This book gave me the power to see why I constantly am in dysfunctional relationships where people treat me as worthless and why I tolerate it AND continue to make the same mistakes. This book I could not put down because it explained me for the first time in my life. there is empowerment in knowing the truth so you can be set free. If we never know or understand we stay in bondage and the same old cycle and patterns of life. I am confident with what I have learned about me that I will be able to move forward, receive healing and change and maybe finally be whole and healthy in my life and relationships and choices. Great Book!

For the school-trained psychologist or Psy.D., FLA may be flawed by post-millennial standards, but not very. Though a first-rate clinician, Mellody seems not to care about "conflicting attachment schemes," "dissociative identity" or "borderlne personality organization." Much of what professionals have been taught about the etiology of identity enmeshment really doesn't matter to the lay reader.

Mellody sees the common, seducer-rejector flip-flopping in the love addicts and love avoidants who are usually one and the same person, but does not emphasize it to the extent many others do (see Benjamin, Bockian, Kluft, Linehan, Gunderson, Mason, Masterson, Millon, Preston, Putnam, and Stone).

While more attention to the "splitting" that's so common in these people might have been helpful, Mellody may well have elected to avoid the issue for a good reason. It might have been too much of a "sharp stick in the eye" and "get in the way."

Mellody's views were formed in the trenches at The Meadows in Wickenburg, AZ, where thousands have sat (as well as twisted, squirmed and bawled) through five days of self-revelation called "survivors' week." Mellody specializes in opening Pandora's various boxes, and one of them is child abuse. She knows that if sex was part of it, love addiction and love avoidance -- and dissociative identity -- will often follow.

As was the case with her hugely successful Facing Codependence (1989), Mellody's approach is more theoretical, purposeful and direct than Beattie's (Codependent No More, Beyond Codependency) vis the bigger subject, and Schaef's in her Escape from Intimacy (1987), as well as Peele's and Norwood's earlier work on the narrower concept of obsessive romance.

It's also -far- more organized, understandable and utilitarian. The result is psychoeducation and bibliotherapy at its finest for the early 1990s.

The troubled reader -will- come away with a firm grasp of the specific topic of delusional romance addiction (this is -not- a book about -sex- addiction; for that see Carnes). And most will see themselves in the mirror. Insofar as the "contemplation," "identification" and "acceptance" phases of treatment for interpersonal issues are concerned, Mellody has no equals that I know of.

Nor will the 57-page workbook section fail to produce results in those areas, as well as, to some degree, in the "commitment" and "relapse prevention" phases. Mellody's methods may be highly experiential and "onion-peeling" during Survivors' Week, but here she is a cognitivist offering a dozen different exercises aimed at labeling, framing, belief examination and appraisal schemes.

What I hope for in a future edition is 1) the same fine examination of the syndromes, and 2) a simpler, more accessable, user-friendly and faster acting set of cognitive-behavioral exercises based on methods developed by Albert Ellis, Aaron Beck, Arthur Freeman, Martin Seligman, Jeffrey Young, Richard Wessler and the like.

Why re-invent the wheel? The "thought-questioning" exercises of this type are easy to learn and adapt, highly self-empowering, rewarding, motivating, and, above all, -effective-. The TQ methods of cognitive-behavioral and/or rational-emotive therapy produce emotional comfort, as well as attitudinal and behavioral change, -very- rapidly.

Those taught to use TQ will benefit hugely from -this- very effectively presented description of The Problem, however. As is the case with Facing Codependence, this is -great- stuff.

i hated this book. blames everything on a screwed up childhood & tells you to get counseling.
the author doesnt offer any other explanation as to why you love people who dont love you back.
dont pay full price for this book if you want to read it.

i hated this book. blames everything on a screwed up childhood & tells you to get counseling.
the author doesnt offer any other explanation as to why you love people who dont love you back.
dont pay full price for this book if you want to read it.

Excellent and helpful information about dysfunctional codependent intimate relationships. Great for people in recovery from substance abuse as well as others suffering from relationship problems.
Sexist cultural influences not discussed but the useful information outweighs the deficits. Recommended for all readers interested in having healthier, happier and more mature relationships. Helpful for counselors working with adults or teens with relationship challenges.

My beloved yoga teacher recommended I read this.

I highly recommend this book.

Personally, it has been a profound experience. I can now see this is a pattern of behavior that others have gone through as well.

I have felt alone. and reading this book has given me assurance and the ground work for change, for growth and healing.
It is simple enough to read in a couple of days, but i have reread it several times now. and am working the suggested exercises.


thank you for reading.

If you have as many sisters as I got, then you surely need this book. Women tend to be more additive to love. When they are trying to recover, then they should read this book.

In the book, author travel the great length to give you examples of how? Why causes it. Good reads.
It makes women to analyze their dating strategies. Some might work, some might not, get the book called, "Rules" for dating, get this book for healing, and in between, pray to the lady luck.

Yes, if you think you are a love addict/avoidant, get this book. If you find yourself back in the same love cycle and never able to move beyond your relationship problems/hang-ups, etc., this book might be for you. If you can't decide if you love or hate your partner/spouse; if you're afraid you might be unfaithful if things don't change in your relationship soon...this is definitely for you! Buy it, check it out from a library...Devour it. I, myself, haven't quite finished it, but I have found it extremely helpful. I thought my marriage was over, but this book is helping us rebuild it stronger and healthier than ever before. I do encourage additional support as you go through this, however. It's intense and a good therapist/counselor can help you and your partner/spouse navigate through the difficult topics. Hope this helps you in your journey...

i am still in the middle of it - taking my time to absorve all the info
its looks very clear and helpful so far
if you are doing cognitive therapy for love/sex addition i would recommend as material to discuss with your therapist

What a wonderful and important book this is. For years I wondered why I attracted the same person over and over, though with a different name and face. Why was I willing to give so much of myself for so little in return? Why was I willing to put up with so much to get treated so poorly? After reading this book, it all made sense...

At times I felt like she was writing just to me. The good news is that after describing me to a T, she offered me the hope and the way out. Without that I would have continued to just feel alone and victimized. Now, I understand what boundries are, what MY part in all this is, and how I can change to finally get what I want - a loving partnership with someone who loves and appreciates me.

If you're having trouble in relationships and feel like you have a bad "picker" - that you always seem to pick the wrong person - than this book is for you. Get it tonight!

Michael Z, author of The Wisdom of the Rooms "A Year of Weekly Reflections"

I've never read something that so perfectly described my 20 year marriage, the cycles, just amazing, impossibly perfect, this will save my marriage, and future relationship(s) as well as people I share this with in a timely fashion, just amazing, perfect. Healing part, who cares, once the problems is identified, I can take it from there, w/counseling, for sure, and biggest problem is finding what's up! This tells you what's up in a 100% perfect manner. Wow! Finally the answers to this wierd nagging thing i've been pecking at solving for years.

This book helped me to see my dangerous 'love addict' patterns that prevent me from having a fulfilling relationship. Men always think I'm sweet and kind, I didn't realize how much of a doormat I was allowing myself to be until I read this book and saw my patterns I've been living in the relationships I've had for tha last 12 years!
Now I am armed with knowledge about how destructive my love addict actions have been, I've joined a program suggested by this book and am on the road to my recovery.
One interesting pattern in this book is that of the love addict when they are involved with the love averse. My last relationship was with this type of man and it ended in absolute disaster and heartbreak. This book has given me insight and hope for one day being the "type" of person who will attract a genuine and loving man once I am healed and ready for the type of relationship I truly deserve.

This item has still not arrived, where is it please! I can't get through to anyone to find out where the hell it is. Help.

This was the second book by Pia Mellody that I've read. In it she defines who a love addict is as well as the type of person such an addict latches on to (the love avoidant), she describes the addictive process created between the two, the recovery process and what a healthy relationship looks like.

I was less thrilled about this book than either of the other ones (Facing Codependence, The Intimacy Factor) not because it's less good in any way but because I'm (thank the goddesses) only slightly love addicted (lol), I think.

What the book did for me was that it made me more aware of dysfunctional patterns in my love life. Some areas of my relationship are very functional but others aren't and now I have a better understanding of how they work the way they do and why.
It was also very interesting to learn that you can be both a love addict and a love avoidant in your relationship depending on the situation at hand.
Pia also gives many guidelines on how to act. Becoming aware of a problem doesn't mean you see a solution. Therefore Pia explains how to deal with the urge to fall back into your old behaviors and I find these steps work to address any kind of issue. She explains how to make requests and how to deal with your emotions.

Besides those strategies I just mentioned I valued the book most for the depiction of what a healthy relationship should look like and Pat Mellody's essay on unrealistic expectations. I found myself struggling with the question of what are realistic and unrealistic expectations. How well does your partner have to meet your needs to qualify as the one you want to stand by? How little does your partner need to meet your needs to qualify? When is it ok to want more? When is enough?

If I hadn't known already what codependence is I would not have gotten the message of this book. I didn't consider myself love addicted and still struggle with the concept for myself. It's not that the book isn't well written but that I believe one has to be open to its message that makes me suggest reading The Intimacy Factor and then Facing Codependence first before reading this book.

Honeslty I didnt think I was a "Love addict " until I finished this book. It was a suggestion made by a close friend. And so I did this book and figured out I was because, yes some didnt apply BUT MOST of it did. Even if you do not have a addition to love it helps with relationships. I highly think this book works for everyone

I think I must have been in some resistance/denial place the first time I read this book, I kept thinking "this doesn't apply to me" and "that bit doesn't apply to my husband". I'm glad I gave it another read as it all fell into place the second time around.
She gives a different take on co-dependence than I'd read from other books, I thought I'd worked through that stuff but it seemed I had a whole bunch more to look at. Ouch.
Another great aspect of the book is the clear and detailled description of what a healthy relationship looks like; someone with love addiction problems didn't get to see that in their family of origin and the dysfunctional relationship feels normal.
Recommended reading (by me) if these are your issues.

Part of what makes Pia's books so useful, this one especially, is her sharing her personal experiences-trial, triumphs, tragedies, what she's learned, and that she is still struggling, just like the rest of us, and that there is hope if we just keep moving forward.

She has great, practical insights on the effects so many of us have experienced from less-than-nurturing childhoods and how that affects our beliefs about and relationship with ourselves, which affects everything else in our lives.

In this book, she addresses one of those affects that some of us experience - the addiction to unhealthy relationships, and shares some insights and directions into how to heal from it, instead of giving it a DSM-IV personality disorder diagnosis (label) for "treatment", like so much of the mental health community does. This book was highly beneficial for me.

I found this book purely by accident...and it really hit home. I have wondered why I kept having the same problems in my relationships and this book explains it all in an easy to read and understand manner. The author has experienced it and can relate. Most of us have abandoment issues for whatever reason - but this book explains why those of that do, choose people that are going to be unavailable in the end. The best part is that there is a process of changing this pattern!

I found this book purely by accident...and it really hit home. I have wondered why I kept having the same problems in my relationships and this book explains it all in an easy to read and understand manner. The author has experienced it and can relate. Most of us have abandoment issues for whatever reason - but this book explains why those of that do, choose people that are going to be unavailable in the end. The best part is that there is a process of changing this pattern!

I liked the book and it didn't take long for me to read it. I did not grow up in a home with alcoholism or drug addiction (Other than nicotine), but I was able to relate to a lot of what was written in the book.

I didn't find journaling and the recovery phase at all helpful. I think it's a lot of theory and not enough practical wisdom and the section on making requests for what you want in your partner totally ridiculous. In real life this doesn't work.

I didn't find journaling and the recovery phase at all helpful. I think it's a lot of theory and not enough practical wisdom and the section on making requests for what you want in your partner totally ridiculous. In real life this doesn't work.

When I discovered my husband had an affair, I was devastated. I read every book on affairs and I could not find any reference or case study that matched our experience. His was not a mid life crisis and he had not fallen in love with another woman nor was it a meaningless one night stand or exit affair. After I discovered my husband's second affair, I read one of Patrick Carnes' books on sex addiction. Suddenly much of our experience made sense. After I finished my therapy for now and joined a COSA group, I discovered this book. Pia's book on the relationship dynamics of love addictions has given me more insight into how my husband and I get drawn into our own fears and how negatively this impacts our marriage. I liked the chapter where Pia said even if one partner recovers, it breaks the addiction tango cycle. That is the point I am at now--trying to stop being controled by my own fears and trying to live my own life. If I could only have read two books on this topic, Pia's book would be one.

I quit caffeine about a year and a half ago after years of being a hard core coffee addict. I started cutting back slowly by mixing decaf with my regular coffee. After about two months of gradually increasing the decaf I was able to stop the coffee without getting the headache or bitchiness that normally happens with caffeine withdrawal. I bought this amazing book on amazon called The Truth About Caffeine by Kushner. You can discover many illnesses attributed to caffeine.I now drink herbal teas, soy bean coffee (caffeine-free) and lots of water instead.

This book was recommended by my therapist. After going thru the whole book and writing all the exercises, I have unlocked and unloaded a ton of childhood pain and trauma. You will shed floods of tears and feel terrible feelings you have buried, but this process is like the purging of toxins so you can begin to heal.

One customer commented that the author didn't offer any recovery tools. I'd like to offer my experience: The most important recovery tool is to develop a relationship with a Higher Power that is not a person or object. For if you do not have a Higher Power, you will turn to a person or object for that love, which will result in addiction.

From time to time, during recovery, painful feelings will surface, triggered by whatever or whomever you're dealing with day to day. When I was in a relationship, it was hard because I couldn't get away easily to process the triggered feelings. The book offers suggestions which are good, but not that easy to do for me. Now that I'm not in that relationship, I've followed my therapist's suggestion to identify the triggering event, the root cause (usually from your childhood), and replace the painful feeling with thoughts, words, and deeds that make me feel better. This 3-step process takes tremendous discipline because many times I just want to stick to my lifelong habit of self-pity, depression, and pessimism.

I also begin my day with one hour of Prayer Walk. I meditate every day to empty my mind, and infuse my being with God's love. Since I've been doing recovery, I have stopped crying over loneliness, stopped longing for that "soulmate", and stopped the frantic search. After all, you are your true soulmate, because if you can't love you, no one can. Everyone accesses their Higher Power differently, but the most important thing is to receive all the love you need from your Higher Power. Without doing so, you will forever rely on a created being or thing for love, and be constantly frustrated because of his/its limitations.

Before reading Pia Mellody's book, I was attracted to men who were challenging, difficult, complex, and provocative, which I found fascinating, but they in fact were unstable, emotionally melodramatic, and abusive. Now when I meet men who are intense, I feel less attraction, perhaps because I have processed my childhood trauma wounds and lowered my degree of intensity, becoming more at peace with myself. Today I see these people as wounded, just unaware of it. I know I can choose peace, not conflict; joy, not suffering; gentleness, not intensity.

The book says "Love addicts are attracted to men who walk away from them." That was very true of me. But to change that, I had to open my wounds, clean them out, identify the pain, and patiently wait for the wounds to heal.

I hope the pain you're feeling will be enough of a wakeup call to begin this journey.

I was shocked to read this. Pia was able to describe exactly what I had been living with and never able to put a label on it before. A great book for anyone tring to figure out why they feel so crazy in their relationship with someone who seems to suffocate and/or with hold love.

In my recovery for alcohol and drug addiction, I had hit a wall concerning personal relationships. The insanity continued, I could no longer deny that my way was not working. This book is the perfect guidance material to implement into my current program. How refreshing it was to discover my problems were not unique to me!! The book describes Love Addicts, the book describes me. Thank God for Pia Mellody's motivation to publish.

Without this book, I'd be lost at sea without a life preserver. With it, there's hope. If you're curious, try it... a little reading never hurt nobody ;)

This book seems to bear the distinction of being the only self-help book geared exclusively toward overcoming unrequited love, an obsession which ultimately destroys the self. Mellody a recovering codependent herself offers remarkable insights and strategies for establishing boundaries and regaining and cherishing one's autonomy.

This is a brilliant and raw book on a toxic problem that both genders face - addiction to romance and "love" that is really a form of excitement. Anyone in recovery would benefit from this and from Pia's clinical workshops. Culture and society trains people to seek love and security and self-worth through a romantic partnership. Within sound and grounded thinking this is a complement to a full life. But all addiction is an ultimate highway to chaos and self-destruction. Tuning out and tuning into ourselves is the greatest gift we can do to heal the wounds and pain that anihilate our self-respect.

Love addiction is emotional cocaine. Stay away!

I learned that I was a love addict about 12 years ago. However, I did not truly find out what was behind my love addiction - the childhood trauma and abuse until I read 'Facing Love Addiction'. It is the ONLY book that I have read on love addiction that gives the reader necessary information on both sides of this addiction. For me, I needed to know why my former partner was the way he was and this book explains it perfectly. She shares explicitly of her own experiences which helped me immensely and she also adds humor to an addiction that is well beyond 'painful' in it's active state. After reading this book 3 times, I decided that I wanted to have the opportunity to work directly with Pia in her love addiction workshop at The Meadows. That was 4 years ago and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. This is a complicated, excrutiatingly painful addiction and yet I found that there was hope and I found the light at the end of the tunnel. This is a book that I recommend over and over and over to those people just awakening to the fact that they are most likely love addicts. Pia does not sugarcoat anything and yet at the same time shows the utmost of genuine caring because she has been there herself.....

I read this book concurrently with another book by Pia,
Facing Codependency. For that reason I see them as "one book".
However, the marriage of the two "picked the lock" of a stubborn
problem in my life. They helped me move from a lifelong pattern
of destructive relationships with men and women, to a much
more satisfying way of living. I did the writing exercises
and wept copiously. This book worked me hard, but it helped
me more than any others. Read it with my blessings, love
and compassion for your pain.

HELPED MY HEART FROME HURTING AND MY EYES FROM CRYING AFTER A BREAK-UP FROM TWO PEOPLE WHO LOVED EACH OTHER BUT WERE NOT RIGHT TOGETHER AND ONE OF US WAS A TRUE LOVE ADDICT AND
CO DEPENDENT.I BEGAN TO GET MYSELF BACK AND Pia I THANK YOU FOR YOU BOOK.

After being in personal and spiritual development work for over 19 years, I recently got into and then quickly ended one of the most tumultuos relationships I ever experienced. The pain of this experience led me to S-Annon, and there I was recommended to read Charlotte Kasl's Women, Sex and Addiction, and Pia Mellody's Facing Love Addiction. These two books are so amazing and are helping me so much! I can hardly wait to get home in the evening to read more! Being a member of a family that has experienced the ravages of alcoholism and horror of a murder/suicide of a relationship like the ones described in this book, I can truly say this book is a lifesaver for me. I now have hope, at age 47, that perhaps someday I will be mature and healthy enough to have a good relationship with someone.

I think this book provides us with some very nice explanations of how and why we develop certain types of interpersonal tendencies. It clearly explains how we become love addicts or avoidance addicts and how these we develop codependent relationships. It is very insightful and inspiring since most of us have a love addict and avoidance addict in us to varying extents. Although this is true in most psychotherapy literature, I believe that codependence should be conceptualized more broadly because it occurrs in various levels and it manifests itself in a much wider variety of ways (not just between love and avoidance addicts). An excellent book that gives us a more comprehensive explanation of this is "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato. It is a fabulous book on relationships and personal development that I can't say enough about.

I read this book and thought it was excellent. Mollody did a great job describing her situation in human details.

I have authored a self-help book that is differs from this one entitled: Confusing Love with Obsession: When You Can't Stop Controlling Your Partner & the Relationship.

John D. Moore

This book works from the premise that everyone who had a difficult childhood suffers from addictive tendencies and co-dependence. Children are often imprinted badly, and as adults who don't know better, they choose the familiar rather than what they need. In addition, society teaches women to look for financial success, confidence, and independence in men - not necessarily attributes of a man who will meet their intimacy needs (which is why the nice guys always finish last). These show a basic lack of relationship skills, not the presence of a disease or disorder.

The danger of labeling people co-dependent is that it destroys many of the intimacy skills that they might have. The blunt truth is that I won't have an intimate relationship with my partner if I don't meet his or her needs and *vice versa*. That is not co-dependence. An intimate relationship is about both partners doing serious soul searching, knowing what they need, communicating that to their partners, and negotiating what each is willing to provide without comprimising their personal integrity. These are skills that most of us were never taught, not co-dependence. Therefore, wallowing in one's personal history (beyond a basic examination of what happened, of course) is not particularly useful to most people. Determining what you want and changing your behavior to get it gets the results.

There are truly people who are addictive and co-dependent, people who thrive on being the victim. This book is for those people. For the rest of us, we are what society made us, and it is up to us learn what we need and how to get it.

That I am a Love Addict. This was quite a surprise for me. I got the book yesterday, and always thought that my partner was the Love Addict. Apparently it was me!

I just broke up (again, for the hundredth times) and thought I would need something to "confirm" my decision that I did the right thing.

And I found the answers to all my questions in this book. I even thought about all kinds of bad things I could do to my ex. And guess what, even THAT is in the book!

The family backgrounds described by Pia fit me and my ex, perfectly!

And one of the reviews I read about this book was from someone who is now happily married. That was a hope right there, that I too, could find someone who's healthy as soon as I start getting healthy!

Thank you, Pia, you ARE a brilliant author!

I liked this book because it provided a lot of insights into the mind of a codeoendent person. Some things were on the mark, other things didn't match exactly, but overall it was good. I think it stressed focusing too much on the other person and trying to save a relationship rather than focusing on yourself. The exercises were very helpful.

We want to "get it right" but WHY do we keep messing up? HOW can we heal? This book has the insight & the answers. After an 18 month rollercoaster, the ride finally ended in healing self. THAT is the ONLY way to never repeat the toxic patterns that both thrill and agonize a person who loves another, but has deep rooted issues to heal. There is NO mistake about who "avoids" the relationship, and who "demands" more of it. The greatest parts of this book are the genuine sharing of the Authors, and the profound insight to HEAL, which transforms pain into hope; if not for a current or recently ended relationship, than for a future healthy one. Happiness is possible, healing is required. This groundbreaking book shows us how. THANK YOU!!

I have been in group therapy for almost a year, and this book allowed me to finally understand what was going on and why. Pia's presentation was so descriptive that I quickly saw my own unhealthy behaviors and the influence they were having on my marriage and family. When I shared the book and its message with my partner, she too had a similar awakening. We stopped marriage counseling eighteen months ago (after six months), and it was heartening to hear her suggest that with this new insight and understanding the time may be right for us to start again. Our therapist is very good, and has helped many to achieve healthy relationships. However, I had trouble seeing the connections with my past and their influence on the destructive interplay of co-addictive behaviors in a relationship. I agree with another reviewer that Pia Mellody is an exceptional author -- we could easily see ourselves and co-addictions within. Our new awareness of the resultant behaviors may now enable a healthy recovery program for one or both of us.

This book has changed my life. I stumbled upon it on amazon and decided to buy it, it is truely amazing. This book is incredibly clear and precise and pointed out things about myself I had no idea even existed. It has helped me to become a better and a healthier person. I am now attracted to healthy partners who will treat me the way that I deserve. I was caught up in the drama of love addition and it was causing me years of pain in dealing with unhealthy relationships. I LOVE this book!!! Pia is an amazing and brilliant author.

I was drawn to this book in the store just at a point when I had been abandoned by someone who I felt very attached to. I just couldn't stop obsessing with the thoughts about how we were going to eventually get back together. But I knew this was not healthy behavior and wanted to do something about it. This book and the information conveyed helped me see the destructive patterns I was engaged in with this guy and my contribution to my own unhealthy behavior. Furthermore, it described his and my behaviors to a tee, and explained why he/I had acted the way he/I did and the cycle and circle we were drawn to, the codependence and the fears that motivated us to be drawn to each other to attempt to heal those fears (each had the same fears, ultimately). I hope someday that he reads this book or finds out what this book has taught me about why I was drawn to find knights in shining armor, and he was drawn to the nurturing female. If we had been aware of these behaviors during our relationship, it might have even worked since as Mellody explains, even just one partner getting healthy can change everything. If you are a "romantic", but something is not working to keep you in love, then this book may provide some answers for you.

I have been recovering from alcoholism for over six years. I have always wanted to have a loving relationship but found myself dealing with excruiciating pain when involved intimately with someone. I picked this book up last night on a spontaneous whim and can honestly say I have never read a book so vigorously! It was me. It has given me hope! I know with a strong foundation in a twelve step program that this information will help me in dealing with this part of my life. As the person said in a previous review, this is not something to be done alone as with overcoming any addiction. She makes the steps of recovery clear in outlining what one can do to participate. Thank you Pia! I do not feel alone, and that is one of the greatest gifts.

I am greatful to have found this book for diagnosis sake, but I don't feel equipped to conquer the problem based solely on the tools that Melody outlined. The book is essentially written in two parts. The first part describes the cycle of love addiction, what causes it, what we as love addicts need, and why what we're doing to meet these needs isn't working and will never work. As I read it, I thought "Finally someome understands me better than I understand myself! I've found help!" But the second half was a let-down. It suggested doing writing assignments, using self-control, keeping a journal and giving your problem up to a higher power. I've written hundreds of pages about my relationship problems and my cooresponding feelings, I keep a journal and I've prayed about this for years and so far it hasn't helped me. It doesn't mean I won't do the assignments she suggests, but I seriously doubt that they alone are going to transform my life. The book further suggests counseling, but doesn't offer suggestions about where to find an expert, and this is not the kind of problem your average therapist is trained to deal with. I know that from 24 years worth of therapy. This book is a wonderful first step, but it's not a do-it-yourself guide to recovery. It doesn't provide you with the tools or the answers beyond the rudimentary situations and questions and it doesn't tell you where to go for more help. (FYI: Melody is on staff at a treatment facility in Arizona, the Meadows, which specializes in treating love addiction, (among other addictions) but she doesn't mention anything about that in the book, including the kind of treatment offered there, which is unfortunate) Still, I would recommend this book to anyone who even thinks they might be a love addict, because after reading it you will know for sure and you will feel more hopeful about your future than you ever have.

Holy Moley,

I just didn't know until I read this book. This book clearly illustrated to me just what I've been doing in relationships that get me into trouble. It doesn't stop there either.

While reading, I could begin to see the shroud of darkness lift from my eyes, and clarity begin to set in. I am a love addict, and have been picking avoidant addicts for years and never knew it. Now I can see the reasons for the pain I was forced to endure. I am now happily on the road to recovery.

If you have any questions at all about your troubled relationships of the present or past, buy this book!

I found this book well written and comprehensive, but what was the most moving to me was the way in which it touched the most painful and sad and hidden part of my relationships. Not only does it talk about me and why I do this, but it clearly talks about my partner(s) and what they seek in this valiant but destructive and Quixotic dance we do. I did not need my highlighter, as my tears did the highlighting on each and every page. Strangely, the more I read into the book the more soothed I felt in that I understood, finally, that I am not alone, that I needn't be alone and that there is a way out from this. If you suffer in relationships in the dramatic push-pull way, if the relationships you have are frought with complicated manipulations, if you want a way out...please read this book. Best of luck. Tim

I have been in SLAA four 4 years now, and this book was a tremendous validation of the behavioral and thought patterns of a love addict. Although the hard, sometimes grueling personal work has to continue, this book brought some extremely useful tools to add to my new "emotional tool-belt". Thanks, Pia!

This is a great book for anyone with a rough track record in relationships, especially codependants and ACOA's. In easy to read and comprehend terms, it explains why many of us do the things we do. The journaling exercises at the back of the book are very helpful and growth producing! Take the time to read it and you probably won't be sorry!

I read this book about four or five years ago, and it helped me understand, in a way that nothing had before, why my relationships were not working. I have read several books on building healthy relationships, and many are good, but this is the one that saved my life. Pia's model explains that while I was searching for love, I was really much more afraid to receive it than I had ever thought. Before I read it, I hadn't been able to sustain any relationship for long, and had never been close to marriage. Now I am happily married, and I still turn to this book for tune-ups in my marriage. Thank you Pia, very much!

I have been reading self help books for 15 years and this is one of the best! I wish I had found it much sooner! It is written in an easy-to-read format, concise, to-the-point, and includes writing exercises to help the reader make sense of what went wrong in their "failed" relationships, learn how to become more self-assured, and attract mentally healthy people into their lives. I highly recommend it to anyone who has ever had a painful love relationship.

Beware to those of us who have emotional scars from childhood that propel us into painful love addictions with the emotionally challenged--this book is painfully accurate and deeply insightful. It's as valuable for "love addicts" as for "avoidance addicts." Best suggestion from the book: recognize the addiction and take time to center yourself. Best suggestion of all: Buy this book and keep it on your shelf, however painful it may be to face self-abuse, or abusive behavior toward your lover. Corny conclusion: The world would be a better place if more people knew from this book how we hurt each other.