

T. Suzanne Eller, author of Real Issues, Real Teens -- What Every Parent Needs to Know
http://realteenfaith.com

I read this book about a year and half ago and I though the writer was in my home. I am the father of TWO teenage daughters. What I am going to say I know does not apply to everyone, but it is interesting that the majority of posts on this board discuss teenage daughters. I wish I read this book BEFORE my daughters turned to their teen years. I am in my mid 50's and raised in a strict Italian family. Many parents today are doing no favors to their children, spoiling them to excess (me included). We as parents need to be satisfied as long as our children are not pregnant, drug addicts, smoke, etc. It is a sad statement but true. We need to judge our children on how they act on the outside and in school and inter-act with others. Don't judge your children on how they treat you as a parent, if you do you will have no relationship with them. This is the picture the author paints, it is a sad picture but a true one for many families (not all as I said before), many parents are way too embarassed to discuss the way their children act in the home, if more did and spoke to other parents it would help them. You need to read this book before teenage years set in or early on, if you read it at the end it is too late and you are probably ready for the mental hospital. A "good child" will only drive you crazy, I can only imagine what parents who have "bad kids" go through, I keep you in my prayers.

I spent my childhood as a male, 'only' child. This did not prepare me for my current situation: the father of multiple female teenagers. I used to cry out to the universe "WHY, WHY, why me? what did I do to deserve to be subject to this abuse?" Mr. Wolf provided the insights into teenage psyche that has allowed me to survive the daily test of wills. He asserts that teenage girls argue with parents not to win, but simply to argue: It is their method of staying connected to parents while expressing independence. I found this to be exactly true. My blood pressure has even retreated to 'pre-hypertense' from the 'imminent stroke' range. I simply refuse to argue, using 1 word replies like 'no' or 'whatever'. I could go on and on with simple realities of teen years I learned from this book. It is an absolute must-have.