I just finished reading "French or Foe". I loved it!!!! I am an Australian, I had lived in Paris for almost 2 years in 1997-98 and now find myself living in the US. I have been rather shocked since moving here at the level of cultural misunderstanding there is about the French. I was fortunate enough to make some wonderful French friends whilst there. One friend's family practically adopted me as their own and we still keep in touch today, in fact the whole family - aunts and uncles, mother and my friend will be visiting me and my new American husband out here in Oregon within a year or so. I love that about the French, their loyalty to a friendship once made doesn't dim over the course of time.
I have been soul sick for France ever since I left and have never stopped longing to return for good. France is one place I could live and die in very happily. Surprisingly your book has helped me understand a lot more about the American culture! Learning the polychronic and monochronic differences helped me no end in understanding why it has been so difficult for me to adjust to living in the US - I now know I am definitely an Australian polychronic personality. Although I think I will continue to have difficulties adjusting to life here, the knowledge has brought a great deal of understanding about my particular situation.
Thank you for sharing so many interesting stories about your life in your work and for the thoroughly entertaining and educational read that it is, I hope that you and your family are well, and I look forward to reading Savoir-Flair next!

Overall I agree with many of the other reviews here in that the information presented by Ms. Platt is helpful for someone moving to France. Don't expect a well written or well edited book though. Some sentence structure simply doesn't make sense, which is odd because Ms. Platt's native language is english.

Overall I agree with many of the other reviews here in that the information presented by Ms. Platt is helpful for someone moving to France. Don't expect a well written or well edited book though. Some sentence structure simply doesn't make sense, which is odd because Ms. Platt's native language is english.

On my first visit to France, I loved the French and France. Now that I am living here and experiencing full throttle culture shock, it's a little different.

Whilst trying to understand my cultureshock, it suddenly dawned on me that I hadn't read Platt's book on my first visit..but I did before I arrived here to live permanently.

I realised that while it's 'just a book' she actually did instill some kind of a fear and paranoia within me that I was offending people left right and center when it wasn't the case at all. Her book is totally at odd's with my experiences of people and it has actually created a lot of misunderstandings because her words have echoed in my mind...but in 2008 PP is totally out of touch with reality in France..
Her book is beyond outdated and she writes for a highly uppercrust society with money. Clearly not the folks I hang out with.

She has a new book out which looks even more stereotypical and cliche ridden than the other two, this time about relationships French style. According to an article about the book she claims French women allow their husbands to have affairs and spend their pay packets on sexy lingerie.

Does PP really live in France? I'm not sure how it's possible..

Polly Platt's book is a mixture of valuable insight and eye-rolling pompousness. To give her due credit, the first chapter is full of useful information and essentially contains all that you will need to know from this book. Soon thereafter the book descends into a name-dropping snobbery and gives all the tips you'd need to know if you were visiting with the upper 3% of French society. Much of what Ms. Platt reveals about French culture seems to be outdated and of little relevance to the middle and lower-class French people that a visitor will no doubt actually be coming into contact with. Indeed, the author leaves the reader feeling that they would not be allowed at Ms. Platt's own dinner table.

When I visited Paris I certainly found some of her information useful, such as her recommendation to use "The Ten Magic Words" (again, in the first chapter), and whether many of the French we came across were smiling and accommodating for this reason, I cannot say. Read this book and you will likely make fewer cultural mistakes in France than you would have if you hadn't, but read it knowing it is not the last word on French culture, and does not apply to most of the French population.

Polly Platt's book is a mixture of valuable insight and eye-rolling pompousness. To give her due credit, the first chapter is full of useful information and essentially contains all that you will need to know from this book. Soon thereafter the book descends into a name-dropping snobbery and gives all the tips you'd need to know if you were visiting with the upper 3% of French society. Much of what Ms. Platt reveals about French culture seems to be outdated and of little relevance to the middle and lower-class French people that a visitor will no doubt actually be coming into contact with. Indeed, the author leaves the reader feeling that they would not be allowed at Ms. Platt's own dinner table.

When I visited Paris I certainly found some of her information useful, such as her recommendation to use "The Ten Magic Words" (again, in the first chapter), and whether many of the French we came across were smiling and accommodating for this reason, I cannot say. Read this book and you will likely make fewer cultural mistakes in France than you would have if you hadn't, but read it knowing it is not the last word on French culture, and does not apply to most of the French population.

As the relatively new kids on the geopolitical block, we Americans often misunderstand how the rest of the world operates, none more so than our amis ancien the French. I came across this book in a Genevan bookstore shortly after moving there and it has helped me immeasurably over the years. My Parisian friends have enjoyed and confirmed the truth and wisdom contained in its pages.

Who knew that approaching the French in a typically American way with a big smile and focus on the task at hand is considered disingenuous and rude? How amazingly different is the response I consistently get with a deadpan expression, proper greeting and speaking French first before getting down to business!

A whole host of helpful tips, from playing devil's advocate during an evening together, politically incorrect flirtation, and the customer not always being right, are covered here in a humorous and easy-to-remember fashion. Understanding builds the bridge to friendship. After all, the French have been our friends since before we became a sovereign country, even if it, as President Sarkozy has said, "friendship means accepting that friends can have different opinions."

The single most indispensable book for anyone planning on living in France for longer than five months.

More than a mere study of facts and procedures, "French or Foe" explores the worldview of the French that make all that they do comprehensible. Without reading this work, France is incomprehensible, and you will be confined to a social and hermeneutic ghetto.

Highly recommended.

I am an American woman married to a French husband, and when I came across this book, I was unprepared for such thorough explanations of and insights into my husband's often inexplicable behavior. Polly Platt's book goes a long way in demystifying the French, and makes you laugh along the way. A great guide for anyone planning to visit or live in France.

French or Foe is a well written book that is a thoroughly enjoyable read AND was of immense help in preparing us for dealing with our first trip 'across the big water.' Despite our having very limited French at our disposal, the understanding of the French - through this book- allowed us to not only get along, but to thoroughly enjoy ourselves (in contrast to an unprepared fellow American Travelor, at our motel, who appeared to be about ready for a straight jacket).

French or Foe is a well written book that is a thoroughly enjoyable read AND was of immense help in preparing us for dealing with our first trip 'across the big water.' Despite our having very limited French at our disposal, the understanding of the French - through this book- allowed us to not only get along, but to thoroughly enjoy ourselves (in contrast to an unprepared fellow American Travelor, at our motel, who appeared to be about ready for a straight jacket).

This book is an excellent guide to people proposing to live/work, of just visit in France. While it is directed mainly to Americans, it would be equally useful to Australians, or anyone from any other culture. It explains the culture, and particularly the codes of behaviour that non-francophones find so baffling. There is a rather long, complex potted history section which explains much of the background to the code, but for the short-term visitor, just having knowledge of the codes and how to respond to them will suffice. Armed with the contents of this book, one should have a trouble-free time in France.

This book is an excellent guide to people proposing to live/work, of just visit in France. While it is directed mainly to Americans, it would be equally useful to Australians, or anyone from any other culture. It explains the culture, and particularly the codes of behaviour that non-francophones find so baffling. There is a rather long, complex potted history section which explains much of the background to the code, but for the short-term visitor, just having knowledge of the codes and how to respond to them will suffice. Armed with the contents of this book, one should have a trouble-free time in France.

It's Polly again!
She's wonderful.
She KNOWS the French.
This is the best book for learning how to live with the French.

I recommend this book (and Ms. Platt's other one, Savoir Flair) to anyone who is planning a trip to France (Paris, in particular). Thanks to these books, my first trip to Paris was outstanding, I knew what to expect, I knew how to act, and I didn't have any of those awkward situations that result from expecting everyone to be just like "us" (Americans). I came home with rave reviews for the French and for Polly Platt. I can't wait to go back.

At first I was dismayed by the cost (no discount, no cheap used copies), but believe me, this book is worth it.

I have been visiting Paris for the last five years, and this book helped me avoid making many cultural errors. It's useful, practical guidance for those who want to understand the French and their culture instead of just complain about it. To me, the message of the book is that you get out of the experience what you're willing to put into it. Once you gain an understanding of the people and why they do things a certain way, you can spend more time enjoying the city and all of its many wonders--including its citizens.

Ever since the invention of the internet with its seductive anonymity, the streak in us humans that loves to find fault and enumerate others' errors has roared to life. People, please. Yes, the book sometimes focuses on upper class society, and yes, Ms. Platt is clearly pleased to move in the circles she moves in, and all that.

But French or Foe is just one book, and it doesn't pretend to address all of life's great questions or magically turn your time abroad into a magical wonderland. If you find the author pretentious, take a chill pill or donate the book to your local library where others can enjoy it.

I for one found this book to be very useful and even life-altering. I read it in between my first and second visits to France, and the difference in the experience I had was phenomenal. So much so that I wrote a personal letter to Polly Platt to thank her for helping me!

I used her specific advice for specific situations around town, and that coupled with general knowledge of social expectations and faux pas from this book completely transformed my daily encounters with sales staff and general Parisians from an ongoing battle with unhelpful drones to a positive experience with people who went out of their way to help me.

My level of spoken French (intermediate) didn't change much from one trip to the next, but what did change was my understanding of how to interact in French society and follow the unspoken rules.

Ms. Platt's cultural info is also extremely useful in lots of other countries- the polychronic sense of time, the rules about grocery shopping and paying with exact change, and all those other helpful daily life details.

So in conclusion, if you want to know how to fit in in France, and not turn every simple verbal interaction or money transaction into a major migraine-worthy battle of wills, buy French or Foe. It's well worth its purchase price-- and even if you never set foot in France, if you're at all intrigued by foreign cultures and customs, you'll find the historical, cultural, and sociological information fascinating!

Bonne chance et bon voyage!

I bought this book before we moved to France in 2004. The only edition I could find was the 2nd one. Granted, the new 3rd edition has come out, which I hope contains some corrections, but in the 2nd edition (written in the late 1990s) lists Mitterand as the President (still!) and Jaques Chirac as the Mayor of Paris. Considering this had changed several years before the 2nd edition came out, it made me question what other outdated information was in the book.

When I first read through the book, I thought it was excellent. I honestly thought it was going to prepare me for life in Paris. It certainly freaked me out completely, and I thought for sure we were going to be completely lost in this "proper" world with rallyes, snobby dinner parties, and having to forge close relationships with the cashiers at our local grocery store.

Our son attends Maternelle, which is where Polly Platt says a "rigorous and demanding" education begins. Not true!! I was actually afraid to send him to a school where teachers would talk down to him and force him to sit still for hours. Instead, his teacher is the sweetest woman, and the children spend their days painting, learning songs, reading, and playing. . .much like an American pre-school. In addition, whenever my son says "Bonjour Madame" to a woman in the store or on the street, they are always surprised, and quick to praise both of us. It is not something that is common, and children at the age of 2 (unlike stated in the book) do not usually do this.

After living in France for two years, I picked this book back up, and was frustrated with the poor advice. Polly Platt truly envisions herself as part of the upper crust of Parisian society, and most of her advice is ridiculous, at best.

I was teaching English at a local school, and tried to use the phrases Polly Platt has scattered around her book, such as "mal �lev�" and "bien �lev�." I was greeted with blank stares from my students who understood the words, but didn't quite grasp the concept. It wasn't an automatic given, as Ms. Platt likes to make it seem. Furthermore, on the playground, children come up to my son (a "stranger") and ask to play with him all the time -- something Ms. Platt claims will never happen due to the French pressures to be "bien �lev�"

I gave the book two stars, because some of the advice is true. The French do have to be handled carefully, but most of this is common sense. Many Americans do not travel frequently, but one of the first international destinations on everyone's list is Paris. It can be disorienting to a traveler to come into a new culture, and I think this is why a lot of the misunderstandings occur. The rules aren't the same, but they are in no way as strict as is made out in "French or Foe." Nor should travelers be in the habit of rudely demanding anything from anyone, no matter where they go. I would say to the majority of people, this is common sense.

I have never shaken hands with a French person, unless I was the one who initiated it. Even in places of business, you will find people doing "la bise." One (French) friend of mine even took to feigning constant colds to get out of doing "la bise" with one of her co-workers who she didn't like all that much. I'm sure there are many situations where this is not appropriate, but it is very doubtful the average American coming to Paris will be shaking hands with the French all day long.

As other reviewers have already mentioned, the French make mistakes in their own language. Much like English has evolved, French is evolving. It is not spoken perfectly an precisely, especially by the younger generations. Dropping the "ne" in a negative sentance is quite common, turning "Ce n'est pas" into "C'est pas." Their language is protected with pride, but not quite as fiercly as Ms. Platt likes to claim.

All in all (because this review is now a monster), it's an okay book if you want a little overview of French culture, as well as some of the differences you might encounter here. However, take every piece of advice with a grain of salt, and remember that the majority of what is written on the pages of "French or Foe" will not be applicable to you.

I bought this book before we moved to France in 2004. The only edition I could find was the 2nd one. Granted, the new 3rd edition has come out, which I hope contains some corrections, but in the 2nd edition (written in the late 1990s) lists Mitterand as the President (still!) and Jaques Chirac as the Mayor of Paris. Considering this had changed several years before the 2nd edition came out, it made me question what other outdated information was in the book.

When I first read through the book, I thought it was excellent. I honestly thought it was going to prepare me for life in Paris. It certainly freaked me out completely, and I thought for sure we were going to be completely lost in this "proper" world with rallyes, snobby dinner parties, and having to forge close relationships with the cashiers at our local grocery store.

Our son attends Maternelle, which is where Polly Platt says a "rigorous and demanding" education begins. Not true!! I was actually afraid to send him to a school where teachers would talk down to him and force him to sit still for hours. Instead, his teacher is the sweetest woman, and the children spend their days painting, learning songs, reading, and playing. . .much like an American pre-school. In addition, whenever my son says "Bonjour Madame" to a woman in the store or on the street, they are always surprised, and quick to praise both of us. It is not something that is common, and children at the age of 2 (unlike stated in the book) do not usually do this.

After living in France for two years, I picked this book back up, and was frustrated with the poor advice. Polly Platt truly envisions herself as part of the upper crust of Parisian society, and most of her advice is ridiculous, at best.

I was teaching English at a local school, and tried to use the phrases Polly Platt has scattered around her book, such as "mal ýlevý" and "bien ýlevý." I was greeted with blank stares from my students who understood the words, but didn't quite grasp the concept. It wasn't an automatic given, as Ms. Platt likes to make it seem. Furthermore, on the playground, children come up to my son (a "stranger") and ask to play with him all the time -- something Ms. Platt claims will never happen due to the French pressures to be "bien ýlevý"

I gave the book two stars, because some of the advice is true. The French do have to be handled carefully, but most of this is common sense. Many Americans do not travel frequently, but one of the first international destinations on everyone's list is Paris. It can be disorienting to a traveler to come into a new culture, and I think this is why a lot of the misunderstandings occur. The rules aren't the same, but they are in no way as strict as is made out in "French or Foe." Nor should travelers be in the habit of rudely demanding anything from anyone, no matter where they go. I would say to the majority of people, this is common sense.

I have never shaken hands with a French person, unless I was the one who initiated it. Even in places of business, you will find people doing "la bise." One (French) friend of mine even took to feigning constant colds to get out of doing "la bise" with one of her co-workers who she didn't like all that much. I'm sure there are many situations where this is not appropriate, but it is very doubtful the average American coming to Paris will be shaking hands with the French all day long.

As other reviewers have already mentioned, the French make mistakes in their own language. Much like English has evolved, French is evolving. It is not spoken perfectly an precisely, especially by the younger generations. Dropping the "ne" in a negative sentance is quite common, turning "Ce n'est pas" into "C'est pas." Their language is protected with pride, but not quite as fiercly as Ms. Platt likes to claim.

All in all (because this review is now a monster), it's an okay book if you want a little overview of French culture, as well as some of the differences you might encounter here. However, take every piece of advice with a grain of salt, and remember that the majority of what is written on the pages of "French or Foe" will not be applicable to you.

Written by a pinch-nosed social climbing snob who loves to describe her Parisian haut monde acquaintances, this essay is about as accurate a depiction of the French and French life as a Thomas Wolfe novel about New York city's upper crust.
Some of the observations, of course, are pertinent, such as the way people look at you. Some are absurd, such as the observation that the Fench don't smile.
I have been treated with helpfulness, kindness and respect by the French for more than 50 years. Ms. Platt has lost scads by not permitting herself to know the French.

The book is useful, but Polly Platt (PP) is said to be a discriminatory person in details other reviewers have showed. Let's see its bias and advantages.

PP does mention several French flaws, as she had to. Next, she explains their behaviors. Well, this is a difficult issue. The problem is PP does approve the French flaws and eventually shows them as virtues when she explains them. She did side with the French properly claiming that right and wrong definitions change from nation to nation or person, what we need to accept in order to get along with other people. Nevertheless many times we all can agree what is right and what is wrong. For example, customers are not the ones who must strive to be nice in stores; it's the clerks who have to. PP showed that almost any contact with Frenchs is a big deal, especially when employees have too many rights and they can abuse, this is simply wrong, even when they are very helpful if we do beg; besides they -or one sometimes- feel obligated to buy. People should quit their travels over there but they won't, so let's continue.

Now, regardless of these wrong-right issues, the rest of readers simply have to use PP's advice and watch out their manners really big in France as she suggests. She also explains other details or behaviors that are normal in France and offensive in USA, and vice versa. For example, French (and Latins in general) don't care about keeping space apart between people or cars, they can park their cars so close to each other. Some or many anglos get really upset with this behavior. But on the other hand, French do care about not being loud which many Anglos seem to enjoy so much. Perhaps PP forgot to mention that many Anglo women (usually pretty and white) hate to be stared at, better stay away from them. But PP did well in mentioning that French do use to stare at each other rather frequently.

PP uses a lot of pet sociology, or explains social science in easy ways; both things happened. Many times she does great jobs, like talking about how the French and most of the world see life as a whole while the Anglos -and related- just see it by pieces. A few times she didn't explain herself well, like when she said that French think on circles. I never well understood it, other than French like using round tables for meetings. Other times the analysis were just flawed, like an American poking fun at people complaining of the French rudeness when in NY he saw terrible crimes and violence. Criminals can only be compared with criminals and normal folks with normal folks. If the real issue is higher crime in Paris than in NY, think twice.

How to raise children is a topic where right and wrong is controversial. PP gave a huge preference for the French stating that they usually grow up sane because their parents follow the experience of their old culture. Well, the French ways are so different from the American ones, than in order to defend the French she had to support them too much, to the point of praising insane social competitions from rich people where she also takes part. PP did mention a big parent's failure, teaching their children the typical job dream is being a bureaucrat. Yet, PP made a very detailed, illustrative (even blunt) description of the French raising ways which are very rude to many foreigners.

PP praised too much the elite French schools, she covered a whole chapter. This is a topic off the mark for most folks around just because virtually nobody goes to elite colleges. Anyway, it's a waste of time arguing which schools are better for this book and review purposes. Anyway, fantasizing is a pleasure. Other than this, she showed again her very detailed and illustrative writing style to describe the rest about education in France. For example she described how teenagers get into different schools according to their achievements. The section is a highly recommended chapter for exchange college students and parents with children, teenagers. Someone didn't recommend it the book to youth, I do.

By the way, according to a French employer's poll reported in Businessweek (don't remember the issue), employers claimed that an important reason not to hire college grads is lack of practical skills. PP is thrilled about the theoretical French education, but it doesn't work in real life. If some French don't believe me, tell her you are a math master and ask her a job in her agency.

As for the unavoidable topic, the language, not all French people are experts on it. PP well states how much French love it or get obsessed about it. However she hasn't noticed that many of them also commit mistakes. The magazine The Economist well mentioned once (sorry, issue forgotten again) that the French government tried to hide some polls or stats showing many French people with low education levels. I myself saw it in USA when one American turned to know some things better than a French girl, typical French (yes white, blonde, middle class, etc). I described this girl because the PP's type readers will think she was from foreign and poor background. One reviewer said that they didn't poke fun at him, they don't they just ignore you or make bad faces. Yet, PP still encourages visitors to speak French because they will also find great people. That's true.

As PP's views of Americans can be controversial. Maybe PP has been for too long in France, maybe she left USA too early, and maybe more situations didn't let her know her own country too well. Some examples:

-A great customer service is not always available. I lived in USA and I saw the customer service was not always so good, one time was simply naughty. It's not only me who can claim this problem. There was some media attention right when I came to USA (2001) about this in Reader's Digest and USA Today with its classical statistics. Yet, their service may still be good in general.

-You can't say whatever you want in the job places as PP said when telling the story of some French employees working temporarily in USA in order to learn to speak up. PP herself well wrote that the bosses have great authority in USA, while the employees have no many rights and can be fired at anytime.

PP also says that Americans normally smile when visiting France and get ugly experiences when the French don't smile back. You don't smile when you visit poor countries like mine, Mexico. Here, it's the opposite, locals smile and you look like deaths. You should reconsider why and who you smile to.

In conclusion, the book sides with the French and is very conformist. Nonetheless, it still is useful because of PP's writing style. Being objective is not necessarily too important. This is not a book to promote France improvement (not our job), but to enjoy it. Many reviewers have stated from their own experiences, facts not top argue about. I have also found her advice true. Her book is aimed just at rich people as other reviewers well said, but it can used for many more folks in these times of hyper-sensitity. Conservatives poke fun or complain about liberal's "political rightouness" where you've got to watch every word you say but this group can also be very sensitive. Both groups could benefit from this book which is also about dealing with difficult people and situations which exist everywhere. It might be YOU who's the difficult person and have a lot to apologize for. PP'll give you ideas how to apologize and get away. PP herself mentioned that her techniques worked in USA sometimes (and would virtually anywhere). She's basically about begging, but with style.

The book is useful, but Polly Platt (PP) is a discriminatory person in many ways as other reviewers have well showed. Let's see its bias and advantages.

PP does mention several French flaws, as she had to. Next, she explains their behaviors. Well, this is a difficult issue. The problem is PP does approve the French flaws and eventually shows them as virtues when she explains them. She did side with the French properly claiming that right and wrong definitions change from nation to nation or person, what we need to accept in order to get along with other people. Nevertheless many times we all can agree what is right and what is wrong. For example, customers are not the ones who must striver to be nice in stores; it's the clerks who have to. PP showed that almost any contact with French is a big deal, especially because the employees have too many rights and they can abuse, this is simply wrong, even when they are very helpful if we do beg. People should quit their travels over there but they won't, so let's continue.

Now, regardless of these wrong-right issues, the rest of readers simply have to use PP's advice and watch out their manners really big in France as she suggests. She also explains other details or behaviors that are normal in France and offensive in USA, and vice versa. I think something missing was mentioning that some or many young American women (usually pretty and white) hate to be stared at, better stay away from them.

PP uses a lot of pet sociology, or explains social science in easy ways; both things happened. Many times she does great jobs, like how the French and most of the world see life as a whole while the Anglos -and related- just see it by pieces. A few times she didn't explain herself well, like when she said that French think on circles. I never well understood it, other than French like using round tables for meetings. Other times the analysis were just flawed, like an American poking fun at people complaining of the French rudeness when in NY he saw terrible crimes and violence. Criminals can only be compared with criminals and normal folks with normal folks. If the real issue is higher crime in Paris than in NY, think twice.

How to raise children is a topic where right and wrong is controversial. PP gave a huge preference for the French. It was like if only the French parents knew the job. Well, the French ways are so different from the American ones, than in order to defend the French she had to support them too much, to the point of praising insane social competitions from rich people where she also takes part. PP did mention a big parent's failure, once the children grow up their typical job dream is being a bureaucrat. I hope French folks understand this mistake someday. Yet, PP made a very detailed, illustrative (even blunt) description of the French raising ways.

Other mistake PP commits -as the great snob she is- is praising too much the elite French schools while covering a whole chapter. This is a topic off the mark for most folks around just because virtually nobody goes to elite colleges. Besides, she showed favoritism again, but I won't waste time arguing which schools are better, again it's off for most of us and this review. Anyway, fantasizing is a pleasure. Other than this, she showed again her very detailed and illustrative writing style to describe the rest about education in France. The section is a highly recommended chapter for exchange college students and parents with children, teenagers. Someone didn't recommend it the book to youth, I do.

By the way, according to a French employer's poll reported in Businessweek (don't remember the issue), employers claimed that their top reason not to hire college grads is lack of practical skills. PP thrives around the theoretical French education, but it doesn't work in real life. If some French don't believe me, tell her you are a math master and ask her a job.

As for the unavoidable topic, the language, not all French people are experts on it. Many of them also commit mistakes. The magazine The Economist well mentioned once (sorry, issue forgotten again) that the French government tried to hide some polls or stats showing many French people with low language skills. I myself saw it in USA when one American turned to know some things better than a French girl, typical French (yes white, blonde, middle class, etc). I described this girl because the PP's type readers will think she was from foreign and poor background. Where PP is right is the obsessive attitude of French for their language which turns into bad manners. One reviewer said that they didn't poke fun at him, they don't they just ignore you or make bad faces. So, be prepared to tolerate some hypocrisy.

As for the American part, I guess her views were not so bad, with a few exceptions. Maybe PP has been for too long in France, maybe she left too early the USA, and maybe more situations didn't let her know her own country too well. Let's see two exceptions.

-First, don't take a great customer service always for granted. I lived in USA and I saw the customer service was not always so good, one time was simply naughty. It's not only me who can claim this problem. There was some media attention right when I came to USA (2001) about this in Reader's Digest and USA Today with its classical statistics. And despite this decline, the customer could still be the best thing you could learn from USA.

-You can't say whatever you want in the job places as PP said when telling the story of some French employees working temporarily in USA in order to learn to speak up. PP herself well wrote that the bosses have great authority in USA, while the employees have no many rights and can be fired at anytime. The ones who have something to learn here are the Americans, respect to employees. I guess this is why many Americans are obnoxious customers, they may what to take revenge with other employees and then some clerks become rude.

By the way American folks, be honest as PP advices, your smiles over there are not convincing. You don't smile when you visit poor countries like mine, Mexico. Here, it's the opposite, locals smile and you look like deaths. Ho! And buy a Lonely Planet tourist guide, read it well and stay away from time share sellers!

In conclusion, the book sides with the French and is very conformist. Nonetheless, it still is useful because of PP's writing style. Being objective is not necessarily too important. This is not a book to promote France improvement (not our job), but to enjoy it. Many reviewers have stated from their own experiences. I can't argue with facts. It is aimed just at rich people (so only buy a used book to avoid paying her) as other reviewers well said, but it can used for many more folks, like me who used it in a chemistry class! If you still feel like reading a bit more go ahead next paragraph for my experience, otherwise this review has ended for you.


If not tired of reading yet:
I like conversations pretty much like the French, which Americans find pretentious very often. Most of you, Americans, don't like much taking about anything beyond your own life, even less analyzing and speculating things. Many of your movie heroes are very skeptical persons, the most recent is Ewan McGregor's character in "The Island" movie, but I never found much of these attitudes amongst you. So, I was really, really bored in the middle of nothing in Illinois. Reading this book was a good distraction but more important, I became more aware of my background, after all the French are similar to Hispanics in many senses, they're similar to many more nations as PP well says. I paid more attention to the high profile and low profile ideas and realized everything can be seen from those perspectives, watching things as a whole, asking why of everything. Then, when I gave my seminar in an organic chem. Class, I was far much more encouraged to give it as I wanted, not as folks were doing. They mentioned reaction yields, adding compounds, etc. Boring presentations as you can expect. My seminar covered the applications of the product I excitedly talked about, compared 2 ways to obtain it, the problems underwent to obtain it, and above all the Why's of each step and the step perspective in the whole making process (synthesis as they call it). These ideas will look like common sense to most readers and will think I was just amongst lazy students. However, missing the point is way too easy and frequent everywhere; this is obvious in science but it happens in many other situations and to people. I was able to keep the audience attention, while enjoying preparing and giving the seminar where I could easily remember frightening chemical terms! The professor was also very impressed. That experience made feel really fulfilled.

Back in 1972 I took my 10 yr. old son to spend the summer in France. I anticipated a wonderful time, thinking that my skill in speaking French and my enthusiasm for the country would certainly result in a wonderful visit. Unfortunately, I ended up crying in my hotel room at the end of each day of mistreatment and rudeness. Finally, it got so depressing that we left and went to Spain, where we had a wonderful time. Many of those horrid experiences in France have stayed with me. I even get flashbacks to some of them.

The years have transpired. I am now a seasoned traveler to Europe. I have fallen in love with art history and I usually travel by myself to see art work in European museums. I have, however, stayed clear of France except for once a few years ago when I was with a tour group. At that time I noticed that the French were much friendlier than in 1972. I reflected on it, and decided the new "friendliness" could be attributed to the fact that they wouldn't want to alienate clients of tour companies which bring them millions of euros in business each year.

In spite of my cynicism, the lure of the Louvre has helped me get up the nerve to try visiting France again. As I began planning my month long stay in Paris, I found myself looking forward to seeing the art works, but dreading the ordeal of dealng with the French. Then an acquaintance told me about Polly Platt's books, French or Foe and Savoir Flair. Once I started reading, I couldn't stop. I thought back to 1972 and the horrid incidents that that had so tainted my feelings toward the French. With the help of the books, I was able to analzye my errors in each negative incident. I could even understand how my own particular personality had played into the interactions.

For my upcoming trip to Paris, I'm using French or Foe and Savoir Flair as bibles! I've already begun. I had to email the hotel to make sure the room they have reserved is, indeed, non-smoking. I realized that this email would be my all-important first impression. I followed all Ms Platt's advice, including the exact courtesy phrases she recommended. In addition, I followed the English text with a French translation - to the best of my ability with no knowledge how to type the French punctuation marks. I was pleasantly shocked to receive a return email from the hotel that sounded almost American in its cordiality! It even says that they are waiting to welcome me!

So, I know Polly Platt's books give correct information and that her suggestions work. I recommend these books to anyone visiting France.

When my family travelled to France, reading this book transformed our home exchange to Paris from a visit to an experience. My family, which includes two daughters, ages 10 and 12 at the time, tuned into France in a way a Francophile would savor, from the neighborhood grocery stores to the metro, as we blended into France. We shared this book by reading it out loud as a family, and took a lot of pleasure in spotting the differences in the way we were treated by the French, from the other travellers. This really opened my daughters' eyes about valuing cultural differences, and learning how other cultures work.

I'm going to be studying in France for a semester, so naturally I have been doing as much reading on France and the French as I can. This book contains a wealth of information and goes much more in depth than many books I've read on the subject. Platt deals with everything from dealing with line-jumpers to making necessary small talk with grocery cashiers.

However, the tone of the book is almost unbearable- obnoxious to say the least. Granted, it is directed at the business world but Platt's upper class sensibilities never fail to shine through at every possible opportunity. She never tires of name-dropping and making derogatory remarks about the less fortunately endowed. What's more, some of the stories she tells of how she handled challenges in France were almost embarrassing to read- my favourite was the one in which she gives a guest a stick of deodorant because she is so disgusted with his body odor, not to mention all the times she recounts with pride the many ways she wriggled her way into getting special treatment that certainly can't have improved the French opinion of obnoxious Americans who think the world revolves around them.

Despite the fact that I would probably never be able to get along with the author, I highly recommend this book to anyone with plans to travel to France. Although at times the tone can make you almost nauseous, it is a small price to pay for the immense help this book will certainly be to those trying to make their way in a beautiful yet complicated culture.

First, I found many aspects of the book interesting. I think Platt does a good job presenting the technical cultural differences between America and France. However, I think that readers should know what they are getting when they read this book.
This is for the upper class, and only addresses the concerns of the upper class and the business world. Immigrants who make up make up a significant part of the French population and yet the only space she reserves for them in her book is a xenophobic anecdote "...the guns that some immigrant ruffians of the suburbs produced to shoot at several of them recently" (at the bottom of page 140 to get it in full context). Arguably, immigrants have little to do with visiting or working in France, but then the fact that she had room to note the ruffians with guns from the suburbs is a little perplexing.
Her treatment of feminism is shocking as well. There is good evidence throughout the book that she not only condones female exploitation, but celebrates it as well.
Finally, so this review doesn't go too long, on pages 255-256 Platt expresses her classist undertone quite plainly. "...at the office you shake hands with practically everyone you see except the janitor..." who god-forbid could be an immigrant, and is definitely someone from a lower social class not deserving of recognition.
To sum up the book, I would recommend it to anyone planning business in France; I think it has some positive things to offer. However, this book is sexist and classist and I think readers should be aware of what they are reading.

I had read French or Foe just before going to live in France for about a year. I got back a week ago and picked up the book once again to see if what Polly Platt says in the book corresponded to my experience. There are a few points in the book that seem to be about right, but there are plenty of times where she is absolutely dead wrong. I hope that people don't read the book believing every word of what it says about the French people.

Example: The book says that every French meal is considered like a sacred ceremony, that people don't like to share recipes because it's considered like a family secret.
Do you really think there aren't people who eat microwave meals or canned food? Not every person in the whole country is a gourmet chef.

This is just one of many inaccuracies I found in the book.

My congratulations to Polly Platt for an excellent and insightful decoding of the French people, their culture, history, behavior and language. I have been going to France since I was in high school and I lived and studied with the French in Grenoble for two years as a full time college student . Obviously, life in a French dorm was not
mentioned, nor was the experience of eating horse meat in the Resto-U (student
restaurant). Many such `informal' aspects of French culture outside a certain social milieu were not discussed, nor was the life in Provence (my favorite region of France) mentioned at any great length in her book.
Being `Paris centered' has been and continues to be the focus of many authors and teachers who visit, teach and write about France. Paris is wonderful, but so is Orange.
Versailles is lovely, but so is Nimes. The friendlier more relaxed culture of southern France or the `Midi' is somewhat neglected in French or Foe.
If one were to visit New York and write about it, can one truly say thay one has visited the United States and gotton a snapshot of American culture? The United States has
distinct cultural regions with distinct identities such as the South, the Midwest, the West Coast, etc ... France has Bretons, Savoyards, Dauphinois, Parisiens, all of which have their own distinct identities within the French culture. I recognize the impossiblity of delving directly into each separate region to discuss its subtleties, but at the same time, I resist the notion of one universal and monolithic France that has one personality, one code, and one voice.
That said, I highly recommend French or Foe to anyone going to France as an absolute `must read'. The intelligent, sensitive and humorous way the author explains
why the French don't smile without a reason for doing so, the ten magic words for getting along in France, why you must shake hands, the importance of learning at least some French, and the famous French phenomenon of the `bataille de la porte' are all priceless if applied when dealing with the enigmatic French.
Since my student days I have returned to France as a traveler and a writer, no longer
hitchhiking (faire du stop) but largely by car and train. I believe in taking the foreign out of language when I teach and write. Simplification is a must when dealing with difficult concepts. With French or Foe, Polly Platt has successfully taken the `foreign' out of France.
MARK FROBOSE / AUTHOR OF BEHIND THE WHEEL FRENCH and BEHIND THE WHEEL SPANISH

I just got back from Paris, and I am so glad I read "Savoir Flair!" and "French or Foe." These two books prepared me for my trip and helped to make it even more pleasurable. I loved Paris! In fact, I loved it so much, I'm going back in August, so two trips in a matter of three months!

The people of France were nothing but welcoming. Everyone was so nice. The French people went out of their way to be kind to me. I know for a fact that because of reading these books, I knew what to expect and how to handle myself in their environment. Everyone should read Polly Platt's books and take a few French lessons before they go to France, if they want to get the most out of their time there.

I am now going to reread these books before I go again. I have purchased many books about France, but these were by far the most helpful.
Teresa in California

I thoroughly enjoyed Mme Platt's book and recommend it often to anyone going to France or any other predominately French speaking place.

Having spent a good deal of time in Francophone countries (France, Belgium) I found that some of her examples, however, must be taken with a grain of salt as hyperbolic illustrations. Her descriptions of cultural interactions are often rather myopically focused on professional academics and more often on the very affluent.

As long as one keeps in mind this lens through which Mme. Platt seems to view the world, this is an extremely useful and often entertaining book.

I have lived in Paris for thirteen years, and "French or Foe" is the ONE book I recommend to all the new arrivals I meet. Yes, even those who already speak good French, which makes a lot less difference than you might think to the culture shock. That is because this book is the most directly helpful. The advice in "French or Foe" can make a real difference to your everyday happiness if you live or travel here, especially if you are having a hard time. There are few people, indeed, who could extract no useful information from this book; even they will at least have some good laughs, since the book is full of funny and usually enlightening anecdotes. My French friends who have read the French translation say they all learned something about themselves!

The fact is, some things about France will always be difficult for us "Anglo-Saxons" (as the French call all native English-speakers), no matter how assimilated. Human nature may be the same everywhere, but the basic assumptions of our two cultures are very different. I'm sure things are hard for the French in America too. But Polly Platt's book makes the hardest things easier. She gives you practical advice and clear reasons why the French behave in puzzling ways.

For example, in America if you complain to a store manager about a store employee, the employee is very likely to get into trouble, and you will certainly get an apology. In France, the store manager will try to put you in the wrong. That is because in France, it is almost impossible to fire someone, so the manager will have to live with the employee for a long time to come, and is better off antagonizing a single (foreign) customer. Therefore, if you have a complaint, you have to try to save the employee's and the manager's face, while presenting your problem as something that their expertise can help you with. This really works! And the MAGIC phrase, "Excuse me for bothering you, but I have a problem" is one of the great keys for how to get along in France. There are many of these tips in the book.

Just this week, I forgot one of "French or Foe"'s lessons and left a meeting without shaking everyone's hand. They were all visibly shocked. To the French, this is terribly bad manners. Yet of course it is not in America. I only recently discovered that it was Just Not Done to wish people here "Happy New Year" before the New Year had actually arrived! "Common sense" doesn't necessarily help when you are in a different culture. This is where "French or Foe" steps in.

Yes, the formal dinner party information may seem a bit out of date, and is perhaps irrelevant to most readers; but believe it or not, this kind of dinner party is still thriving in certain parts of Paris, and since it is exactly the kind of thing that makes Americans feel most uncomfortable, I don't think it is amiss to have a few tips on how to handle one. If nothing else, knowing the formal routine could make dinner with the boss or the friend's grandparents, or a birthday meal in a fancy restaurant, less intimidating.

The main gap in the book is probably the relative lack of information for younger people meeting the French in more casual settings. That is not the author's background. However, it's also true Americans don't tend to have as much trouble with that environment, which is more similar to their own. And those "casual" young French people often have surprisingly different ideas from the "casual" young Americans-- this book helps explain why.

I have to admit that this book is not for everyone.
It's not necessarily for young students: they are likely to meet French kids their own age who speak English and have a more international outlook, and they tend to have protective arrangements made for them before they arrive. It's not necessarily for people who live in the provinces: "French or Foe" is Paris-centered (as is France itself!). Some French people announce angrily that the France in this book is not THEIR France. Of course not! THEIR France has their own loving friends and relatives; their own native language; their own personal past; their own habits and manners learned implicitly in childhood. All advantages a foreigner does not have. The claim that their own foreign acquaintances do not have problems in France can be taken with a grain of salt: how many foreigners complain about a country to its natives, rather than to their own compatriots? No, this book is about France as experienced by Americans. (Although at least two British people whom I have met here were given "French or Foe" by the British embassy and told to read it before moving.) And it does a great job explaining things that are hard for us to understand about this wonderful country. Vive la France!

Polly Platt can save your vacation! I am a huge fan of both of her books on getting along with the French. They have had a huge impact on my travels and my comfort level abroad--and not just in France. They start you thinking about the different mindset of the Europeans in a way that makes it easy (with minor adjustments for each country) to get along practically everywhere. I've lived in Geneva, Florence, London and Rome since reading French or Foe and Savoir Flair, as well as traveled to Paris and other parts of France, and cannot tell you the number of times her tips have gotten me out of sticky situations or helped me understand the undercurrent of a conversation in a way that others who have not read them do not. With respect for Americans at an all time low world-wide, Platt's books clue you into a way of behaving that not only will make you look "in the know," but will also reflect well on your country. A great present for anyone traveling to France, especially exchange students interested in an exclusive picture of French life and culture.

French or Foe was not only an entertaining read, but it was also highly enlightening. Polly Platt provides countless examples of Americans who just couldn't grok the French, suggests how the French perceive the world and recommends ways of approaching the situation better. She covers the gamut of common situations from business meetings (e.g., the importance of shaking hands), the systeme'D, and the delicate etiquette expected during the highly coveted dinner (assume you won't see a toilet during the evening, never ask the host for the recipe, and keep quiet). THere's a wealth of French history filling out some of the more curious angles, as well as copious emphasis on core values such as education in mathematics and science. After reading this I began to understand them more and appreciated their uniqueness.

As an anglo saxon with a French boyfriend, living and working in Paris, I often found myself thinking, "Oh. NOW I understand!" while reading this book. Several friends have complained about the unorganized, rambling nature of "French or Foe" but if you are like me and merely reading it to learn rather than to hunt for specific information, that shouldn't be a problem.
My biggest complaint? Platt's clear desire to impress upon all her readers the fact that she is of a certain social milieu. The name-dropping throughout begins as annoying but quickly becomes embarrassing. Yes, Polly, we are very very impressed that you know endless numbers of top-ranking foreign service people, CEOs, and all other sorts of rich and famous folk. But I, for one, would be more interested in hearing their tales mixed with some about the experiences of more 'common folk'. Also, Platt seems to assume that her readers all share her social aspirations and often wastes pages which could be used for more practical information, I was quite taken aback when she described the "Rally," which is a sort of French Cotillion where teens of the french upper crust meet other rich teens. Platt claimed that American mothers in Paris are dying to get their daughters into a good Rally, then explains the difficulty of doing so, all the while broadly hinting that her children were, of course, accepted into them. I couldn't believe it! No anglo saxon parent I've met here would give a hoot about having his or her child in a Rally. Again, I think Platt often writes for an audience who makes up a very small percentage of her readers.

In preparation for a three-year tour in Paris with my wife and children, I purchased this book and five (!) others on the subject of living in France from Amazon.com. While all have their merits, none have adequate coverage of the French legal system and how to work with the police. It shouldn't have surprised me that, in a country whose history contains episodes such as the Reign of Terror after the French Revolution and collaboration with the Nazis during WWII, there is an official process, called "main courant" in which citizens can "denounce," or file official complaints, against their neighbors for things such as having a baby that cries. Suffice it to say, this process, apparently embedded in the culture for centuries, can result in tremendous prolonged misery and stress, even for a Francophile like me, and I have many, many wonderful French friends. It might have been easier to deal with summons to the police station, investigations by the mayor's office, visits from social workers - all in less than three months of living here - with some advance prep. Thank goodness I work for a supportive company. Be forewarned!

I thoroughly enjoyed Mme Platt's book and recommend it often to anyone going to France or any other predominately French speaking place.

Having spent a good deal of time in Francophone countries (France, Belgium) I found that some of her examples, however, must be taken with a grain of salt as hyperbolic illustrations. Her descriptions of cultural interactions are often rather myopically focused on professional academics and more often on the very affluent.

As long as one keeps in mind this lens through which Mme. Platt seems to view the world, this is an extremely useful and often entertaining book.
--

As I'm about to embark on an adventure of a lifetime - moving to France - reading this book has helped to qualm my fears a bit, understand what I'm about to face, and given me a new appreciation for the cultural differences that make up this truly amazing country.

Although the book is geared more toward the spouse of an American businessman, Platt's platitudes can be applied universally to any expatriate, traveler, or student studying abroad. Lots of great personal anecdotes accompany some necessary practical advice.

About four years ago I discovered "French or Foe?". I had just found out that my husband and I would be moving to Toulouse, France, on joint expatriate assignments. We devoured the book, eager for any insight on what our new lives would be like. At the time, we found the book entertaining and full of information, but we couldn't believe some of what Polly Platt was saying, such as her dinner party descriptions, peeing in public, making friends. But, as we went through three years of living with the French, making friends with the French, growing into France as it became our second home, we realized that Polly had called it all correctly. Time after time, we faced real-life examples of subjects in her book, even though we lived in a different part of France. The book proved to be invaluable, an aide that went a long way toward making my relationships with the French successful along with giving me the courage to find French friends, friends that are now as dear to me as my family. For anyone considering making a move to France, "French or Foe?" is a must!

Before my first trip to France in 2000, I read this book and "Fragile Glory" - a more serious and historic look at French culture. I had been prepared to be intimidated and treated rudely, with haughty Parisians ridiculing my French. Never happened -- not on the street, in a cafe, in the metro -- jamais. "French or Foe" offered practical advice on blending in and "Fragile Glory" gave me insight into why the French are the way they are. It helped immensely to speak decent French, of course. I'm returning for the third time in three years, after decades of avoiding the place. I still have trouble remembering to keep my hands out of my lap in restaurants, however.

Tons of good info in this book. Really hits you in the face the major differences between French and American culture. In many areas, we are polar opposites - i.e., the closed office door in France is meaningless, but if you open one here without knocking, you're in big trouble! And as someone with a small bladder, I think I'd lose my mind if I were invited to a Parisian friend's place for dinner, plied with wine all night, and then considered mal elevee if I used their W.C.! This book definitely made me rethink living in France. I would definitely recommend that anyone considering living there read it to know what you're in for and whether the differences will affect whether you'd be happy. It's ironic that the French can be very helpful, but that people in civil positions where they're supposed to be helpful go out of their way not to be. Definitely not the American way!

My only two complaints about the book: 1) it seems to be entirely Paris-focused, and I was interested in living in Provence. The city and the country can be vastly different, but she makes no mention of that. How much of her observations carry over to the country way of life? And 2) while she talks about French culture in the workplace, there's no discussion at ALL about how to get a job in France if you're not French. Is the American way of networking and submitting a resume with a strong "I'll call you next week" approach acceptable there? I get the feeling it's not, but she provides no insights. A chapter on job seeking would have been very, very helpful.

This book will make the difference between frustration and
elation in your travels to France, especially Paris. By
learning the "cultural codes" and by putting into practice
author Polly Platt's "Magic words", I found myself being
treated like royalty rather than like a tourist (as on
prior visits). The reading is fast, facinating, enlightening
and very practical. When I get homesick for Paris, I pick it up and read it again! The same goes for her 2nd book, Savoir Flair! I am impatiently waiting for her 3rd!

Ms Platt is a very shrewd and funny woman. She has us nicely figured out. At first I looked at this book as something odd - an *American* would tell me about my own country? But I soon realised that Platt is returning, perhaps in a more modest but certainly funnier way, Tocqueville's compliment. It takes an outsider who has become, like Polly Platt, an insider, to nail all those little characteristics and tricks we're not even aware that we use. I now surprise myself using (reflexively) the "Monsieur, j'ai un probleme..." line several times a week, and chuckle every time thinking of "French or Foe". This book offers dozens of nice, unpompous but immensely clever insights like this on France and the French. Very recommended!

Bien que ce soit un livre en anglais, il y a bien "French" dans le titre: ce livre peut donc aussi �tre tr�s utile pour un fran�ais. Voici tout d'abord ma premiere impression: c'est un livre absolument GENIAL, et surtout tr�s VRAI. Etant fran�ais mais connaissant �galement les Etats-Unis pour y avoir effectu� plusieurs s�jours, ce livre m'a permis de comprendre beaucoup de choses sur les relations franco-americaines mais �galement sur moi-m�me car Polly Platt analyse tr�s finement et tr�s justement le comportement des fran�ais. Cet ouvrage permet en effet de mieux comprendre certaines de ses propres r�actions et d�cisions en tant que fran�ais. Comme quoi, French or Foe n'est pas qu'utile aux am�ricains expatri�s en France. Il a une port�e beaucoup plus large. Et en plus, il permet de passer d'agr�ables moments de lecture.

Bien que ce soit un livre en anglais, il y a bien "French" dans le titre: ce livre peut donc aussi être très utile pour un français. Voici tout d'abord ma premiere impression: c'est un livre absolument GENIAL, et surtout très VRAI. Etant français mais connaissant également les Etats-Unis pour y avoir effectué plusieurs séjours, ce livre m'a permis de comprendre beaucoup de choses sur les relations franco-americaines mais également sur moi-même car Polly Platt analyse très finement et très justement le comportement des français. Cet ouvrage permet en effet de mieux comprendre certaines de ses propres réactions et décisions en tant que français. Comme quoi, French or Foe n'est pas qu'utile aux américains expatriés en France. Il a une portée beaucoup plus large. Et en plus, il permet de passer d'agréables moments de lecture.

This book was almost a complete waste of time. I found Ms. Platt's writing 'style' to be tiresome and boring. Her constant namedropping and bragging is annoying. If you are not already biased towards the French you will be after reading this book. I just returned from 6 weeks in France and found almost everything she said to be untrue. Save your money and buy a Rick Steves Back Door book instead.